A good T-Girl is hard to find (my first real post)

[tsmirandameadows]

Wish there was a magic answer here, but I'm not sure there is. It sounds like you live in San Francisco or the Bay Area at least? Transthrive has a Friday luncheon for transwomen which makes some mention of gentlemen friends and admirers being welcome. I've never been so I don't know if it's worth going to or even if it really is the social mixer it sounds like.

More broadly, I think your challenge is just a reflection of the extent to which transwomen have to stay hidden. Mainstream society makes no room for us, which means we either have to give up mainstream aspirations, such as a regular career, or stealth, the latter of which isn't always possible, particularly depending upon the context in which you transition, i.e. young vs old, money vs no money, etc. So when a lot of us give up mainstream aspirations because we know that for now at least they are a bridge to far, it has the effect of making it highly unlikely that we'll be the cute girl in accounting, or even the chatty barista mixing up your cappuccino. Or if one of us chooses to stealth, much of the mainstream life she has built for herself depends upon maintaining the fiction that she was born with female genitalia, a position which implies a certain degree of self-protection and guardedness, which will in turn make it harder for her to form relationships of such closeness that she would need to share the fact that she is trans. Meanwhile those of us who have elected to step outside the mainstream largely end up in sex work. Some, like myself, genuinely enjoy this and are almost grateful for the liberation from conformity which stepping outside the mainstream entails, giving us the ability to engage in sex work without shame. For others, it's not something they enjoy and it's just the position that society has relegated them to, which honestly is pretty tragic. Either way though, if you're a working girl, then men who are attracted to you are your income, and as much as you want romance and love, at the end of the day you have bills to pay and a transition to finance. This in fact is the quandary I find myself in: I love sex work, yet I also desperately wish I could have a real honest to god romantic relationship, and the former pretty well precludes the later.

[rax123]

Wish there was a magic answer here, but I'm not sure there is. It sounds like you live in San Francisco or the Bay Area at least? Transthrive has a Friday luncheon for transwomen which makes some mention of gentlemen friends and admirers being welcome. I've never been so I don't know if it's worth going to or even if it really is the social mixer it sounds like.

More broadly, I think your challenge is just a reflection of the extent to which transwomen have to stay hidden. Mainstream society makes no room for us, which means we either have to give up mainstream aspirations, such as a regular career, or stealth, the latter of which isn't always possible, particularly depending upon the context in which you transition, i.e. young vs old, money vs no money, etc. So when a lot of us give up mainstream aspirations because we know that for now at least they are a bridge to far, it has the effect of making it highly unlikely that we'll be the cute girl in accounting, or even the chatty barista mixing up your cappuccino. Or if one of us chooses to stealth, much of the mainstream life she has built for herself depends upon maintaining the fiction that she was born with female genitalia, a position which implies a certain degree of self-protection and guardedness, which will in turn make it harder for her to form relationships of such closeness that she would need to share the fact that she is trans. Meanwhile those of us who have elected to step outside the mainstream largely end up in sex work. Some, like myself, genuinely enjoy this and are almost grateful for the liberation from conformity which stepping outside the mainstream entails, giving us the ability to engage in sex work without shame. For others, it's not something they enjoy and it's just the position that society has relegated them to, which honestly is pretty tragic. Either way though, if you're a working girl, then men who are attracted to you are your income, and as much as you want romance and love, at the end of the day you have bills to pay and a transition to finance. This in fact is the quandary I find myself in: I love sex work, yet I also desperately wish I could have a real honest to god romantic relationship, and the former pretty well precludes the later.

Miranda. I live in Oakland and thank you for your insightful comments. Thanks for showing me what its like from your perspective. I can understand a bit more and I know that world isnt the way I wish it were. The topic of mainstream work has come up with all the transwomen i have talked with. its a shame that society doesn't give everyone the correct treatment when looking for a job. i used to work in videogames and the hiring managers were always a lot less likely to hire people of colour so i understand what your saying.

But, i'm just wondering where are you ladies on your off day? Honestly at Divas i feel a bit like a annoying child sometimes when i speak to the ladies there. I know they hear complements all day and here i come with more even though i am being truly honest when i speak with them and give my number and suggest we get dinner (2 for 100+). But maybe that points back to me on a confidence level. But, beautiful women always make me nervous.

I hope i am making some sense (there goes that confidence thing again).

Thanks.

[Rusty Eldora]

Wish there was a magic answer here, but I'm not sure there is. ...

More broadly, I think your challenge is just a reflection of the extent to which transwomen have to stay hidden. Mainstream society makes no room for us, which means we either have to give up mainstream aspirations, such as a regular career, or stealth ...

... This in fact is the quandary I find myself in: I love sex work, yet I also desperately wish I could have a real honest to god romantic relationship, and the former pretty well precludes the later.

I personally think sex work is an honorable profession, but most of society does not agree. Heck, it probably works better than most therapy "How do you feel about that.." kind of thing. Yet, most escorts (TS & GG) are in the shadows of society, and that can be lonely.

If a Tgirl elects to stay hidden, those she meets probably don't realize they have met a Tgirl. I would say 75% of guys don't have any concept Tgirls actually exist in any number, and 23% think they are porn shemales, an artificial creation. So today, maybe 2% know tgirls are real and are mostly really good persons. Sex work does work to increase that number but it is a long slow battle.

I think when one looks for the partner of their dreams, it is important to not close your eyes to any group. Also, work on making yourself the best person so you can be their partner of their dreams.

[tsmirandameadows]

But, i'm just wondering where are you ladies on your off day?

If I'm not working or running errands, I'm generally just at home. I was a shut-in and hermit for many years, and it is difficult to break out of the habit of living that way even when your life has stuff going for it. Likewise, I don't really have any friends, or significant others, or anything of that nature -- at least none that are within an hour's drive -- so much of the time I'm pretty isolated. I'd say my most common activities are just reading and playing video games. It's not the best or most healthy situation, but it's where I'm at right now, and I am hopeful that things will improve in the future. Not all tgirls live like I do, but it's not terribly uncommon either.

[mmolotov75]

Try meeting and getting to know transwomen in places other than show bars and you might find some new friends. You can find your local organization that hosts trans events and volunteer. You will get a realistic idea of the day to day life of transwomen instead of hooking up with the strobe light honeys.

[rax123]

Try meeting and getting to know transwomen in places other than show bars and you might find some new friends. You can find your local organization that hosts trans events and volunteer. You will get a realistic idea of the day to day life of transwomen instead of hooking up with the strobe light honeys.

I think i will start looking into things like this. thanks.

[SXFX]

have you tried ok cupid?

[rax123]

have you tried ok cupid?

I think i'm going to make a profile there and give it a go.