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  1. #1
    Veteran Poster Edwoodwoodwood's Avatar
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    Apr 2011

    Default Review of Irish TS Elle Simons

    Sorry guys this is a bit long winded as I often am but want to be fair & accurate.

    Well Elle has had plenty of press on this board and her photos certainly suggest she is one of the most beautifull TS escorts working this side of the pond. She is / was in London for a couple of weeks so decided to follow my desires.

    I texted Elle quite early in the morning (around 7 ish) on my way into London on business not expecting to get a reply for a long while if at all. Surprise she came straight back and we arranged for an early appointment to suit my schedule for 10:00. She was staying at a rented apartment at Kennington (near Vauxhall) just South of the Thames.

    I got out at Kennington station and made the obligatory call and in her strong Irish voice she gave me some directions. Well after more than 20mins of walking I finally found her place (she sent me in the completley wrong direction). Well she is Irish!

    When she opened the door I was amazed at how tall she was, well over six feet in her heels and probably 5'11" out of them. Elle was wearing a short mini dress and top as requested (I wanted to see her in her regular outdoor clothes).

    She is very attractive and has long dark hair with quite a curl in it and very big (almost puffy) red lips. I went to kiss her but was presented with her cheek. I tried to kiss her again but 'she isn't into kissing', big dissapointment. I paid the kings ransom (most I've ever paid of 250).

    Anyway I was hot from all the walking in the sun and there was no fresh air or cooling in her room. I took a shower and came back and she was just in bra & knickers.

    We chatted a bit and Elle is a really nice & friendly person but quite clearly there only for the money.

    Elle wasn't into any form of 'touchy feely' contact and was more interested in me rubbing the front of her knickers.

    She took of her bra and her breasts albeit a nice size were not 'pretty'. Almost nothing that resembeled a nipple and if I'm honest not a great boob job. She also had a bad scar on her side which I quesioned if she had had a kidney removed but she said it was from liposuction and she was hopefull that it would eventually dissapear.

    I pulled them to one side and saw the beast which was sound asleep. I motioned towards it and she pulled back and got a condom out and opened it wider than I have ever seen a condom open and pulled it over the complete thing, almost engulfing her balls. It was in fully flacid mode and none too impressive. She then stuck it in my mouth. Well I'm all up for safe sex but sucking a flacid she cock through a condom was not my thing. She giving it all the vocal, "c'mon baby suck me, make me hard, oh" and all that crap. I gave it a go but tasted like shit cos of the condom and all I managed was semi hard 6".

    I said your turn to suck me and it was a repeat, condom all over like a raincoat and she sucked. To be fair she sucked pretty good and I responded.

    I fucked her in several positions and she made all the stupid vocals, c'mon baby fuck me hard, fuck me deep and all that crap but you know what it just wasn't doing it for me. Her cock whilst being fucked shrunk right up again which visualy is not what I like to see whilst I'm in the driving seat.

    I got so hot whilst fucking her I was dripping with sweat which is never a nice thing but her room is like a sauna. She said that all the others had complained about that as well. OK that made me feel really special!

    Anyway I eventually managed to cum and I showered again and then left.

    All in all I would say that Elle is a really nice person & really pretty but looks better with her clothes on, sorry just my opinion. Her service was pretty passionless and in no part a good reflection of her fee!

    I look back and think, why did I bother to follow the image of the girl on here, I would have been much better off financially and mentally by just looking at her pictures and wondering what she was like.

    Without boasting I have had a 90% sucess rate with girls over the years for good chemistry, on this occassion this wasn't there for me, but may be there for someone else. Really sorry Elle this isn't meant to be a slur on you, far from it but I wish you all the best for the future.

    2 out of 2 members liked this post.

  2. #2
    Professional Poster needsum's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2006

    Default Re: Review of Irish TS Elle Simons

    Sigh. I was hoping there would be a happy ending, but alas.... at least she isn't over here in the US tempting me to waste my money. Thanks for the review, and better luck with the next endeavor.

    We are the middle children of history . . . we have no great war, we have no great depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives . . .

  3. #3
    Senior Member Platinum Poster Prospero's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006

    Default Re: Review of Irish TS Elle Simons

    Tough stuff Ed... sorry for you buddy. I nearly went to see her ... but 250 is a lot of dough. Sorry it wasn't good - as they say you "took one for the team."

  4. #4
    Gold Poster
    Join Date
    Aug 2006

    Default Re: Review of Irish TS Elle Simons

    Sorry to hear that.

  5. #5
    Veteran Poster ras02's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2010

    Default Re: Review of Irish TS Elle Simons

    The only pot of gold at the end of the rainbow will now be in Elles handbag.
    250 = steep.

    Most ive ever paid is 200 on 3-4 occasions thankfully all of which good, real pisser you didnt have a good time. better luck next time bud.

  6. #6
    Rookie Poster
    Join Date
    Jul 2005

    Default Re: Review of Irish TS Elle Simons

    "Well she is Irish!"

    sorry but ya can go fuck yourself for that comment

    1 out of 2 members liked this post.

  7. #7
    Veteran Poster Edwoodwoodwood's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011

    Default Re: Review of Irish TS Elle Simons

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfhound View Post
    sorry but ya can go fuck yourself for that comment

    Such an educated and meanfull reply Wolfhound, hopefully unlike her you know the difference between Right & Left. Glad to see though the old Irish sense of humour is still alive & well.

  8. #8
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012

    Wink Re: Review of Irish TS Elle Simons

    Hello boys ,

    Happy to be an ''active'' member of the site. ;P... Hope everyone one is having a fantastic new year. i have really fallen in love with London it's amazing., so much to do , so many places to go.
    Thanks everyone for your wonderful compliments so sweet and promise to post more pics soon.

    Mr Edwoodwoodwood Review ...
    I remember meeting you and your Review i find to be unfair personal and untru!! but you are right about one thing i am a nice person, but you take complete advantage.

    So now you have described me with a fabricated truth. i will describe Mr Edwoodwoodwood with the actual FACTS of what took place ... He Called me early in the morning about 8am as i don't wake up till around then,. he made a booking in his cockney english and commented how early i got up most of the escorts in London were a shower of lazy cows ,.. he then said he'l make his way by bicycle and be at my place by 10am i said ok.
    ''You mentioned in your Review that i was staying in a rented apartment ??? i knew you were old but i thought your eye sight was ok ? i was staying in a 2 storey modern house in kennington on cleaverstreet, i did have fun all around that house too ''

    When Edwoodwoodwood arrived and i opened the door i was shocked , he is very overweight with a bear belly that would make Santa claus jealous. Grey hair and trying to dress stylish and trendy but fails miserably. He's 50yrsold and wears a man bag need i say more? ... yes i will :P

    He was full of compliments as soon as he came in and a kind of fake confidence , telling me about how many times he'd been to Dublin and how much money he makes , strange you say you make all this money but you cycle all over London and your still fat? hmmm

    99PERCENT of people i meet are gentlemen...
    they have good hygiene very friendly and know how to have fun. but Mr Edwoodwoodwood is none of these things and i am confused as to why he wrote such a negative reveiw about me? i'm sure most girls are horrid to him. but i am a true ladie and always sweet even in a awkward situation like this.

    I asked him did he want a shower he said no , after he took off his clothes i got this terrible smell almost like he hadn't washed himself in a year, this is not an exaggeration but seeing his grotesque naked body with bigger tits than me and hair everywhere made me feel Sick. i thought he hadnt got action in a longtime so i would be nice or brave and do what i could almost like charity work. he was trying to feel me everywhere pulling my cock like it was a a piece of rope, then watching it to get hard like he was waiting for an egg to boil. i used alot of condoms with him as this man has absolutely no personal hygiene. he also mentioned that the girls in london are a shower of lazy cows on the phone earlier plus he's about 50 and writes alot of negative reviews here, so i thought he'd been around the block to put it nicely and i'm happy i always use condoms!! He tried to kiss me but i felt i could possibly vomit ''that smell ugh'' so i politely gave him my cheek. This guys body is that character from little britain ''bubbles devere'' for real ...

    I do enjoy being active and having fun like everyone with clean goodlooking guys. .but my 8inches was not going near this Warthog. So he asked me to bend over on the bed i did and he started to fuck me and my god he started to sweat but not normal sex sweating it was like he was swimming in his own sweat i could feel some drop on my back , he kept apologising for it and then wiping his face, he then came. it was a really horrendous ordeal for me and i just tried to think about sexy well hung guys as this sweaty pig fucked me. He said in his reveiw that the room had no air conditioning hmmmm thats strange concidering i was not sweating like him and nobody else had the sweats like him?the HOUSE was beautiful and modern with all mod cons.
    you said in your review that i said all the guys complain about the airconditioning? LIE
    i never said that becuse the house was fine , the problem was you..
    you smell and sweat like a pig do not try blame that on my house.
    You said i didn't make you feel special, well you didn't make me feel special complaining about your wife 5-6 times.

    50yrsold and still making things up and playing games sad really ...


    you say in your reveiw i have scars on my sides from liposuction? i never said that? your the one that needs lipo not me.
    you said i Look better with my clothes on?? Mate i work as a model showgirl camgirl i take very good care of my body and it shows, i don't smoke drink alcohol and live a clean lifestyle , my body is a dream come true slim toned athletic with a very delicious extra 8in

    YOU DON'T EVEN LOOK GOOD WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON EDWOODWOODWOOD!! You said my breasts are albeit a nice size were not 'pretty' this makes me laugh i get told all the time how perfect and natural my breasts are just like i was born with them. my nipples are also beautiful
    my breasts are one of a kind it is a part of my body i am most proud of.

    what makes me so sick about this meeting is this guy is old enough to be my dad and gossips like a worm. i was so sweet and nice to him but i guess some people just like to take advantage of nice girls? i'm happy not everyone in London is like you.

    You are so repulsive physically, your hygene is that of a cave man, and your lies are pointless. i am astonished you feel you can judge others and write reviews , you should be lucky any beautiful ts girl would spend 5minutes in your disgusting company. for the new year have a bath

    2 out of 4 members liked this post.

  9. #9
    Junior Poster
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    London, UK

    Wink Re: Review of Irish TS Elle Simons

    Ok first of all I have never heard of Elle ever before. However after doing a search on google all I can say is Hello Miss Amazing! or should I say How YOU DOOOOOOIN. HaHa!

    After reading that review I now understand why a girl would perhaps be very uneasy with some of the guys who post reviews about their experience they have had with girls.

    For instance some of the guys on here wrote a few poor reviews about the girls they had met to which I could not unserstand why their experience was poor. Giving the fact I had already met them and had an amazing time. Its making sense now after reading that, YUKKKK!

    On another note I was laughing my arse off reading the review by her and felt abit sorry for her. Probably one of the honest reviews ever.

    Have a great weekend folks.


  10. #10
    Member Rookie Poster
    Join Date
    May 2011

    Default Re: Review of Irish TS Elle Simons

    I can see her 's point as it can't be nice having sex with unclean sweaty people. I wouldn't do it but then that's why I wouldn't choose her profession. For 250 you'd expect kissing and a lot more.

    , I've just checked out your photos and you are gorgeous! In fact BLOODY GORGEOUS!!!!!!! But maybe you should put something on your website, bp profile (wherever you get your clients from) and warn them. If Mr E was so repulsive then you should have said so without going forward with the appt. Worse case he wastes a bit of time but then if he was that repulsive you've every right to say Sorry, but no thanks.

    Just me opinion.

    1 out of 1 members liked this post.

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