Printable View
Why do nice guys finish last? Or is it just me? I was taught to treat people the way i wanted to be treated. I treat women with respect and it seems im always getting looked over for a bad boy. And then later they break up with em because he wasnt what they thought he would be. So am i doing something wrong? I just dont know.
it's not about being a "bad boy" it's about not being a pussy.
You aren't a "nice guy" you're a guy who acts like a door mat and doesn't take any initiative.
Basically what Infern0 said.
Yes. Always finish last in my experience. Just the way it is. I to always treat people well or even better than they should be treated and get screwed over. As for women I always ended up the nice guy friend while they date badboy types, who treat them shitty and they tell you they wish so and so could be more like you. When the girl gets dumped or kicks the loser to the curb, she will hang out until next loser comes along and drop you like a bad habit. Thats the way it is with certain girls. Plain and simple. They use your company when convient for them and drop you when they want. Because they believe you will always let them come back. Either get use to it or look for a better class of girl with some kind of morals. Forget about the girls you hang out with thinking you have a chance with them if you treat them better than their loser boyfriend. It ain't going to happen. She's got you in the friend/user zone and with girls that are mentally unstable or got seriously screwed up by assholes or just plain like badboys, you are a doormat to them. Thats it. Exccept it and be at their beck and call or find a decent girl. Sorry to rant on bud. I have had some fuck up experiences with some girls that for awhile turned my life into a living hell. Unfortunately I fell in love with a girl who filled my head with the idea that I was so impotant to her and she wouldn't know what she would do if I was in her life, but would never give me chance even though she loved me too. But she wasn't in love with me and a relationship would ruin our friendship. So for years I painfully watch her date and hookup with tons of guys waiting but nothing ever change until she kept distancing herself from me to the point she didn't need me around anymore. So do yourself a favor and forget about the fun time girls and look for quality. You will save yourself alot of pain and torment trying to figure out why certain girls won't look you way. If they won't give you the time of day, then they aren't worth yours period.
For fucks sakes manQuote:
Originally Posted by Yeah
where was your self respect?
Yeah. I know. Really didnt have much back than or experience with women and unfortunately met one who exploited both. The good side of that horrible time is now I see that shit coming a mile away. Lol. Your right. A guy doesn't have to be a badboy or asshole, just don't let a girl take you for granted or be inconsiderate to you. Don't take shit like I did. Kick her in the ass or to the curb. What ever works better for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Infern0
Shy guys finish last.
This is true as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by dderek123
Also, often guys like girls that are out of their league but don't look at it that way. Often the "bad boys" that they compare themselves too are also better looking or have more charisma...but they figure - if only she sees what a nice guy I am.
So true... this should be printed on a T-Shirt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Infern0
In polite society the bottom is allowed to climax first before the top finishes. It's basic logistics when you think about it.
in short term dating , 1 month to 2 years (just ballpark figure)...
Nice guys do indeed finish last. Women like the bad boy (i.e. not a pussy), and generally dismiss the nice guys.
fast forward to , the real relationship, the one you might marry 2+ years. The bad boy thing wears off and is no longer attractive to a woman. Well, being nice goes a long way for long term.
Women want to DATE a bad boy, but what really gets them is MARRYING a nice guy.
so Nice guys do finish last, but finish best. (assuming the girl is worth it and Indeed a nice girl herself)
Why? Call it a combination of atavistic hardwiring--basically, we're STILL animals [with MANY a female still seeking to mate with the dominant Alpha male]--and commercial-entertainment/marketing brainswashing[everything broadcast via the market-driven media--i.e people in Hollywood & Madison Ave/Herald Sq trying to play off people's self-esteem/self worth/ self image issues in order to sell shit]...
That shit has a way of backfiring, though...
Nope. Nice guys finish first.
You can't just be "nice" though. You have to team that with confidence. You have to have a sense of humour. You can't just be superficially "nice" - you need to be honest and genuine. You need to engage people in more than "just about you".
Also you can't be "nice" all the time. You need to have principles, stand your ground, defend your position and protect your friends.
Although some might find it hard to believe (from some of the responses I've posted here), I've been a nice guy my whole life. When younger (teens & university) it certainly seemed that being nice wasn't working - but as soon as I found my confidence to be who I wanted to be, and not try to base my persona on what my perception of what was "cool" then it all fell together.
Being nice has enabled me to finish far from last - and usually at the top.
Nice guys sometimes finish first... and sometimes last. No hard and fast rules in my book. Play it as it lays.
It's not being a nice guy. It''s lack of confidence. No one likes an asshole either but everyone likes someone who is on top of their shit and knows what they want. Also, a major turn off is people who complain about the 'nice guy' thing as if simply being a nice guy is all a girl should require. Pointing fingers and complaining about how you don't get anyone because of the way you act means you're essentially self serving and probably couldn't handle the give and take it takes to be in a relationship with a real person anyhow. It's passive aggressive bullshit.
If you've identified that your 'nice guy' personality is the root of the issue but you feel you shouldn't have to change, just admit that you're better off with a real doll and leave the rest of humanity alone.
In my experience, "Nice guys" finish[keyword : "finish"]....
"Bad Boys" ultimately end up as fertilizer...or locked up with WORSE guys like Bubba...
And the girls that pine for them[Bad boys]...? Usually end up ALONE. Either trying to raise a bunch of his[their--'cause she could never stop @just one] kids
alone or relying on her [eventually] fading looks/charms to snag a new sucker...
There's a reason why Neanderthals & Cro-Magnons aren't walking the Earth today in large numbers: CAVEMEN AREN'T BUILT TO LAST...
They have a low life expectancy and any girl "in love"/addicted to them better get used to the idea of a cold & empty cave after the embers of passion have burned out...
Focus on developing yourself into being the best "you" you can be & don't buy into any of the surface b.s. out there...You'll end up happier, healthier, & hopefully that'll attract somebody worthwhile...my twopence...
Being nice, is not being weak or lack confidence. If you don't know want means to be nice, its to be polite courteous, well spoken and mannered. If those a bad traits well too bad. Even holding doors is something archaic. So being nice is being nice. Why do girls like bad boys, the challenge, false confidence and the fact they have to work harder to get something out of them. If you don't date a bad boy and it goes bad don't complain, you know full well what you are walking into.
From my experience, not every it depends what they are looking for at the moment. But to be honest you have to ask yourself, what do you want. Do you want to get laid well nice guys are looked upon as marriage material not for the now and dirty. Do you want to get laid, well bad boys have aggressive attitude that can seem to satisfy their hunger. Same can be said about nice girls and bad girls. Which one do you prefer will depend on what you are looking for.
:iagree: Co-Sign:iagree:Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeisfiction
I do apologize for the grammar, it just annoys me when people really think that being nice is a poor trait.
Neanderthals didn't last because they were nowhere near as savage as homo sapiens. WE snuffed them out. Don't think for a minute that our species was any less brutal just because we were built with smoother features. We were cavemen and we were totally built to last.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goatman
No one thinks that being nice is a poor trait, but if it's your only trait and you take the time to complain about it then you're a shitty under-developed person with no real self awareness or genuine empathy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeisfiction
The question is: As we develop all this new technolgy & new means to satisfy our wants/needs...are we actually DE-EVOLVING as a species(or at least as a society)? I hold doors open, hold the chair out, light the cigarette(if you actually still smoke), etc because that's how I was RAISED! [My folks are from the South...they didn't stand for anything less.] It's called CIVILITY--i.e. "civilization" for a reason, people! & if you were raised in a gutter[figuratively or literally] and view kindness, politeness, gentility, & chivalry as weakness...that's YOUR shortcoming, not mine! Try me at your risk & be found wanting...[And ALONE waiting for a cab!] I'm not changing my core-hardware to fit in your schedule(or your bed!) I got through 3 plus decades fine without you being me, thank you!
As for the matter unmentioned(but briefly touched upon)..."pussy"["ass", i.e., sex] is not that difficult to get. Love and/or companionship/partnership, that's an altogether different animal...
If you do anything simply because that's how you were raised then you've never had a a thought that counts in your life.
I'm polite to people, hold open doors, etc. because I'm genuinely considerate towards other human beings - it feel s good to be nice... NOT because it was how I was raised. What are you, some sort of easily programmed robot or a goddamned fully functional autonomous human being?
This is the difference between people who are merely nice and people who have confidence and a well rounded personality. Sincerity.
The truth is people who wear the nice guy tag on their sleeve aren't really nice. They're simply passive. They are taking the path of least resistance in life, the path that requires no self exploration or effort. Then they complain when they aren't rewarded for their surface level pleasantness. Here's a hint, people see right through that bullshit and will leave you hangin' every time. Do the hard thing. Man up.
Take it from me... I live an awesome life, have always had a pretty girlfriend and am held in great esteem by friends, family and business associates alike. I'm proof that the hard way is the right way. Even when I do suffer through awful things, my awful things count so much more because I actually learn something from each shitty experience or instance of rejection.
Threads like these have existed ever since the internet provided the meek with a way to vent their frustrations from a safe distance. When will 'nice guys' realize that the conversation NEVER changes. The nice guys always spew the same three or four arguments, they balk at the obvious advice and they never get any further ahead.
You'd think that if there were something fundamentally correct about the whole nice guy thing then you'd see an equal amount of threads coming from douche bags about how nice guys get all the girls. The fight would have some sort of built in equilibrium. The truth is that "nice guys" are just another flavor of douche bag.
Yes, it is proper etiquette for the lady to cum first.
It is a mistake to interpret “survival of the fittest” to mean “survival of the most aggressive.” The word “fittest” refers to the species that “fits” comfortably within its ecological niche. Sometimes the fittest is the most aggressive. Sometimes it’s the most prolific reproducer. Often the best survival strategies are cooperative. This is especially true of the social, naked primate. We gather in communities, divide labor, take care of the old, the young, the infirm, share resources and form cooperative societies. This has been our survival strategy for tens of thousands of years.
Within a cooperative society there is always a niche for thieves and niches are almost always filled. Thievery takes various forms. Common thieves who work the crowd picking pockets, and sophisticated thieves who scam and swindle sometimes from positions of power within the social hierarchy. They can be businessmen, bankers and office holders. But no matter how ambitious and creative they may be, they are thieves and freeloaders: they do not increase the fitness of the species, they decrease it.
Bad boys can do well and rise to comfortable positions within society. But too many bad boys will drain the resources of their host society, decrease the fitness of that society within the larger environment and may even bring about its collapse.
Being "raised properly" is not a matter or "being programmed" any more than getting an education["quality" or otherwise]...It's merely a foundation on which to build/form a collection of beliefs, environment/experiences, value system, point of view/way of thinking that hopefully result in a balanced individual...Just like no two individuals are alike, no two experiences are alike...Thus, you can have a person from a "stable" family background turn out to be a "criminal"/"sociopath" vs. someone from a more[allegedly] "deprived" background turning out to be an individual of "good character"...As with everything else, the odds can go either way(depending on the "strength" of the individual...it's just a roll of the dice...Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamie French
That being said, there's nothing wrong with having a parent/parents somebody teach an individual a system of positive behavioral standards/values system during their formative period[i.e "childhood] in order to convey acceptable survival strategies in order to function in a "civilized" society...We're not raping, pillaging, & eating each other--directly--en masse, anymore(& the ones that DO & see this as normal, they get isolated & given a wide berth. Real Quick, like..)Ultimately, the choice is up to the individual: "I choose to be well-manned, respectful, reasonable, & polite as opposed to murdering/eating people & fucking them in the ass without their consent"...but having that "proper raising/upbringing" as a default/backup towards functioning normally goes a long way...
And it's not weakness to nice or civil...
A lot of times when I hear a guy lamenting that his niceness isn't getting him anywhere it's because he's expecting that it will. He's looking at it like he's putting "nice tokens" into a woman, and expecting a return, but he doesn't want to say that because it wouldn't seem nice. So, he pines away in the"friend zone" -which is a bullshit misogynistic term that suggests that there's no reason to be nice to women other than to get into our pants, while we're just thinking "maybe this one actually understands that I don't want to date him, but he genuinely wants to be friends," because that's all they've expressed.
You can avoid these feelings by exposing your intentions outright, then either a.) handling the rejection and moving on, b.) handling the rejection, but sticking around because you genuinely want to be a friend, or c.) success! She's into you!
I can think of more than one occasion when one shy guy has been buying me drinks all night, but not really putting forth any personality, expecting that I'm going to make all the actual social interaction effort while he sits there undressing me in his head, following me like a puppy dog, and waiting for me to get drunk enough to hook up with him (ha! I'm from Buffalo, sweetie). Then some guy who's actually attractive to me comes around, and the chemistry is all there right up to the point when he invites me to his place, and the poor nice guy is wondering why his subtle approach didn't work. Well, it was too subtle, and under the false pretense of just being a genuinely nice guy. If he were confident enough (and competent -let's face it. A lot of guys really have no "game") to actually flirt rather than play coy and nice games, I'd have just told him I wasn't seeing him like that and bought my own drinks. Of course it's too much to ask that he recognize that I was consciously making sure that I wasn't sending any signals that could be interpreted as leading him on.
Now, this is not a suggestion that you try some PUA techniques, because any girl who's been around the block is done falling for those.
Just be yourself and make your intentions clear. It's better for your self-esteem and your wallet.
I don't think you have a clue what it means to be nice and being nice is never a sole trait. Now I could dissect your response cause it has, ummmm how do you put it has unnecessary aggression about people being nice. The big picture and what you have a problem with is the assumption that being nice is weak. Or this person was simply saying his only gift in life is being nice. No one has one sole trait, if you find a person who fits the description you can have a million dollars. Or even worse thinking being kind means letting people walk over you, because you have lack some sort of self confidence.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamie French
That is where you misjudge the individual or misunderstand being kind. To be polite takes more will power to than to just shut someone down. It takes maturity to handle situation with proper decorum and mannerism. A lot times people who tend to be bad boys in my experience are the most immature, childish people. Bad boys comes in all shapes and forms. I rather be kind and polite out of common courtesy then to be nasty rude for no reason at all. If you let people walkover well then you need to find the confidence in yourself. Nor is anyone defined by one trait.
Now I don't know the person and neither do you, but based on what he was asking is simple legitimate question. Sharing experiences help people decide what path to continue on. If he finds it to be of more value of what you or I say well he will choose it, but to chide someone for saying it makes no sense.
I believe what she means, the point that is being passed over and missed...is the difference between a "learned behavior" and "genuine nicety and intent"
Yes, you can be taught right from wrong, but that still doesn't mean one will be genuine about their behavior. If you are doing something seemingly nice just because it is now a habitual action/reaction, is not genuine.
To do something with genuine intent carries much more weight and is noticed far better.
Ask yourself, why hold the door open for a lady? Why help her with her luggage? Why light her cigarette?
Are you prepared to continue holding the door for the old man waddling behind her? I am most certain I would be impressed if you continued to hold the door open for him, just out of the pure kindness in your heart, instead of being selfish by just letting me through, hoping to get into my skirt by the end of dinner.
Are you prepared to carry all the luggage or just one bag? How many bags constitutes the proper level of niceness?
Are you purposefully carrying a lighter just to engage in meaningless babble? I understand chivalry but I am quite competent in lighting my own cigarette. Especially when I am holding a lighter at the ready.
Niceties are nice, but when genuine intent is shown, your deeds will be noticed. You will be held in much higher regard.
Why common courtesy? Why not implement UNCOMMON courtesy?
It's like trying to join the military to do anything and everything just to achieve being awarded the Medal of Honor or Victorian Cross, but then never getting it. Why?
Because its not about your outside appearance and superficial actions.
It's about showing genuine intent, honor, and integrity.
Going above and beyond the call of duty.
Doing more then what is expected.
Dude, simplify your point... stop using unnecessary brackets, refine your language. I have no idea what you're trying to say. Communication skills - lacking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by goatman
I've been on this planet for 34 years, I've been around, I lead a very colorful and rich life, I'm in the business of knowing people. There are only like 20 or so different personality types... I can call a spade a spade. Even if the OP ain't the spade I called him, my words still hold true for other douche bags. Step off.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeisfiction
There's a really fine line between being a 'nice' guy and being a doormat - and while doormats may be useful they become less attractive over time. As with anything else in life, a balanced personality will go a long way towards being in a successful relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by Curiousguy04
You mention being respectful - what do you mean by that?
Not trying to be hurtful but I think you need to boost your self-esteem. It isn't about 'them' at all and everything to do with you. Respect yourself and demand respect from others and you'll notice how you'll be treated differently by women AND men.Quote:
Originally Posted by Yeah
Well I disagree with you and Eva. I disagree with Eva for the mere fact that being rude, impolite does not make a person genuine. A genuine person is true to ones self, it does not mean having a certain way of communication makes the person genuine. Nor does being polite make a person less genuine or on the other side more so of a real person. I think Jamie a lot times you assume too much about things and it leads you to misjudge situations and people. There is a lot to life and the greatest students of life are the ones who are always willing to learn.
Yes, you are so right about this (even if you're being tongue in cheek, are you?)Quote:
Originally Posted by trish
............................and you fuck l like a champ too! what more could a guy ask for :Bowdown:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jamie French
Nice guy no loser. Nice guy winner. Nice guy no loser just cause tv box, diamond merchant, bad boy, & fickle pretty girl say he loser. Nice guy nice because inside he nice & stay true to self no matter what fickle pretty girl, bad boy, & tv say. Maybe learn from nice parents who say "be nice". No programming, it just work. All nice people together make "civilized society" which is mostly nice place to live. And it better than getting axe in forehead or shotgun in mouth.
Nice guy win because unlike bad boy, nice guy no get knock on door at six in morning from not so nice police. Nice guy no fear knock on door; no fear phone call demand money. Nice guy no worry look over shoulder from not nice people he fuck over like bad boy. No end up in trunk, no end up in ditch, no end up in bottom of lake. No end up with three strikes twenty to life being girlfriend to Bubba who really NOT NICE!!
Nice guy no need fickle pretty girl who want bad boy, jewelry, money, free food & everything else girlfriends & stupid tv people say because her crazy anyway. Pretty fickle girl never satisfied, that's why fickle that's why crazy.
Pretty fickle girl should do like great Biz Markie say & "Hit the streets & do [her] own mugging!" But not happen. Been that way since beginning. Eventually, her end up lonely & bitter. And old, looks no last. Maybe with more than one bad boys kids cuz her not stop. Maybe end up locked up like bad boy. Maybe sent to rubber room.
All work out in end. Nice guy stay nice, find SANE nice girl. If want relationship. At very least, sex no hard to get if have $$. Not hard, even when nice guy is.
End. Simple Enough?