Thoughts about trans support groups?

I have recently attended a transgender support group after my therapist's nagging on and on about it for 5 months about it's importance, I finally got to go.
My Experience was not a good one to say the least…..
The attendees where 5 FTM in various stages of transition 3 Homosexual men who identify as “gender queer” and on occasion wear women’s clothing. Myself and one other MTF trans person who has been on HRT a few months longer than me.
My therapist who co-leads this support group , said this group represents the Trans rainbow spectrum and would be a good way from me to make “personal connections within the trans community” After everyone introduced themselves it was my turn….you could have heard a pin drop after I told the group what I did for a living. The group got very quiet and became a little distant towards me. After setting through an hour and a half of dribble and small talk bullshit.
I was left thinking what the hell does this have to do with being trans? What do I have in common with these freaks?? Am I being too judgmental and harsh here? should I give the group the benefit of doubt and give it another chance?
What has been your experience with these “support groups” are they as lame as mine?

I've had mixed experiences at transsupport groups. I generally find the *more* exclusive they are, the better. Here in NYC there's a FtM group, a MtF group, groups for S.O.'s of both, and even genderqueer groups, of course you need a serious populace for that to make sense. When you have a wide gender spectrum, nothing really gets accomplished and most of the meeting is spent clarifying things and trying not to offend eachother, diversity works better for things like leadership conferences, not for support.

I've had similar experiences coming out as a sex-worker in groups, I've gotten dissed by half the room, and curious excitement from the other half. In my hometown we had smaller MtF groups, filled with pre-everything and medically transitioning middle aged men, it was kinda sad :( there were felons and some broken people who would talk forever, most of the girls constantly fawned over how they wished they would have transitioned at my age, you're so pretty etc, i didn't feel comfortable, safe or supported.

I think now I would be more prone to reaching out and trying to help, but when I was younger i just turned tail and ran. I generally like the meetings after transgroups, where all the folks goto a diner or something, a relaxed environment.

I wouldnt get too discouraged, sometimes groups are very different week to week, and not all groups suck, i've been to some great discussions and met really cool girls. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

I have recently attended a transgender support group after my therapist's nagging on and on about it for 5 months about it's importance, I finally got to go.
My Experience was not a good one to say the least…..
The attendees where 5 FTM in various stages of transition 3 Homosexual men who identify as “gender queer” and on occasion wear women’s clothing. Myself and one other MTF trans person who has been on HRT a few months longer than me.
My therapist who co-leads this support group , said this group represents the Trans rainbow spectrum and would be a good way from me to make “personal connections within the trans community” After everyone introduced themselves it was my turn….you could have heard a pin drop after I told the group what I did for a living. The group got very quiet and became a little distant towards me. After setting through an hour and a half of dribble and small talk bullshit.
I was left thinking what the hell does this have to do with being trans? What do I have in common with these freaks?? Am I being too judgmental and harsh here? should I give the group the benefit of doubt and give it another chance?
What has been your experience with these “support groups” are they as lame as mine?

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No not at all judgemental or harsh. Nooooo.

Gold.

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Originally Posted by rileyk

I've had mixed experiences at transsupport groups. I generally find the *more* exclusive they are, the better. Here in NYC there's a FtM group, a MtF group, groups for S.O.'s of both, and even genderqueer groups, of course you need a serious populace for that to make sense. When you have a wide gender spectrum, nothing really gets accomplished and most of the meeting is spent clarifying things and trying not to offend eachother, diversity works better for things like leadership conferences, not for support.

I've had similar experiences coming out as a sex-worker in groups, I've gotten dissed by half the room, and curious excitement from the other half. In my hometown we had smaller MtF groups, filled with pre-everything and medically transitioning middle aged men, it was kinda sad :( there were felons and some broken people who would talk forever, most of the girls constantly fawned over how they wished they would have transitioned at my age, you're so pretty etc, i didn't feel comfortable, safe or supported.

I think now I would be more prone to reaching out and trying to help, but when I was younger i just turned tail and ran. I generally like the meetings after transgroups, where all the folks goto a diner or something, a relaxed environment.

I wouldnt get too discouraged, sometimes groups are very different week to week, and not all groups suck, i've been to some great discussions and met really cool girls. Good luck!

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Thanks rileyk.
When you have a wide gender spectrum, nothing really gets accomplished and most of the meeting is spent clarifying things and trying not to offend eachother, diversity works better for things like leadership conferences, not for support :iagree: The group I went too does not really change or roll over that much, so what I am left with is a group dominated mostly by FTM and Gender queer who are not bad folks we just have nothing in common. The only exclusive group for MTF meet a 112mi away. Thats a too much of a drive to just shoot the breeze. Hopefully there will me more MTF's move into the area so I can have some one to relate too, but being rual Southeast Ohio I seriously doubt it. :(

My therapist told me to go to meetings aswell, so i went to look up on info in my city, well there was a LGBT 80's disco ball and a 12 to 18 youngster meeting for TG's. Not my thing so i went to look at the city where the gender clinic is at and they had pictures up from around 1 and a half year of meetings and ALL the pictures were from people 40 years old and up..

I wouldnt fit in at all, so i just told him it wassent for me.

*smdh

I can't believe you actually called them "freaks". lol You're not exactly a conventional human being yourself, Ericka, if you haven't noticed. Just because you attend these Tea Party circle-jerks you love so damn much; you're still the first person they'd stone to death if they knew about you. lol

Did you go dressed as a man or a... woman?

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

*smdh

I can't believe you actually called them "freaks". lol You're not exactly a conventional human being yourself, Ericka, if you haven't noticed. Just because you attend these Tea Party circle-jerks you love so damn much; you're still the first person they'd stone to death if they knew about you. lol

Did you go dressed as a man or a... woman?

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Well maybe I judged them a tad too harshly the FTM's where decent folks, but honestly why are "Gender queer" homosexuals who are just a half step from a drag queen in a "trans support group":confused:
Went there as Erika wearing my pink Cami & white Capri's & lane bryant flats. lol

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

Well maybe I judged them a tad too harshly the FTM's where decent folks, but honestly why are "Gender queer" homosexuals who are just a half step from a drag queen in a "trans support group":confused:
Went there as Erika wearing my pink Cami & white Capri's & lane bryant flats. lol

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Because those "gender queer homosexuals" are probably dealing with GID. So what if they're drag queens? Do you think drag queens & genderfuct people aren't often latent transsexuals?

At least they're not hiding who they are. Do you think being into football, guns, and politics is a truer indication of GID? lol

About 8 years ago I went to one of these support group things in Manhattan, and I thought it sucked. But the reason I didn't like it was, all the older transitioners who can't pass, never will pass, buy firecracker pussies with their 401Ks, and still act like total DUDES. I went to one the first week I moved to Fort Lauderdale, and it was the same thing.

You're either transitioning it, or you're not. After you wrestle with that, it's either going to work out or it's not. Groups like that should be there as just a place to talk, when you really have to. But I don't see it as a means of socializing.

Maybe you're just pissed that they looked at you like a freak, especially after you told them you're a Tea Party lunatic. lol

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

Because those "gender queer homosexuals" are probably dealing with GID. So what if they're drag queens? Do you think drag queens & genderfuct people aren't often latent transsexuals?

At least they're not hiding who they are. Do you think being into football, guns, and politics is a truer indication of GID? lol

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The three "gender queer" were clearly just gay men who dabbled women's clothing and had no intention of transitioning. I did not hide or make excuses for what I do for a living or who I am. If you read the OP the room went dead quiet and got a "little cold" after I explained my job and that I present as James at work. I just don't think the group is for me, I did like making a new MTF friend who does not live that far away.

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

The three "gender queer" were clearly just gay men who dabbled women's clothing and had no intention of transitioning. I did not hide or make excuses for what I do for a living or who I am. If you read the OP the room went dead quiet and got a "little cold" after I explained my job and that I present as James at work. I just don't think the group is for me, I did like making a new MTF friend who does not live that far away.

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How the hell do you know? Gay men often make THE MOST WELL-ADJUSTED transsexuals when they put their cards on the table. lol

You need to pull your head out of your ass a bit imo, and hang out more with someone else who's "LGBT". If the only person watching you go through this transition is your shrink, that's not a very big support base. Does your family know you're going through this?

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

The three "gender queer" were clearly just gay men who dabbled women's clothing and had no intention of transitioning.

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You sure about that? Did they say that was the case? You know the term "Transgender" includes everything under the trans rainbow. The problem with a lot of you older transitioners is that you are so closed minded. That is why younger transitioners need their own support groups.

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

Maybe you're just pissed that they looked at you like a freak, especially after you told them you're a Tea Party lunatic. lol

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:smh:

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

How the hell do you know? Gay men often make THE MOST WELL-ADJUSTED transsexuals when they put their cards on the table. lol

You need to pull your head out of your ass a bit imo, and hang out more with someone else who's "LGBT". If the only person watching you go through this transition is your shrink, that's not a very big support base. Does your family know you're going through this?

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Well I am glad you asked because they introduced themselves as gay men who crossdress, It is my opinion that they do it as a fetish, but agian I only met them once.
Yes my mother knows and I even take her to therapy with me on a regular basis at least once a month sometimes twice.

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Originally Posted by AmyDaly

You sure about that? Did they say that was the case? You know the term "Transgender" includes everything under the trans rainbow. The problem with a lot of you older transitioners is that you are so closed minded. That is why younger transitioners need their own support groups.

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I am only 32.... I guess thats AARP age in trans years:confused:

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

I am only 32.... I guess thats AARP age in trans years:confused:

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transitioning at 32 is not transitioning young. But yea, you aren't as old as I thought. Don't be so closed minded then. Lots of people struggle with different forms of gender identity and deal with it in different ways.

The late transitioners, who were uptight 'straight' dudes their whole life, and just got a batshit brainstorm to ride out their midlife crisis as a "woman", definitely have their own niche in the "community". But I can't relate to them at ALL, and try to avoid them.lol

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Originally Posted by AmyDaly

transitioning at 32 is not transitioning young. But yea, you aren't as old as I thought. Don't be so closed minded then. Lots of people struggle with different forms of gender identity and deal with it in different ways.

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Well noted, I will try to keep an open mind when dealing with the youngsters from now on.

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

Well I am glad you asked because they introduced themselves as gay men who crossdress, It is my opinion that they do it as a fetish, but agian I only met them once.
Yes my mother knows and I even take her to therapy with me on a regular basis at least once a month sometimes twice.

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lmao Really? Well no offense, but your opinions don't seem very reality based so far. So I'll take a wild guess, and say you're wrong. lol

In fact, it's a lot more likely that it's a fetish for you than them. If they're gay, they already know that men get them aroused. You're the one who has sexual fantasies about being feminized ie. what you described to Seanchai.

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

The late transitioners, who were uptight 'straight' dudes their whole life, and just got a batshit brainstorm to ride out their midlife crisis as a "woman", definitely have their own niche in the "community". But I can't relate to them at ALL, and try to avoid them.lol

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I agree with this. I had a pretty straight life for 20 years and transitioning was still a culture shock for me. I can't even hold a girls hand any more in public with out being stared at. I wasn't ready for that, but I was pretty assimilated after a year or so. But I am also a very open minded person and not uptight at all. I think people who transition in their 30's and 40's and so on would have a much harder time getting used to life. Just from watching, you can see that they are very uncomfortable and a lot of them hardly ever leave the house and stay in the closet for years.

I still think ts girls who grew up as gay boys/men bring over the gay boy queen acting drama from that community though.

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

The late transitioners, who were uptight 'straight' dudes their whole life, and just got a batshit brainstorm to ride out their midlife crisis as a "woman", definitely have their own niche in the "community". But I can't relate to them at ALL, and try to avoid them.lol

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Heh.. My mom told me a while ago that she finds it sad when the "late transistioners" decide to transisition because alot of them has a wife, and multiple kids which alot of times ends in a huge disaster

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Originally Posted by AmyDaly

I agree with this. I had a pretty straight life for 20 years and transitioning was still a culture shock for me. I can't even hold a girls hand any more in public with out being stared at. I wasn't ready for that, but I was pretty assimilated after a year or so. But I am also a very open minded person and not uptight at all. I think people who transition in their 30's and 40's and so on would have a much harder time getting used to life. Just from watching, you can see that they are very uncomfortable and a lot of them hardly ever leave the house and stay in the closet for years.

I still think ts girls who grew up as gay boys/men bring over the gay boy queen acting drama from that community though.

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People bring drama, period, from everywhere. It's probably just the brand of drama that's more foreign to you. lol

I never saw as much TS drama as I did in Chicago last year, and none of those "girls" were ex-gayboys. But that was basically trailer trash drama.

Imo the closet-case chasers bring the most drama to the TS "scene".

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

People bring drama, period, from everywhere.

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pretty true there

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

:smh:



Well I am glad you asked because they introduced themselves as gay men who crossdress, It is my opinion that they do it as a fetish, but agian I only met them once.
Yes my mother knows and I even take her to therapy with me on a regular basis at least once a month sometimes twice.

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Does your mom call you James still, or Ericka?

Does she consider you to truly be her daughter now, or does she not understand it?

Tell us how she feels about you being a TS.

Keep it positive guys

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

Does your mom call you James still, or Ericka?

Does she consider you to truly be her daughter now, or does she not understand it?

Tell us how she feels about you being a TS.

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She calls me Erika at home & Eric my middle name in public.

Mom thinks that I am her son, but knows and understands that I am transitioning and will accept me one day as her daughter.

The hardest thing for her to accept is that I date men and not women.
Her ideal for me was to get married (which almost happened) and give her grandchildren. I still think that I can give her childern and have a family, but in a different way than the traditional nuclear family.
I think the first therapy session with her beside me was the most nerve racking hour of my life. We both cried for almost the entire session and in the end we came out understanding each other a little better :)

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

She calls me Erika at home & Eric my middle name in public.

Mom thinks that I am her son, but knows and understands that I am transitioning and will accept me one day as her daughter.

The hardest thing for her to accept is that I date men and not women.
Her ideal for me was to get married (which almost happened) and give her grandchildren. I still think that I can give her childern and have a family, but in a different way than the traditional nuclear family.
I think the first therapy session with her beside me was the most nerve racking hour of my life. We both cried for almost the entire session and in the end we came out understanding each other a little better :)

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You told her you were a TS in therapy? Why was there crying?

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

You told her you were a TS in therapy? Why was there crying?

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Do really I have to explain how hard it is to come out to your own mother. I am sure if you ask mothers of trans daughters if they shed a tear or two the anwser would be yes.
In my mom's case she kind of noticed my body changing some, but really had no idea. It was a big emotional relese for both of us. The loss of her "son" and the idea she has a "daughter" is still tuff for her. We are working things out in therapy and my therapist is wonderful and caring person, who has made major breakthroughs in our sessions.

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

She calls me Erika at home & Eric my middle name in public.

Mom thinks that I am her son, but knows and understands that I am transitioning and will accept me one day as her daughter.

The hardest thing for her to accept is that I date men and not women.
Her ideal for me was to get married (which almost happened) and give her grandchildren. I still think that I can give her childern and have a family, but in a different way than the traditional nuclear family.
I think the first therapy session with her beside me was the most nerve racking hour of my life. We both cried for almost the entire session and in the end we came out understanding each other a little better :)

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Also, don't you feel it's a little torturous to have her calling you both Erica and Eric? Why only do it in public? Where do you two go in public together, when you're as living Erica?

Will she ever accept you bringing a BF home do you think? I think you're assuming a lot, that she's thinking of you as her son now, but she'll think of you as her daughter later. Did she actually tell you that, or do you just hope that she will?

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

Do really I have to explain how hard it is to come out to your own mother. I am sure if you ask mothers of trans daughters if they shed a tear or two the anwser would be yes.
In my mom's case she kind of noticed my body changing some, but really had no idea. It was a big emotional relese for both of us. The loss of her "son" and the idea she has a "daughter" is still tuff for her. We are working things out in therapy and my therapist is wonderful and caring person, who has made major breakthroughs in our sessions.

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lol Why not? I already told you about telling my mom when I wasn't even 2 yrs old. Sure, my mom's shed tears, and I've cried with her. But not really over me having GID exactly. lol It wasn't exactly a cakewalk, just because she always knew about it tho'.

Well, that's cool. I feel pretty lucky to have had parents like mine tbh. We had disagreements, but being TS was never the worst of it, actually.

Does your mom agree that you should go out more as Ericka too, or is it hard on her to be with you dressed like that?

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

Also, don't you feel it's a little torturous to have her calling you both Erica and Eric? Why only do it in public? Where do you two go in public together, when you're as living Erica?

Will she ever accept you bringing a BF home do you think? I think you're assuming a lot, that she's thinking of you as her son now, but she'll think of you as her daughter later. Did she actually tell you that, or do you just hope that she will?

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Yes it is of torturous to be called both, but she is working on it. after almost 32yrs it's hard to change over night.

She calls me Eric in public locally to protect my identity for work.

We go out to state parks for picnics and go shopping 30 to 40 mi away from home together...A) to protect my day job B) there is really nothing close by in our small county.

I think it will be a big challenge for her to let me bring a BF home now. Maybe when she gets more comfortable with the whole "I am dating men now" aspect of my life.

She has told me that I am her son, but will accept me no matter how I live my life. If I want to live as a woman she said she will be right there behind me supporting me. She is even worried that I need to get a mammogram soon! I told her we will go together this December when hers is due agian as mother & daughter.

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

lol Why not? I already told you about telling my mom when I wasn't even 2 yrs old. Sure, my mom's shed tears, and I've cried with her. But not really over me having GID exactly. lol It wasn't exactly a cakewalk, just because she always knew about it tho'.

Well, that's cool. I feel pretty lucky to have had parents like mine tbh. We had disagreements, but being TS was never the worst of it, actually.

Does your mom agree that you should go out more as Ericka too, or is it hard on her to be with you dressed like that?

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Mom and my therapist believe that I should have left my job a while ago and started working on transition more seriously, growing my natual hair longer, starting body and facial hair removal earlier. It is hard to balance it all tbh. I am just trying my best. Hopefully life will get better in November after the elections. Oh btw I have my first of eight lazer hair sessions set for Oct 11th.

:yayo:

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Originally Posted by Erika1487

Mom and my therapist believe that I should have left my job a while ago and started working on transition more seriously, growing my natual hair longer, starting body and facial hair removal earlier. It is hard to balance it all tbh. I am just trying my best. Hopefully life will get better in November after the elections. Oh btw I have my first of eight lazer hair sessions set for Oct 11th.

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Well, once again I'm going to have to call "bullshit", because someone just sent me a photo of our mom's and dad's tombstone. That's a pretty fucked up thing to lie about, if this thing's real. I won't say their names or your sister's. But seriously, why don't you just come clean? You started a thread about going to a TS drop-in group, and then you don't want to get into real details? Was that a lie too? You also started a thread about the regrets of what you didn't do before you were a TS. Then, we find out you're part-time.

Why do you start these damn threads if you're gonna lie so bad?

Plus I don't understand how you can say say you're worried about your job, if you had all of those YouTube vids up. That also makes no sense.

I guess "once a liar, always...".

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

:yayo:


Well, once again I'm going to have to call "bullshit", because someone just sent me a photo of our mom's and dad's tombstone. That's a pretty fucked up thing to lie about, if this thing's real. I won't say their names or your sister's. But seriously, why don't you just come clean? You started a thread about going to a TS drop-in group, and then you don't want to get into real details? Was that a lie too? You also started a thread about the regrets of what you didn't do before you were a TS. Then, we find out you're part-time.

Why do you start these damn threads if you're gonna lie so bad?

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Thats my Grandmother & GrandFather and My two Uncles they don't really need to be mentioned on this fourm at least you can respect that.

Well, that's not what I'm hearing.

But I won't post the pic or even respond to you again; too many red flags, and things that don't add up. If this is real, you really should be ashamed of yourself - never mind what you are or you aren't, TS-wise.

Whoever those poor people are; may they RIP, having a lunkhead like you carrying on their family name with your guns and your wigs and your tea party.

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

Well, that's not what I'm hearing.

But I won't post the pic or even respond to you again; too many red flags, and things that don't add up. If this is real, you really should be ashamed of yourself - never mind what you are or you aren't, TS-wise.

Whoever those poor people are; may they RIP, having a lunkhead like you carrying on their family name with your guns and your wigs and your tea party.

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Well belive what you will but, here is the photo on my fb wall. Sad that you have to troll my dead grandmother & Grandfather to prove a point. Are you really that vile or just plain evil Nicole.....Sad.......

How DARE you? Ya know what? I hope the Wickerman, and the half dozen other people who looked into who and what you are, TROLL THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU.

I withheld the stupid photo that I DID NOT WANT. I've tried talking to you like a real human being, and you're a kinky backwoods jagoff. Big waste of time. Good luck with your two lives, and the HA trolls who hate your guts.

Uggghh. That you would even post photos of your family's graves? On a cockbandit forum? SICKENS ME. You are truly SCUM.

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Originally Posted by Nicole Dupre

Uggghh. That you would even post photos of your family's graves? On a cockbandit forum? SICKENS ME. You are truly SCUM.

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First you scream at me call me a liar make fun of my dead grand parents and expect me not to respond....you are batshit crazy and the wost kind of liar honey do yourself a favor......shut it.