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Lord Goatse has not posted for a while, but thought that he should offer his advice to the earnest members of this forum.
1.Is oral sex safe , should I use a condom when performing it. If, I swallow am I am risk of getting HIV?
Lord Goatse feels that if you need to swallow, your partner is performing fellatio incorrectly, and needs lessons.
2. I like lambskin condoms, but my know it all girlfriend, says that we should not use them, whose right?
Lord Goatse has not heard of Lambskin condoms. He has heard of the term 'sheepshagger'.
3.. My new boyfriend is fine, he is so handsome, he's got big muscles. He works out all the time, and plays sports. He doesn't do drugs or anything. I want our first time that we have sex to be special, so I don't want him to wear a condom, is that okay?
Lord Goatse feels that your new boyfriend sounds like a bit of a poofter. Don't touch him, even with a shit-covered bargepole.
4.I am non op transsexual, and I am HIV+. I had a orchiectomy, I was castrated, thus I no longer ejaculate. it would be safe to put my penis in my boyfriend, right?
Lord Goatse feels it depends if your penis is still attached, too.
5. My boyfriend is HIV+, and the condom broke in me while we were having anal sex, what should I do?
Lord Goatse feels that your boyfriend suffers from an awful lot of bad luck. Fate is trying to tell you something.
6. This girl that I have been after for months, finally gave in and said that we could have sex. But she, said 'I must lick it, before I stick it'. She told me to get dental dams. I am not a dentist or an engineer, so don't know what that is. It is 2 in the morning, she's rolling her hair, and putting on face cream, what can I do?
Lord Goatse always finds that one off the wrist can help in awkward situations.
7.As a post op, I don't menstruate, I don't have periods, so no blood. I just got married to the man of my dreams. My friends say it is okay, if he performs oral sex on me, and when he inserts his penis in me he doesn't have to wear a condom, are they correct?
Lord Goatse feels that the risk of pregnancy is somewhat low. One up the arse is alway a useful policy if in doubt.
On a more sensible note, my Butler, Bentley (who is typing this) feels that it is important to tell you to always use a barrier contraception, regardless of the situation, and if you feel that you have been exposed to a risk of HIV, seek a physician's advice as soon as possible - post exposure prophylaxis saves lives.