Does anyone agree its transphobic to have know if someone is trans before dating them?
https://www.theodysseyonline.com/no-...ore-dating-you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wve1coCbSNw
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Does anyone agree its transphobic to have know if someone is trans before dating them?
https://www.theodysseyonline.com/no-...ore-dating-you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wve1coCbSNw
I think it's legitimate to want to know if someone is trans before dating them. It's safer for the trans girl also, as it weeds out transphobes who may turn violent.
Identity Politics can get you killed. You want to feel empowered that it doesn't matter? Or shouldn't matter? Wrong. It matters.
Transphobic? Not at all. Do you have to tell someone you're trans? No. But don't get mad when someone isn't with it and they get upset when they find out. There are still physical differences between Trans women and GG women. Not liking men doesn't mean you're homophobic. Not liking trans women doesn't make you transphobic. Not being attracted to a certain race doesn't make you racist. It's somewhat selfish(yet, somewhat understandable) to not tell someone the truth.
As for the ones that get a kick out of tricking guys, I don't agree with a violent response, but aren't looking at them with complete innocence either.
If you are dumb enough to date someone you do not know, then don't get upset when it turns out your date is trans.
Damn sjws
Of course you should tell them before, not everyone has to like you!
This is one of the dumbest things I have every heard. This is the equivalent of a guy telling a girl:
"No, I Don't Have To Tell You I'm Married Before Dating You"
If I remember correctly assault is illegal. That's is what should be considered.
Why would one "date" anyone they don't know? - unless, of course, one wants to fool a girl and get laid for free! - Well, fuck you. My private parts are private, and no, you do not need to know unless I wan't or need you to.
Unless you are openly meeting up for a shag. Only then, do not call it a date.
Personally,I don't care if you tell me or not....If we don't click it won't matter,if we do,it doesn't matter....
since there are more open trans-attracted dudes than ever before now, why not just date them openly? I don't thin it's safe, even if a guy won't kill the woman, it's still deceit.
That said, I do understand it could be perceived as transphobic, but nothing wrong with being open from the outset.
the classic catch 22 of the trans world.
Every trans woman wants to be loved for who she is....and yes she should be loved and desired for who she is as a person.....regardless of her gender. and yes in a perfect world she will bump into prince charming who will not care....
And all the while she, the trans woman, looks at any guy who is actually ok with dating trans women or is actually perusing dating trans women to be a "faggot" or a "chaser" and thus not worth her time.
if you thin the usual GG story of the "nice guy" is fucking fucktarded this little thing is even more fucktarded.
oddly the only women who get this are the plus sized ladies......they know that chubby chasers is where they will get the love and adoration they deserve......thus they don't try to "turn" guys who are not into them into them....but then again a chubby can't hide being skinny? so maybe it's not the right match.
That said
1) Please ladies please be safe out there!
2) Sigh.....god you are going to fucking hate to hear this...if a guy says he's ok with dating trans women don't discount him......he may just be your prince charming and may treat you like the angel that you are.
now back to your regularly scheduled drama
There should always be some honesty about the person you are going out on date with. Failure to comply will have consequences (more than just physical harm). Doesn't matter you may not care, you have to respect the other person feelings. More lies and deceit built into the foundation of the relationship the more likely it won't go well in long run. I think if you like someone and want a relationship or like someone and it expect it to go forward, I think it would be good to explain to the person you are trans. What they do with information will tell the type of person they are. It's that guy I know who lied about his background and then found out she was the women he wanted all along and she would have dated him for who he is, but alas he couldn't undo the lie.
A person should have a fair warning for many things like, if a person is married, HIV pos, gay trans, lesbian, killer, convicted felon, etc. Etc...
I assure you that my arguments have nothing to do with social justice.
According to dictionaries, a "woman" is an adult female human being. According to the same dictionaries, a female is a person whose sex enables them to bear offspring or produce eggs. Having read those two one might think like you: a tranny cannot bear offspring, therefore they are not a woman. Let it sink for a while and tell me what you would call an adult human being who was born female, or a girl, and then lost the ability to bear offspring? Is it still a woman, or female, after reaching adulthood?
I am not going to elaborate any further on this matter but the definition of "woman" in dictionaries is obsolete and needs to be updated, so that it no longer has any connection with female. This way you will still have men and women, males and females, living along happily, and getting to know each other before they decide to spend their time and money on the so-called "dating". Personally, I would not date anyone I hadn't known and be in good relations with for at least a few years.
About deception, unless you specify to your date that you would like to have sex with them during your appointment, I cannot see why it would be relevant for them to reveal what their underpants conceal - be it a dick, pussy, period, warts, or a bag of weed. It is just none of your business, especially when you have concealed the fact that you just want to get laid rather than engage in romantic stuff people usually do on dates.
P.S. How would you like your girlfriend or wife to be addressed to as trans-lady at a restaurant? Surely that would be awesome wouldn't it?? Revealing to all the guests sitting at the near tables that your date has a dick... xd
Thank youQuote:
Originally Posted by Chaos
I think everyone is talking about dating a person. In that context some things should be disclosed. I don't think anyone talked about telling every person on the street their own personal things. And we are not talking about just having dinner or causal conversation. I understand your point, but what would like to the world to be and the world that we currently live in are two different things. Nor was anyone talking about an appointment (unless I misread). I think many people want some sort of honesty in a relationship. A friend of mine always wanted to have his own kids. He dated a woman who couldn't have children. She was open and honest about it and they got married. They have adopted several kids and they are doing great. Not so well for the guy who didn't tell his gf he was infertile and she found out right before they were going to be married when they went to get blood work and some other things done. It went south. Honesty helps in a relationship.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ts RedVeX
Personally to me it does not matter, but given that not everyone is like me I wager it'd be safer in general to let them know (IF things are about to get serious enough) All depending on the situation I guess.
I personally don't care if a woman discloses her status to me or not. But that's because I happen to prefer a trans woman over a genetic woman. But over the years I have gotten to know quite a few trans women. And I don't think any of them would try to fool a man by not disclosing her trans status before the dating gets to having sex. Even the most passable ones.
Oh and one more thing
Blair said that there are a lot of men who don't want to be with a trans woman. I call bs on that. If the statistics on how many men watch trans porn are correct . Then I think the majority of men do want to be with a trans woman. But they've been shamed into not admitting it. But that's just mostly from religious beliefs.
I think every hetero man is turned on by trannies, but how far he'll take it is proportional to how much he can get over himself.Quote:
Originally Posted by gaysian71
Well, I don't spend much time worrying about labels so I'm probably not the best one to ask if it is transphobic or not !!! However, suffice it to say that if I didn't know and found out on the date it would be a spectacularly sweet surprise !
I think you should be honest plain and simple. People have a right to know what they're getting involved with. They should be allowed to determine whether or not he or she is willing to date a trans person.
Depends on how you define "want to be with". Plenty who are curious and would watch TS porn, but from there on I'd bet it's a rapidly sliding scale from, might try a ladyboy once in Thailand, down to, want to be in a committed relationship with one.Quote:
Originally Posted by gaysian71
Seriously doubt there's an accurate answer to this, but willing to be proved wrong.
This.Quote:
Originally Posted by Laphroaig
There are plenty of people who hate Islam and everyone who practices it but would not pass up a chance to fuck Mia Khalifa. Be in a relationship? That's a whole different level. It's not a black or white answer
this is a silly question. i like how it's being debated. who even asks this kind of question?
I mean, its kind of a win win don't you think? You would assume it's someone you're genuinely attracted to, inside and out, and that they're trans with what could only be described as an awesome extra, it's all the better! Or another way to say it, you can tell me that as long as you don't me gleefully clapping my hands and trying to hide my erection.
Every hetero man? Look, I understand that a lot of people want the rest of the world to think exactly the way they do. Obviously most guys here would especially love that idea. But would you say that "every hetero woman is turned on by trannies, but how far she'll take it is proportional to how much she can get over herself"?Quote:
Originally Posted by nysprod
Now wouldn't that would sound ridiculous?
But back to the topic, I think the point Blair White makes is sound. I can remember when the urban myth was about how transexuals try to "trick" guys. Of course that was actual "transphobic" conservative hysteria. As if taking the chance of a beating or death was worth the risk.
As much as I support LGBT rights and I abhor any discrimination, I wish the SJW types would accept that they are not the norm and we do not live in a utopia with self driving unicorns. If you're about to get on an intimate level with someone who might not know your genetic/sexual identity then it's most likely that you have no idea of who they are. Or how they would react...
It's not even about the whole SJW nonsense at that point - it's common sense. And even if the person doesn't get violent, they might still be extremely upset and even psychologically fucked up by it. I don't know if that Riley Dennis type just wants everyone to be as confused as herself, but her stance that trans people not disclose their identity before engaging in any kind of dating situation is irresponsible and potentially dangerous.
.Quote:
Originally Posted by Billy Blueballs
Agreed.
To say that every heterosexual male is attracted transgender women without any supportive facts is a long shot at best.
Yes they should have to tell someone
We still live in a world where many men will actually kill them for such a trick
-++Retroboy.....you answered your own question with the Blair video, that's beautiful.
....TsRedVex///// U'r approach is definitely the best and Blair's argument at it's logical conclusion.
.....SJW's ........sure go ahead don't tell, of course they should take what you give them, take chances, you go girl...
This is why transgender people need to disclose before being sexual.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRbOth_EvtY
Men should have to tell if you if they're killers or not before you date them - don't you agree?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ts RedVeX
So they can get to know them because they found them endearing for a multitude of possible reasons. i.e. the major point and impetus of dating. Grats on being a total mental midget.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ts RedVeX
So I'm dating a transgender girl and we were seeing each other for a couple of weeks before she told me she was trans.
Took a little getting my head round but had decided I liked her so much by then that it was wasn't the most important thing to me.
The thing is, at the time I had no experience or knowledge of trans girls and if I had known would probably not have been interested.
Did I feel tricked? No.
Did she deliberately keep the truth from me until she knew I had fallen for her a little? Yes.
Am I glad she did? Oh hell yes!!!
I think it should be disclosed before anything gets too serious, there was a recent article about a guy stabbing a transgender lady 119 times after finding out. It should be disclosed for her own safety. I'm not justifying the attacks, but it does happen. Not every guy is gonna go stabbing, but still.
On the other less-life threatening hand, it could be emotional pain, she could reveal the truth after they both find a deep connection, but then he breaks up with her because it's just not something he wants - which is perfectly fair. Also he might feel betrayed as she's kept this from him, what else is she keeping etc.? Then both parties are hurt, no one wins.
I met my Wife about a year and a half ago and she is trans.
However, she did write about it on her internet profile, nor did she tell me during our conversations prior to meeting in person.
In fact, it was only after we were saying Goodbye for the night did she tell me. Honestly, while I enjoy visiting this site, I never expected to actually meet someone in real life who is trans as it was always something for the internet space and honestly not even that sexual for me.
I almost said that I was not cool with it, but I thought better of it as we had a truly amazing conversation and actually were the last customers to leave the restaurant.
In the end, I am glad that she didn't tell me at first as I might have said no, but by not knowing at first, I was able to get to know her and realize that it doesn't make any difference.
Granted, each situation is unique.
yes. And she is free to ask me anything and i will answer. But if you have or had a penis is a big deal to many. And should be. Honesty people.
I had a friend in college who was infertile due to developmental disorder. She was very pretty, sexually active and, as many girls her age, was looking for Mr. Right. Did she immediately tell every man she went out on a date with about her issue? Of course not. Is there any point if it becomes clear the relationship won’t make it past two or three dates? The question for her was, how serious could she allow the relationship to go before she informed the man of her condition?
I always felt a special empathy for her because my situation was not dissimilar to hers. Suppose a man is interested in you. He strikes up a conversation. You find you have similar interests. You can easily rift and opine on each others stories. You find you are attracted to each. So after an hour or so the man says, “Would you like to have diner this evening?” How do you respond? “Sure but you should know I’m transgender,”? This was at a time in my life when passing was everything. I didn’t (and still don’t) want to reveal to every stranger my more intimate secrets; and although we got along and liked each other for the last hour this man is still a stranger - at this stage could I trust him to keep the things I tell him about myself to himself? Of course not.
Of course I have a dick and my friend has a vagina. She could probably have married a guy without him knowing about her condition. That (imo) would’ve been unethical. (She didn’t btw). A transgender woman with vaginoplasty could perhaps do the same - again unethical. There’s a point when you need to tell, but when?
For me the question wasn’t about marriage or children. It was just about sex. It would be pretty rude of me spring my boner on a unsuspecting guy two minutes before we about to tumble into the sack. The question is still, “How serious do I let the relationship get before I tell him?” The answer is probably before we have sex, but how do I know when that’s going to happen - nobody sets a date for that. So sometimes accidents happen. Rarely for me, but were times when it was just to late and the moment arrived. Once the guy was very polite, made his excuses, apologized and left. Once the guy screamed at me, and punched me the stomach.
There was another time when I got cut. I told this story in a thread on HA ages ago. I was out with some girlfriends one evening we decided to go a bar - there was only one and it was a dive. We all got a bit tipsy and some guys came over to our table to chat us up. There was a juke box and they wanted to dance. I saw no harm in that. However, my partner turned out to be an octopus. I kept pulling his hands off me. “This is definitely going the last dance,” I thought when suddenly I felt his hand grab me where only reality-tv-hosts get to grab. At first we were both in shock. Then he started shouting to the whole joint that I was a man. Before I knew it he had knife in his hand and arm had been opened up (required stitches but nothing serious). The bouncer and the bartender intervened and my friends got me out of there. So should you tell someone you’re transgender before you accept a dance? Of course not.
People have got to learn to be civil even as we all have to be wary that some people are just unreasonable, ignorant jerks.
The targets of violence are not responsible for the violence done to them. It is not our duty to deflect it by adding even more tedium to our lives. “Is my dress too provocative?” “Should I tell I’m transgender before he buys me that coffee?” Those of us who claim we live in a civilized society have a duty to support civilized norms. We can start by blaming the perpetrators of violence and not the people they violate.