Am i the only one

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Originally Posted by GrimFusion

I disagree. The point of having GOOD sex IS imposing your set of sexual preferences on a partner and accepting theirs. I guess I just don't understand how someone could be so uncomfortable with themselves as to pass-up sex in whatever form. When life deals me a bad hand, I work with what I got, but I'm not exactly in Birgitta's shoes.

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We might be arguing about a small point, M8, but I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of "imposing", which for me implies getting someone to do something they don't necessarily like or agree with. For me the essential basis for emotionally-based sex is mutual consent. Think back to the discussion we had on the "nice guys" thread.

And I'm sorry, but I did laugh when you said "When life deals me a bad hand, I work with what I got".

Yep, we've all been there. :jerkoff:jerkoff:jerkoff

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Originally Posted by robertlouis

We might be arguing about a small point, M8, but I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of "imposing", which for me implies getting someone to do something they don't necessarily like or agree with. For me the essential basis for emotionally-based sex is mutual consent. Think back to the discussion we had on the "nice guys" thread.

And I'm sorry, but I did laugh when you said "When life deals me a bad hand, I work with what I got".

Yep, we've all been there. :jerkoff:jerkoff:jerkoff

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True...but there's almost always going to be something that you'd like to do that your partner won't, and vice versa. Of course that's where compromise and quid pro quos come in. The trick, though, is to minimize the need for this kind of horse-trading as early as possible by getting a good sense of what the other person is willing to do. If you know you have certain desires that are a deal-breaker, then all things being equal, it's foolish to try to fit a square peg into a round hole if the other person is just plain not willing to indulge them.

YMMV, but I don't really consider females that actively dislike oral and anal play, and I avoid ts girls that are bottom-only. Experience has taught me that making exceptions only leads to dissatisfaction in the long run.

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Originally Posted by Birgitta

I called it gay, perhaps thats judgemental in your eyes but it is not in my eyes.

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so thats all you did then huh?
well lets take a soundbite from your first reply in this thread shall we?

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Originally Posted by Birgitta

their malfunctional masculinuty lol

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(nice touch with the lol as punctuation btw)

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why cant you have respect for the way i feel, without calling me judgemental or getting angry about it.

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because i cant respect oppinionated people that like to pigeonhole others and put themself on a pedestal and act like they are the arbiters of truth and reason
epecially when in the same sentence they end up wining about others doing the same to them

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Originally Posted by nicebrn

True...but there's almost always going to be something that you'd like to do that your partner won't, and vice versa. Of course that's where compromise and quid pro quos come in. The trick, though, is to minimize the need for this kind of horse-trading as early as possible by getting a good sense of what the other person is willing to do. If you know you have certain desires that are a deal-breaker, then all things being equal, it's foolish to try to fit a square peg into a round hole if the other person is just plain not willing to indulge them.

YMMV, but I don't really consider females that actively dislike oral and anal play, and I avoid ts girls that are bottom-only. Experience has taught me that making exceptions only leads to dissatisfaction in the long run.

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I think we're essentially saying the same thing.

And you've made me laugh too - trying to fit a square peg into a round hole is EXACTLY the kind of sexual practice than can cause problems! :)

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Originally Posted by muh_muh

so thats all you did then huh?
well lets take a soundbite from your first reply in this thread shall we?

(nice touch with the lol as punctuation btw)



because i cant respect oppinionated people that like to pigeonhole others and put themself on a pedestal and act like they are the arbiters of truth and reason
epecially when in the same sentence they end up wining about others doing the same to them

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Im not wining about it, i just tried to give you an example to show you why i feel the way i feel about it.
Im from a different world and life then where you are from and if i let myself be open minded about this it will be damaging for me. i am a ts, my way, with my own pupose and destiny...and i seriously do not put myself on a pedestal, i just know what i want and dont want, and i am not insecure about it...

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Originally Posted by nicebrn

True...but there's almost always going to be something that you'd like to do that your partner won't, and vice versa. Of course that's where compromise and quid pro quos come in. The trick, though, is to minimize the need for this kind of horse-trading as early as possible by getting a good sense of what the other person is willing to do. If you know you have certain desires that are a deal-breaker, then all things being equal, it's foolish to try to fit a square peg into a round hole if the other person is just plain not willing to indulge them.

YMMV, but I don't really consider females that actively dislike oral and anal play, and I avoid ts girls that are bottom-only. Experience has taught me that making exceptions only leads to dissatisfaction in the long run.

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Thats the thing, with a straight masculine top there is nothing to compromise about, i dont believe in compromises when it comes to love,
So i choose carefully my friends and the reasons people love me because i feel that has to do something with me and not just their desire about ts woman. You can love me for the right reasons and i am a sweet and devoted lover, love me for the wrong reasons chances are i will know that before the first kiss.
Im much like the girl someone mentioned in this thread, it takes time for me to feel comfortable around a man about my private parts, when he is a sweet and good lover, i know anything is possible in the end(except me topping him), but first i have to feel comfortable, and i dont with guys that are primarily lusting for my cock, not dating them, for me thats about self respect.

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Originally Posted by GrimFusion

I disagree. The point of having GOOD sex IS imposing your set of sexual preferences on a partner and accepting theirs. I guess I just don't understand how someone could be so uncomfortable with themselves as to pass-up sex in whatever form. When life deals me a bad hand, I work with what I got, but I'm not exactly in Birgitta's shoes.

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Grim fusion, i dont agree, i have had great sex without anyone having to impose their sexual desire on anyone, there just has to be a match.

You mentioned that i am insecure about my sexuality but im not. I live fulltime and openly as a ts woman and know exactly what i want and dont want.

What i want is to be treated and respected like a woman, i dont feel that way around guys that think constantly about giving tgirls head and stuff like functional penis bla, i dont want to be treated like a fetish object i want to be loved for who i am, not only because of what i am.
I think thats very reasonable and understandable

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Originally Posted by Birgitta

Thats the thing, with a straight masculine top there is nothing to compromise about, i dont believe in compromises when it comes to love,
So i choose carefully my friends and the reasons people love me because i feel that has to do something with me and not just their desire about ts woman. You can love me for the right reasons and i am a sweet and devoted lover, love me for the wrong reasons chances are i will know that before the first kiss.
Im much like the girl someone mentioned in this thread, it takes time for me to feel comfortable around a man about my private parts, when he is a sweet and good lover, i know anything is possible in the end(except me topping him), but first i have to feel comfortable, and i dont with guys that are primarily lusting for my cock, not dating them, for me thats about self respect.

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Of course there is.

I think you may be misunderstanding me, perhaps because I'm speaking in extremely general terms.

Whether someone is straight, gay, bi, masculine, or whatever, there's always going to be some give-and-take--unless both of you are perfectly vanilla and perfectly compatible. You (I don't mean you, specifically) might enjoy it better from behind, while he enjoys it more if you ride him. Or you might have personal (and rational to you) reasons why you dislike giving oral, while he craves that.

It's only an "imposition" insofar that eventually someone has to submit their will to the other person (probably with the intent of getting some other concession later), or one or both of you is going to be dissatisfied. I'm pretty sure that not a single one of us has ever met someone totally willing to indulge every single quirk or fantasy, and there are some things that we won't consider either. Thus the need to compromise, which orientation won't have anything to do with (except maybe in extreme cases). Like I said, ideally that stuff is worked out in the beginning...but it doesn't happen that way.

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i dont want to be treated like a fetish object i want to be loved for who i am, not only because of what i am.

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Hm.

Maybe it's because I've been exposed to just a handful of girls who had that attitude, but sometimes I think that those girls tend to overcomplicate the issue. I can't speak for other men, but I don't fetishize the boy parts any more than I fetishize tits, ass, lips and hair on a girl in general. In my head it's just another body part to appreciate and enjoy. I can understand why some girls have developed the perspective that they have, but then they go too far by automatically assuming that all trans-attracted men (a) truly see you as something other than a woman and (b) have some kind of unhealthy attraction to girl-dick.

...though it wouldn't shock me if that were the case for a large number of them.

I don't think good sexualityis about imposing on others. it's about mutually agreeable fun. Sometimes there is compromise - you are given head sometimes by someone who'd prefer you to fuck them;You spend a long time on cunnilingus when you want to move on to intercourse etc etc. But that is about offering to the other the pleasure they desire. I'd never-ever try to force a partner to do something she didn't like.
So IF (and i know this is purely hypothetical) I were Birgitta's partner i wouldn't dream of asking her to use her cock in any way. I'd be totally focused on the mutual pleasures we agreed on mutually - hers and mine. She identifies wholly as a woman. I would accept that wholly.

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Originally Posted by robertlouis

:iagree: Well said, Birgitta. One of the things that has bugged me about this thread from the outset is the constant and unwanted imposition of one set of sexual values on another person simply because of that person's combination of gender outlook and genitals. I would never try to impose my set of sexual preferences on a partner - surely this is about simple respect for another individual's integrity and what in essence makes for civilised relationships.

Yes, I consider myself "straight", (whatever that means lol), with a preference for topping if I'm with a tgirl, but essentially, tgirl or genuine girl, I'll always consider that person's preferences too and never insist on doing things "my way". It's only fair.

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you are a good example of what i mean, you are top, straight and voila, you understand me, i dont have to explain anything...