Originally Posted by
Nick Danger
First of all I think I've made it known that I have not led an exemplary life. My youth was quite filled with various forms of irresponsible adventure.
Once, when I was working tugboats in the Gulf, we came back from a 3-week hitch and put our boat into dry-dock. I wasn't signed on for the next hitch, I was going to take a week off. But that night I wandered off into the French Quarter and really tied one on, had a blast I'm sure. At the end of the night I was pretty broke and quite wasted, so I decided to just go back to the boat and sleep in my cabin. It was right across the river and there was a bridge, so I stumbled back to my little quarters on the boat.
I slept long and hard, and when I woke up, much to my surprise, the boat was in motion. I had a vague memory of people beating on my cabin door in the night and me telling them to fuck off. I went flying out of that cabin, through the galley, nodded to a couple guys I knew on the way through, and came screaming out onto the deck, knowing that if we were already past the mouth of the river, I was fucked - I'd be out on the water for 3 weeks with no pay, working for food.
Well we weren't past the mouth of the river, but we were just about to the point where the "land" beside the river becomes nothing but marsh and reeds for miles and miles before the whole mess opens out into the Gulf. But there was still some solid land in sight, so without giving the matter much thought, I dived off the boat and swam to shore. Got a couple nice catcalls and waves from the crew, and was actually feeling pretty happy with myself until I realized I'd left my waterproof wallet in the cabin in my haste - the waterproof wallet that contained every document on this planet proving I exist, driver's license, Coast Guard license, birth certificate, fishing license, social security card - it was all in that wallet. I traveled light back then.
So I'm sitting there on the shore of the Mississippi River a good mile or so from civilization, no money, no way to identify myself, nothing but a pair of soaking wet shorts, a t-shirt, and the pair of flip-flops I now saw floating around within grabbing distance.
I did have one thing going for me - I had a paycheck coming the following day.
So here's what I did, Stavros. I bummed around the Quarter that night, saw a couple people I knew, let them buy a few beers, talked one of them into letting me crash on his couch. The next day I went and got that paycheck, and I took it to a pawn shop. Pawn shops in this country can be very flexible in the way they do business.
I explain my situation to the pawn shop guy, show him the check, and tell him I'd like to cash the check at his highest convenience rate, but that I need a little help getting my life back first. It was a substantial check, for the whole 3 weeks I'd just spent on the ocean, and it meant a couple hundred bucks to the guy, so he let me use his phone and his business address. I called the county clerk office where I was born and arranged to have my birth certificate FedEx'd to the pawn shop. Pawn shop guy held the check and advanced me a hundred bucks, so I went and got a happy meal, a bottle of whiskey, and a cheap motel room. Next day I got a phone call from pawn shop guy that my birth certificate was there. He said that was enough ID for him to complete the transaction, so we finished our business and I walked out of there with my birth certificate and a pocket full of cash.
Next stop, SSA office. I produce my birth certificate, explain that I have lost my wallet, and leave with a temporary social security card which will serve as a 2nd form of ID for the DMV.
Go to DMV, give them my out-of-state license information, produce birth certificate and temporary social security card, they say I gotta take a written test so I do and I pass it, leave DMV with birth certificate, social security card, and now driver's license.
Take all my new ID to the Coast Guard Licensing facility, tell them I lost my wallet, produce ID, obtain new Coast Guard license.
All this cost me around $40 (if you don't count the extravagant fee I paid to cash my check) and was done in two days. Starting from the shore of the Mississippi River.
And really, Stavros, if you expect me to feel so sorry for people who give up on getting an ID because they're poor or don't understand the process, I just don't. It ain't rocket science, but yes, it can be time-consuming. Every American has logged his or her hours in nightmarish DMV lines. It sucks and we all hate it, but it's how the shit gets done.
And for every complaint of poverty in this country, there's a remedy if the person is willing to ask for help. There are plenty of programs around, government and otherwise, whose first step in trying to help someone get back on their feet is to get them some form of ID so they can get on the government tit. Which, fine, I'm not opposed to programs like that, I don't mind paying for people to survive, if that's the extent of their goals. But that's a whole different topic.
Anyway, no Stavros, it's not hard, it's not expensive, it's just something you have to do as an American. You don't just "give up" on obtaining an ID, you get one. It's the first step to practically everything else you might want to do here.