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the "accept" in there is either wishywashy or not in canon with the (i believe more common) definition of passing which goes something like "others _cannot_ tell youre not genetic"Quote:
Originally Posted by peggygee
to me accepting is more along the lines of just letting her be if she wants to be a woman regardless of whether its blindingly obvious that she wasnt born one or not
I would agree more with your distinction, than my previouslyQuote:
Originally Posted by muhmuh
stated one.
Thank you for pointing that out. :wink:
for one thing, i know genetic women that barely pass. there's a lot of natural variation in the human species.
where i live (not the big city by any means) the likelihood of bumping into a transgendered woman in the street is so remote as to be out of the realm of possibility. no body would believe there's a transgendered woman sitting on the bus next to them. here we only exist on jerry springer as rare oddities. it's quite easy to pass in an environment where everyone just assumes a man is a man and a woman a woman; and after all they're right. i'm not puttin' myself down mind you, nobody clocks me anywhere. i'm just saying expectations have a lot to do with passing. even though there's a greater awareness these days of transgendered persons, we're still low enough on the radar that we pass on the basic assumption that there's a lot a variation from one person to the next and people are generally what they appear to be.
i think the reason we place such focus on passing is we've all gone through that uncomfortable period when we didn't or at least worried that we didn't.
For me, it is so hard to leave that time behind. I still worry when I'm in public bathrooms because of things that happened 4 years ago. I still look in the mirror and sometimes hate who I see, because I can see remnants of what I looked like before I transitioned.Quote:
Originally Posted by trish
As far as passing goes... Just about everywhere I go, men and women both stop to tell me how beautiful I am, as in "are you a model? You are so beautiful...." Granted many women would kill someone to be as tall and thin as I am (got to remember to thank the genetic lottery for that one). Like Trish I live in a small town, tranny just isn't on the radar. And it certainly isn't when I visit my people in middle Tennessee.
Sometimes I out myself (either out of necessity or for fun), like when my hairdresser was talking to the other hairdresser about AVN and doing makeup for porn. I said I was always looking for good stylists, she asked if I was in the sex industry, I said yes, she asked if I knew xyz.... I said no, I'm a tranny. She was shocked...This is how it is for me everywhere I go. I'm the only one I don't pass with. It's me that looks in the mirror and is unhappy, never anyone else. And that is the biggest challenge for anyone who is close to me, is not getting burned by those insecurities, because they are very powerful.
Fortunately for you guys, you don't have to see that side of me. You get to see me smile, and fuck, and laugh.
I agree so much with you tsmandy, all of the things you just said actually reflects to how I live too in a suburban area. People in these "family oriented" places don't know SHIT about what a transsexual is...if they see you and you look like a woman then that's that for them....I never had problems of passing or even being clocked here in Massachusetts unless i'm in a city where people are more aware about their surroundings and tgirls walking around in short skirts and breasts all over the place.Quote:
Originally Posted by tsmandy
Even so, people have lots of things to worry about themselves they could not give a fuck if you we're born a girl or a boy. They are all consumed wth all their own issues. I really believed that people are not walking around trying to clock you just for the heck of it.
But of course as a transsexual woman, we are bound to think that everyone is clocking us when in the reality is they are not. But our minds our going "does she know, does he know" , sometimes I wish that I could turn that switch off when it comes to that part of my mind. I think my life would be a lot pleasant and carefree. I'm sure a lot of the girls here somewhat feels the same as I do! :D
Quote:
Originally Posted by tsmandy
Well, as they say, "wherever you go, there you are." And for each of us, that Person In The Mirror is always our toughest and most ruthless critic.
When I lived in the dorms, I had only been in transition a little over a year. I was going about my business fine before that too. You'd figure someone would have said something, people aren't that nice. After all, they weren't afraid to treat me like shit before transition for being androgynous or whatever they considered "faggoty" and worthy of violence and harassment. Things got a lot better for me once I transitioned. That's the result of passing.
Another story illustrates my point. It was Summer quarter 2005, so I wasn't very far into transition at all (I started hormones Dec 2004), I hadn't even officially changed my name yet. I was taking a lecture class on Human Sexuality. We had a guest speaker, a woman from town, who was a transsexual. Now, I mean no disrespect towards this woman but she didn't exactly break any stereotypes. She was older, like 50, large, deep voice, former crossdresser, had been in the military, married a woman, had her SRS and now lived an awkward sexless life.
The girl next to me turned to me after the woman's presentation ended and said that she felt sorry for people like that. We continued talking about her and transsexuality in abstract as we left the class and walked into the busy bathroom and didn't miss a beat.
Why? Because, to her, the woman on stage was a transsexual. The girl sitting next to her in class wasn't. There are two very different stereotypes - the frumpy crossdresser and the plastic porn star. What about your geeky roommate? What about the woman on the pew in front of you or across from you on the bus? What about your coworker or the cute bartender? We're everywhere ^_^
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