The Transgendered Scene

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Originally Posted by Felicia Katt

You can't reach for the future if you are holding onto the past.

Movement is relative, to go forward means leaving things behind. As soon as you do that, you will recognize your progress, and what the rest of us already have seen, that you are someone we all would feel blessed to count as a friend.

FK

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As always Felicia puts it all into perspective.....and her advice goes for any of us. Nice post Felicia!!!!!!!!!!!

I will but mirror everyone's comments. What you wrote is so beautiful. And so true.

I often wonder why the transgender community (the women, the men, and those who love them) can be such a place of self-sabotage filled with such negativity, pain, and hurt. We are up against a larger society filled with prejudices, hate, and preconceived notions, yet when we can all be working together for positive change, we are, instead, caught in a vicious cycle that just spinds and spins and spins unto itself.

I just want to scream out loud...."STOP!" But if I did, I would just be attacked as there's so much mistrust between us all.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Felicia Katt

You can't reach for the future if you are holding onto the past.

Movement is relative, to go forward means leaving things behind. As soon as you do that, you will recognize your progress, and what the rest of us already have seen, that you are someone we all would feel blessed to count as a friend.

FK

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On a positive note, let's all listen to Felicia! :)

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Originally Posted by whatsupwithat

I will but mirror everyone's comments. What you wrote is so beautiful. And so true.

I often wonder why the transgender community (the women, the men, and those who love them) can be such a place of self-sabotage filled with such negativity, pain, and hurt. We are up against a larger society filled with prejudices, hate, and preconceived notions, yet when we can all be working together for positive change, we are, instead, caught in a vicious cycle that just spinds and spins and spins unto itself.

I just want to scream out loud...."STOP!" But if I did, I would just be attacked as there's so much mistrust between us all.

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:!: :idea:

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Originally Posted by Alison Faraday

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.

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sorry to be repeat myself Alison but basically you need to move to somewhere with a high population of open minded people, (perhaps who appreciate dry , sarcastic humour) BRIGHTON! It's easy to make freinds in brighton, people are so chilled there, and a lot of foreigners, which i like. I miss having friends too, I have a lot of friends here but they are mostly all wankers and I have changed too, less tolerant of wankers. I badly need to move back to Brighton, even the chavs there are more chilled out. Kinda miss Amsterdam too tho, something about the dutch mentality i like.

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Originally Posted by Fox

Heh, I was kinda hoping for an insightful post to show up today. Thanks.

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Ditto, the 'noob's were going through their fetish stage (dick pics - identify
this girl) I anticipate a "Am I gay post? any second.

:roll:

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Originally Posted by Alison Faraday

I'm quite warmed that you've replied Peggy. And I am glad that you are here on HA. As I am all of you.

Each of you I feel happy that you have taken the time to reply. That is my acceptance. And it means something to me, so thank you. :oops:

Someone has mailed me to ask if I'm ok? They say that while thought provoking and interesting, there's something different about what I have written. It has almost a bland feeling to it.

I miss friends. I miss a social life.

Before I came out my phone would be ringing literally every hour. Where was I? We're in here? Come meet us? What are you drinking? A text message to say that Simon had just pulled. Julie saying something stupid. Max putting his foot in it. Mark upsetting Fiona. Martin getting drunk and insulting everone. Steve following through at his desk at work, otherwise known thereafter as PloppyPants. Chad washing his hair. Emma going out with Dan.

And that's all gone now. I miss being the life of the party. This is just a moment of looking back and remembering what it was to be wanted by your friends.

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.

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Aly, I am glad that I have met you as well, sometimes you meet the
nicest of people in the unlikliest of places, as has been the case with you
and a number of others that I have met here.

In life we have acquaintances, associates, work / school friends, casual
friends, close friends, dear friends and sometimes lifelong friends.

The former are much easier to make and to keep than the latter. Looking
for healthy friendships is akin to looking for a emotionally stable
significant other. Where we look will often determine what we find.

As you are a women of letters, you will understand when I say it sounds
as if you are experiencing existentential angst, which is good because it
shows that growth is occurring.

Also from your post it is evident where you are on Maslow's hierarchy of
needs, bear in mind there can be over-lapping of levels achieved.

http://i92.photobucket.com/albums/l2...hepyramid1.gif

Wow, Alison. Your post really spoke out. Usually I avoid threads like this, but it made me think.

Often, when I find myself coming here more often than I should, I ask myself why? I have *waaay* too much to do. But the thing is, over way too many years in my "real world" life, I've eliminated almost all aspects of where I came from. Workmates, friends, etc aren't ever let in on that little aspect of my past. There are a few family members who are, but that's about it.

And all that is well and good and as it should be, but it still means that there's some little part of me that's a little out of phase with everything else - just a nagging thing in the back that won't ever go away - that there's a "difference" there that sometimes makes me feel like a huge gulf is there between me and other people. Not often, but very significant and overwhelming when it occurs.

Your comment about friends made me recall all the ones I've left behind over the years - ones that couldn't deal with the changes in me. Ones that met me later and found out and turned away. Ones who found out and *I* turned away from because I didn't want to be around anyone who knew my past. So many possible futures that never came to be.

So. What do I do? I loathe the very idea of "transcommunity" - no way I'll give up my security for anything like that which has nothing to offer me and everything to take, but the online world gives a little more freedom in such things. It allows you some of the benefit of the good aspects of occasionally interacting with people with a shared experience, but it also allows you to shun all the negative aspects of various subgroups. Naturally the more you're involved with the biz, the more subject you are to the bad aspects of the scene, but it's still just bytes and pixels, really.

So here I am. I've never worked in the sex industry, but I find a lot more in common here than any of the thousands of boards filled with bitter middle-aged "transitioners" who just don't get it - that it's not about being "different" but about being just normal like everyone else.

So this seems to be a place where I can come and chat about comic books and movies and tattoos and generally never say anything very heavy, but still read what others in similar yet different paths think and feel, and I can work that into my own understanding of things and see if it works or not. Friends? No - I'm probably old-fashioned, (or just plain old) but I still think that you need contact to cross that line from acquaintance to friend - but you can still be friendly and enjoy time with folks online and maybe, just maybe, share or receive a little insight that makes the day a little brighter.

This board doesn't seem as nice as it once was, so if I don't like it I'll go elsewhere, and if there isn't anything similar, then I'll just go back to my daily life of going to work, coming home, etc - nothing changes. But it's nice to have a place to get away to once in a while. :)



::Re-assuming shallow and flighty persona::

*squeak*

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Alison Faraday

I am here to make friends.

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Darling you're a really lovely person, or at least that's how you come across. This place is like the boozer only without the faces and you know about boozer friends. There are some nice people here, no mistake, but friends.......I think that requires physical presence.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by alyss_heart

Wow, Alison. Your post really spoke out. Usually I avoid threads like this, but it made me think.

Often, when I find myself coming here more often than I should, I ask myself why? I have *waaay* too much to do. But the thing is, over way too many years in my "real world" life, I've eliminated almost all aspects of where I came from. Workmates, friends, etc aren't ever let in on that little aspect of my past. There are a few family members who are, but that's about it.

And all that is well and good and as it should be, but it still means that there's some little part of me that's a little out of phase with everything else - just a nagging thing in the back that won't ever go away - that there's a "difference" there that sometimes makes me feel like a huge gulf is there between me and other people. Not often, but very significant and overwhelming when it occurs.

Your comment about friends made me recall all the ones I've left behind over the years - ones that couldn't deal with the changes in me. Ones that met me later and found out and turned away. Ones who found out and *I* turned away from because I didn't want to be around anyone who knew my past. So many possible futures that never came to be.

So. What do I do? I loathe the very idea of "transcommunity" - no way I'll give up my security for anything like that which has nothing to offer me and everything to take, but the online world gives a little more freedom in such things. It allows you some of the benefit of the good aspects of occasionally interacting with people with a shared experience, but it also allows you to shun all the negative aspects of various subgroups. Naturally the more you're involved with the biz, the more subject you are to the bad aspects of the scene, but it's still just bytes and pixels, really.

So here I am. I've never worked in the sex industry, but I find a lot more in common here than any of the thousands of boards filled with bitter middle-aged "transitioners" who just don't get it - that it's not about being "different" but about being just normal like everyone else.

So this seems to be a place where I can come and chat about comic books and movies and tattoos and generally never say anything very heavy, but still read what others in similar yet different paths think and feel, and I can work that into my own understanding of things and see if it works or not. Friends? No - I'm probably old-fashioned, (or just plain old) but I still think that you need contact to cross that line from acquaintance to friend - but you can still be friendly and enjoy time with folks online and maybe, just maybe, share or receive a little insight that makes the day a little brighter.

This board doesn't seem as nice as it once was, so if I don't like it I'll go elsewhere, and if there isn't anything similar, then I'll just go back to my daily life of going to work, coming home, etc - nothing changes. But it's nice to have a place to get away to once in a while. :)



::Re-assuming shallow and flighty persona::

*squeak*

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Off topic, but I have a bird named Squeaker. Matter of fact, he's squeaking right now.

I loved what you had to say. Fly, be shallow, but stay around and stay positive...it's very welcome. :)