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go ahead & try to find her - my trail leads nowhere
she has more to worry about from the dozens of transsexuals who actually know her by name, some of whom f**k with her regularly
anyway for all you know I made her up, lol
*sighs*
? huh
the juicy name-calling got edited out
after I removed some of her accomplishments
:)
Good question peggy...
I'll answer it like this.....
I spent 24yrs living with this secret i thought i had to hide from everyone....
Now im 28 I dont want to spend the rest of my life hiding another secret...!
I dont shout about it from the rooftops.. but if someone asks I will tell them str8 away...
If you dont like me for what I am fine..... jog on...
But I am not having any more secrets..
xx
That's a healthy way to be.
In my visits to MySpace, I wonder about the ones who are ‘stealth’, at least they are not saying anything on their page. I believe that they don’t have to tell anyone unless they are intimate. However, it would seem that they have to tell them at some point. I have seen some that I believe areTs with load of guys sending them messages, and with them out with men. I just wonder. I do know that it is different with each, if and when to tell them.
Then there are others who tell people right off the back, even though most people would not know. I have to admire their honesty.
I used to have a fantasy that I would live with a stealth Ts, as man and wife, kind of pulling one over on the world. But now my fantasy is just to have a relationship that stays fresh over long a period time.
Alison, I see you deleted your posts,but thank you for the insight! I have even more respect and awe for TS girls--- that's alot to deal with and think about. I commend you because you display alot of wisdom in the way you think about and handle things.
Thank you. That's very kind of you to say so. :) While I know that I don't always put things across as well as I could, or sometimes say the wrong things. About the only thing that I can say is that I'm real. What you see here isn't a fabricated thing invented for show just to get signups for my site and to bump my name to the top, this is me. I delete things as I'm not always sure of myself, I'm embarassed of what I say sometimes. Oh I don't know :D You know what I mean. ;-)Quote:
Originally Posted by sucka4chix
Here's what I wrote for anyone else to read through;
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Funny old thing stealth is. In summing up, it's very lonely. A bit like being inbetween a rock and a hard place. You have your whole past which is part of you, and with some aspects onging, yet you carry on (or try to) as normal.
One thing you (those reading) will encounter is older transsexuals that do not pass and sound like men, yet proclaim they're in stealth, and how miraculous and wonderful it is. "God has been so kind to me," "I'm the woman I was always meant to be." Absolute complete and utter bollocks!!
Stealth is a funny old thing, as you can't readily talk to anyone about it, and if you do try to do so while being anonymous on an online support forum, then they simply do not understand. To be in stealth is to have no point of reference, no reassurance, and no support. It is very much like being a spy. Except your own spy with no organisation or training..
In real life, and that's REAL life as in not in this digital paradox of very confused people, I do live in stealth. I tell no one. I don't think to tell anyone. As to do so would not be to my benefit. While there are a significant number of understanding people out there, there are also a significant number of bigots. I can promise you that. To have blind faith in people is dangerous, just as to suspect everyone is paranoid. So the solution is to avoid the thinking that leads you there in the first place.
Now here's a problem. I have a female passport, a female driving licence, a female birth certificate, and as far as identifying myself goes I am female. Yet, one of my bank accounts is in my old male name. Statements arrive monthly for this account, and they were given all of the relevant documentation years ago to update their details. Yet they wouldn't do it. Unless the option is there on their screen, unless it's easy for them, then your details are staying just how they are. So, this account in my old name is totally inaccessible to me, since I don't have any old ID or way of proving who I was. I can't even close the account, and in the past have had a fraud marker put on my credit reference file. "Woman trying to access man's account," why thank you for the compliment.
Carrying on about this bank account thing and stealth.. When I first transitioned I truly experienced what total fucking cunts people can be. And as time went by I got over it, they disappeared, and I settled into my new life. Now with this bank account which I have to pay into as part of my old student debt, the moment my old name comes up on screen occasionally the cashier serving me will just 'change'. They'll go from chatty chatty, to cold and no eye contact being very formal. That's the dilemma with everyday people and transsexuals. They think that they have a right to know, and that you are deceiving them. They do not realise how much danger you are in and why they are not told. It's ok for them as they're not transsexuals!! Stupid people!
This is the thing with stealth, as you don't actually know that you're there. It slowly creeps up on you but it can come crashing down in minutes, and you have to deal with it on the fly right there and then, gun in your face. There are those in ultra deep stealth, yet in a way they are very lonely people as far as their past goes. Some cope with it and I can't comment, as neither I or you are ever going to know who they are.
Am I in stealth? Well, it's a bit of a pisser for me to be sitting here talking about while my pictures are plastered allover the net. There's 3-billion of us in this world. I'm 1. So I don't feel the risks are overly great. The chances of someone recognising me in everyday life are almost next to nil. Depending of course on where I go. If I go to SoHo in London, then there's a risk. But I'm not likely to go there anyway.
What we all need in life is acceptance, inclusion, and a feeling that we fit in. Maybe that's why I'm here. I have so many skeletons in my closet and stones to be unturned that emotionally I feel safe here now and then. As there's no risk of being a genetic female, and having someone go digging about in my past or finding a crucial cryptographicly hidden number out of place.
The reality of stealth is that it is a mythical thing. It does not exist. It is the Holy Grail. Degrees of stealth are achievable however, yet to go around telling everyone that you live in stealth is a bit like being a spy and going around telling everyone that you are a spy. A bit of a conundrum wouldn't you say. Maybe that person is either confused or living in a fantasy.
My method of self preservation, and that's pretty much what it's all about once we get down to the nitty gritty, is to avoid issues involving other transsexuals. I find it stressful. And I find it confusing too, it raises questions that I don't like. I have rationised my existance in the world and I'm happy. And since reality is also a mythical thing that changes with the times, no one person can say that I'm right or wrong since I don't ever get into the debate in the first place.
So am I breaking rules by writing this? For all that I have said so far, am I rubbishing that? The truth is, I like to tell my story, and I like to do it well. Afterwards I will read through this and gain reassurance from someone. That someone being me. That's not being aloof in any way. That is looking after yourself and healing yourself, when there is no one else that can truly help.
Until you are comfortable in yourself it does not matter what, where, or who you are. That is what this is all about. And those are the true pre-requisites to stealth. Stealth is not real. But then again, what is? :)
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Mmmm, good question. Unless it's genital related I simply do not disclose it. Being asked "When was your last period," is the question that gets you first time round. :D
My old medical notes were lost on their many journies around the UK's antiquated health system, so there's no record pointers back to my past. Which I'm not exactly shouting about either. It's quite convienient really. The other thing I never did was get myself on lots of computer databases either, I've always been quite secretive about my personal details. I just don't do it. If I can pay cash then I do, that kind of mentality.
The only time I did disclose my background was after my orchiectomy when I had an infection. It wasn't a massive problem, but the local hospital wasn't getting involved at all or taking any responsibilty. They were good though, totally brilliant and friendly, just very distant from the immiediate reason I'd gone there. Hospitals are like that in the UK at the moment, as so many people cry wolf which just pisses it up for everyone else. In the end I took a couple of photos which I hid online and phoned up my GP, I was in there a few hours later. Going through triage with some dippy secretary wasn't quite working and not high up on my want-to-do list.
I use the term 'intersexed' with medical people whom I don't know and am never likely to meet again, since the instances in the population are about 1 in 1000. Intersex conditions are something they are aware of from their training and don't carry the same stereotypes as saying you are a transsexual. It is afterall the first few minutes that you make your impression. And manipulating that human trait is important.
When you look female. When you sound female. When you are female to people. Having a cock kind of throws them totally. There was a Swedish couple that my partner did a shoot with and they hadn't clocked me at all until my partner said so. That's another thing.... OTHER people outting you. That's another aspect of stealth. You can't untell people. Once they know. Once you get into the situation where a few wrong people know, you're fucked. It's either all or nothing.
It's all just about how you handle it. You can have two people who say the same things, yet get a completely different reaction due to the aura that they give off. It's as simple as that. Genetic women have an aura around them, and very very few transsexuals ever achieve it no matter how good they look or how well they pass. They just don't have it.
The whole thing is a head game and it's all about how well you understand the human physche. As the human species we have alot of forgotton and unused skills and intuitions. We can still tap those but don't always know how to interpret them, we can sense that something isn't right. It's being aware of just how clever even the most apparently stupid are. No one is truly stupid since each has their God's gifts. As for whether God exists, that another matter entirely, but I am respectful and open minded enough not to discount the belief. I am respectful of all.
As I said; Stealth is a funny old thing.
:)
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