At least they know who they are and what what they like,right?Quote:
Originally Posted by TsVanessa69
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At least they know who they are and what what they like,right?Quote:
Originally Posted by TsVanessa69
Lol i like vanessa's humor and attitude, its inspiring and uplifting, and i do think she is right, its 2011, and we are much more known and emancipated now, we have the right to want respect and wit from lovers, we dont have to put up with being treated like a dirty little secret anymore lol
I called it gay, perhaps thats judgemental in your eyes but it is not in my eyes. I feel perfectly fine if someone called me gay while it would be more appropiate to call me straight....Quote:
Originally Posted by muh_muh
My thoughts about what a straight men is, differs from yours. And i may feel like a woman, even be a woman in heart and soul, im rational and playfull enough to accept that for some i am not...i respect how they feel about it, why cant you have respect for the way i feel, without calling me judgemental or getting angry about it.
In my eyes a straight men will never ask me to fuck him, a straight men also shows little to no interest in my genitals...what i am saying is that i believe in gender and sexual identity, and that in my eyes we are not just dealing with personal preference in these matters
To me thats the definition of a REAL man.Quote:
Originally Posted by FIRSTTIMER
when a man has sex with me he see's me as a woman not a man. so how did that make him less straight? or are you saying you are less of a woman than a female?Quote:
Originally Posted by Birgitta
Quote:
Originally Posted by TsVanessa69
Not less of a woman but different though. I think most truely straight men will not be able to deal with the idea that i was born male let alone enjoy my genitals.
I like men and men only. I dont like a guy with womans clothes on him, i dont like a guy that looks to feminine, i dont like guys with a pussy and i dont like guys that want to bttm for my natural genitals.
If i did like any of those things i would not call myself straight lol
I can see you as a woman and enjoy your body alot Gitta. ;)
:iagree: Well said, Birgitta. One of the things that has bugged me about this thread from the outset is the constant and unwanted imposition of one set of sexual values on another person simply because of that person's combination of gender outlook and genitals. I would never try to impose my set of sexual preferences on a partner - surely this is about simple respect for another individual's integrity and what in essence makes for civilised relationships.Quote:
Originally Posted by Birgitta
Yes, I consider myself "straight", (whatever that means lol), with a preference for topping if I'm with a tgirl, but essentially, tgirl or genuine girl, I'll always consider that person's preferences too and never insist on doing things "my way". It's only fair.
You lived full time as a gay boy? And now you're a TS ??( scratches head) . Why do you think this is about suppotting a cause ? This is about sexual attraction.........pure and simple. You're pretty rigorous in your definations Brigitta. I'm fortunate I'm not bound by the same orthodoxy as you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Birgitta
I disagree. The point of having GOOD sex IS imposing your set of sexual preferences on a partner and accepting theirs. I guess I just don't understand how someone could be so uncomfortable with themselves as to pass-up sex in whatever form. When life deals me a bad hand, I work with what I got, but I'm not exactly in Birgitta's shoes.Quote:
Originally Posted by robertlouis
We might be arguing about a small point, M8, but I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of "imposing", which for me implies getting someone to do something they don't necessarily like or agree with. For me the essential basis for emotionally-based sex is mutual consent. Think back to the discussion we had on the "nice guys" thread.Quote:
Originally Posted by GrimFusion
And I'm sorry, but I did laugh when you said "When life deals me a bad hand, I work with what I got".
Yep, we've all been there. :jerkoff:jerkoff:jerkoff
True...but there's almost always going to be something that you'd like to do that your partner won't, and vice versa. Of course that's where compromise and quid pro quos come in. The trick, though, is to minimize the need for this kind of horse-trading as early as possible by getting a good sense of what the other person is willing to do. If you know you have certain desires that are a deal-breaker, then all things being equal, it's foolish to try to fit a square peg into a round hole if the other person is just plain not willing to indulge them.Quote:
Originally Posted by robertlouis
YMMV, but I don't really consider females that actively dislike oral and anal play, and I avoid ts girls that are bottom-only. Experience has taught me that making exceptions only leads to dissatisfaction in the long run.
so thats all you did then huh?Quote:
Originally Posted by Birgitta
well lets take a soundbite from your first reply in this thread shall we?
(nice touch with the lol as punctuation btw)Quote:
Originally Posted by Birgitta
because i cant respect oppinionated people that like to pigeonhole others and put themself on a pedestal and act like they are the arbiters of truth and reasonQuote:
why cant you have respect for the way i feel, without calling me judgemental or getting angry about it.
epecially when in the same sentence they end up wining about others doing the same to them
I think we're essentially saying the same thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by nicebrn
And you've made me laugh too - trying to fit a square peg into a round hole is EXACTLY the kind of sexual practice than can cause problems! :)
Im not wining about it, i just tried to give you an example to show you why i feel the way i feel about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by muh_muh
Im from a different world and life then where you are from and if i let myself be open minded about this it will be damaging for me. i am a ts, my way, with my own pupose and destiny...and i seriously do not put myself on a pedestal, i just know what i want and dont want, and i am not insecure about it...
Thats the thing, with a straight masculine top there is nothing to compromise about, i dont believe in compromises when it comes to love,Quote:
Originally Posted by nicebrn
So i choose carefully my friends and the reasons people love me because i feel that has to do something with me and not just their desire about ts woman. You can love me for the right reasons and i am a sweet and devoted lover, love me for the wrong reasons chances are i will know that before the first kiss.
Im much like the girl someone mentioned in this thread, it takes time for me to feel comfortable around a man about my private parts, when he is a sweet and good lover, i know anything is possible in the end(except me topping him), but first i have to feel comfortable, and i dont with guys that are primarily lusting for my cock, not dating them, for me thats about self respect.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrimFusion
Grim fusion, i dont agree, i have had great sex without anyone having to impose their sexual desire on anyone, there just has to be a match.
You mentioned that i am insecure about my sexuality but im not. I live fulltime and openly as a ts woman and know exactly what i want and dont want.
What i want is to be treated and respected like a woman, i dont feel that way around guys that think constantly about giving tgirls head and stuff like functional penis bla, i dont want to be treated like a fetish object i want to be loved for who i am, not only because of what i am.
I think thats very reasonable and understandable
Of course there is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Birgitta
I think you may be misunderstanding me, perhaps because I'm speaking in extremely general terms.
Whether someone is straight, gay, bi, masculine, or whatever, there's always going to be some give-and-take--unless both of you are perfectly vanilla and perfectly compatible. You (I don't mean you, specifically) might enjoy it better from behind, while he enjoys it more if you ride him. Or you might have personal (and rational to you) reasons why you dislike giving oral, while he craves that.
It's only an "imposition" insofar that eventually someone has to submit their will to the other person (probably with the intent of getting some other concession later), or one or both of you is going to be dissatisfied. I'm pretty sure that not a single one of us has ever met someone totally willing to indulge every single quirk or fantasy, and there are some things that we won't consider either. Thus the need to compromise, which orientation won't have anything to do with (except maybe in extreme cases). Like I said, ideally that stuff is worked out in the beginning...but it doesn't happen that way.Hm.Quote:
i dont want to be treated like a fetish object i want to be loved for who i am, not only because of what i am.
Maybe it's because I've been exposed to just a handful of girls who had that attitude, but sometimes I think that those girls tend to overcomplicate the issue. I can't speak for other men, but I don't fetishize the boy parts any more than I fetishize tits, ass, lips and hair on a girl in general. In my head it's just another body part to appreciate and enjoy. I can understand why some girls have developed the perspective that they have, but then they go too far by automatically assuming that all trans-attracted men (a) truly see you as something other than a woman and (b) have some kind of unhealthy attraction to girl-dick.
...though it wouldn't shock me if that were the case for a large number of them.
I don't think good sexualityis about imposing on others. it's about mutually agreeable fun. Sometimes there is compromise - you are given head sometimes by someone who'd prefer you to fuck them;You spend a long time on cunnilingus when you want to move on to intercourse etc etc. But that is about offering to the other the pleasure they desire. I'd never-ever try to force a partner to do something she didn't like.
So IF (and i know this is purely hypothetical) I were Birgitta's partner i wouldn't dream of asking her to use her cock in any way. I'd be totally focused on the mutual pleasures we agreed on mutually - hers and mine. She identifies wholly as a woman. I would accept that wholly.
you are a good example of what i mean, you are top, straight and voila, you understand me, i dont have to explain anything...Quote:
Originally Posted by robertlouis
And when i would feel that, its only then that i will feel free about experimenting, and i would initiate that at the time it feels right for me to do so, but not beforehand, thats the way it works for me, but i feel totally ok when a guy shows no interest at all, all the better, but its not like im dogmatic about it, but it has to feel right,Quote:
Originally Posted by Prospero
And i believe a lot of tgirls outside the escort scene are like that, if i was an escort i would be top also, to be in control and to minimize riscs
I think freddie gomex is talking hiself out of having sex and relationships with any ts.
Hooray! A Gomez thread is always worth bumping! ;)
For freddy i will make the exception and top him and train him like a puppy lol
He'd like that! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Birgitta
that would be a popular VIDEO ON HA:iagree:
lets set it up
senchai, bob,Wendy
somebody get on it
Quote:
Originally Posted by Birgitta
Judging by what I have seen on this forum this could be useful to some.
http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/as...3843811667.jpg
How to Stop Caring About What Other People Think and Get Back Your Self-Respect
http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets...2505766_32.jpg Melanie Pinola — You often worry family or friends might not approve of something, people are talking about you behind your back, or you might offend someone. If this sounds like you, it's time to break free and stop giving a [insert expletive].
It's human nature to want to be liked and to seek approval, but when you're really sensitive to the point where you don't take a stand out of fear of alienating or offending others, it's bad for your well-being.
Like many people, author and consultant Julien Smith has spent way too much time caring far too much about what other people think. It's led him to be "a punching bag — a flighty, nervous wuss," until recently, and he offers a cure — a complete guide to getting back your self-respect and over caring about what people think about you.
He starts with a few facts: people are judging you right now and there's nothing you can do about it, you don't need people to like you, it's your people that matter, and the people who change the world are the ones who dismiss those obstacles of feeling lonely, disliked, or like a loser.
Of course, Smith puts these all much more convincingly and sharply (warning: office filters for language may prevent you from accessing the site). Some key quotes:But the real problem with Internet haters is that they confirm your paranoid delusion that everyone out there secretly hates you.and:
Thankfully, that's not actually true. So the first noble truth is that most people don't even care that you're alive. Embrace this, my friends, for it is true freedom. The world is vast and you are small, and therefore you may do as you wish and cast your thoughts of those who dislike it to the side.You may be in a tough place right now where you feel lonely or like a loser. No worries, we've all been there. But it's time for you to realize how common these things are, and that they're experienced by even the most successful and happiest people in the world. Those people get past them, and you will too.He also offers 5 steps for taking back control, including telling it like it is and accepting or dealing with awkwardness. This is more than just about developing a thick skin. It's about becoming free.
Read the full post linked below to get started. As someone who's hypersensitive (a nice comment can make my day, a rude one ruin it), I really needed this advice.
The Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck | In Over Your Head
Well, it’s time you started not giving a fuck.
https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/_M...qro1qzv9mh.jpg
FACT NUMBER 1. People are judging you right now.
Yes, it’s really happening right at this moment. Some people don’t like you, and guess what? There’s nothing you can do about it. No amount of coercion, toadying, or pandering to their interests will help. In fact, the opposite is often true; the more you stand for something, the more they respect you, whether it’s grudgingly or not.
What people truly respect is when you draw the line and say “you will go no further.” They may not like this behaviour, but so what? These are people don’t like you anyway, why should you attempt to please people who don’t care for you in the first place?
Right. Then, there’s Internet trolls. That’s a whole other thing.
Regular people are fine– you don’t actually hear it when they’re talking behind your back. But on the web, you do see it, which changes the dynamic drastically. They have an impact because they know you have your vanity searches, etc. But the real problem with Internet haters is that they confirm your paranoid delusion that everyone out there secretly hates you.
Thankfully, that’s not actually true. So the first noble truth is that most people don’t even care that you’re alive. Embrace this, my friends, for it is true freedom. The world is vast and you are small, and therefore you may do as you wish and cast your thoughts of those who dislike it to the side.
FACT NUMBER 2. You don’t need everyone to like you.
This stuff is crazy, I know, but it’s cool, you’ll get used to it. Here’s the next thing: not only do most people not know that you exist, and some are judging you, but it totally does not matter even if they are.
How liberating this is may not even hit you yet, but it will. Check this out: when people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. The world does not end. You don’t feel them breathing down your neck. In fact, the more you ignore them and just go about your business, the better off you are.
You know when they say “the best revenge is a life well lived”? Well, this is true, but it isn’t the whole truth. A life well lived is great, yes, but it cannot happen while you are sweating about who your detractors are and what they think. What you have to do, what you have no choice but to do, is accept it and move on.
So not giving a fuck is actually a necessary precedent to create a good life for yourself. It can’t happen without it. That’s why you have to begin today.
FACT NUMBER 3. It’s your people that matter.
Ok, so you’ve adjusted to the fact that most people in the world are barely aware of your existence, and you’re also conscious of the fact that those who don’t like you are in the obscenely small minority and don’t actually matter. Awesome. Next you need to realize that the people who do care about you, and no one else, are those you need to focus on.
Relationships are weird. Once we’re in one (with family, a spouse, whatever), we promptly begin to take the other person for granted and move on to impressing strangers instead– say, our boss. Then, once we’ve impressed our boss, we start taking him for granted too, and so on, in an endless cycle of apathy. It’s like we always prefer to impress and charm the new than to work on what we already have.
But these people– your champions– they understand your quest or your cause. They make you feel good when you’re around them, make you laugh or make you feel like you can just be yourself. They make you feel relaxed or at ease. You’ve shared things with them. They’re important. Focus on them instead.
FACT NUMBER 4. Those who don’t give a fuck change the world. The rest do not.
So I’m reading this horrible book right now by Stephen King called the Long Walk. It’s a contest where people walk without sleeping or resting, and if they do stop, they are killed. (That’s actually every Stephen King book– “there’s a clown, but it kills!” “There’s a car, but it kills!” etc.)
I suspect this book is a metaphor for war, but it also captures perseverance very well. What it takes to move past anything is to simply realize that your obstacle is unimportant, and that it can be dismissed. This is true whether you’re running a marathon or trying to get to Mars.
If you dismiss the things that do not matter; if you remove those things from your mind and focus on what must be done; if you understand that your time is limited and decide to work now; only then will you be able to get to the finish line. Otherwise, you will be dissuaded into living a life you aren’t interested in.
Side note: You need to handle failure and obscurity better. You may be in a tough place right now where you feel lonely or like a loser. No worries, we’ve all been there. But it’s time for you to realize how common these things are, and that they’re experienced by even the most successful and happiest people in the world. Those people get past them, and you will too.
The eye is watching
You want to know something? This actually has nothing to do with anyone else. It has everything to do with you.
I had a discussion with Jonathan Fields the other week that was about the use of swearing (and “true voice”) on blogs. I watched him on a Skype video as we did this, and I could actually pinpoint the moment where he was about to say “fuck” but almost stopped himself. It was amazing. So I called him out on it. “You felt it just now, didn’t you?”
Everyone has an internetal eye. It always watching. It has been slowly constructed by society at large and by your friends and family, and it checks you for unacceptable behaviour. If you have had it around for long enough, you actually start to believe that the eye is you, and that you’re “being reasonable” or some other rationalization.
But the eye isn’t you at all. It is a prison, and you have justified its existence by obeying it. It’s strong because you let it be strong.
But the secret, the part that’s amazing, is that it can’t do anything to stop you, even if it wanted to. It’s an eye. It can only watch. The rest of you is free to act as you wish.
How to get back your self-respect in five easy steps
STEP 1. Do things that you consider embarrassing.
My girlfriend and I have been breaking in Vibram Fivefingers in preparation for the massive walk we are doing. Have you ever seen these shoes? They’re amazing for you knees and give you no blisters, but they are the ugliest thing imaginable. Yesterday, I wore them with a sweet bowtie I put on for Easter. I looked like a crazy person.
As I said at the beginning of this post, I am deeply aware and can become quite upset by people’s judgment– I think a lot of people are, but don’t admit it. But as I walked by people in my techno-clown outfit, not a single person looked at me. Nobody cared, and it slowly dawned on me that even if people did look at me weird, they just walked by. Later, they would forget about me entirely.
You must try this. Find your internal filters and break them, one at a time. Notice how society, like an ocean, smoothes over the waves you make, until what you do gets eliminated, or becomes the status quo. Work with this.
STEP 2. Accept, or deal with, awkwardness.
It’s widely known that interviewers get their best material by being quiet and allowing silence to force words out of a politician or celebrity.
You may be uncomfortable with silence. I know I still am. But I have been working on it and have to say that it is a much more serene state to be in than trying to cover it up with random babbling just to fill up the air. This is one type of awkwardness, a kind that you should feel comfortable about and learn to live with.
Another kind of social awkwardness is this in-between space where you might have done something wrong or been wronged, but don’t say anything. I’ve been given a few harsh lessons in my time and come away realizing that the freedom that comes from talking about an uncomfortable truth is better than the comfort of avoiding that talk altogether.
Someone told me recently that the Clintons’ method for earning respect in politics is this: if someone pushes you, push back twice as hard. This is much better than awkwardness. It’s clear, it’s not passive aggressive, and you know where you stand. Start doing this immediately.