The term transsexual...why doesn't it apply to me?

Hey e, hope the bathroom construction goes well. Over the past few years my wife and I have been gradually remodeling, first a wraparound deck, then the kitchen (awesome kitchen), then a finished room in the basement (my photo studio), then a front porch, and most recently the bathroom. A work in progress, like my life.

Anywho, I know where you're coming from. In all likelihood, had I not met my wonderful wife over 30 years ago, I would most likely be in more or less the same position you are (except a bit older, lol). Keep on keeping on....

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Originally Posted by justatransgirl

And why is it that so many men who want to have sex with us, but are afraid to be seen in public with us? (And I'm referring to "passable" t-girls, not someone who's going to cause stares.)

Huh?
TS Jamie :-)

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Not all men are. Just the weak ones.

[quote="whatsupwithat"]To all the posters saying, forget the labels, be who you are, etc...I have and am doing that. And while the quip about being "sexual" is all witty and whatnot, it's more of a quip than anything real the person has decided for themselves.

My point in all of this is that there is no positive term that defines men who are attracted to, accept, and support transsexuals. I put myself out on alimb in this thread to get to the bottom of it. And what am I finding? More of the same old, same old. Saying it's a fetish, derision thrown at the men who are attracted by transsexuals, and so on. It's almost like an internalized transphobia. We get that from the rest of the world, why do we have to get it from the very same community we're part of. I'm proud of who I am. I'm not a serial dater. I'm not married. I'm not in the closet. I only enter into monogamous relationships. I don't cheat. i don't chase. I'm involved in the community. I'm trying to make a difference in the community through my work. I'm not fixated on the penis, or sucking, or being a bottom, or being a top. I just don't get what the problem is with me and who I am and others like me.

Like you, I've been at this over 20 years. Thank you for the positive attitude!

Sex After Post-Op

Much of the studies done on post-op transexuals do not offer much hope that the operation makes anyone more "happy" or at ease with themselves than before. In fact so much of the opposite was becoming known places like the Harry Benjamin Center, pioneers in TS work, stopped doing the operation.

If the stated medical goal of putting a TS through hormones, and various operations was for them to lead happy lives as "St8" women or men, then by a long shot, according to studies the process is a failure. Why?

A high percentage of post-op MTF's enter into lesbian realtionships. Studies vary as to the exact amount and weahter or not this attraction to women was there all the time, or weather such transgendered women cannot find a male "st8" partner. What is obvious is that the males in the transgender community by and large wish to have a pre-op transgendered person ,if any when it comes to a relationship/sex, and St* men seek GGs.

One group of post op TS's however do end up "happy"; and report the most "well adjusted"; and that is the group many in the TS community label "men in dresses". TS women who change later in life (usually after marrying and having children/reaching middle age), are happiest. Unlike some younger girls, their image is not tied into their looks and the scene/man chasing. They fully realise they may forever be called "a man" when walking down the street, but they do suffer from a profound unhappiness with their current gender, and are willing to accept the trade-offs for some peace of mind.

Oh, there is also the trannie "urban myth" that many post-ops go "crazy" because they no longer can have orgasms. While many post op girls do report having orgasms, including several I know; most of those same girls wouldn't tell me the sky was blue if the sun was out in daylight.

These are probably one of the greatest factors in many girls choosing to remain "non-op". You only have to look at the post op girls who switch from Eros Ts section to the GG section and what they go through to get an idea.

"WhatsUpWithDat"

A cool tall drink of water like yourself shouldn't worry (not that you are), about what people think. A girl (GG or TS) that lands a man such as yourself with a good outlook on life/things should be happy. May have to send my picture over to your MySpace site and apply for a postion should an opening come along! *LOL*

Bottom line is transgendered persons, and those that love them are going to have a bit longer hauling the heavy load. While gay male, in particular white gay male population and lesbians are making huge strides in terms of social acceptance (who ever thought you'd hear "his husband' uttered with such ease as one heard on the subway the other day, but there we are.

However will say I know of one or two transgendered women (pre-op) who are living quite happy lives here in NYC, with long term partners (male). One is a nurse and the other a social worker. Like many gay couples in NYC< they simply go about their business as if everything is normal, because to them it is, and that is what matters.

Think many transgendered girls, especially the young ones, take up residence in Pity Me Pines Apartments, and blame the world for forcing them into "working", and resenting the men they attract because they in fact don't like themselves. But guess what, this is 2007, not 1977 or even 1987; and it does warm my heart to see some young transgirls strolling around NYU's campus behaving exactly like young students should.

A long time ago, I decided I was not going to let what I was stand in my way of making the most of my life. Have I made mistakes? Sure, who hasn't in their lives, but just like those people who are born with a severe handicap or badly disabled later in life, you have two choices; you can get busy living or get busy dying. Someone doesn't like me because I am a TS. Fine, they don't pay my rent, and quite honestly aside from my family and a few close friends, I don't give a rat's butt what people "think" of me anyway. Just keep out of my way and don't even think of starting any trouble, and we'll get along fine. *LOL*

As for the men who date trannies: Well many of you need to pick a team. Can you imagine how it makes anyone feel; gay, straight, trannie, male or female when the only time you will see them is indoors and really only for sex? Worse to be ignored or cut in public by the same man who was on your trade the night before like a monkey on a cupcake. Like many transgendered girls I've had my share of winners. Calls at 1am in the morning from some guy who wants to come over because "I'm in your neighborhood", or finding out a guy you have been seeing is getting married/moving in with his GF: only to call you several weeks later to "come over and play". Heck I've had them call me on their first day back after the honeymoon, or even better while their wife is in labour having THEIR baby.

I don't think I will ever forget "the same man who was on your trade the night before like a monkey on a cupcake.". That line alone made this entire thread worthwhile! haha!

And what you said about the married guys...spot on. I hear the same stories from so many other girls.

Please keep writing. I'm loving what you have to say. :)

well at this time i"m married,but not living together.
nothing to do with anyone else,just we took a risk to get married as she is from another country,but never worked out.
we will get divorced as soon as 1 of us meets someone we want to spend the rest of our lifes with.
o go on i"m sure someone will label me now :)

I can't explain my interest in transsexuals either. All I know is I am now 27, until the age of 23/24 I had never even really thought about what a transsexual is and if I had I certainly did not assume that I would find them attractive in even a remote way. I was always in relationships be they just sexual or more meaningful with GG's and that was my preference. The fact that I am from England and a place with no transsexual community to speak of probably added to this lack of consideration, I guess what I am saying is it was never something I was confronted with, therefore it was something I never pondered in any great detail. If anything the faint impression and image stored in my mind was properly of a man in drag. So when one day about 4 years ago I was watching a show called Sexcetera (basically a documentary style program about sex around the world) and it had a feature on vanity where she was naked. I was so shocked to see this beautiful women with a penis between her legs, I know she is not the norm of what a transsexual looks like but even the mere fact that this term I only had heard in passing (a transsexual) could look like this simply fascinated me. It was the contrast of her femininity combined with her penis, it was like the way I had been brought up, my sense of sexuality and my understanding of human anatomy were all challenged there and then in that very moment. It was almost as if something that should look so wrong to the way my mind was supposed to work just looked so right.

Then within a day I was on my computer searching firstly for anything to do with Vanity which soon turned into transsexuals in general, and before I knew it I was ordering lots of DVDs in that genre and basically jacking off almost every night to them. In the years that followed I would have girlfriends but found myself wishing they had a cock or loosing interest quickly because they did not.

Then a year ago I joined Hung angels looking for cock pics and armed with a pretty shit attitude to what transsexuals had to offer me and society its self. I will make no bones about the fact I saw them only as objects for my sexual gratification. In the year or so I have been a member I have definitely changed allot. I know longer see them as sexual objects or even obsess about them simply because I realize they are just normal people who have taken a slightly different path in life. All I know is I like the female form, the fact that when I see a cock between that forms legs I find it attractive is really not that bigger deal. Whether I end up growing old with a GG or TS (pre op or post op) really does not bother me in the slightest. Every person is different I have always made a point not judging a people on the race, colour, sexual preference or in this case gender but rather on the individual they are. It seems like all transsexuals (male to female) are put into one group, when in reality the only thing they actually have in common is that they have or have had a penis and started there life as males. Surely there are much more deciding and important factors to judge a person on than this, their beliefs, their values, the love they have to offer or even something as superficial as how physically attractive you find them.

I guess what I am saying is that if you only find transsexuals attractive that is cool, just go with it as long as your interests run much deeper than just the penis which I am sure they do. After all the fact that you have this preference is not your fault, but simply the way you feel. It is alien to me as I find GGs just as attractive, no different to the concept of me liking transsexuals being alien to allot of people I know. What's the difference really you still are attracted by the female form you just prefer them to have a penis. It’s just a preference thing, if you consider all GGs and TS's simply as women then it is not that different to preferring Red Heads or short women, it’s your taste you like your girls to have a cock. Luckily for you there are many hot TS's that do so simply just enjoy the fact there is and have fun.

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Originally Posted by andyuk

well at this time i"m married,but not living together.
nothing to do with anyone else,just we took a risk to get married as she is from another country,but never worked out.
we will get divorced as soon as 1 of us meets someone we want to spend the rest of our lifes with.
o go on i"m sure someone will label me now :)

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haha! :)

You guys crack me up with this "hot TS" bit. Why does it always have to be a hot TS. Does this mean you give a pass to a girl who is not "hot"?

One wouldn't mind,but for the frequent loud noise from men who aren't GQ or Men's Fittness magazine model material, how most TS girls are only interested in the young, handsome bucks, and won't give an average Joe the time of day.

I've dated "hot" men, and I've dated "normal" run of the mill guys. And quite honestly I prefer average guys (ok, they have to be in shape as I work out lead a healthy lifestyle), than the male model types. Ever see what happens to a goodlooking guy when he goes into a club with his date? Right way you can see girls plotting to take that man from his gf. Ever see a goodlooking guy at a trannie bar? More likely than not his gf won't leave him even to go to the bathroom, because she KNOWS there are girls in that room plotting and scheming! *LOL*

My point is that there are lots f plain ordinary girls out there. Since they don't "work" they don't have the money and maybe not even the desire to go through all that is required to be "hot". I'm not saying they are woofs, just average looking like 98% of the girls walking around. Look beyond the hottness and you'll likely find something beautiful.

SS

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Originally Posted by whatsupwithat

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Originally Posted by andyuk

well at this time i"m married,but not living together.
nothing to do with anyone else,just we took a risk to get married as she is from another country,but never worked out.
we will get divorced as soon as 1 of us meets someone we want to spend the rest of our lifes with.
o go on i"m sure someone will label me now :)

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haha! :)

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you get my point though?
we are all individual,and all have different life experiences.
so i dont see how anyone can put a label on anyone.
sure i have made mistakes in life.
but i dont think anyone was born perfect.
as long as your honest with the person you date or marry or whatever
then i dont see a problem
i have not even been out with anyone for over 2 years,as i"m not into 1 night stands and did not want to meet anyone on the rebound
only this last few months i have started to think about dating again