A Family Affair

Hey all. Um, dunno how to start this. Its very personal and quite a touchy subject, but im going through a roller coaster of emotion right now and i reall need to let it out. Only i will leave out a lot of details because some things ae way too private.

First off, as a lot of u who actually follow me are aware, my mom has cancer. I believe its called vulva cancer. I had a vid up on youtube in my last account where i visited her, and posted up her telling me the story of when i was born. This week in philadelpha i recieved veryy bad news that she's not gonna beat it. The cancer is spreading rapidly and radiation isnt helping. The doctors told her that she has a year tops to live.

My relationship with my mother was never very close. I love her to death, but due to some circumstances and things that happened in the past, she wasn't able to raise me. She has 4 beautiful children. We were all put into foster homes as children. Me, my brother jason, my baby sister Lucy and my baby brother Justin. We bounced around from home to home for a while. I was in one which was very abusive to both me and my baby sister. We were then seperated and i was put into another home with a black family. Of course that didn't work out. I believe i was in one more before being placed in a home with my older brother Jason. I had missed him so much. After some time, my fatrher got himself together and took over custody of me and my brother. We fought for visitation right to see our brother and sister. They both wound up being adopted into other families. I must have been 12 when i last saw my baby brother justin. He would have been 6 around that time. Lucy probably 7.

Anyhow afte recieving news of my moms health i dropped everything and a very sweet man gave me a ride from philadelphia into nyc. I spent the night at a motel and prepared myself for having to see my mom after so much radiation. The next day, i met with valiere and she accompanied me to visit with my mother. She was so happy to see me and instantly fell in love with Valiere. I tried my best to hold back any emotion and keep my mom smiling. I managed to do a great job of that surprisingly. I bought he a huge spongebob pillow which she adored and she was so appreciative of even the smallest things. We wound up having a great time. We spoke a lot about the past, and i learned a lot about my mother's relationship wityh my former father ( i recently disowned him) I blame him for a lot. My mom's had a very bad childhood. She told me the best thing that came from her life was her kids. This hurt me so much because 2 of them are within range and never spend time with her. And its not like she did anything to deserve this. When i saw how much she valued me as her child and respects me as the person i am today, and her concern for my dafety and well being i decided that i will do whatever possible to make the remainder of her days as memorable, fun and positive as possible!

I've been doing a lot of organizing and arranging and found that i have a lot more friends and family than i thought. At one point i really felt alone in this would. Now i feel loved and appreciated by the people who matter most. I got back in contact with 3 childhood friends who have shown the utmost suppost in this time of need. One i neglected for a long while and regret doing so. She s beyond a friend. She IS my family. Her name is Kathy, like my mom. I got in contact with my brother Jason, and we are aranging a visit for friday. I want to surprise my mom with my brother and kathy but little did i expect what was to come next!

During the visit with my mom, we had spoken about her other 2 children Lucy and Justin. I vowed 2 things that day. One being to make my former father pay for all the damage that he has caused. 2 - to find my brother and sister.

While on the phone after arriving back in philadelphia, Valiere ran my baby brothers name on myspace. I cried immediately when one struck me. THATS MY BROTHER! He now lives in florida, he's 19 and he's grown to be such a hansome man, and even has a child! My mom is a grandmother by her youngest so and doesn't even know! I messaged him and since i am awaiting a response. I have been super nervous, excited, anxious and sad all at once! I took on so much responsibility and there's so much pressure with so little time! Justin looks to be very conservative and im scared that he wont accept us into his life. This is something u see in movies for god sakes... not something that happens to people like US! What is he gonna think? How is he going to feel? Will he have abandonment issues? Will he allow me to fly him in to meet his biological mother? Will he even care? How do i go about this touchy subject and make him comfortable without scaring him off with so little time! Im so confused and scared, but i'm trying to be as strong as possible.

Im not going to take on the task at the immediate present at locating my baby sister. I think i have enough work to do for now.

Im asking you all to please keep my mom in your payers! May she live long enough to see her most beautiful creations united as a family against all hurdles and hills in our way. By gods will i will make this happen... or die trying.

Dont take family for granted. You never know what u have until its gone!

Ruby

Wow...........
I cant even imagine what your going through right now.
I hope you can cheerish your mother while she is still here.
My mom died when I was 16 and I have never gotten over it.
Many people out here see you as MORE than just an escort but a human being.......that is why you are so popular.
I wish you the best in these hard times and just hold and hug your mother and tell her you love her.

God bless

my mother got breast cancer 5 years ago.i care for her now.
the treatment stops later this year.hopefully she will get the all clear.i remember seeing the video of your mum on youtube.it was very sweet.
may i also add you have a wonderful personality,and it shines in your videos.i also have half brothers who i have never met too.
i will include your mother in my prayers
god bless to her and you and your family in this difficult time.

I really do hope your mom gets better.

Wow your mom really has my prayers i don't know what the heck i would do without my mother i love her dearly,its really admirable what you are willing to do for your mom.I judged you wrongfully in the past and apologize.

much peace and all my love to you and all in your family.

my mom and dad both died of cancer. i can so very much relate to the pain and anguish you are experiencing.

thank u all for your support, this is a very wierd time for me. it feels surreal

Sorry to hear about everything Ruby. Take it easy and don't let it wear you down. Enjoy the time you have with your mom.

As far as your brother is concerned, the only thing I can advise, if I can, is to remind him that this is about your mom. Don't let anything else come to the forefront now. There's more than enough time to handle those issues.

It's about mom.

YIMP

I will certainly keep your family in my prayers. I lost my mother when I was 11 from lupus(type of cancer) and lost the grandmother who raised me after this past october. Its not fun watching ones family member's health slowly disintegrate, but God has a purpose for everything. Your situation has led you to finding your youngest brother, and may lead you to find you youngest sister. hopefully both of these past realationship florish even out of this tradegy.

Ruby:

I kind of went through this with my father. My head and sentiments are elsewhere tonight, so I'm not thinking on a full clear tank, but do everything in your power to bring whoever you can together. In the end, everyone will most likely appreciate your efforts, and you -- YOU -- will take solace in that you did everything you could for her and everyone. Don't get into a "would of, could of, should of" position after the fact. That's what can play with your head.

My thoughts are with you.

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Originally Posted by blckhaze

I will certainly keep your family in my prayers. I lost my mother when I was 11 from lupus(type of cancer) and lost the grandmother who raised me after this past october. Its not fun watching ones family member's health slowly disintegrate, but God has a purpose for everything. Your situation has led you to finding your youngest brother, and may lead you to find you youngest sister. hopefully both of these past realationship florish even out of this tradegy.

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i strongly believe in divine intervention. and i think you're right.

WOW....I'm floored to read such a touching and honest post.....Thanks Ruby...I will be rooting for you and your family !!

Thanks for the honest post! We all need to remember that life is short and to cherish every moment we can. I lost my dad almost 18 years ago when I was 28 and I still cry about it. He was only 59... You did the right thing reaching out to your brother. You have no idea what he will be like, but I suspect he will be OK. It is amazing how much family is alike. You are a beautiful person and your mother is in my prayers...

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Originally Posted by steviedresses

Thanks for the honest post! We all need to remember that life is short and to cherish every moment we can. I lost my dad almost 18 years ago when I was 28 and I still cry about it. He was only 59... You did the right thing reaching out to your brother. You have no idea what he will be like, but I suspect he will be OK. It is amazing how much family is alike. You are a beautiful person and your mother is in my prayers...

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my mom is only 44 :cry: and i just found out from one of my baby brother's myspace friend's that he is now in the navy :cry:
i gave him mine and my brother's number to have justin contact us. i can do nothing more aside from wat patiently.

RubyTS, thanx for sharing.

I think a lot of people on here can relate to your situation, at least a little bit.

Me for instance, i saw my grandpa die and suffer only three years ago.

As odd as it sounds, and as brutal the whole situation was, in hindsight it seemed necessary. to remind all of our family what life is, how despite of all the rows and fights that we had in our family that we all belong together and that death is not the end, but the start of something new.

that is at least what i hope for, and all our loved ones live in eternity - in our fond memories.

my thoughts and best wishes for your Mom. As awful as it must be to face such an horrible illness and scary prognosis, I hope she feels what a real blessing she has to have her daughter at her side as well as in her heart.

FK

Ruby, thanks so much for posting this. Talking/writing about it all seems to help a bit in sorting out what you need to do or say. I've had some family issues over the past couple of years that have had me regretting not having spent more time with the people closest to me.

I wish you the very best in reconnecting your family and also best to your mom.

thank u all for your support during this time. i cant express how much i value it. You're all very sweet and i will give my mom your regards. She loved the thought ofme putting her on the internet lol.

Dear Ruby:
Please allow Jessica and I to lend our support to you and your family. Cherish the time you have.

If you ever need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to call me.

Hugs to you and you Mom.

TS Jamie and Jessica

your family is in my prayers. god bless.

I hope the best for you and your family Ruby. Your post shows a lot of wisdom. Families can cause problems, but in the end life can be difficult without them. Thanks for sharing.

omg i just spoke with my brother for the first time since i was 12!!!!! he sounded so sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeettttt and intelligent and grown. of course he had lots of question and i must have sounded like a rambling lunatic over the phone, but the fact that his sister is a transsexual didnt seem to bother him in the least! Of course he was shocked, i gues he was under the impression that i was one of his brother's girlfriends' lol. He was like ong really? lol. Now we're fighting for the title of wildest child but i think i got him beat on that one lol. He has agorgeous son, so im an auntie! im on 3way with him and my brother now

thats great news
:D

that was a long conversation. i feel like a hollow inside me has been filled! He accepts me, he said he loves me and he called me his big sister! Im so happy im crying. I wish all the cold hearted people could feel the love that i feel coursing through my veigns right now. Now i begin my search for Lucy! I think im going to write a book! This moment will change my life forever.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RubyTS

that was a long conversation. i feel like a hollow inside me has been filled! He accepts me, he said he loves me and he called me his big sister! Im so happy im crying. I wish all the cold hearted people could feel the love that i feel coursing through my veigns right now. Now i begin my search for Lucy! I think im going to write a book! This moment will change my life forever.

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bless you.
glad you got a bit of good news.
love is a great thing to feel.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RubyTS

Hey all. Um, dunno how to start this. Its very personal and quite a touchy subject, but im going through a roller coaster of emotion right now and i reall need to let it out. Only i will leave out a lot of details because some things ae way too private.

First off, as a lot of u who actually follow me are aware, my mom has cancer. I believe its called vulva cancer. I had a vid up on youtube in my last account where i visited her, and posted up her telling me the story of when i was born. This week in philadelpha i recieved veryy bad news that she's not gonna beat it. The cancer is spreading rapidly and radiation isnt helping. The doctors told her that she has a year tops to live.

My relationship with my mother was never very close. I love her to death, but due to some circumstances and things that happened in the past, she wasn't able to raise me. She has 4 beautiful children. We were all put into foster homes as children. Me, my brother jason, my baby sister Lucy and my baby brother Justin. We bounced around from home to home for a while. I was in one which was very abusive to both me and my baby sister. We were then seperated and i was put into another home with a black family. Of course that didn't work out. I believe i was in one more before being placed in a home with my older brother Jason. I had missed him so much. After some time, my fatrher got himself together and took over custody of me and my brother. We fought for visitation right to see our brother and sister. They both wound up being adopted into other families. I must have been 12 when i last saw my baby brother justin. He would have been 6 around that time. Lucy probably 7.

Anyhow afte recieving news of my moms health i dropped everything and a very sweet man gave me a ride from philadelphia into nyc. I spent the night at a motel and prepared myself for having to see my mom after so much radiation. The next day, i met with valiere and she accompanied me to visit with my mother. She was so happy to see me and instantly fell in love with Valiere. I tried my best to hold back any emotion and keep my mom smiling. I managed to do a great job of that surprisingly. I bought he a huge spongebob pillow which she adored and she was so appreciative of even the smallest things. We wound up having a great time. We spoke a lot about the past, and i learned a lot about my mother's relationship wityh my former father ( i recently disowned him) I blame him for a lot. My mom's had a very bad childhood. She told me the best thing that came from her life was her kids. This hurt me so much because 2 of them are within range and never spend time with her. And its not like she did anything to deserve this. When i saw how much she valued me as her child and respects me as the person i am today, and her concern for my dafety and well being i decided that i will do whatever possible to make the remainder of her days as memorable, fun and positive as possible!

I've been doing a lot of organizing and arranging and found that i have a lot more friends and family than i thought. At one point i really felt alone in this would. Now i feel loved and appreciated by the people who matter most. I got back in contact with 3 childhood friends who have shown the utmost suppost in this time of need. One i neglected for a long while and regret doing so. She s beyond a friend. She IS my family. Her name is Kathy, like my mom. I got in contact with my brother Jason, and we are aranging a visit for friday. I want to surprise my mom with my brother and kathy but little did i expect what was to come next!

During the visit with my mom, we had spoken about her other 2 children Lucy and Justin. I vowed 2 things that day. One being to make my former father pay for all the damage that he has caused. 2 - to find my brother and sister.

While on the phone after arriving back in philadelphia, Valiere ran my baby brothers name on myspace. I cried immediately when one struck me. THATS MY BROTHER! He now lives in florida, he's 19 and he's grown to be such a hansome man, and even has a child! My mom is a grandmother by her youngest so and doesn't even know! I messaged him and since i am awaiting a response. I have been super nervous, excited, anxious and sad all at once! I took on so much responsibility and there's so much pressure with so little time! Justin looks to be very conservative and im scared that he wont accept us into his life. This is something u see in movies for god sakes... not something that happens to people like US! What is he gonna think? How is he going to feel? Will he have abandonment issues? Will he allow me to fly him in to meet his biological mother? Will he even care? How do i go about this touchy subject and make him comfortable without scaring him off with so little time! Im so confused and scared, but i'm trying to be as strong as possible.

Im not going to take on the task at the immediate present at locating my baby sister. I think i have enough work to do for now.

Im asking you all to please keep my mom in your payers! May she live long enough to see her most beautiful creations united as a family against all hurdles and hills in our way. By gods will i will make this happen... or die trying.

Dont take family for granted. You never know what u have until its gone!

Ruby

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Your story is so sad, yet there are so many beautiful things within it. I lost my mom years ago to cancer and know how hard it is on everyone.
Most of all I am happy for you that you were able to see her, that you have found love and caring people in your life and that you are there to make your mom happy in this difficult time. Believe me that is so important to her now.

I hope everything goes well with your brother, if it makes you feel any better I was a conservative guy for years and now look at me!

I will indeed keep your mom and you as well in my prayers and wish for the most pleasant time for her while she is with you. I am glad you have the strength to make a difference and I am happy for you that you have the chance to be there for her.

So much emootion. I wish you all the best and admire you.

I'm glad that you were able to talk to your brother Ruby. I will definitely be sending your family positive energy. I'm somewhat of a Buddhist, and believe in positive thoughts, and actions. I truly wish that you could have more time with your Mother. If anything, I hope your family will finally reunite soon. Stay strong. The universe works in mysterious ways.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Ruby, through this tough time.

I always try to look for the silver lining, and here we can see all this re-connection between you and your family that might not have happened so soon if this tragedy didn't fall upon you. You mom is probably asking whomever she believes in "Why Me?" and this might be an answer or explanation that makes sense to her. It can never erase the pain or loss, but it might lessen the sting somewhat.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RubyTS

that was a long conversation. i feel like a hollow inside me has been filled! He accepts me, he said he loves me and he called me his big sister! Im so happy im crying. I wish all the cold hearted people could feel the love that i feel coursing through my veigns right now. Now i begin my search for Lucy! I think im going to write a book! This moment will change my life forever.

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"God moves in strange ways." Good news Ruby. Best wishes to you and your family, and of course, your Mom.

Proof positive that whatever strong sexual urges impel people to come here, it ought not to overtake our humanity--all the best to you and your family, Ruby.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RubyTS

that was a long conversation. i feel like a hollow inside me has been filled! He accepts me, he said he loves me and he called me his big sister! Im so happy im crying. I wish all the cold hearted people could feel the love that i feel coursing through my veigns right now. Now i begin my search for Lucy! I think im going to write a book! This moment will change my life forever.

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Good to here it worked out.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by blckhaze

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RubyTS

that was a long conversation. i feel like a hollow inside me has been filled! He accepts me, he said he loves me and he called me his big sister! Im so happy im crying. I wish all the cold hearted people could feel the love that i feel coursing through my veigns right now. Now i begin my search for Lucy! I think im going to write a book! This moment will change my life forever.

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Good to here it worked out.

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Amazing how life is. Through the tears of pain in dealing with your mom's battle have lead to tears of joy of reconnecting with your lost fam. . I guess like kabuki i'm sort a lay Buddhist --actually my missus can lay more claim to it. As new age as it sounds recent baby steps in practicing meditation, contemplation and yoga ,all tools in bringing forth the truth that all we humans have is here now, right now . Being here now is all we have, the past no matter how f'ed up it was or what we expect for the future is for fortune tellers being here now in all it's joy and pain is to be truly human. i hope your voyage in dealing with your mom's struggle reveals more opportunties for happiness and that you can see them for just that.

I think that we all wish we had more time with our love ones. But the reality should be the other part. That is to appreciate the time they gave us. That love we have been given can never be taken away, as long as we can remember it. My mother lived until I was twenty nine. Of the many things she gave me, over the years, the most vivid memory is talking to her in the hospital in her last days. She felt free to talk about many things, and critique her grandchildren. I never forgot as I watched them grow up.

Ruby, I am happy for you to renew connections to the family. The life goes it ususally takes something negative, such a an illness to bring the connections of blood back together. God has already blessed you and your family and will continue with more blessing. It is up to us to recognize those gifts before they are taken from us.

God Bless your Mother, you, and your familly Ruby.

She's in my prayers.

just a quick update to say that i've been speaking with my lil brother everyyyyday! our multiple hour conversations are very fulfilling. He has a 6month baby boy which makes me an auntie and my mom FINALLY a grandmother! Me and my older brother are arranging a flight out to chicago in october to reunite. im stil searching for my baby sister lucy. im asking u all to check my myspace, where i have a picture of her from when she was very young. if the face strikes u as familiar, do not hesitate to contact e. she would be about 21 now. in the meantime, here is a vid of my mom's surprise to find out she's a granny. hopefully this gives her the strength to last a litle longer! at least until justin can get away from the navy long enough to make a trip out here!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TF6iBRkoG0

Your Mother, you, and your family
are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take good care,

Peg

Quote:

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Originally Posted by blckhaze

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RubyTS

that was a long conversation. i feel like a hollow inside me has been filled! He accepts me, he said he loves me and he called me his big sister! Im so happy im crying. I wish all the cold hearted people could feel the love that i feel coursing through my veigns right now. Now i begin my search for Lucy! I think im going to write a book! This moment will change my life forever.

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Good to here it worked out.

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Ditto

I just wanted to say I hope everything turns out well with your family and it takes a lot of strength to deal with all that's going on in your life. Take care and stay strong.

Ruby

Your family and you will be in my prayers.

I have watched all of your vids on both your new account and old account. I have left some comments on them. I LOVE THEM. I think that they show just how beautiful a human can be. And I think you are a beautiful human being. Everytime I see a video it puts a smile on my face. (loved the Baby Sparrow Vid) I saw the video on your last account of your mother telling the story of your birth and it was really cute. I hope everything works out with finding Lucy now. I will keep an eye out. And I think its great news that your brother loves and accepts you.

Ill pray for all the best for you and your family!

With Love,
LUNA

thank u all again for your support. its helped me in dealing with this very sensitive time in my life. my mom passed away today. its amazing how many people u can have around you, yet still feel so alone. I don't know how im going to get though this.