The New Me (poetic transition)-not sexual
I perished, and was reborn. Reinvented.
Because I was marked for deletion and reconstruction at inception.
Chaos was inherent to my person.
Without an idea of why, I grew to understand my condition as anything but.
Demons and parasites invaded. Emotional plagues emerged and devastated.
Sure this was natural, I existed. But only just.
But as sure as day creeps after darkness,
Storms precede clear skies,
And karma comes back around- I would see contentment.
A strong argument would bring my method into question.
Typically, we don't envision deviating gender lines as a means of peace.
The very idea tends to evoke disgust and disbelief in our international masses.
It challenges dormant minds into activity,
Chases narrow viewpoints into bottomless pools of unfamiliarity,
Tends to threaten the xx chromosome's stronghold on beauty,
And confuses the mind's morals with longing in the loins of female attracted men.
How can a phenomenon so complex and seemingly burdensome provide clarity to an individual accustomed to despair and delusion?
I've harnessed the power of an old practice- with new instruments.
Syringes of estrogen from Mexico have proven more than effective in picking up where temporary psychology has left off.
With a weak and faulty foundation, how could I expect to build a life?
After all, we're only souls housed in temples we call 'bodies'.
So I demolish my history.
Starting with the blue blanket wrapped around an infant-me while cradled in the arms of my beloved mother.
My very nature- distorted.
I turn in naiveté and angst for cautiousness and disdain for convention.
Awkwardness shifts to a stern assuredness.
By no means a miracle or cure-all, this rebirth merely levels the playing-field.
It provides a sound foundation for me to build on.
A new temple for an old soul.
I tend not to fall in line with other young ladies who find themselves rebuilding as I am.
I don't find myself drowned in pity due to a lack of inclusion or opportunity.
I don't cling onto self-surmised lies of success and admiration.
Nor do I feel pressure to overcompensate for years of feeling physically incompetent by putting my new-found sexiness on open display.
Despite sudden bodily changes, I revel in a brand-new sense of stability inwardly.
Modern medicine labels us 'disordered'.
But I haven't known true order until right now.
I know chaos and dysphoria.
And it was experienced at a time before my genuine gender was identified and realized.
©Alyssa P 2/3/2008
