Frustrated CrossDressers / TGirls -- Spilling my guts.

This is the only place I can COMPLETELY spill my guts. Thanks guys and gals.

I have been crossdressing since puberty. I remember getting my sister's panties out of the laundry chute and wearing them in the bathroom. Since I had 3 sisters there were alway lots of panties! Now I'm 45. Still crossdressing when I can get away with it. Not a day goes by when I don't think of what life would be like as a gay/slutty/crossdressing/tgirl. It gets me hard just thinking about it. But I have 5 kids, a wife, a career, and it just can't be done. I love my kids too much. (I love my wife too... but if not for the kids, I would leave her to become a tgirl)

The other day my wife found some tgirl porn I left on the computer. She thinks I'm gay! What I want to say is... 'I don't want to be WITH a tgirl. I want to BE a tgirl.'

I got married for the second time about 5 years ago. About 4 months before I got married I had heart paputations whilst working out. My wife (fiance then) said get it checked out. So I go to the doc and they do a stress test. Well they have to shave part of your chest to put the sensors on. So I had these 5 blotches with no hair. My future wife says 'Shave the rest of your chest.' So I do.

GOD! What an erotic experience. So I shave the rest of my body. One of the single most erotic experiences of my life. I get garters, thigh highs, high heels, bras, panties, dresses and just have a hell of a good time. I have to say, I have great legs. Damn I wish I could shave and dress full time.

Does anyone else have these problems? Am I the only shemale in waiting? I see these guys on 'voyeurweb.com' wearing womens lingerie and they haven't shaved! Shave!!! If your going to wear it, shave it first!

But I digress and ramble. All postings/comments/god you are a weirdo will be appreciated.

hello
you said you loved dressing since you was a wee boygurl,
why not approch you wife by suggesting some new roll playing games
and dress up sexy.
if she was really into you she would go for it.
maybe you could pretend to be collage roomates,you are new plain looking girl in school,and in desprate need of a makeover for a date with some teacher you are trying to impress,,,,,,
I am just giving a suggestion,,,,,,,,
good luck