Relationship question/problems

[dickten]

Ok, so I have been dating a lovely lady for over 2 years now. Met her as a Pro, but helped support her mentally and $$ to start a small business that is doing well. She's amazing, but has had a lot bad things happen to her in the past and pretty much assumes things eventually allways go bad. We are both mature and our sex life seems awesome. I have always been a top and her I thought always a bottom, good fit since she thinks that all guys who bottom are Fags (her words) One past night after too much champagne, she gets a little Dom, flips me over and wants to enter me. I kind of like the aggressive part, but def not sure of this new idea and tell her no, I'm not into it, which she is cool with and our sex life goes on as steamy as usual. I ask her later about it and told her that if it's something to please her, Ill try my best because I care about her, but if she can live without it, I'd prefer that. She tells me later how much of a man I am and was drunk and was glad I was not a Faggot ( again her words, not mine) Well this happened again last night with no alcohol involved... I told her I loved her and if that gets her hot, no problem, but let's think about it because in her head she tells me she hates men who bottom.
my question is, do you think she really wants to do this, is it a test? My thoughts are that she might be trying to self sabotage because things are going so great, but I'm really not into it and worse, would she think less of me later and call me names? I think talking it out with her is best, but trying to get some kind and gentle advice here.
Thoughts?

[hamdasl]

Communication is the key. I would suggest that you have a forthright conversation to understand where both of you are coming from.
Good Luck!.
Cheers!

[ilove2swallow]

tranny who thinks bottom is faggot? yet tries to top? she sounds suicidal. also sounds like things always end up wrong in her life because of her. RUN FAST!

[bigkid69]

Let me ask, do you go down on her? If so, she doesn't think you sucking her dick is "faggy" then why is in the ass? Sounds like she is too into her preconceptions and you two need to talk.

[kj312]

Everyone is different and it's hard to get an idea of what is really going on in the head. I wouldn't worry about it and just be yourself.

[dickten]

Funny that you ask about oral sex. She definitely likes it, but has to be really horny to want it done. She is a true pleaser in bed and makes it all about my pleasures and I'm willing to Return the favor of course and enjoy it as well. I think the fact that I'm not totally focused on her cock is a plus to her, but I have noticed a trend. She tells me she has incredible anal orgasms while I'm inside her and prefers not be stroked and also not to ejaculate either. She is still on hormones, but can come quit a lot. It usually goes that way each night, but usually after a week of not coming, it must build up on her. On one of those nights she actually likes to be teased and edged for hours orally and with a finger or two inserted, then when she cannot take it any longer, has me top her and she jerks like crazy and cums. I think although she has never mentioned it, she would prefer that her dick to not be part of the love making. I've asked her about SRS once and swears never had an interest in that, so maybe she's just torn between what she wants and what she needs. I tell her not to label things so much and just enjoy our relationship, but prob easier said than done. And to an earlier reply to my post, no, not gonna run from this one, she's amazing and we all have our baggage, just trying to work it out for the future.

[giovanni_hotel]

I can't deal with TS who hate their cock.
Good luck with that.

As for her trying to top you, be careful.

The thing about 'trying' anal sex is....you just might LIKE it.
After which point you're craving to get fucked ALL THE TIME even when you're topping.

If you do give up that ass, make sure you know where she's coming from and will she respect you in the morning.lol.

[disnug]

I can't help you in with your situation directly, but I can relate a little info on my relationship.
Like you, I have been in my current relationship for about 2-1/2 years.
I am vers, as is she.
I can say that over the past 2.5 years, my sexual preferences have changed. She stays about the same.
She loves to top almost as much as she prefers to bottom.
We both love to give / receive oral.
When we first got together, I was a little more bottom oriented. Today that has changed. (Too much prep work for an everyday thing...)
Besides, I love to "own that ass!" and she appreciates it too... :-)

She loves just about ~everything~ top or bottom, EXCEPT me coming across in ANY WAY as gay.
This directly subverts her feminine identity, and all that she has worked so hard to transform on the outside.

So having said that, I would:
1) have an open / honest conversation with her regarding her current proclivity
2) have an open / honest conversation with her regarding how she would view YOU after she topped
3) if she REALLY wants to top, give it a shot (or take the shot...LOL)
4) be prepared for any repercussions that might bring about

Best of luck.

Disnug.

[dickten]

Thanks and I agree with all the advice, even the one who said to run, but in the end, no pun intended, we just need to talk it over and get everything in the clear and hope it works out, much thanks.

[dickten]

Lately this place is just all pics, vids and links, not much dialogue going on about being in love with these ladies. Anyone suggest some good forums for discussing the unique issues we all face day to day as couples?
Had some problems lately with my girl and could use a sounding board.

[nysprod]

Go for it

[ImogenTS]

Sorry to hear you're having problems with your (most likely imagnary) property. Find a relationships board, a bunch of oddballs with their dicks out isn't going to be much help.

[dickten]

thats what I figured, thank you

[holzz]

make this a sticky mods, please. we need more threads like this.

i think she could be fucking with you (punintended) or that she's serious, but just ask her.

[Devilboy]

Ok, so I have been dating a lovely lady for over 2 years now. Met her as a Pro, but helped support her mentally and $$ to start a small business that is doing well. She's amazing, but has had a lot bad things happen to her in the past and pretty much assumes things eventually allways go bad. We are both mature and our sex life seems awesome. I have always been a top and her I thought always a bottom, good fit since she thinks that all guys who bottom are Fags (her words) One past night after too much champagne, she gets a little Dom, flips me over and wants to enter me. I kind of like the aggressive part, but def not sure of this new idea and tell her no, I'm not into it, which she is cool with and our sex life goes on as steamy as usual. I ask her later about it and told her that if it's something to please her, Ill try my best because I care about her, but if she can live without it, I'd prefer that. She tells me later how much of a man I am and was drunk and was glad I was not a Faggot ( again her words, not mine) Well this happened again last night with no alcohol involved... I told her I loved her and if that gets her hot, no problem, but let's think about it because in her head she tells me she hates men who bottom.
my question is, do you think she really wants to do this, is it a test? My thoughts are that she might be trying to self sabotage because things are going so great, but I'm really not into it and worse, would she think less of me later and call me names? I think talking it out with her is best, but trying to get some kind and gentle advice here.
Thoughts?

IMO she seems to think that all guys dating a trans woman want to have a dick in their ass. She doesn't seem to accept the "total top" role you portray. Maybe you wavering just a bit with her has her wanting to find out if you secretly want to bottom.

IMO she's testing you.

[dickten]

Well she tested me alright, she was drinking again and begged me to let her top, it was over in like 5 minutes, hurt like hell and two days later I'm still walking around like I got shot in the ass. I know others love it, but it's not for me. Told her I didn't like it the next day and made me feel uncomfortable in our relationship, she's acting all weird, doesn't want to talk about it and NYE breaks it off with me to go live at her shitty little cousins house in burbs. Tells me I'm too weird, which I probably am, but its how she met and fell in with me years ago. To another posters suggestion of trying a regular relationship forum, trust me if I opened this up on one, I'd be flamed way worse than just being questioned if I had an imaginary friend or not. Fucked up, in a way I feel like moving on, New Year and fresh start, but in another I feel like if we reconcile this crapp will just continue. At what point do you just give up on people?

[holzz]

i'd dump her. seems extreme, but doesn't seem like a healthy relationship if she's testing you a lot.

[Devilboy]

Sorry things didn't work out. Only you know if the relationship is worth trying to salvage...IMO it may be difficult to save at this point, if she does have an aversion to males appearing "gay" like you mentioned in another post, her topping you could have been the final straw.?

I'd move on since the genie is out of the bottle so to speak. It's no different than being friends with a GG having sex with her, then trying to back to true platonic friends. I think it would be tough for things to be like they were since she crossed that line.

I think your situation illustrates why it can be tough for a straight male to have a long term relationship with a TG girl. In my limited experience, and reading comments made here, it seems that some TG girls want to meet and have a relationship with a straight male. Those same girls don't always believe that a straight male would chose to be with a TG girl, there always seems to be the feeling that the guy MUST be gay, or at least Bi. So these girls start to try to push away those that are actually attracted to them. Of course this doesn't apply to everyone, but it does seem to be a prevalent trend...

IMO, in ANY relationship, it is dangerous to compromise your own principles to please your partner.


Well she tested me alright, she was drinking again and begged me to let her top, it was over in like 5 minutes, hurt like hell and two days later I'm still walking around like I got shot in the ass. I know others love it, but it's not for me. Told her I didn't like it the next day and made me feel uncomfortable in our relationship, she's acting all weird, doesn't want to talk about it and NYE breaks it off with me to go live at her shitty little cousins house in burbs. Tells me I'm too weird, which I probably am, but its how she met and fell in with me years ago. To another posters suggestion of trying a regular relationship forum, trust me if I opened this up on one, I'd be flamed way worse than just being questioned if I had an imaginary friend or not. Fucked up, in a way I feel like moving on, New Year and fresh start, but in another I feel like if we reconcile this crapp will just continue. At what point do you just give up on people?

[Vic]

Wow, your situation has its own internal dynamic; that is dealing with someone who is attempting to focus on their own orientation, and taking you along for the ride. No judgment here and it sounds like it’s been pretty hot! My question to you is, if it’s not apparent to the outside world who is seeing your relationship as different, have you been experiencing any external relationship judgment, harassment, etc.? It sounds like it could be somewhat like an interracial relationship from the 40’s; sounds like a hard situation to deal with Dude!

[holzz]

Well she tested me alright, she was drinking again and begged me to let her top, it was over in like 5 minutes, hurt like hell and two days later I'm still walking around like I got shot in the ass. I know others love it, but it's not for me. Told her I didn't like it the next day and made me feel uncomfortable in our relationship, she's acting all weird, doesn't want to talk about it and NYE breaks it off with me to go live at her shitty little cousins house in burbs. Tells me I'm too weird, which I probably am, but its how she met and fell in with me years ago. To another posters suggestion of trying a regular relationship forum, trust me if I opened this up on one, I'd be flamed way worse than just being questioned if I had an imaginary friend or not. Fucked up, in a way I feel like moving on, New Year and fresh start, but in another I feel like if we reconcile this crapp will just continue. At what point do you just give up on people?

post away, bro. to be honest there are too many pic threads here, and this is a welcome distraction. There should be more threads like this.

But then she seems fucked up. Do her hormones affect her? Does she other issues, such as depression or other mental illnesses?

i'd say dump the bitch. she says bottoms are gay, and then she wants to top you, and then she fucks off? something's not right there.

[dickten]

I think she could be Bi Polar and when you add drinking that can add fuel to the fire. Had an Uncle with similar mood swings, extreme highs and lows. She has never had money to get some good counseling, but I offered, she said I was just labeling her out of my need, maybe she's right. As for her past, pretty rough with some step father fondling and oral stuff for a couple of years at 11 and 12, she tells me she was not penetrated, but that's enough to fuck anybody up. I had a priest "try" and touch me at 14 and that messed with my head for years, lucky I fought back, but it made me question why he tried with me, was I the gay type? Etc... That made me a GG womanizer for years. Well still not sure what to do, I still care for her a great deal. Her cousin called me last night and asked if I would help with some banking stuff for her small business, I said of course, but she would have to ask me to my face. Little does she know that her credit is now solid again from all my help! I need to give her the good news so she can fuck that up again too, might give us a chance to talk. We shall see, I guess I'm just starting to sound pissy, but thanks for all the advice here!!

[gaysian71]

I think it's probably a hormonal thing with your girlfriend. If her estrogen level drops, she may have some aggressive tendancies.

I once dated a woman similar to yours. She is a bottom most of the time. But one night I was sucking her like I usually did to get her aroused. It was late and I was tired, so I stopped sucking her. She told me if I didn't start sucking her again, she was gonna top me. I just laid there to see what she would do. She rolled me on my back, lifted my legs and fucked me hard. I loved it, but found out she had not had her hormones in several weeks.

I'm not sure if that's the deal with your girl
But it might be.

[DeseosEscandulosos]

If you've never been anally penetrated before, it's probably not a good idea try it with a drunk partner. Most people who are familiar with it say that the anus requires some preparation. Drunks tend to be clumsy and impatient. I've never bottomed, so I'm just passing on what I've been told.

Your girl sounds like she's got a love/hate relationship with her dick. She wants to use it, but she identifies as a woman, and using her dick makes her feel like a gay man instead of a woman. She has occasional brief moments when desire is stronger than aversion, usually when she's drunk. Once the desire is gone, she hates herself and turns the hatred outward at the man she's just fucked, and the man becomes a "faggot".

To make matters worse, she was sexually abused as a child, and sex is now a shameful topic. She can't acknowledge her desires to herself or to you, or talk about sex with a therapist.

I wouldn't try to force her into a face-to-face meeting. If I'm right about her, seeing you will just remind her that she used her dick and that will arouse more self-hatred. The best you could hope for in that situation is that she would be sullen and uncommunicative. If she wants to meet with you or talk to you, she'll let you know, and a meeting that she initiates will probably go a lot better.

On the other hand, you can't continue to provide free financial services to someone who won't even talk to you. If the situation continues as is, let the cousin know in the nicest way possible that your girl needs to get help somewhere else. Beyond that, start dating casually, look up the friends you haven't seen much of since the relationship started, focus more on your job, and create a life for yourself that doesn't center around her.

You're going to rebound faster than she does. Take care of yourself first, but be as kind as you can. You'll have less to regret later.

[dickten]

Wow, thoughtful, articulate and refreshingly good advice, thanks to all, maybe this place still has redeemable qualities. I have decided to move on! Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

[holzz]

I think she could be Bi Polar and when you add drinking that can add fuel to the fire. Had an Uncle with similar mood swings, extreme highs and lows. She has never had money to get some good counseling, but I offered, she said I was just labeling her out of my need, maybe she's right. As for her past, pretty rough with some step father fondling and oral stuff for a couple of years at 11 and 12, she tells me she was not penetrated, but that's enough to fuck anybody up. I had a priest "try" and touch me at 14 and that messed with my head for years, lucky I fought back, but it made me question why he tried with me, was I the gay type? Etc... That made me a GG womanizer for years. Well still not sure what to do, I still care for her a great deal. Her cousin called me last night and asked if I would help with some banking stuff for her small business, I said of course, but she would have to ask me to my face. Little does she know that her credit is now solid again from all my help! I need to give her the good news so she can fuck that up again too, might give us a chance to talk. We shall see, I guess I'm just starting to sound pissy, but thanks for all the advice here!!

she just seems fucked up, that's all.

I don't see how she can call you gay for bottoming then want you to bottom. imho, she doesn't seem worth your time.

[DeseosEscandulosos]

My guess is that she's dishing out only a small portion of the mind fucks that she's received.

[holzz]

if so, more reason to dump her.

[DeseosEscandulosos]

she just seems fucked up, that's all.
If by "fucked up", you mean "female born with a male body, sexually abused as a child, did sex work and depends on her boyfriend for financial help because of hiring discrimination, confused and afraid of her own sexual desires", I agree.


she doesn't seem worth your time.
There must be some way of saying this that doesn't send the message to people who have had similar experiences and made similar mistakes that they're not deserving of love.

[Devilboy]

My guess is that she's dishing out only a small portion of the mind fucks that she's received.

Just because one experiences poor treatment doesn't mean they have to perpetuate it...no matter or past we are all responsible for our actions.

Make the world a better place, one action at a time.

[Post Op Preferred]

Great thread, and thanks to the OP and others for sharing. i have known and loved t girls for 25 years, and if I had to endure the rejection, risk, fear, discrimination, and ostracism they've suffered I'd probably be crazier than I am. I am saner because of my love for and from these special girls, each of whom carries a karmic burden and gift that, if we treat them right, we can share and learn from. But the karmic burden is theirs, and it's crushing. All too many die to soon, and still those who survive carry ever heavier loads of hate and rejection. I praise Obama and his AG Loretta Lynch for pushing for their rights, but every legal step forward seems to trigger two cultural steps back. Amerika, i despair.

[holzz]

If by "fucked up", you mean "female born with a male body, sexually abused as a child, did sex work and depends on her boyfriend for financial help because of hiring discrimination, confused and afraid of her own sexual desires", I agree.


There must be some way of saying this that doesn't send the message to people who have had similar experiences and made similar mistakes that they're not deserving of love.
because the OP doesn't have to care about his own wellbeing. and that I never said she's not deserving of love, but then he has to look out for himself and his own needs.

but then cool, you like opposing opinions to your own...that's fine... Many trans people have healthy relationships, that in itself is not worthy of being unhealthy/disruptive to others, is it?

though being healthy is trying to say whose opinion matters...maybe in your circles, this is done, but then not in anywhere decent. i gave my view, i don't care if others like it or not, i did so based on what the OP said initially, that if she is goading him to bottom and then says it's gay, that's hardly a healthy dynamic.

[dickten]

I've moved on, but still in love with her and to be honest it's the first time I've been dumped this hard before, so that's fucking with me too. Pretty funny too that she picked the holidays to do this crap, like almost on purpose because she knows I love all the things we used to do this time of year. The best Christmas I ever had was with her, and she told me that too. So Can't wait until work and biz travel start up again , so that it takes my mind off of things. Tempted to go out and get all fucked up and call some of her girl friends to see if that causes any jealousy, I know it's a chick move that's been played on me with results. I know just the one who she constantly asks if I think she's pretty on her Face book page. Hates her, but nice to her face type friend with the boobs that are way too big (her opinion, lol) it may get her to at least call me so I can get resolution and move on, i know she hated it whenever one of her friends would send me a friend request...
oh well, gotta stop thinking about this, maybe the NFL playoffs can help, my teams still alive!!!

[gaysian71]

Hey, you know what the beauty of being dumped is? You get a brand new girlfriend!!!!
It's happened to me a bunch of times. But every time it happens, I just find a new one. And besides, half the fun of having a girlfriend is finding her. ��

[DeseosEscandulosos]

Got any friends you used to watch football with? Maybe give them a call? Any local sports bars where you can argue about your team with drunks? Sports discussion boards?

The problem with revenge is that you can't get revenge on someone without making them the center of your life. "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya..." And you want her to stop being the center of your life. You want to think about her as little as possible. Unless your idea of revenge is to become the greatest swordsman in the world, fall into alcoholism when you can't find her to wreck your revenge on her, and finally recover in order to duel her to the death. That might be a workable plan.

[dickten]

That is a fucking great analogy and use of a quote from princess bride, Classic, you made my night, now I'm headed to the pub!

[SXFX]

the problem with having a cute TS GF and having a great time and it' going to shit........knowing that you hit the lotto once and living in fear of never hitting it again.
You TS ladies don't seem to get it....finding you isn't easy....convincing you we aren't creepy chasers is even harder!
and i know 99/100 of you think one day you will find Prince charming and he won't know the past and just be ok with it........well good luck with that one...
I mean yes in the perfect world that perfect guy who ever GG is fighting for will notice you and date you and be like...oh you are trans that's ok i never knew that so let's pretend i still don't......
But in the real word to be safe please understand we know you are trans and well it's not like we are chasers....some of us like me just don't want to have kids and are more open to dating well put together women...who just happen to be trans.
But yeah feel your hurt bro....
last Ts girl i dated for a few months was awesome....oddly when we were together i got the best sleep i've ever gotten......so miss that girl =(
hope it all works out!

[holzz]

Got any friends you used to watch football with? Maybe give them a call? Any local sports bars where you can argue about your team with drunks? Sports discussion boards?

The problem with revenge is that you can't get revenge on someone without making them the center of your life. "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya..." And you want her to stop being the center of your life. You want to think about her as little as possible. Unless your idea of revenge is to become the greatest swordsman in the world, fall into alcoholism when you can't find her to wreck your revenge on her, and finally recover in order to duel her to the death. That might be a workable plan.

and being rude and comically so when others make reasoned points.....;)

[holzz]

I've moved on, but still in love with her and to be honest it's the first time I've been dumped this hard before, so that's fucking with me too. Pretty funny too that she picked the holidays to do this crap, like almost on purpose because she knows I love all the things we used to do this time of year. The best Christmas I ever had was with her, and she told me that too. So Can't wait until work and biz travel start up again , so that it takes my mind off of things. Tempted to go out and get all fucked up and call some of her girl friends to see if that causes any jealousy, I know it's a chick move that's been played on me with results. I know just the one who she constantly asks if I think she's pretty on her Face book page. Hates her, but nice to her face type friend with the boobs that are way too big (her opinion, lol) it may get her to at least call me so I can get resolution and move on, i know she hated it whenever one of her friends would send me a friend request...
oh well, gotta stop thinking about this, maybe the NFL playoffs can help, my teams still alive!!!

she clearly had issues, but then it's pretty obvious you weren't attuned. i think in any relationship like this, even if it's physical illnesses and not mental, there needs to be some understanding/accomodation. she seemed like when she was overstepping the mark.

[MarkRich84]

If I was being brutally honest, and I'm sure this is not 100% accurate in your situation, but...

I have been in relationships where we've meant the whole world to each other, and then it got weird and ended a few times. Really really tough, and a fucking horrible experience.

In my experience, when you rely on each other for happiness, even if it's only a small part... there's too much pressure to be someone that the other person expects you to be.

Ever since I focused on myself, and got myself to a positive position where I didn't rely on a successful relationship for happiness, things changed.

If a relationship gets weird, difficult, or strained, I can pretty much take it, or leave it, without having the fear of losing something that I relied on for happiness.

It's not made me empty, just less desperate for a relationship to work in order for me to feel good about myself.

The amazing thing about this is, once you are in a position to 'take or leave' a relationship. You start making more connections with people who are more honest about what they want.

It sounds like your girl wanted a straight man, but deep down, actually would be better suited to a guy who likes to be versatile. If you're not a match, you would know straight away if you weren't bith too eager to please the other person in order for them to want to be with you.

Although I agree that communication is key. Honesty is always the foundation of any relationship. And all these things will be made much easier if both parties were confident enough to be accepted for who they were, instead of trying to please the other person all the time.

[dickten]

No looking back, no revenge, it's her loss. I gave her enough time and even tried to talk through things with no luck. So I have an old Friend I met on AFF who is dying to meet up again, sweet, petite little Asian Gurl who just got her B cups and wants to show them off. shes smart and has a nice career in the medical field too, looking forward to my date next weekend. Life goes on.

[holzz]

cool...let's know how that goes! :D