View Full Version : Does online dating make you depressed?
OK i'm your typical late 30yo guy.
I work 12 hours a day, i screwed up and moved out to the burbs to be closer to my job but i do my best to stay good looking...work out three days of the week and dress nice and eat well...but well my dating pool just in my complex and my work is how shall i say it non existent.
Lots of single moms looking for a guy to dump the rug rats with.
and the ones who aren't single mothers....well...um...yeah....ugly.
So i turned to online dating...figured i'm stuck in a 2 hour meeting every day why not use it for something productive......yeah....wow.....noooooo...some scandeleously ugly women there...
But that said i noticed over time i got more and more depressed while online dating. Ive had some interesting dates but sadly nothing with a spark. And the ones that there was a spark....i guess things came up you know.
So the question to you guys is this....if you live out in the burbs do you online date? And have you noticed it makes you depressed as hell?
Or is it just me? =/
thanks in advance.
Sx
Ts RedVeX
12-19-2014, 09:37 PM
I wanted to write an elaborated analysis of what on-line dating is, but it would have become a short booklet and I am still feeling too much under the weather to formulate anything interesting, and before all, it is internet - the telephone of the 21st century and a tool for advertising your services, so here's a few questions you may find helpful in chosing your ways for future:
1. How can I actually date someone you don't know?
2. What am I really looking for here?
3. What am I offering to others here?
4. How is my profile relevant to what I need and have to offer?
5. Does this site actually help save time or is it just deceiving me with its name?
6. Why don't I just do something I enjoy myself and see if I meet someone on the way?
Oh yeah.. Does it make me depressed? No, not any more.
Thank you
the #1 is a major issue i think. I'm 38 now. at this age your social circle gets real small real fast. and the number of single people in the group with out major issues gets even smaller faster. So basically yes...you start off from moment zero knowing nothing and everything about someone you just met. It's odd.
#2 I do know "who" i'm looking for....educated, healthy, no kids....the ladder being a major issue in my age bracket and location....so many breeders out there ;) actually the last TS girl i dated....she even had kids! so go figure!
#3 what am i offering? crud wow...i mean what does anyone ever offer to another person? shit i have my life together....so i'm stable...i don't do drugs and i won't ask you for money....and odds are i wont even ask you to cook dinner! so what do i offer...honestly....no clue? i guess the same thing she would be offering me?
#4 my profile is very vanilla....i think that's the way most profile should be written....no need to lie or exaggerate....
#5....time...shit... i work 12 hours a day...i manage an office.....i have people i have to keep employed....i live in the burbs so driving to any decent bar where the folks look ok is a 1 hour drive into NYC...so time....i don't have any of it...so in a way maybe online dating helps?
#6..i skydive rock climb and ski and ride a motorcycle for fun. We have a saying in skydiving..if she doesn't smell of shit and she doesn't have a peg leg she's hot. Only 10% women in all the sport...very few if any single ladies.
all of the above...puts a late 30yo guy with his shit together to wonder...WTF....and me...not wanting kids...dating younger...MAJOR no go since many women from 25-35 have baby fever and women over 45 here in NJ look.....well lets be honest i have to be turned on too right?
So am i the only guy who gets actually depressed online dating?
NO joke...as in i don't eat and i actually feel very low after spending a solid hour on the page....
lilmunat
12-21-2014, 04:52 AM
It is a good thing to meet new people and put yourself out there.
I think you're getting depressed because you're realizing that your prospective dating pool isn't that large and your chances of finding someone are less than you would like. That has nothing to do with online dating, and everything to do with accepting reality.
Unless you're willing to change your search criteria there is really nothing you can do about the size of your dating pool. The best thing to do is to accept it and move on. Just do the best you can. You could meet Ms. Right next week. Just don't quit.
Jamie French
12-21-2014, 04:53 AM
You're middle aged, work like a horse, you have no idea what you have to offer another person, but you know exactly what you want. Face it dude... it's hookers from here on out. Come to peace with the idea and die with some semblance of happiness. Other people aren't your strong suit. It takes a certain kind of person to successfully mate with another person. A sense of self awareness and genuine empathy a plays a large part of that and is something that can't be taught. If you're 38 and asking these questions, you were never going to make it to the train on time... you have no ticket. By the way, my hooker line is not me being glib. Seriously, hookers are rad. Start wrapping your head around the idea.
crystalsopen
12-21-2014, 06:04 PM
Thank you
the #1 is a major issue i think. I'm 38 now. at this age your social circle gets real small real fast. and the number of single people in the group with out major issues gets even smaller faster. So basically yes...you start off from moment zero knowing nothing and everything about someone you just met. It's odd.
#2 I do know "who" i'm looking for....educated, healthy, no kids....the ladder being a major issue in my age bracket and location....so many breeders out there ;) actually the last TS girl i dated....she even had kids! so go figure!
#3 what am i offering? crud wow...i mean what does anyone ever offer to another person? shit i have my life together....so i'm stable...i don't do drugs and i won't ask you for money....and odds are i wont even ask you to cook dinner! so what do i offer...honestly....no clue? i guess the same thing she would be offering me?
#4 my profile is very vanilla....i think that's the way most profile should be written....no need to lie or exaggerate....
#5....time...shit... i work 12 hours a day...i manage an office.....i have people i have to keep employed....i live in the burbs so driving to any decent bar where the folks look ok is a 1 hour drive into NYC...so time....i don't have any of it...so in a way maybe online dating helps?
#6..i skydive rock climb and ski and ride a motorcycle for fun. We have a saying in skydiving..if she doesn't smell of shit and she doesn't have a peg leg she's hot. Only 10% women in all the sport...very few if any single ladies.
all of the above...puts a late 30yo guy with his shit together to wonder...WTF....and me...not wanting kids...dating younger...MAJOR no go since many women from 25-35 have baby fever and women over 45 here in NJ look.....well lets be honest i have to be turned on too right?
So am i the only guy who gets actually depressed online dating?
NO joke...as in i don't eat and i actually feel very low after spending a solid hour on the page....
Hey I know a female ski diver, and she's hot. I also know her bf, so she's not an available. Just saying...
islandmix
12-21-2014, 06:25 PM
Stop dating trannies maybe that should help
crystalsopen
12-21-2014, 08:15 PM
Stop dating trannies maybe that should help
I'm pan-sexual, but I like dating guys at this point in my life. My previous 2 exes are trans women.
crystalsopen
12-21-2014, 08:28 PM
You're middle aged, work like a horse, you have no idea what you have to offer another person, but you know exactly what you want. Face it dude... it's hookers from here on out. Come to peace with the idea and die with some semblance of happiness. Other people aren't your strong suit. It takes a certain kind of person to successfully mate with another person. A sense of self awareness and genuine empathy a plays a large part of that and is something that can't be taught. If you're 38 and asking these questions, you were never going to make it to the train on time... you have no ticket. By the way, my hooker line is not me being glib. Seriously, hookers are rad. Start wrapping your head around the idea.
I agree with Jamie's conclusion, between the time intensive job and time consuming hobbies it is hard to see OP as having time date in the hopes for a serious relationship. I think if a person of average ability worked on it and put in the time, they could figure out connecting to other people, and figure out what you have to offer (38 is not too old to do this). But if you have not bothered to do this already, you should ask yourself what is different now? Is it worth the time? If someone isn't not interest in that kind of investment in personal growth, transactional sex might be the right call.
BTW, I'm not an escort, so I have no stake in this.
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-21-2014, 08:59 PM
Hi SXFX,
I would suggest taking up other activities in your spare time.
I mean, if women aren't into skydiving, why spend so much time in the sky wondering where the women are?
Online dating is a sketchy thing, in my opinion.
I would suggest joining a dancing class, lots of women there to get to know and possibly invite to go skydiving. And they have friends, too.
You could join a yoga class, too. Lots of fit women are into yoga. And they will have their heads together.
Sometimes the best way to meet a mate is by accident, or by planned accident like by joining the things i've suggested.
People into the online dating or telephone dating systems are very savvy and pretty narcissistic to begin with - usually very shallow and oftentimes are more concerned about finding a Mr Moneybags than a real Mr Right.
Buy a sewing machine and join a sewing class, you'll learn to mend your own clothes AND maybe meet a woman who will end up happily sewing your clothes when you're working those 12 hour shifts.
Take a cooking course, somewhere.
I find the best way to find people is to get out there and meet them in person. Let them see you interact with others, instead of trying to "connect" on a superficial dating system.
Women in the gym are usually posing, so forget about that, unless you want to compete with the jocks. Besides, women in the gym, sort of, expect to be hit on when all they want to do is act like they go there just to work out and "all these guys hit on them".
Try going to an indoor, public, community-center, swimming pool, if any exist in your area.
I go swimming every day and there are lots of women there swimming laps.
Strike up a conversation and the next thing you know, your having a coffee with them
Just a few suggestions.
Apply yourself correctly if you want real results.
I hope this is good advice.
Good luck - and Happy Holidays.
Babe,
xoxo
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-21-2014, 09:14 PM
youtube.com/watch?v=bX2YuEU6GJI
Babe,
xoxo
Jamie French
12-21-2014, 09:31 PM
I am an escort and I have no stake in this.
I agree with Jamie's conclusion, between the time intensive job and time consuming hobbies it is hard to see OP as having time date in the hopes for a serious relationship. I think if a person of average ability worked on it and put in the time, they could figure out connecting to other people, and figure out what you have to offer (38 is not too old to do this). But if you have not bothered to do this already, you should ask yourself what is different now? Is it worth the time? If someone isn't not interest in that kind of investment in personal growth, transactional sex might be the right call.
BTW, I'm not an escort, so I have no stake in this.
Jericho
12-21-2014, 09:53 PM
#6..i skydive rock climb and ski and ride a motorcycle for fun.
You have time to do all that, but don't have time to drive into town, "to any decent bar where the folks look ok"?
I don't think you're depressed with online dating...Just depressed! :shrug
fred41
12-21-2014, 11:14 PM
You have time to do all that, but don't have time to drive into town, "to any decent bar where the folks look ok"?
I don't think you're depressed with online dating...Just depressed! :shrug
yeah..I agree. I think depression is the problem here.
lust4love
12-21-2014, 11:26 PM
Online dating...
It used to be a place for people who, for whatever reasons, had problems with real world dating, an online version of personal ads in the lonely hearts columns but that's no longer the case. Things were already changing but when Facebook arrived the tables turned, more or less over night.
Everyone (and their parents) was suddenly online and when they had joined their first community they kept joining others. People who less than a year ago could be described as "offline" were suddenly joining communities and forums about everything from steam engines and gardening to fitness and tantra sex. The online dating sites was invaded by a horde of people who had few or no problems finding partners for sex and/or relationships and suddenly the classic online daters had to compete with the people who once drove them to online dating.
The sad truth is that we are all in need, but not all are wanted. This is especially true for men. There will always be someone with better looks, higher salary, more expensive car, bigger biceps (and sixpack abs) or a bigger cock and he will do anything to cockblock you (and most likely succeed 9 times out of 10).
The dating game is depressing for anyone who is constantly rejected or ignored but IRL the tone is usually more civilized. When dating online you will be judged by your income, looks and your size long before you get a chance to show your fantastic personality. Your shortcomings might also be subject to laughter and ridicule.
Mr/Ms Fantastic will sometimes flat out tell you that you're ugly, laugh at your funny nose, hanging tits or small dick and the only way around it is to grow thicker skin.
A lot of people seem to have trouble taking rejections of any kind and they will come back with allegations, insults and even threats (e.g. a man threating to rape a woman just because she wasn't intererested), others will be polite and nice but keep on writing again and again until the polite "no thanks, you're not my type" turns into "Fuck off! Stop messaging me!".
Another thing that (mostly) men will find while looking for a partner online are prostitutes. A guy who is less than good looking, overweight, shy etc will attract people who hope to make money from you.
I'm a man going on 40, I'm fat, I'm poor and I haven't had sex in 6˝ years. Chances are I'll never share my life nor my bed with anyone again. Seeing a prostitute is an option but I don't think I could, I just don't like the thought of paying someone to be with me. Online dating does not make me depressed, being an unlovable failure of a man does :p
Jericho
12-21-2014, 11:49 PM
Slit Wrists!
Fuck me into a rancid hole in the ground!
If he wasn't depressed about it before, he's bleedin' well going to be now, aint he!
:dead:
lust4love
12-22-2014, 02:25 AM
Fuck me into a rancid hole in the ground!
If he wasn't depressed about it before, he's bleedin' well going to be now, aint he!
:dead:
Nah, seems to me that OP have what it takes. If he adapts to the circumstances (it's basicly trial and error) he should be fine.
wearboots4me
12-22-2014, 03:39 AM
You have time to do all that, but don't have time to drive into town, "to any decent bar where the folks look ok"?
I don't think you're depressed with online dating...Just depressed! :shrug
Agreed. I am thinking perhaps the OP feels unhappy with his life, and that is scaring away eligible women? Not trying to be critical, just trying to figure out what the issue is. And the part about "any decent bar where the folks look ok" makes him sound kind of snobbish. That may be just (mis) perception on my part, but if I am picking up on it, maybe others are too?
It's funny someone mentioned yoga. And i've been practicing for gosh going on almost 10 years. And well in my last class i actually looked around for the first time in a long time while were were in "down dog" and i swear it was the funniest things, the 6 or so ladies to the left of me all had wedding rights the 4 to the right the same thing...and then i looked across and sure enough...wedding ring after wedding ring....and then it hit me...there i am...the only other guy in the room and every single woman in this class of 30 somethings is married...WOW! Talk about taking the wind out of your sails!
Sadly i live about 45 miles from NYC, and well....i get it...if a woman were educated, healthy and had her shit together and single she would be living in the city and not in the burbs. I however like a dumb ass sort of had my hopes up that i wasn't the only refugee out here? Turns out i was wrong...
So i guess i'm in the perfect storm of a situation, just far enough from the big city, just the right age where all of my friends are either married or married with kids...i had hoped that the power of technology would help me find others like me....sadly turns out i was wrong.
As for how bad is the dating pool out here in North West NJ......let's just say it's handsome! So as of today i deactivated my online dating profile and realized friends were of no help and now i'm just going to focus on work...hey it pays the bills....and every few weeks try this speed dating thing in NYC. if nothing it's something different.
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-22-2014, 04:50 AM
Hi SXFX,
Maybe if you took a yoga class in the city and NOT in the burbs (where all the married families move to) you might find your new yoga partner.
Sexy yoga poses while in bed is hot.
I've done yoga. I used to date a yoga teacher.
I'll bet you a silver dollar that you'll trip over a new, female office employee in the New Year and she ends up being the sexiest lay you've ever had, who'll fall completely in love with your dick and your personality.
Crosses fingers for you.
Never stop smiling! Someone just might fall in love with your smile.
Babe,
xoxo
wearboots4me
12-22-2014, 04:50 AM
Sadly i live about 35 miles from NYC, and well....i get it...if a woman were educated, healthy and had her shit together and single she would be living in the city and not in the burbs. I however like a dumb ass sort of had my hopes up that i wasn't the only refugee out here? Turns out i was wrong...
If there is the kind of woman you're seeking in your area, your attitude might scare her away, IMHO. Also, I think you may need a rest, 5 or 6 12 hour days a week, week after week, month after month, will break anyone. I have worked those kinds of hours, but eventually the project ends, and I am back to a more livable schedule. I can't imagine doing that forever, so I think that may be an issue as well.
And maybe there i'll bump into a healthy, educated women who doesn't have kids nor wants them.....maybe....and who doesn't look as if she was ejected from a car at highway speeds.
But for now...i came to the conclusion having the dating App on my phone was making me very very depressed.
And Dahlia Babe Ailhad (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=144369) thank you
i guess the depressing part is....after a divorce and being in my late 30's...seeing how few friends i have left....due to people growing apart and how few people out here in the burbs care about their bodies.
I work 8am-7pm.....but i still go to the gym three nights of the week for an hour.....and try to eat well.....and use sunscreen.....i always thought that was the norm?
You have one body take care of it?
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-22-2014, 05:15 AM
Hi again SXFX,
Yes, sweety, avoid those evil, GREEDY, very cold, evil hearted narcissists in those horrible sites and apps. They are all the same.
Join a church Bible group! THERE IS NOTHING better than a nice Catholic girl gone wrong. (chuckle)
She won't cheat on you when you're at work, that's for sure.
I would put my money on the sewing class. You'll be the innocent, "all-thumbs" guy in the class needing help from the women students.
If she is taking a sewing class, she's probably still young and "dumb" and trying to improve her domestic skills so she COULD find a husband.
Go where they are NOT looking for a man and that's where you'll probably meet one. Be cool! Play your cards right? Say you're taking the sewing class because you have no one to mend your clothes for you at home - being a successful-professional bachelor who really has no time to chase after women.
Watch their ears perk up! 'A man in a sewing class? He has a career? He's in shape?' Ooooh, you hot guy, you!
In a place like that, you are "a catch", my friend. In a bar, you're just "another loser".
Don't you wanna get caught!?
Babe,
xoxo
Sadly i know how to sew but i think you may be on to something......
I also will be looking at a new yoga studio....seeing all those rocks on all those fingers well...i felt as if lead had been poured into my soul.
I guess.....who knows right?
war00101
12-22-2014, 05:40 AM
You need to meet people in person. Dancing is great way to do this.
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-22-2014, 05:45 AM
Hey SXFX,
I now have faith in your abilities. The trick is to get a sewing machine and take a class that teaches you how to use them. Just act dumb! Women get tired of a guy acting like he knows everything.
No man who pours out his soul in a place like this, can be all bad.
You seem to have it all going for you. You're just in the wrong locations to show yourself off.
I'm cheering for ya!
Look!
"RAW! RAW! RAW!
YOU CAN DO HER!
YOU CAN DO HER!
RAW! RAW! RAW!"
Got my pom poms swishing around and everything.
Babe,
xoxo
Dahlia Babe Ailhad (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=144369),
Thank you, my schedule looks nuts for the next few months....12 hour days at work so i think my first move will be speed dating.
It's funny...you blink your eyes after a painful divorce...5+ years have passed....all of your friends...what little you have left are all either married or married with kids so you are left in a tough spot....
1) try and make new friends...
2) go out to the bar by yourself and be that creepy later 30's guy who looks out of place...
3) online date
I guess like owning a hope happiness is all geographically dependent?
You need to be geographically close to your peer group or you can find yourself feeling like an alien and just mad at the world....which is where i was and am.....
well thank you..i hope i can figure this out...thank god i'm into girls and wonderful TS women. I have hope. god forbid i was only into TS women....and living where i'm living in NJ....it would be hell on earth!
If the straight dating pool is bad i can only imagine how horrid the LGBT dating pool must be here!
dreamon
12-22-2014, 07:15 AM
I've found online dating to be kind of depressing because everyone else is like you and I. We all want something, but we don't know what. This was mentioned on the first page, but you need to know what you offer someone else. When I first became single again a while ago, I spent a lot of time focusing on myself and making myself happy. When I did that, I found I had a lot more luck in both online and general dating because I knew what I could offer other people. This may sound counter-intuitive, but maybe take some time off from trying to date, work on yourself as a person, find some things that make you happy, focus on them, and then you'll be able to know what you can offer other people.
That's the best advice I can give, but take it for what it's worth... I'm still single too :)
fred41
12-22-2014, 08:49 AM
go to the gym more than 3X a week and cut out the yoga...yoga's for girls.
I'm kidding about the yoga.............................................. ...no I'm not.
wearboots4me
12-22-2014, 03:00 PM
When I first became single again a while ago, I spent a lot of time focusing on myself and making myself happy. When I did that, I found I had a lot more luck in both online and general dating because I knew what I could offer other people. This may sound counter-intuitive, but maybe take some time off from trying to date, work on yourself as a person, find some things that make you happy, focus on them, and then you'll be able to know what you can offer other people.
That sounds like good advice, and so does Dahlia's advice about the sewing class. Both positive actions to take rather than sitting around thinking about how there's no one out there.
To the OP, some of the things you write make you seem like you're looking for an ideal. Maybe if you go on a first date with someone outside that ideal, you will discover she is actually interesting. And if she's not, you don't have to marry her, it was just a date.
And I don't know if you want to hear it or not, but the advice someone gave about about seeing an escort is good, in my opinion. You say you don't have a girlfriend, so you're not cheating on anyone. Sexual frustration is probably one of the things that's eating at you. If you see one who shows you a good time, you won't care as much about whether you find Ms. Right or not. And that will put you in a better mental place when she comes along.
AshlynCreamher
12-22-2014, 03:41 PM
Just act dumb! Women get tired of a guy acting like he knows everything.
This has to be the worse dating advise I have ever seen. I couldn't imagine myself going on a date with a complete fucking idiot. I would rather spend my time in a stimulating conversation with someone confident in his own abilities.
Ts RedVeX
12-22-2014, 04:03 PM
The pool is bad because you lot prefer to sit in front of your computers wasting time on getting depressed about things rather than using the time to do something to make a change for the better. Having a nice virtual on-line image of yourself won't help to the extent you expect it to in the "real" dimmension - it works only in the "virtual", or imaginary one in your heads. If you want to date a virtual image of another person, have cybersex with them, lead a virtual on-line life in the latest MMORPG - do it, but I can't see why you expect it to change the your whole life for the better. You won't escape real life with the technology commonly available today, or tomorrow. So, if this makes you unhappy, why do you still do it? Is it out of lazyness? At what cost? Why do you still believe in on line dating, if it hasn't worked out? There is so much more to what you can see, hear, smell, sense in other ways through the computer screen about another person in reality...
Jamie French
12-22-2014, 04:10 PM
Yup. I've had to tell just about every dude I know some form of this exact advice.
You have to do things for yourself, figure you out, get your shit together, for you.
Men and women will sense the strength and the confidence you've gained by just making an effort to become a more solid and well round human being.
Where people fuck up is when they try to do things with the express intention of getting laid or trying to win favor with their object of desire. And I do mean object. When you're still a malformed, shitty person other people rarely amount to much more than objects whether you cop to it or not.
I've found online dating to be kind of depressing because everyone else is like you and I. We all want something, but we don't know what. This was mentioned on the first page, but you need to know what you offer someone else. When I first became single again a while ago, I spent a lot of time focusing on myself and making myself happy. When I did that, I found I had a lot more luck in both online and general dating because I knew what I could offer other people. This may sound counter-intuitive, but maybe take some time off from trying to date, work on yourself as a person, find some things that make you happy, focus on them, and then you'll be able to know what you can offer other people.
That's the best advice I can give, but take it for what it's worth... I'm still single too :)
Ts RedVeX
12-22-2014, 07:31 PM
I think most people know what they want but they are for some reason unwilling to tell it to others.
crystalsopen
12-22-2014, 10:07 PM
I am an escort and I have no stake in this.
I simply meant I don't financially benefit from people hiring escorts or not.
crystalsopen
12-23-2014, 01:53 AM
"You have to do things for yourself, figure you out, get your shit together, for you." Is awesome advice people who are not where they want to be in life.
Yup. I've had to tell just about every dude I know some form of this exact advice.
You have to do things for yourself, figure you out, get your shit together, for you.
Men and women will sense the strength and the confidence you've gained by just making an effort to become a more solid and well round human being.
Where people fuck up is when they try to do things with the express intention of getting laid or trying to win favor with their object of desire. And I do mean object. When you're still a malformed, shitty person other people rarely amount to much more than objects whether you cop to it or not.
Jamie French
12-23-2014, 03:31 AM
You can't find happiness in someone else, (which isn't a fair burden to place on another person anyhow) You have to be happy with yourself first. Sadness has it's own kind of stink that will totally keep people you're interested in at bay.
Thank you all for the advice.
I actually was spending too much time on online dating application...but what is there to do when you are in your third meeting of the day and nothing in this meeting pertains to you....so you get the phone open get the app up and look around?
Today was my first day with no app...so i like all people sat in the meeting and played candy crush and angry birds while some engineer with major adenoid issues talked about something no one cared about.
That said i'll be honest...i have no idea what i provide anyone? But it's not that i'm useless? I just don't think i'm that special. Have a good paying job that pays me enough to own my own home and own a nice German car....but i earned it...i worked for it i'm not special...the same with the adventure sports...they are nothing special...i wanted them i worked hard and got them. I invested time and energy. The same for my education...wanted an MBA to be a better manager.....so i invested time and energy and a good bit of cash and well now i have an MBA. As for around the house...i cook i clean i keep my place looking nice.....
But in my eyes....i don't see that as being anything special...i came to this country with nothing when i was 7 and well i just did what needed to be done and well i got to where i needed to go?
I was just not expecting divorce to be a part of the major plan....and then the loss of so many friends...WOW!
So i guess that's the double whammy?
Loss of friends and then looking around and noticing...woooh the dating pool is FUGLY!
No one is going to the gym, no one is eating right, no one is dressing up not even for their online dating photo and OMG why doesn't anyone use sunscreen!
But it's cool....no more online dating for me....from now on...just focus on work...gym...hobbies and......treat dating like i treated my MBA...just go to the bar once a week....sit there enjoy a nice drink and smile? And when work calms down...I'm really going to do that sowing class....
Attached is my photo....i'm assuming many thought i was an out of shape slob...i just got home from the gym...and after my shower thought....eh why not...show off a little? :dead:
And everyone thank you! i greatly appreciate it!
And Ms. Jamie French (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=82138) than you for the advice but...well.....I'm not cheap...i would rather use my money to travel more and try out new sports. Not that i'm saying prostitution is wrong, but for me it just doesn't work out. however thank you! I greatly appreciated your advice.
Ts RedVeX (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=134021)
Thank you for the advice as well....and yes i'm leaving the virtual.
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-23-2014, 07:04 AM
HI SXFX,
Ok, i see the attachment.
Here's another tidbit of advice. Stop using that hand held gadget so much and start looking around, you might notice a fine women staring at you.
Too many people today use cell phones and they spend all their time walking around staring at their hands.
I don't own a cell phone, and i don't want one.
I still use an answering machine to collect my messages. When i am out, i am unreachable and i like that.
I get so annoyed when i have a friend over at my place and his cell phone starts ringing and they engage in a conversation lasting 15 -20 minutes as i sit there feeling like an eavesdropper
It's as if i gave that person on the line my phone number.
I am not sure why you bought a family home (in the burbs) if you were already divorced. Maybe i got that wrong.
Get back into the city. Rent out your house in the burbs. Get back to where the singles are LIVING their day to day lives.
Wash your clothes in the laundry-mat in the city, just tell folks your machine at home is on the blink.
Man, you seem to have it all going for you. There is a guy online, who gives out dating info. His name is David De Angelo. Here is his youtube page, get on his email mailing list.
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLC30EB54EBF1B225C
It's hard to bounce back after a divorce. Don't beat yourself up over it. It'll happen. Don't stress over it.
Babe
xoxo
Dahlia Babe Ailhad (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=144369)
thank you, and yes i've put away the phone while out.
And it's funny i do well with the ladies....well enough i guess...i'm no her i just walk up say hi and go from there.
Some times it works some times it doesn't.
I guess what bothers me in my current location....is i see no one to say hi to....
It's almost 10pm. I left work today at 8pm (not gym day) so i went out to a local bar to grab a beer and some food.
A full bar..i would say 25 people....6 women....I was like OMG...6! and sadly none were attractive or single.
I guess i need to start putting my career on the back burner a little and try and go into the city more...some how some way....
because digital dating/ facebook...doesn't work.
But thank you...and thank you for not calling me chunky...i still would like to loose another 5lbs or so....funny you work out you eat right and you can get results...you go to the local bars a million times...and still nothing to look at or talk to!
How like life...
omg i'm not the only one......so i was tempted to reinstall the online dating application and i stopped...looked at the reviews...OMG...so many people were posting the same thing....
"I thought i had my shit together, i thought i was a catch, and then i went online dating..."
WOW...fuck...well it's friday night and i should not be home.....but that's what you get when you work 12 hours on your day off just so you are not in a quiet home.....
Be safe out there folks, ladies i'm sure online dating will blow your ego the size of a small planet...as for us guys.....yeah....i think it's best we avoid it.
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-27-2014, 07:47 AM
http://www.threadsmagazine.com/item/18369/the-blog-for-men-who-sew-and-the-women-who-sew-for-them
xo
I'm basically in the same boat as you, though older.
My plan is to move even further out into God's Country.
I've had my share of Greenpoint trendies, where the girls outnumber the guys.
It can be worse the more populated the area - this has been my experience.
Anyway, a strong, independent frontierswoman can be frightfully sexy...
Sreematidutta
12-27-2014, 04:38 PM
Ahh! Online dating! Let me share my experiences....
Being an extremely shy,socially anxious person with gender confusion and few (I work with on an average two computers least with dual monitors which can extend up to five-six because of my interest in equity trading and computer security ) computers I give everyone in most social platforms which can be logged on a fair chance,regardless of gender and sexuality.Simply because I have loads of time.I have tried to date a girl in real life,she crushed me.In college another girl chose a wealthier(papa's money) male.Not wishing to waste times anymore and my gender dysphoria getting bit serious I immersed myself in virtual world.With more than 10 years of experience and on average 8-10 hours daily spent online I know Online dating is a complex beast.
OP's problem is actually pretty common and it has no cure.
Back then when Yahoo Messenger was active I spend my days and nights in chat rooms.It was quickly evident girls are minority.In any chat room they are actually less than 5%. Now the question is why she is there in the first place.1% out of curiosity (legitimate girls) and 99%,because in real life she was not considered gf material,probably.I am not even considering the chances that behind the profile may be a Nigerian scammer or plain dude or other shady character.So,finding the type of girl whom you are seeking will go down exponentially if you analyze.So to counter the odds one simply needs to try more,then.That I did.I actually found a real girl,who exists.Well,the problem was she was in East Europe,quite a few countries apart.No problem.Except she actually believes Hell exists,in real.But,I was desperate.After 6-7 long years,I also concurred Hell is very real and quickly closed that chapter.Got out of Hell with considerable time wasted.
Now being a TG/CD or even if you are Genetic girl it's a completely different ball game.As I started my online life as wannabe trans girl life seemed bright.Everybody is interested in me,apparently.Spectacular.But then reality dawns.
Now,I will be short.Lets take for example Facebook.Last counted I gathered more than 1100 friends and then I deleted every one of them.
Facebook chat Example:-
"Hi"
-"Hi"
(now 20-30% cases there is no reaction after you reply.But let's proceed...)
"How are you?"
-"fine.you?"
-"what are you doing?"
( Since explaining will be difficult task,I go with...)
-"Not much.Just chatting"
"Wanna have sex?"
.........???
"I want to have sex".
(At this point I used to give explanation that since I don't know you,I won't.Probably won't it be better if you tell me about yourself little bit more.But it never works.So,I don't even answer anymore.)
"But why don't you wanna have sex with me? I have (insert random inches+2) size cock.Wanna see?"
If it goes till "what do you do?" question I mentally tick the "Not Psycho" Box.But then at the end apparently people disappoint.
For example if I do agree for sex,just for the sake of argument,then places and later demands are unique.One guy wanted me to doll up before I blow him.Well,sounds reasonable.Catch is I have to doll up inside the bathroom cubicle in one of the most highly secured shopping mall in the city, and then invite the guy in the cubicle.When I said well lack of space to doll up is a bit concern he was legit miffed.
Same things to repeat hundreds of times.
One guy said lets have sex.I asked why do you think I would be interested to have sex with you? He replied that he saw my post asking information regarding gender counseling and hormone therapy in my city.So he concluded since I am looking for hormone I probably looking for sex too.Genius.
As a result,I am looking for monasteries to retire.
MichelleRose
12-28-2014, 01:36 AM
Lonely: everybody is.
It's this weird fuckin' culture, this sideways-bent society we live in. Go to school, get a good job, get married, have kids, settle down for a couple of decades, then grow old, move to Florida and complain about the government full-time.
NOT.
We don't have to do that. Why the hell should we? Aren't we Twenty-first Century astronauts, floating on the verge of the Great Unknown? Why the hell should we play out the same damn hand our parents and our grandparents and our great-grandparents played? What are we, Ward and June? (First inadvertent dirty joke told on network TV: "Ward, you were a little hard on the Beaver last night." "Well, I'll be more careful next time, dear.")
But the System is a bitch. Yes, we trans women can be bitches and so can any natal woman but if you want real bitchiness, try getting a woman interested in you without presenting your "credentials." (Am I wealthy enough? Am I in good enough shape? Is my car new and fast enough? Is my condo really cool? Bleah...) Sometimes I pity you guys. You all got fuckin' fed a line of bullshit. Formulas do not make a man. Neither do they make women. The Formula is simpler for women. Just be hot and young and mostly unavailable. Can't blame them. They're only doing what fifty thousand years of evolution has taught them: look for the guy with the biggest club/nicest car and it's Easy Street. Of course, there are snot-nosed and messy-bottomed babies to clean up after but hey, that's the script. That's the Formula.
Ever notice how much it disturbs other folks if you don't stick to the Formula? It's like adding cream cheese to your mom's brownie recipe. Horrified looks all around.
SXFX, I can sympathize. I'm in a different boat but it's floating around aimlessly, just like yours. It's one thing to be a young, hot tranny and quite another to be "mature" and not so hot any more. At some point, the hotness fades into a ghastly chill, like a body on ice down in the morgue. But estrogen gives us females an advantage: it takes the edge off the drive to get laid with...anybody. Doesn't do shit for the loneliness, though.
I'd tell you to go back to school and this time take a class in something really off the beaten path, like art or photography or music. Don't take any "women's issues" classes. Believe me, you'll be as out of place as a cow in church. College girls can be very casual about the Dirty Boogie. On the other hand. some can be even more committed to the Formula than most.
But the first, most important thing is this: get a different job. If you're working 12 hours a day and beating your head against the ceiling for that raise or promotion or bigger bonus, you're just stirring the Formula. Dump the m-f now. Skydiving? Good for adrenaline junkies. Most women aren't adrenaline junkies, not in the same way men are. That's why you don't see too many hot young women doing that. Messes up the hair and make-up, too. The sewing circle idea might backfire: older women who remind you of your grandma or maiden aunt.
If you don't want kids, either hers or jointly, and you don't want permanent, life-long attachments, then you have to look for places where that happens. College is a good place to start. You should know this unless all your degree work was online, which I kinda doubt. (Correct me if I'm wrong) But the one part of the Formula that you have to keep--even if it has moss growing all over it--is the sunny disposition. Gotta sell yourself, babe. Sell it. This here's a cynical capitalist world and everything is for sale, including your freakin' personality. If you're depressed, then it's ten times as hard, isn't it? Harder to smile, harder to speak gently, with no overtones of sarcasm (we're really quick to spot that), really hard to be nice and calm and gentle all the time, especially if you feel like pounding your head against the table and weeping: "This really sucks!"
It does, but that's the world we have. Break out. Leave that world behind. Do something really different. It takes courage. Is that on your resumé? Hope so 'cause boy, you're gonna need it.
Good luck.
Wow....shucks...where to begin? I guess from the top?
gmb (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=49840) if you love your dick, your soul and your mind you will stay as close as you can to the big city! I live in the burbs...i'm 38...it's saturday night...all my friends here have kids and need a month heads up before we can go out....i'm currently here at 11pm...typing a response i would much rather be out at a bar with a few friends.
So take it from me stay near the city!
Sreematidutta (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=142293)
I work engineering....yeah...it's guys guys and more guys....when i was growing up i was the only foreign kid in an all white town so i got called sand nigger a lot by many nice people....so dating was a no go for me...and i carried that weight over to university life with me.....though i went to school for engineering i did my best to take as many social science classes as i could so that i would meet girls...it worked.....but then the odds were even you know....university is like that...50/50...then i graduated...met the wife while working Scandinavia....8 years later she cheated on me an divorce...so i threw myself into my work. As for the woman from Eastern Europe....did you ever hear this?
http://www.radiolab.org/story/137407-talking-to-machines/
kind of fucking scary as shit!
And i've almost been fooled by this shit as well.
MichelleRose (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=9376)
thank you for the advice....yeah i guess i'ma actually better looking now than i was when i first got married....thinner stronger and i have more money....if you don't count the soul crushing mortgage! But yes i like you idea about going back to school....why not take a pass fail psych class....I'll have to find time.....the job thing.
I'm working hard to get the promotion so that i can leave my condo and leave the mortgage. if i sell it at a loss i'll be ok....then i'll be around folks like me
As for why....the grand reason.....fuck..honestly....i miss being married...i know it stupid to say and dumb to admit but fuck...i really miss it.......and i'm not sure if that's sad or sweet or something in between.
Would i marry a TS woman? SURE! Does she have her life in order, a career and is healthy...can eat bread and cheese....hell yeah!
But please...i'm having a hard enough time finding a career minded healthy GG what luck would i have in trying to find the same qualities in a TS women out here in Western NJ?
Any how i would like to say thank you......i greatly appreciate it....for a good 6 months i was feeling very alone in the world....well i'm going to be alone come new years as well since i don't wish to hang out with the various family parties.....but i'll survive and again thank you!
Sx
crystalsopen
12-28-2014, 07:18 AM
...
Would i marry a TS woman? SURE! Does she have her life in order, a career and is healthy...can eat bread and cheese....hell yeah!
...
LOL That rules me out! I have a milk allergy so I cannot eat cheese.:cry:
I don't know if this helps but judging from your career success, your looks (shower pic a few pages back), and pleasant personality you should have no problems ! But I can see how it might be difficult to find attractive and sane women your age who don't have kids. Maybe you should try to be more open to the idea of having someone else's kids in your life ? At least give such women an audition. Because I bet the best hope is recent divorcees with kids. As for how to meet them I don't know -- I've been out of circulation for a long time. I usually think the friend-of-a-friend network (dinner parties and regular parties or dates set up by friends) is the best approach. Anyway, good luck. It's a lonely world, oftentimes.
runningdownthatdream
12-28-2014, 08:38 AM
This has to be the worse dating advise I have ever seen. I couldn't imagine myself going on a date with a complete fucking idiot. I would rather spend my time in a stimulating conversation with someone confident in his own abilities.
Indeed.......how in 2014 someone could advocate playing up the stereotype of the dumb male is beyond me. It's better to be yourself. If you're not likeable then maybe you need to actually work on yourself like another poster mentioned. Not pretend to be something you are not thereby deceiving yourself and prospective partner.
runningdownthatdream
12-28-2014, 08:49 AM
To the OP: seems to me you're insecure and afraid. Maybe working 12hr days is how you choose to deal with that: you're needed by the job ergo you're good at something and wanted by someone even if it's a faceless corporation. I frankly don't understand how a guy approaching 40 - without dependents - could live such a meaningless life unless he's afraid to step outside his comfort zone and experience what the world has to offer. if you can't get satisfaction in Location A move to Location B! You don't need to do stupid stuff like pretend to be someone you're not to land a partner - let your imagination go and follow it to fruition.
Sreematidutta
12-28-2014, 09:03 AM
LOL That rules me out! I have a milk allergy so I cannot eat cheese.:cry:
Ha! No milk products for me either.Which automatically cancels any invitations by vegetarians.
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-28-2014, 03:09 PM
Good morning everybody,
This is what happens when someone quotes somebody who has purposely misquoted someone else. The meaning gets all distorted.
runningdownthatdream quotes Ashley who had purposely misquoted me because she doesn't like me and has openly admitted that she hates me, in another thread.
I never said to act dumb during a date or to attract women like Ashley has misquoted.
No woman wants a dumb man.
What i said was, in the sewing class act dumb, so the women will help him in the sewing class.
My meaning was, so that the women will see his vulnerabilities and see his willingness to be taught or assisted by a woman - by putting all the macho stuff aside - not so that his stupidity stands out as Ashley tried to make it look. TSK!! There are a few trouble makers who just love to misquote others.
Why would a guy take a sewing class, to meet women, and then act like he arrogantly knows it all?
He would be left all by himself if he did that because the women (in the sewing class) would be unwilling to try to help a guy, like that, because they wouldn't want to to be subjected to his arrogance.
What i had originally said, in my previous post, was all in the same paragraph. I didn't make a new paragraph to say "act dumb".
My gosh!!
This has to be the worse dating advise I have ever seen. I couldn't imagine myself going on a date with a complete fucking idiot. I would rather spend my time in a stimulating conversation with someone confident in his own abilities.
Indeed.......how in 2014 someone could advocate playing up the stereotype of the dumb male is beyond me....
What i had said was...
Hi again SXFX,
...I would put my money on the sewing class. You'll be the innocent, "all-thumbs" guy in the class needing help from the women students....
...and then i followed it up with what got misquoted by Ashley.
Hey SXFX,
I now have faith in your abilities. The trick is to get a sewing machine and take a class that teaches you how to use them. Just act dumb! Women get tired of a guy acting like he knows everything...
Babe,
xoxo
To the OP: seems to me you're insecure and afraid. Maybe working 12hr days is how you choose to deal with that: you're needed by the job ergo you're good at something and wanted by someone even if it's a faceless corporation.
I also threw myself into a job I hated when I got divorced. I felt I could forget my pain; at least while I was at work. It did numb me for a while, but turned out to be just another dead end...
Instrumental
12-28-2014, 06:05 PM
Depressed? No. It certainly puts things into perspective though. I got that Tinder app for my phone. I almost never get any matches and when I do they almost never are interested in talking. Oh well, c'est la vie.
Oh gosh where to begin?
First off thank you all for keeping the thread civilized. I greatly appreciate it.
So let's start from the top?
A little more about me, i was married for 8 years....i got married when i was young, i've been divorced for 5 years. During the time i was married i did the "right thing" i bought a home for my x wife and I....after the divorce i was "given" an underwater condo....so my first advice to anyone getting a divorce is to give the bitch the house it's not worth fighting for. Your freedom is worth much much more. As such to answer runningdownthatdream (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=294) oh brother i would love to move from A to B but the banks have me by the balls! And well i went from two incomes paying one mortgage to one income paying one mortgage...so liquidity is at a minimum.
MrF (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=47217) the issue of kids is a big one for me....i actually wanted to have kids when i was first married...wanted to have two...that went out the door....i was cheated on by a woman who's education i was paying for at the time and for whom i had just bought a nice condo and the final nail in the coffin came in divorce court where the guy in front of me who looked less than financially secure was ordered by the judge to pay $1800 a month for two kids....for 10 years....my dick looked up at me and said FUCK NO!
As for dating a woman with kids....i have...but sadly and i don't mean to sound selfish....but how much time you get with a woman with young kids is very limited. Sadly there are a lot of dead end dads out there...yeah sure the x husband has the kids every other weekend....turns into...yeah he's not showing up again this weekend so let's go to Chuck E Cheese? Maybe if the kids were older and off to school? But then she would be in her what mid 40's? And god i hate to sound like a dick...but on average a woman in her mid 40's here in NJ....does not look good with her clothes off...apparently sunscreen is not used often in the summers and eating right is an option many forgo....so when the clothes come off.....gosh...just turn off the lights....and i know that sounds horrible to say but...well...you have to be turned on to get a hard on right?
gmb (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=49840), my hope is this that i get my next promotion and that i can rent my condo at a loss small enough to move from A to B to be close to people my own age and who don't have kids?
The and short of it this...i'm amazed at how many friends we loose as we go through our 30's. Ok I've never really had hundreds of friends kind of guy...i had maybe 20 or so good friends...but as time went on...where did they all go? Got married...and then they all got married and then they all had kids and then it was just me......? So then i turned to online dating thinking i could meet someone outside of my now very small social circle and was very much let down by the experience....
Instrumental (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=31070) i'm guessing you are seeing and feeling the same way with Tinder...which makes you ask the age old question....which guy is getting laid on tinder? forget getting a girl to accept a date....right? How odd is this digital world we live in?
I honestly don't think it's very healthy nor good for us in the long run?
What i do know is this....i need to make new social connections....as hard as they may be due to geography and work load and....well if i'm to get married again which i do hope to one day...odds are i will not be meeting her via online dating. Because by the time i see her...she has received over 10k emails from various guys saying "Hi" and she no longer reads her emails?
Ladies, i'm guessing you have had the same experience with the Hi emails?
well no wonder i'm feeling down....OMG...i'm a guy!
http://www.quora.com/How-many-messages-does-the-average-attractive-female-get-daily-on-OkCupid
Bridgettaxo
12-29-2014, 04:40 AM
Yes. Yes. Yes. So much
I just deleted a profile because i kept seeing my ex online. She found my female identity profile and its been horrible. Im a two spirit. Essentially a crossdresser. She was not supportive at all when i told her. Furthermore as a cd i have a hard time meeting people because i am closeted and I do not want my identity revealed. Posting my male pics exclusively wont work because i also express feminine, and vice versa. So. I just today gave up. Maybe ill try again sometime. For now im just going to simplify my life and try life without.
WTF! Man that's wrong that even after you are gone your ways she bothers you...hope you find peace in one way or another
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-29-2014, 05:45 AM
Hi SXFX,
The ex probably knows Bridgettaxo's friends and family and would likely use the info to embarrass Bridgettaxo.
Babe,
xoxo
Bridgettaxo
12-29-2014, 06:24 PM
yeah. I'm sure she entertains the thought.. i know she won't because as crazy as she is it violates some sort of scruples she has as i made her promise.. THAT being said. she is a horrible evil witch.. Her profile pic is a cropped photo of the two of us together from FOUR years ago.. she is crazy.. and mean. and it hurts alot.. i have to ignore it and understand she is not present as a person, she is just an ego and broken spirit. i was good to her and she was rotten the whole time we were together.. I told her about my female side after a year together.. which at the time seemed like an appropriate thing to do.. i had only told one person ever before that it and doing it was a big risk. that being said. SHE WAS ROTTEN well before I told her about my duality.. so.. i know. . truly that she is not a good person for me. i am compassionate and try to heal and love everyone so i kept after her, Hoping she would become an enlightened person. but. um.. no.. she sucks..
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-30-2014, 07:35 PM
Ok this is a different topic, altogether, and i don't wish to hijack this thread, but i'd like to add my nickles worth of comments for Brigit...and i say nickles worth because Canada has removed the penny from circulation, recently.
Hi Bridgetta,
Wow!...first, for the fact that you stayed with her for so long when you knew she was so "evil".
Wow!.. second, because you think someone that evil would keep a promise
(i hope she does keep her promise).
Wow!...third, that you weren't up front with her for a whole year. She must still be pissed at that.
I think that a woman who has fallen in love with the guy's manly guy-image that he has been presenting to her and the world at first, will later, cause her not to be too keen on having to reconsider, or even to alter, her own "sexual orientation" just because the love of her life (the CD guy she fell for) decided to, one day, finally tell her the hidden truth about himself by dropping the bomb on her.
The relief you feel by "unloading" all of that off of your chest about your gender, to her, might be too heavy of a load for her to deal with.
It's a lot to force onto someone after a whole year of hiding it.
Ever watch the Jerry Springer show when the TS comes out and tells some unsuspecting guy who has fallen head over heels in love with her that she was a he?
All the unsuspecting-guy wants to say to her at that point is, "YOU ARE STILL "A HE!" as he tries to smash the TS's face in.
Youch!!...it rarely ever goes well.
TGs can't expect someone to just accept a year's worth of...hmm...what's the right word..."deceit?"..."dishonesty?"..."secrecy?" just because the TG person was too afraid to "come out" when the TG first had met her new mate.
That's like walking on thin ice over a lake.
I am sorry to know this has happened to you, and that you are now feeling the repercussions. It's never wrecking.
Next time, be honest right up front, or, keep living the double life in silence.
My advice, put up an ad somewhere but say in that ad that you are a "double spirit" explaining what that means, and then hope that some women out there are attracted to the truth. I'm sure there are many. You're bound to find one one who is turned on buy a guy dressed up for sex and more.
There is a very interesting 1953 movie called, Glen or Glenda, with Bela Lugosi, which touches upon the very essence of many closeted CDs' living secret lives. You can see it on youtube.
Anyway, let's not hijack this thread. Instead, If if were me, i would quote your post, and my response (if you want), and create another thread about "closeted double spirited" people and how they deal with new love relationships.
I am sure many CD TGs are experiencing the same problems.
It could be a very interesting discussion for many to take part in.
I wish the best for you with dealing your vexed ex.
Babe,
xoxo
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
12-30-2014, 07:40 PM
well no wonder i'm feeling down....OMG...i'm a guy!
http://www.quora.com/How-many-messages-does-the-average-attractive-female-get-daily-on-OkCupid
Hi SXFX,
See? Online stuff is crazy.
Online singles are nuts.
Get out into the real world and let them see YOU for who you are, not for some online ad that they probably will doubt.
Babe,
xoxo
yeah i have read other threads on other forums about the same thing...and the guys were way better looking than me....body builders were saying that they would go online dating and come back feeling fat and ugly and not eat for a week and work out like mad.
Amazing how much this online dating really kills guys....fuck...scary....god =(
up_for_it
12-31-2014, 08:02 PM
This thread has been hella entertaining.
First, online dating blows and is actually a misnomer- who the fuck gets beyond a couple of messages, let alone a couple of dates? Not very many. I think most people with online profiles are either too scared to meet in public for any number of reasons, married or committed long term and just want to know other people out there find them attractive, or have made peace with the fact that online fantasies are probably cooler than the real thing.
Second, the overwhelming majority of those who people who are seriously trying to find love online are broken and lame. Most likely, they were lame to begin with and make it difficult and frustrating to the handful of cool people who for whatever reason, relocation, divorce etc. find themselves in a situation where they turn to the internet. I'm speaking from experience here- after six months of OKCupid I bailed and realized I'm better off doing things the old fashioned way.
Third, you have to get beyond the "I'm older" and "People don't get me" bullshit. There's somebody for everyone, it just takes time and effort. Also, don't pay any attention to self help manuals and You tube videos- being original and true to yourself is always the best way to proceed. Otherwise you'll waste valuable time peacocking in some bar wearing a weird hat or posted up in an art gallery talking shit about something you know nothing about. Posers always pose and no person worth having in your life would want that kind of garbage in theirs.
So, to sum up, keep it real, get out in the world, make an effort to engage people face to face, and recognize there's no sense of urgency. Sometimes being single by choice is much better than the alternative. In the meantime, invest in some cool sex toys, your day will come. If you need any further inspiration, just keep in mind all the losers you come across every day who are waddling around with a wife, kids, career, and house they don't appreciate. If those fools can do it, you should be able to knock it out of the park.
up_for_it (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=93304)
Thank you i agree...i don't mean to be a dick but yes i'v enticed that many of the women i bump into through okcupid are very....well....damaged?
Went out on a date with a successful lawyer, she seemed to have her shit together on paper but in person...though attractive and well spoken...listening to her really hurt my head! It was the most unusual conversation ever...that ended with "Though i am moving from NJ and to Florida in the next month or so i would still like to see you"
I was like huh....you want me to invest time in you but you are leaving so that you can feel better? how about me?
my other issue and i think i brought it up was location and funding. they are connected...you can have low funds but live near the city and have a good time...or you can have lots of funds and live outside of the city and travel in and have fun...you however can't live far from the city be short of funds and expect to have fun....that's where i am......i like a dumb ass after 5 years of being married....bought a nice condo in the burbs for myself and the x wife....two incomes one $300k mortgage and life was good....now it's just one income and one $300k mortgage for a depreciated property and i'm screwed.
As such my funds, my time and then umber of single friends i have became hyper limited.....so i turned to online dating. and my god..talk about...wow!
If divorce makes you wonder how bad of a husband you are....online dating makes you wonder how ugly of a man you are!
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-looks-and-online-dating/
Paradoxically, it seems it’s women, not men, who have unrealistic standards for the “average” member of the opposite sex.
nysprod
01-01-2015, 12:24 AM
No...I rather enjoy cruising the casual encounters section on CL lol
I'll keep this one short:
I once met a girl from ALT.com.
She came over (after saying she wouldn't) and, when I wouldn't have sex with her, asked me if there were any dogs in the neighborhood.
She then asked if it would turn me on if we brought back a stray so she could have sex with it in front of me.
(Well it was Alt.com...)
runningdownthatdream
01-01-2015, 03:34 AM
Oh gosh where to begin?
First off thank you all for keeping the thread civilized. I greatly appreciate it.
So let's start from the top?
A little more about me, i was married for 8 years....i got married when i was young, i've been divorced for 5 years. During the time i was married i did the "right thing" i bought a home for my x wife and I....after the divorce i was "given" an underwater condo....so my first advice to anyone getting a divorce is to give the bitch the house it's not worth fighting for. Your freedom is worth much much more. As such to answer runningdownthatdream (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=294) oh brother i would love to move from A to B but the banks have me by the balls! And well i went from two incomes paying one mortgage to one income paying one mortgage...so liquidity is at a minimum.
MrF (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=47217) the issue of kids is a big one for me....i actually wanted to have kids when i was first married...wanted to have two...that went out the door....i was cheated on by a woman who's education i was paying for at the time and for whom i had just bought a nice condo and the final nail in the coffin came in divorce court where the guy in front of me who looked less than financially secure was ordered by the judge to pay $1800 a month for two kids....for 10 years....my dick looked up at me and said FUCK NO!
As for dating a woman with kids....i have...but sadly and i don't mean to sound selfish....but how much time you get with a woman with young kids is very limited. Sadly there are a lot of dead end dads out there...yeah sure the x husband has the kids every other weekend....turns into...yeah he's not showing up again this weekend so let's go to Chuck E Cheese? Maybe if the kids were older and off to school? But then she would be in her what mid 40's? And god i hate to sound like a dick...but on average a woman in her mid 40's here in NJ....does not look good with her clothes off...apparently sunscreen is not used often in the summers and eating right is an option many forgo....so when the clothes come off.....gosh...just turn off the lights....and i know that sounds horrible to say but...well...you have to be turned on to get a hard on right?
gmb (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=49840), my hope is this that i get my next promotion and that i can rent my condo at a loss small enough to move from A to B to be close to people my own age and who don't have kids?
The and short of it this...i'm amazed at how many friends we loose as we go through our 30's. Ok I've never really had hundreds of friends kind of guy...i had maybe 20 or so good friends...but as time went on...where did they all go? Got married...and then they all got married and then they all had kids and then it was just me......? So then i turned to online dating thinking i could meet someone outside of my now very small social circle and was very much let down by the experience....
Instrumental (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=31070) i'm guessing you are seeing and feeling the same way with Tinder...which makes you ask the age old question....which guy is getting laid on tinder? forget getting a girl to accept a date....right? How odd is this digital world we live in?
I honestly don't think it's very healthy nor good for us in the long run?
Do you realize that you're just making excuses to NOT HAVE the life you want? Or do you really want to be paying a mortgage, living in the suburbs, working long hours, having zero good relationship opportunities? It's all in your power. Sometimes it takes a while to get a hold of your life - the life you WANT instead of the life you sorta stumbled into. Be thankful you don't have people depending on you and just do what you really want. It's not that hard.
runningdownthatdream (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=294)
the key to happiness and a good life...
1) NO neck tattoos
2) NEVER BUY A HOME!
Sadly i did #2...and yeah bro...i've talked to lawyers and accountants...i'm stuck with a home that i don't want that consumes 70% of my income.....and i make too much money to drop the place or to declare bankruptcy. That's why i'm working so hard...one end to not be at home AKA my prison and two to get my next promotion to pay off the home and run away. That's what brought me to online dating.
I didn't want to be there. i do great when i go out with friends....it's just lack of liquidity and lack of opportunity due to dwindling social footprint.
And for a long time i thought i was in a very unique position but reading it appears i'm not alone. =/
But i just wanted to thank everyone for the positive support..thank you. here is to a new year and may you all find true love or at least a best friend who you will rock your world in bed!
AdaBlackXXX
01-02-2015, 05:46 AM
I dated a guy for a year online and then dated him for a year an a half in person. We met playing black ops 2. Best boyfriend I ever had til shit went south. Nothing wrong with internett dating if you both have the resources and love to make it go somewhere.
runningdownthatdream
01-02-2015, 05:50 AM
runningdownthatdream (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=294)
the key to happiness and a good life...
1) NO neck tattoos
2) NEVER BUY A HOME!
Sadly i did #2...and yeah bro...i've talked to lawyers and accountants...i'm stuck with a home that i don't want that consumes 70% of my income.....and i make too much money to drop the place or to declare bankruptcy. That's why i'm working so hard...one end to not be at home AKA my prison and two to get my next promotion to pay off the home and run away. That's what brought me to online dating.
I didn't want to be there. i do great when i go out with friends....it's just lack of liquidity and lack of opportunity due to dwindling social footprint.
And for a long time i thought i was in a very unique position but reading it appears i'm not alone. =/
But i just wanted to thank everyone for the positive support..thank you. here is to a new year and may you all find true love or at least a best friend who you will rock your world in bed!
ok I got you............so basically its just head down and suffer the grind until your time comes. Just hope you make it through without going nuts!
runningdownthatdream (http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/member.php?u=294)
you got it bro...long walk though hell...just hoping i come out the other side looking ok.
but doing some research on the net during lunch.....omg i'm not the only one...very few if any guys actually enjoy online dating...time and time again it's the same review....i thought i had my shit together and looked good...guess not.
and the women on the other end are bitching that all the guys are ugly...or thugs?
it's really a shit show!
Instrumental
01-06-2015, 08:52 AM
which guy is getting laid on tinder?
White dudes. Specifically the tall ones. I'm black, I have some hispanic friends and we both get paltry matches. My white friends, especially the taller ones... holy crap they get matches that would make a line around the block a few times.
Dahlia Babe Ailhad
01-18-2015, 03:25 AM
Hi SXFX,
Shhh.
I saw this online and i thought of you, right away. What do you think?
11111111111.jpg Photo by da6is9 | Photobucket (http://s228.photobucket.com/user/da6is9/media/11111111111.jpg.html)
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Babe,
xoxo
http://www.merc.ca/vbulletin/images/smilies/lips.gif
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modulous
01-20-2015, 09:19 PM
Brutally honest but impossible not to listen to: you're totally right. Shit, gonna have to take a better look at myself after reading that.
I stopped online dating / online looking at the first week of this year.
Uninstalled Okcupid and Tinder from my phone.
I still have a profile but at the moment i haven't looked at either for going on 4 months and i would say 20 days....
honestly.....lot less depressed......i mean big time! so much so that where before i was ready to go on meds to help with my depression....and my anxiety of feeling ugly as fuck and just unwanted...to being ok with myself.
my work at work has improved
i can focus better
my work outs are better
my mood is better
and fuck...i even shit better....
honestly i can't think of any other reason that i feel better than the fact that i've stopped online dating.
so guys save your self....stop online dating stop feeding the monster save yourself.
i'm sure it's great for the girls since they get hit on 1k times per day but for us guys...it's hell on earth...save yourself and walk away!
I started online dating and it fucking sucks! Yes it does cause depression. Sent messages to lot of girls and got nothing. Women have double standards on those sites. They say don't comment by saying "Hi" but if your hot say hi all you want. Fucking women on dating site are so fucking shallow! Got to be hot, douchbag,bad boy,or loser. Average guys stay the fuck off those sites not worth your soul.
It's not you bro...google data from okcupid...i think i had it here in the past....the data is really fucked up.....as a guy....worst thing you can do
i've said it before and i'll say it again....there is nothing more depressing than online dating in the burbs......nothing....i'm sure having cancer is less depressing!
judas on a fucking stick!
man 30 to late 30's in the burbs fucking sucks...work 12 hours a day bust your ass get promoted make good money and then watch it all go away on a mortgage on a condo you really don't want...but you can't walk away from due to negative equity.....
while you work your ass off all of a sudden you look around and all of your fucking friends are either married or married with kids....selling off their sports cars and motorcycles and skydiving equipment for kids? and so you are left being alone as fuck int he local bar looking like some sort of desperate moron and doing your best to not lower your standards and end up fucking and wifing up a fatty....holy shit life sucks!
and don't even try the drugs to get you out of this hole....what they don't tell you is that if you are suffering from situational depression....all the drugs will do is dull you the fuck our and make you want to off yourself.
word to the wise kids DO NOT MOVE out to the suburbs and expect cute or normal women.....
fuckkkkkk
NedLeeds
01-20-2016, 02:34 PM
I actually had a decent amount of success dating online over the course of about 9 months and it was very uplifting for a little bit since I was coming off a bad relationship. What amazed me looking back on it is how many emotional ups and downs there were. Every new girl brought new hopes, then we'd either go on a subpar date with no connection or the messages would just drop off for no reason then my optimism would go back in the toilet. Then another "wink" comes in and I'm high as a kite again. It was a rough roller coaster, pretty much every two weeks or so. Not to mention the amount of work that was required to make connections -- checking profiles in the morning before work, responding to emails on lunch and after work, it was like a second job or an all-consuming hobby. Ultimately it seemed to be a lot of games and jumping through hoops while I finally realized that most of the girls on there were looking for that 50 Shades of Gray guy and were ready to turn-and-burn once an upgrade came along. Basically, it was like having your soul in the blender. Once I looked at how much it was costing me between the website's fees and dinner dates, not to mention the emotional toll, I decided to save my money and got into "the hobby".
CHECK HIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT OUT!
EVER WONDER WHY A SIX FIGURE NIGGER WHO HITS THE GYM 4 DAYS A WEEK AND DRIVES A BMW KEEPS GETTING BUSTED UP BITCHES LOOKING AT HIS PROFILE...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eD8Tjm_-SNs
" notice that a 5:55 your two curves do not fall on each other? Your peaks are off by what appears to be 2 sigma? As such your "hottest guy" is now being matched with your "average woman" Note, your 3 sigma out guys fall on your median of women.....SO......are you telling me that based on your basic math #okcupid is set up to match the hottest guy with average women? So...can i safely assume that bascially you are "ripping" us guys off? because we are "dumb enough" to keep paying for our memeberships in "hopes" we find a decent woman who is of "equal" attractiveness? while women are lewered in because of a finite number of "good looking" guys? I'm not a rocket scientists i'm just an engineer with an MBA and a six sigma black belt."
Maybe part of your problem is you don't look attractive to anyone that you consider attractive enough for you. Your priorities are clearly an issue, as well - how good a girl looks is the most important thing to you. You have time to work out and go rock climbing, but you don't have time to go to a club, bar, or outside in the general public. Where, exactly, would you have the time for a relationship, then? It sounds like the bedroom is the only time - so you should consider investing in paid services. Clearly, something about your mentality isn't working if you're 38 and needing to ask the internet what you're doing wrong. I know a lot of people who live in the suburbs, let alone anywhere else, in dozens of cities, who don't have an issue meeting "attractive" women. Attitude plays a huge part, and yours is absolutely shitty!
"how good a girl looks is the most important thing to you."
>>Yes....because when i do go out that's the first thing you see...you can't see someones personality from across the bar? And if you can then hey you have a super special power and i wish the rest of us had it because it would make for a better world!
You have time to work out and go rock climbing, but you don't have time to go to a club, bar, or outside in the general public.
>>yeah because you can do those things solo...even rock climbing now....but going out to the bar or club solo....sigh..it stinks! and when all of your friends are married or married with kids you have to make plans a month in advance with them....and omg...ever go to a club with two friends who are married and fighting over something stupid like who didn't take out the garbage last week.....OMG talk about single lady repellent =)
Where, exactly, would you have the time for a relationship, then?
>>I'm sure i can give up two nights at the gym to enjoy time with someone awesome...and hey who knows maybe we can rock climb together =)
Clearly, something about your mentality isn't working if you're 38 and needing to ask the internet what you're doing wrong.
>>no just venting....no one ever really tells you how careful you need to be in life...that you need to make hundreds of friends when you are young because you will loose so many as you get older due to well...work, life, kids and other....so just venting a little....better into the void of the net than to a friend who has their own problem due to forgetting to take out the garbage...
I know a lot of people who live in the suburbs, let alone anywhere else, in dozens of cities, who don't have an issue meeting "attractive" women.
>>lucky kids =) well i hope to be as lucky one day..we will see?
Attitude plays a huge part, and yours is absolutely shitty!
>>you sure you don't want to hug it out?
I've often wondered while i work 12 hour days in my office, swiping right or left on the Dating apps....
If online dating on average crushes a mans soul.....does it lift up a womans spirits?
I mean let's be honest, i can sit and drink one beer and swipe right as hard as i could and get rejected 99.99% of the time
But a woman can sit down and and during that one beer have hundreds of positive emails sent to her telling her she is the prettiest thing in the world......
gaysian71
02-19-2017, 07:02 AM
Wow, sounds like a lot of people dislike online dating including me. I'm not saying that it's bad because I have had some success. But it ends up being almost a waste of time chore more than fun.
The best solution is,just going out in the real world. I can go to a club or bar and mingle with a lot of people and have far better luck just talking to people. Plus it's a ton of fun just going out. If you are friendly to enough people, going out by yourself can turn into a pretty good party.
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