I need help with my feminization

[CD_Claudia]

Hi everybody , my name is Claudia and i am 24 years old transexual , but unfortunatelly ,so far i struggled a lot with my gender identity and i lost so many years of my life being stucked and feeling uncomfortable . Now i am fully aware and i accepted myself as a girl .
One of the reason for me writing here is that i want to make friends . Basically i have very few friends if any , partially because i felt embarassed to come out and partially because especially here where i live now the people are very close minded . I really want to talk with other transgirls , i need advices in pretty much every domain . Until now i only lived as a woman inside , but my appearance is not so good , Also i lack informations on make up , style and clothing . I really learnt a lot for a while now about all the girl stuff but i could use some other persons opinions experiences and advices . One of the most difficult tasks for me is to integrate in the society as a girl . I don't know if it is because i was so uncomfortable and messed up but i always avoid mingling into groups . I just sat apart and fantasied how would that be to feel comfortable and have fun . I guess my age plays a role too , i am so old and lack so many things as a girl - even though inside i feel still like on my teens years.
The job is another worry . I would really like to get some advices on this topic . Until now i had only jobs that are specific to men , even now i am still hired as a truck driver in France . I really want to quit but i kinda need the money .
Until now i was in an unaware state of depression , i inhibited my dreams and accepted that i will live a miserable life . But for a few months i got a mix of hope and pain : hope that i still can free myself and emmerge as a girl and also a heart ripping pain that i lost too much years doing nothing and being sad . I am sorry that i didn't have the chance to live my teens years .
Also i would like to hear some experiences and advices on the hormons . I didn't get any estrogen so far , initially when i was younger i didn't want to loose any of my sexual function . Now i am open to taking them and even think of SRS in the future . I really want to be a full girl , passable . I have some problems here because at least where i live , a prescription is required and i didn't yet had the guts to go to a doctor and come out as a transgirl .
Anyway , to cut a long story short , i want to make new friends in this comunity and i will be gratefull for any advices on coming out , job , beauty , style tips ...(pretty much everything ) .
Thanks for taking time and reading this and also be gentle to me - I am very sensible ,rude people affect me a lot .

[surf4490]

Welcome to the asylum ,lots of luck with your transition :yingyang:

[Rivz]

Maybe a good site for you to look into is Fetlife.com, help you find more community.

Also some good resources.

http://www.tsroadmap.com/index.html

Don't take it as gospel, as some of the info isn't 100% correct, think of it as a jumping off point.

[CD_Claudia]

Thanks for your posts .

2 more topics :

First , if anyone could share some personal experiences on hormones. I would like to take them but i am a little worried about loosing the sex drive entirely . Is it anyway to take them on cycles so that still have a little function on my testis , allowing them to recover a little . I really like my body to be more feminine , but also i would like having some libido .

Also , one of my dreams is to relocate in South America , i am thinking at Brazil as first choice and Columbia , Venezuela , Argentina as other posibilities .
Could anyone who live there to give me some infos about the life there ? I mean about the real life , how hard is it to get a job , what's the general opinion and how easy or difficult is it to live as a trans girl .
I know i don't need any visa to go to Brazil and also i am trying to learn portuguese , but i am worried that the life there isn't as glamourous and easy as it appears .

[CD_Claudia]

Just a webcam snapshot , with no make-up on .
I just feel the need to 'come out ' , i am aware that i am not pretty , so please don't be critical , as i said i am over-sensitive .

[Prospero]

welcome to this forum Claudia... and you look fine to me, girl

[runround04]

Your thoughts and description of your looks certainly dont match your picture at all, you definitely dont give yourself enough credit. I dont have much on the topics you need help with, but Im sure some others will. If you havent yet, check youtube and google around, there is alot of info out there already, just a matter of tracking it down, hell, a buddy built his kitchen from watching Youtube vids. lol

Fill in your location too, theres alot of members all over the country and world, you never know who might be within driving distance that could help.

[CD_Claudia]

Thank you all for your nice words , i appreciate .

About location , basically i don't really have one right now :)) . I have the official - documents adress in Romania - Europe , but i spent a lot of time in the Western Europe , wandering around as a driver . That is one of the things i need help with : if someone could recommand a city in the Western Europe or South America where i could settle and it would be easy to live as a girl (inlcuding finding jobs that fit and accept trans women , social life , ...). Basically i could go anywhere and that is the hardest thing , to choose a city when i don't know the insides and the good/bad parts of it . That is why i need as many friends , oppinions and support .I don't have no one , my family doesn't accept me this way and i am lost in a world of pain and struggle . I know many girls have problems too , i don't want to exagerate , but i am really depressed and about to loose hope .

[alyssaluxor]

Are there any LGBT office in your country? Any TS girls you know in your country? Better consult and check with LGBT centers in your country if you like to transition like hormones.... in Europe i think its free

[CD_Claudia]

There is no much LGBT activity in Romania , there are some Ts , but most of them live in other countries like Germany or Italy . There are also some TV/TS that live here but they form an underground world , they work as escorts , stay indoors or go to a handfull of clubs that receive LGBT people better , and that is about it , no normal life as a girl for them .
Gay or bisexuals don't usually come out ,they hide their sexuality in public .
Romania it is an awfull place to live in , it is a poor country and also the people are very , very close minded , the kids that are not 'normal' are bullyed and embarassed , forced to become loners , by pretty much everyone : from family to school teachers and colleagues .
Even if you are 18 it is not that you could get a job and live by your own . There are very few job opportunities , and the payment is worse : like 150-300 euro a month for too many people .If you have to pay rent you won't have enough money to eat , everything else is already a luxury . So , the younger people including the transgirls are basically forced to go abroad and try their luck.

There are some happy stories ( at least from my point of view , i am sure they had lots of challenges and problems too ) . A few weeks ago i found some girls that are pretty much complete , they started the transition early some at 14-15 years other after the age of 18 . But i guess luck played a major role in that too , because they are accepted by their family , have an acceptable finnacial situation , and also were born in big cities , where the degree of informations and freedom is sligthly bigger than in the smaller cities/villages . For example me , i was born in a world where the concept of transgender just wasn't there , i felt and behaved different , unhappy with what i am but i was misleaded that i was 'sick ' , i started to inhibit myself - the real one and tried to found the peace of mind in other things .I didn't found about transgenders until i was like 16 :(, and even then i had the doctrines that i was formed with , it seemed just impossible for me to become one of them , they were like movie stars , a handfull of lucky people , with a better genetic heritage and some luck.
I even did some bodybuilding in the highschool - one of the worst mistakes , i choosed the worst way , i just got a more masculine body and inside remained the same sensitive girl . Now i regret that a lot , i wish that i would 've been aware that the transition is a posibility .
I am jealous on the young generation now , who benefits of Internet for informations , friends , support , etc since their childhood . I saw online a lot of underage teens that start their transition , or at least block their puberty as males , there will be so much easier for them if they form and get used to their feminity since the teen years . Also their body won't have male features , which is very important for themselves , their self-confidence and acceptance , but also in society ,( if you look nice and cute , very feminine , people accept you easier as a girl ).

Anyway , the idea is that Romania is a dead end , i ran from it since i was 18-19 , unfortunately my ticket out was the driver job . I hate it now , i feel the pressure from everybody to be a male , that's the gender they hired me with , that is how they know me .
Also this is a very loner job , initially i liked that in a way , i could be myself when i was alone and i was away from the people so i wouldn't get hurt to much . Now i realize that was wrong , i should've search some real friends instead of hiding .
I just want to start from scratch , new home , new job , where everyone saw me from the beggining as a trans girl .


About hormons , they are not free but they aren't to expensive neither . I asked some girls here and i did some research on my own , and yesterday i started to take some androgen blockers and estradiol . We will see how that works .


Thanks for your opinions and advices .

[asianphoenixx]

Just a webcam snapshot , with no make-up on .
I just feel the need to 'come out ' , i am aware that i am not pretty , so please don't be critical , as i said i am over-sensitive .

I personally think you are cute. Welcome on board.

this is the best website for us with regards to FFS and SRS:
www.susans.org, click forum, then register.

Soon you know how interesting to be a tgirl

see you in Romania:)

Tia

p.s: oh...i have to add, this is also the place to ask questions with regards to hormones, etc

[Quiet Reflections]

I have to be honest when I read the word feminization I automatically think about a guy with a sissy fetish. Im not saying that is what you are but I think in the future the term Transition and/or transitioning would serve you better when looking for information or help. Also while im not a transwoman or a doctor i can tell you that cycling your meds is not good for your mind or body and that if you are really trans you should worry about a healthy transition above keeping you dick hard even if you never plan on SRS.

but then what do I know