I got fucked by a crack whore last night (true story)

[chefmike]

So I went out drinking yesterday with my buddy Sleazo (we both work at the same gay bar). We hung out in the bathroom of the 'Glory Hole'(our fav bar) with a mutual friend, who is currently making a small fortune selling his ass. We drank, told stories, and took care of the patrons...but after six beers, and three times as many men, it was time to move on.

We made our way to the men's restroom in the Minneapolis bus station, Sleazo is currently seeing a guy at the moment who frequents it. He hooked us up with loose change, whiskey and beer and we had fun, talking too loud and irritating the straight guys in the restroom. We left eventually, and this is where memory fails me for a brief time.

I ended up back in my apartment with a crack whore. Not an escort or anything fancy, just a fairly ugly, late 30's, kinda nervous crack whore CD. I don't usually pick up CD crack whores this early in the evening at all actually, so this was somewhat odd, but what the hell? I don't remember meeting her either, but these things happen. I got us both some drinks and we sat and talked on my couch, then there was a knock on my door.

This dreamy guy with glasses walked in and did just what a person would expect him to do, and I laughed at him. He was getting tough, talking shit, and I told him "Shut the fuck up! You're not talking to Joe Lunchbox here. I know this fuckin game and you've been on at least three security cameras just coming up here. I'm going to hang out with your girl, have some drinks, and then I'm gonna blow you, and if you're mean to me I'm not gonna swallow."

I started sucking his dick and thats when things got ugly... I mean he didn't even say thanks.

He didn't even tip me, and he left. So I hung out with the CD crack whore, although right now I have no idea what we talked about. At the moment half of my bottle of whiskey is gone, and there is an empty can of Miller Genuine Draft next to my sink (she must of had it in her pocket), so I imagine we blabbed for quite awhile. I asked her what her rate was to fuck my ass (and I have a very nice ass), and she said 30 dollars. I gave her $40, kissed her on the forehead, and told her to stay away from that dipshit pimp (because I wanted him for myself), and that I thought she(?) was a very sweet girl. And then I spread my cheeks and she showed me how to take it like a man...from a man...

And then he left....

Somewhat strange evening.

I don't know why I'm posting this. It's a true story, and it happened last night, and I'm still walking bowlegged...

The moral: Guys, always be nice to CD crack whores, even if they drink Miller Genuine Draft. CD crack whores are good people. And if a pimp tries to shake you down, it helps if you suck his dick, even though in my case he didn't even tip me... :? 8)

[blckhaze]

LMAO

[AllanahStarrNYC]

OMG! LMAO

U almost made me choke on my lunch with that heading!

LMAO

[Quinn]

LMFAO...... That's just so wrong.

-Quinn

[chefmike]

:peanutbutter :moon :rock2

[BeardedOne]

LMFAO...... That's just so wrong.

-Quinn

And on so many levels. :roll:

[WendyWilliams]

That actually made me laugh and today I needed that, priceless

[specialk]

:smh :why

[NickTheQuick]

What, no sword-fighting in this one?

[TomSelis]

"I'm no Joe Lunchbox!" is soooo quotable.

[specialk]

Now that I found the inspiration for this post I'm LMFAO :peanutbutter :peanutbutter :peanutbutter

[chefmike]

Now that I found the inspiration for this post I'm LMFAO :peanutbutter :peanutbutter :peanutbutterEasy there, tough guy...he's no Joe Lunchbox!

[kevin]

What, no sword-fighting in this one?
:lol: :lol:

[chefmike]

What, no sword-fighting in this one?

Joe Lunchbox only uses his sword-fighting skills in times of extreme peril...

Joe Lunchbox prefers to use his sword-swallowing skills...he finds that there is a greater need for sword-swallowing than sword-fighting, at the Minneapolis bus station anyway...I'm just saying... 8)

[chefmike]

Yes, sometimes you have to get down to the nitty-gritty...but if you want to read the fairy-tale (pardon the expression :wink: ) version...look here-

http://www.hungangels.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=9122

[bigd321]

What got me about this post was the fact that not only are you a trannt expert (as I gather by the title above your user name) but you're more geared towards being a homosexual. I think that's rare asmong tranny chasers. Most would consider themself more straight and wouldn't think twice about having sex with a guy.... Just something I found interested. Someone should break tranny lovers in to catagories one day when they're bored and don't have shit else to do.

[specialk]

:popcorn butter/no salt

[chefmike]

What got me about this post was the fact that not only are you a trannt expert (as I gather by the title above your user name) but you're more geared towards being a homosexual. I think that's rare asmong tranny chasers. Most would consider themself more straight and wouldn't think twice about having sex with a guy.... Just something I found interested. Someone should break tranny lovers in to catagories one day when they're bored and don't have shit else to do.

LMAO...you can't get nothing past this rocket scientist...where is the emoticon for "over your head" when you need it... :roll:

But this post is nothing compared to the PM's that I got yesterday when I originally posted this touching story, about a short, nice guy from Minneapolis...

[specialk]

What got me about this post was the fact that not only are you a trannt expert (as I gather by the title above your user name) but you're more geared towards being a homosexual. I think that's rare asmong tranny chasers. Most would consider themself more straight and wouldn't think twice about having sex with a guy.... Just something I found interested. Someone should break tranny lovers in to catagories one day when they're bored and don't have shit else to do.

LMAO...you can't get nothing past this rocket scientist...where is the emoticon for "over your head" when you need it... :roll:

But this post is nothing compared to the PM's that I got yesterday when I originally posted this touching story, about a short, nice guy from Minneapolis...

:what :idea: :screwy

These emoticons will have to do for now :lol:

[hondarobot]

Wow. He's gone way over the rainbow for good it seems.

The sad, lonely chef finally gets some attention, and he's completely retarded once again. It's not even worth retaliating against grade school level attempts at being insulting. It's actually quite hysterical. And no, we'll never be the "amigos" you long for us to be.

I know it's more fun just to ignore you, but I just had to post once.

You can't stop yourself.

[chefmike]

Are you sore?..... :wink:

[BeardedOne]

:popcorn butter/no salt

Ah, sweet memories of hot popcorn, coated with "liquid color". :lol:

They =say= it's "real" butter now.

Not bloody likely. :lol:

[Quinn]

:popcorn butter/no salt

Ah, sweet memories of hot popcorn, coated with "liquid color". :lol:

They =say= it's "real" butter now.

Not bloody likely. :lol:

LOL.. I, too, remember the loaded question. Would you like some "butter flavored topping" on your popcorn? No thanks.

-Quinn

[hondarobot]

Are you sore?..... :wink:

OK, now it's getting way too creepy. The loser waited all of 6 minutes to post a reply. Face it, you are a gay old man, and you have some bizarre fixation on me and this forum. This is definately stalking when you constantly annoy everyone with utter bullshit, make posts about my posts, and just can't act rationally.

Having posted over 1000 times has, in some sad way, gone to your head.

Weirrrrd-o. Seek psychiatric care.

[bigd321]

What got me about this post was the fact that not only are you a trannt expert (as I gather by the title above your user name) but you're more geared towards being a homosexual. I think that's rare asmong tranny chasers. Most would consider themself more straight and wouldn't think twice about having sex with a guy.... Just something I found interested. Someone should break tranny lovers in to catagories one day when they're bored and don't have shit else to do.

LMAO...you can't get nothing past this rocket scientist...where is the emoticon for "over your head" when you need it... :roll:

But this post is nothing compared to the PM's that I got yesterday when I originally posted this touching story, about a short, nice guy from Minneapolis...

Dude., I just said it was interesting and wasn't common. I didn't say anything was wrong with it. You need to get over your insecurities for liking guys, it's nothing wrong with it. Don't attack me because you apparently have deep down issues or whatever.

[BeardedOne]

"Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

:lol: :lol:

Gawd, where's George when we really need him?!? :lol:

[chefmike]

Dry your eyes, wetardowobot...I'm sorry if this thread hits you too close to home, especially when you're already walking bowlegged...but you're gonna have to deal with that on your own, tinkerbell...

I'm not the one who posted a thread about smoking crack with a hooker, but I'm happy that you found your soulmate nonetheless, sport... :wink:

Look at it this way...at least you got something up your ass besides your own head for a change, and you didn't even have to take a bus trip across country to do it this time...you stud....

http://www.hungangels.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=8900&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

And what were you saying about "hurting" me a couple of weeks ago? To quote GW, you're doing a heck of a job, Brownie....

Please...no mas...wetardowobot...or should I call you Joe Lunchbox?

[chefmike]

:lol:

[hondarobot]

Wow. He's still going. It is getting a bit sad, though.

You can stop now, or at least try to. It's becoming apparent that therapy of some sort may be required for you at this point.

I don't want to have this flame war with you that you dream about, it wouldn't interest me, and I actually kinda feel sorry for you.

But no, I still don't want to be your "amigo".

[chefmike]

I may be terrified of planes, automobiles, and swimming pools... but I'm no Joe Lunchbox!

[Quinn]

Sorry, Honda, but I couldn't help laughing hysterically when I saw the GIJoe lunchbox. Damn that was clever; I still have tears in my eyes from laughing so damn hard.

-Quinn

[hondarobot]

Hehe. . . I think I use to have that lunchbox. I know I had a Scooby Doo and a Speed Buggy.

Maybe I'll start a "Your Favorite" lunchbox thread later tonight.

Hmmm. . .

[chefmike]

Don't mention it...

The pleasure was all mine, Joe Lunchbox...

AKA hondastronaut.... 8)

[hondarobot]

Wow, you really are crazy. Why would someone bump ancient threads like this?

Oh, right, the whole "crazy" thing.

:lol:

[chefmike]

Why indeed, hondastronaut?

Maybe you should just stop letting your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ass, chump.

........... :lol:


................... :P


............................... 8)

[BillyCuddles]

Wow, you really are crazy. Why would someone bump ancient threads like this?

Oh, right, the whole "crazy" thing.

:lol:


Why indeed, hondastronaut?

Maybe you should just stop letting your alligator mouth overload your hummingbird ass, chump.

........... :lol:


................... :P
............................... 8)


You two are feeding on each other huh?http://devoproductions.com/Angry_shark_2.gif

[hondarobot]

Oh for God's sake. This Chef Mike guy is just an obsessive weirdo. Read the posts, don't just take my word for it. He's crazy.

All the regular posters here know what's up with this stalker, he's just a regular annoyance. Ignore and he will go away.

[chefmike]

Stalker?


ROTFLMFAO....


What are the chances of hondastronaut bringing up the subject of stalkers?

Let's see, pilgrams.... :P 8)


I'm posting this just to clear my head.

I took a bus from Minneapolis to Arizona last summer, rode 1500 miles into the heart of the desert. I can't imagine too many things stupider then that. The whole bus aspect was really bad, I wouldn't recommend it, but I have an irrational fear of flying in planes and I don't own a car, taking the train was complicated and involved too many stop overs and transfers. Sometimes a guy just has to bite the bullet.

I did this to meet a girl. I thought it was the only way I could get her to trust me. She was entrenched in the internet/porn scene and had some issues with trusting people, although even now she would probably never admit it.

I told her I was coming to see her two months in advance, and everything seemed great for the most part. A few days before I was set to take vacation she emailed me and told me not to come down. I think she was scared that I was some crazy stalker. I didn't fold, and left for my trip as scheduled.

When I arrived at the resort I was staying at, I had already given her my cell phone number and told her where I would be. I figured, even though she didn't contact me, she would show up to surprise me. She didn't. She didn't do anything. I had a good time hanging out at the bar blabbing with people, then emailed her and told her she was a bad person.

She emailed me the next morning, but she wouldn't meet me at the resort. She offered to pick me up and bring me to another location, but honestly at that point I was starting to wonder just what would happen if I let her do something like that. Where the hell was she intending to bring me? I took a cab and met her at the hook up point.

I got a beer and sat at a table waiting for her to arrive. She called eventually and asked if I was sitting with a bunch of bikers. Huh? I looked around and saw a bunch of bikers nearby, I think I made a joke that I was partying with them, and it turns out she was peeking in the window.

Then she walked in.

She was beautiful. I'm not just saying that, I've had countless "that's like a scene from a movie!" times in my life. I felt like Bogart meeting Lauren Bacall at that moment.

She was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.

We hugged, had fun, got some drinks, partied, had a good time. Then we got back to the resort.

She dove topless into a blue lit, sand lined pool. I can still clearly picture that moment, it was amazing, her body was a work of art, grace in motion. I wouldn't get in the pool with her because I have this issue with having drowned when I was a kid, it's long story.

We ended up back in my room, and she didn't go there just to get some sleep. Unfortunately it did end up getting strange. A guy in bed with his dream girl should be raging hard and desperate to fuck, but I just wanted to talk to her. I've been in bed with lots of beautiful girls, this was something different.

We did talk, we made out, we had a great time and I loved just being with her. This wasn't an "escort" situation or a porn scene or anything weird. Then we got some sleep, but woke up a few hours later..

This is the point in the story where things fucked up. I told her I was going to make her squirt. Not a fetish thing, just being honest. But then she went home.

It would have been nice if she had met me for breakfast the next morning, but she didn't.

The reason things got messed up are numerous, faults on my part as well as hers, and it wasn't on account of a "secret boyfriend". I do feel bad, but I had to tell the story at some point, and now it's been told. I considered her a true friend for almost two years, but she still won't talk to me.

And that's the truth.

If anyone has any comments on this thread, keep 'em to yourselves. This wasn't meant for anyone but her. I would have just emailed her, but she already knows the story and wouldn't respond to me anyways. And yeah, I know I need to get over the whole thing, that's why I posted this.

It's a virtual form of therapy at this point, and now I've talked to the doctor.

http://www.hungangels.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=8900&start=0



After a year and a half of great input on my part, I've been banned from the forums on VickiRichter.com.

Why? I'm not sure. I frequently made a jerk of myself by attacking people who seemed to be jack-asses, but I always wrote the truth, as far as I could see it.

I really like her. But like every pretty girl, she's crazy. And I'm crazy for chasing her so hard for so long.

Why am I even posting this thread? Who knows. . . ?

At least I tried.

http://www.hungangels.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=7654&start=0

You should have never ventured out of the shallow end of the gene pool, lunchbox.

Those short buses are there for a reason.

[Fockzilla]

Did they give you any crack?

[Kramer]

Wow............ I knew he was a salami squatter! :shock: