hondarobot
05-10-2006, 01:33 AM
For a variety of reasons, I have been making frequent wildly insane rants on these boards for quite some time lately. The general themes in these bizarre outbursts are generally either related to my nearly psychotic pursuit of superstar Vicki Richter, or the fact that I believe I am in fact, uh, a woman. The causes for them are numerous, mostly related to stress over a stupid contest I didn't win (although I intend to continue to work on the process that the contest was related to).
Now, my attraction to Vicki remains undiminished, but I'm not going to continue forward under the delusion that we could ever be a couple someday. She's a great, sweet girl, but I'm just not her sort of guy. I'm not really any girls kinda guy, although I'm not gay and I'm not in fact a girl. This is what I really wanted to post about.
I think my throwing out that I believed for a time that I was cross-gender was, not only grossly innacurate, but possibly insulting to actual cross gender people. I didn't intend it as such, and it was the result of temporary lunacy on my part, but I think my reasoning at the time was "Hmmm. . .I'm kinda a sensative wuss, obviously girls want a manly guy. . .so maybe I'm a girl! That could work!" Like I said, I'm not cross or transgender, I'm just not a macho, take charge sort of guy. I don't think I ever could be, and I'm fine with that at this point. I'm also terrible material for a relationship with anyone, I just don't want to be life partners with anyone on that level, I never really have.
I do value my friends, though, and so I apologize for my behavior. Especially to Vicki, sh'e been more than patient with me for over a year now, since I sent her my first "I Love You!" email, and she has spent a great deal of time helping me to calm down and face facts. She's also made me realize that I can't just float along in life, continuing to get lucky and take things for granted.
I will now proceed to attempt to become lecherously wealthy (it's not entirely impossible, actually) and then my past tirades will be forgotten because when you're rich and powerful you're never crazy. You're just eccentric.
And I'll continue to watch porn, because when it comes down to a long term gratifying life path, masturbation is the most appealing option I can see. I've never had any problems with it.
If I ever post another crazy bunch of nonsense, I would appreciate it if someone would simply tell me to shut the fuck up.
:)
Now, my attraction to Vicki remains undiminished, but I'm not going to continue forward under the delusion that we could ever be a couple someday. She's a great, sweet girl, but I'm just not her sort of guy. I'm not really any girls kinda guy, although I'm not gay and I'm not in fact a girl. This is what I really wanted to post about.
I think my throwing out that I believed for a time that I was cross-gender was, not only grossly innacurate, but possibly insulting to actual cross gender people. I didn't intend it as such, and it was the result of temporary lunacy on my part, but I think my reasoning at the time was "Hmmm. . .I'm kinda a sensative wuss, obviously girls want a manly guy. . .so maybe I'm a girl! That could work!" Like I said, I'm not cross or transgender, I'm just not a macho, take charge sort of guy. I don't think I ever could be, and I'm fine with that at this point. I'm also terrible material for a relationship with anyone, I just don't want to be life partners with anyone on that level, I never really have.
I do value my friends, though, and so I apologize for my behavior. Especially to Vicki, sh'e been more than patient with me for over a year now, since I sent her my first "I Love You!" email, and she has spent a great deal of time helping me to calm down and face facts. She's also made me realize that I can't just float along in life, continuing to get lucky and take things for granted.
I will now proceed to attempt to become lecherously wealthy (it's not entirely impossible, actually) and then my past tirades will be forgotten because when you're rich and powerful you're never crazy. You're just eccentric.
And I'll continue to watch porn, because when it comes down to a long term gratifying life path, masturbation is the most appealing option I can see. I've never had any problems with it.
If I ever post another crazy bunch of nonsense, I would appreciate it if someone would simply tell me to shut the fuck up.
:)