what if you learned your GF was an escort?

[nina_lisa]

Curios how people will react, what if you date a girl, and later learned she was an an escort.

Or met a new girl, and then you learn she also escort, how would you react?

[Adama77]

IDK... I guess I'd hope she doesn't start charging me for it... :p

[SXFX]

Have her take a shower......

[RallyCola]

umm...well if i meet a girl and find out she was an escort in the first few dates, i.e. i knew before we really got involved, then i would decide at that point if i was comfortable with continuing with any potential relationship.

if i am in a relationship with a girl and only find out much later on that she was hooking, i would unleash hell upon her for 1) lying to me and 2) endangering me. honesty is always key to any relationship.

[betts]

she would no longer be my girlfriend

[dirtyboy7969]

i would oddly enough be ok with it....
i would support anything she wanted to do.

[nina_lisa]

if i am in a relationship with a girl and only find out much later on that she was hooking, i would unleash hell upon her for 1) lying to me and 2) endangering me. honesty is always key to any relationship.

What if you seen escorts before dating her, do you have the obligation to say: before we date or go further, or have sex, i did have sex with escorts in the past.

[Dino Velvet]

If I later learned she was an escort I would treat her the same way as any deceitful woman who slept behind my back when I thought we were monogamous. Buh-bye.

[RallyCola]

1st...i do apologize....i mis-read the original post.

you said what if i found out she WAS an escort....implying that she was hooking before me. if a girl was hooking before me, i really can't be too concerned as long as she is healthy and no longer doing it. my response was geared towards finding out she was hooking WHILE dating me.

now...to your response...


What if you seen escorts before dating her, do you have the obligation to say: before we date or go further, or have sex, i did have sex with escorts in the past.

no. i have no obligation to tell her who i fucked before her simply because that i am not a virgin implies that i have fucked at least one person before her...whether i paid for it or not. so....to answer properly....

if a girl was hooking before we began our relationship, who she had sex with in the past is irrelevant to me as long as she is disease free and no longer doing it.

if a girl IS hooking while in a relationship with me....see original post

[Dino Velvet]

I misread too. I was caught up in the cheating part. If I found out she escorted before I met her but was honorable in any commitment she made towards me I still am not sure what I would do.

[smoothboi]

As long as I knew in the beginning, I wouldn't mind. I'm into promiscuous partners anyway.

[youngblood61]

It would be over if she wasn' straight with me in the beginning.:heartbroken:

[danthepoetman]

Everything in the human world relates to circumstances. I would definitely want to know why she didn’t talk about it, and why she is doing it. I’m pretty sure in many cases, I would receive a satisfactory answer, call me naïve if you want… :)
Now, would I mind if I was in a couple with an escort? Once again, it depends of what type of escort she is. Under decent circumstances, with safe practices, I’m pretty sure if I was in love with the girl, I could accept it.

[CORVETTEDUDE]

Is there some reason she wouldn't have told me straight up?? I would not be happy if it was hidden from me. That would bother me much more than the idea she was an escort.

[MdR Dave]

Is there some reason she wouldn't have told me straight up?? I would not be happy if it was hidden from me. That would bother me much more than the idea she was an escort.

Of course there's a reason she wouldn't come right out with it- most people, male or female, would judge her for it. The folks here are probably more understanding of such things, but not representative of the average person. We're special.

In this situation, if I felt strongly toward her (wouldn't even have to be "love" I would stick with her. If I didn't feel it I would leave, but not because she hid something from me. I would leave because she was an escort and there would be no guarantee it is a thing of the past only. I'm not going through that again unless that dumbass heart of mine signs off.

[tsmounting]

Can't make a hoe a housewife...

[Dino Velvet]

I still don't know. I've dated girls and never told them about me going to jail before. Just a little jail, not the cooler.

[onmyknees]

[QUOTE=danthepoetman;1226751] I’m pretty sure in many cases, I would receive a satisfactory answer, call me naïve if you want… :)


OK.....you're naive !

[Quiet Reflections]

If she was doing it when we met and she was upfront about it then that's cool We can be friends maybe more but It would be really slow going and Im sure there would be trust issues.

If she was doing it when we met and she lied about it or just left that detail out until after we were already in a serious relationship then I would offer her my friendship and emotional support but not stay in the relationship.

I don't like open relationships but I have been in a few and my first rule is 1) Let me know I'm in one

[onmyknees]

I know this chic who used to do bikini bike calendar shoots, and similar modeling. Killer body. Cool chic to hang and party with. I always thought she was doing something more, but it was no skin off my ass. A guy shows me a CL ad with her face shadowed out, and I easily recognized that body . I can't say I wasn't a little surprised , but again, she was a friend and I didn't think it was necessary that she tell me how she was supplementing her modeling income . I was surprised because the guy she was dating was a muscle head. A real asshole. Always lookin' to start shit because some dude said hello to her or bumped into him. I guess it became known to more people and ultimately he beat the fuck out of her in a roid rage, and all her girlfriends suddenly became real judgemental and severed all contact once they found out. I recall calling them out asking them why they gave a fuck how she chose to pay the rent. And the irony was some of her girlfriends were the biggest sluts I know...but they gave it away. I could never really reconcile why the exchange of money for sex was so horrid to some people....especially promiscuous women! It all fucked this girl up pretty good. She dove deep into addiction and after 2 years, is just now getting her shit together . Maybe she was weak and predisposed to addiction , but the way her friends treated her sure the fuck didn't help. She obviously should have informed her BF, or not had a BF with his hang ups, but the point is....rarely are these situations handled with calm and reason, and it's usually not a good outcome.

[danthepoetman]

You mean to say, OMK, that the friends around them were more shocked by the fact that she was an escort than they were by the beating her boyfriend gave her? Wow!
But you see, that’s pretty much what I was alluding to. Circumstances have a lot to do with how we all behave. What’s your background? What did you have to go through? That’s what I meant when I was talking about the explanations I could possibly get from her. Because trust is not free; it’s not something you will necessarily get from the get go, especially if that person has been through a lot in her life. You’ll have to work for it, create communication and trust; and that, you build by opening up, no matter how much time it takes, and by being trusting. And often, yes, you have to forgive and forget. Because no one is perfect. As to the people you’re alluding to, OMK, you can see that they totally lack any sense of understanding; they really weren’t friends of anyone to start with. If you really feel something for the girl, if you want to build something with her, you give her a chance –and more than one in fact. That’s my take on it. Call me naïve again if you want… ;)


I still don't know. I've dated girls and never told them about me going to jail before. Just a little jail, not the cooler.
That’s it: we all have skeletons in the closet.

[Chaos]

I dated a girl for a year that did modeling and a bit of fetish photowork as well.
I had no problems with that....When I found out she was escorting....it was over.
Had she been honest about it, that would have depended on her being clean and professional about it. I immediately went and got tested,I was fine. She tried telling me it was no different than my talking to girls at the club I was working at,that she only went to dinner and talked to them...
But then she came to me telling me she was pregnant with my child,and she was going to have an abortion. I found out throughout the night that she had told 3 of our other bouncers the same thing,AND several of our customers. I removed her from the club permanently,on the OK from my boss,and found out she solicited 2 undercover cops that very night... She tried contacting me several times since then,trying to get me back because I was the only person that ever treated her as more than a piece of ass,even coming to my apartment and throwing herself at me....but it was done. I asked her to leave before she even got to the front door and threatened to call police.Moral of the story...if your past is an issue,be honest and it won't be for me. If you're STILL doing it,be honest and take care of yourself,and it's not a problem. I'm not going to judge you by your job or past,just by how much you hurt me....

[danthepoetman]

Reminds me a lot of the situation in Molière’s The Misanthrope. Of course, what you’re telling is no comedy, Chaos, but a human drama. This girl was probably someone who was taken advantage of all her life, and manipulated to the point at which you could get no trust out of her and could not trust her either for anything. It’s a sad story. The play is more about coquetry and lack of conscience (or excesses of it).

[Chaos]

Let's just say she tried to give me a BJ while her kids were in the car....
No morals,No conscience,No concern but for what she wants....
I'm FAR from perfect,or anything even resembling it,but DAMN....

[Cecil Rhodes]

I would send her a bill for services rendered .

[youngblood61]

Is there some reason she wouldn't have told me straight up?? I would not be happy if it was hidden from me. That would bother me much more than the idea she was an escort.Agree, just not saying anything, then somebody tells you she's an escort. :-)

[Jamie French]

I'd keep eating my taco.

Wait. My GF is an escort. So am I.

I'll keep eating my taco.

[phillyguy21]

She would have to break bread.

[danthepoetman]

I'd keep eating my taco.
Wait. My GF is an escort. So am I.
I'll keep eating my taco.
You’re the living proof that it is possible to escort and have a couple’s life, as oppose to what some people were saying.
I can’t understand this attitude by which so many people feel as if anyone could be soiled by that. It’s ridiculous. Moralistic and hypocritical.
Everything is a matter of circumstances. Of course, we have to be frank with each others as much as we can. But if you reject someone for whom you have love or affection without trying to understand or giving the benefit of the doubt, you’ll probably never entertain an enduring relationship. There’s extreme cases, of course, like the one Chaos just told, but in general, in a relationship, unless it’s only to take advantage, there is always a story to be understood if not a rationale behind some deceit. Once again, my two cents…

[GrimFusion]

Curios how people will react, what if you date a girl, and later learned she was an an escort.

Or met a new girl, and then you learn she also escort, how would you react?

If I were already dating a girl and she turned out to be an escort, I'd dump her. That kind of stuff needs to be talked about in a relationship before it occurs. I won't put up with cheating whether it brings in an income or not. That just tells me that money is more important to her than I am.

Escorting itself isn't necessarily a deal-breaker, but to be honest; I'd be apprehensive about getting close. I'd probably stick a girl like that in my friend zone unless there were some seriously overwhelming mutual feelings. There'd be a very slim chance I'd ever get the least bit serious with a chick I knew was actively escorting.

The only circumstance in which I would likely just deal with it would be if I were already involved with a chick for a few years who was honest about wanting to escort short-term for some extra income and brought that concern to me before seeking clients.

[Jamie French]

Escorting like anything else is a total yawn once you've done it enough times. In all my years I've yet to hear even one person give a convincing answer as to why there would be anything intrinsically shameful, dirty or wrong with sex.

Religion? I have none.
Jealousy? None of us are property.
Morality? I've never had non-consensual sex.

[RallyCola]

for me it isn't a matter of morals...it is a matter of the frequency of high-risk behavior and a bit of jealousy if you will that i would want no one else to be with her while i am with her

so, bringing it present tense...if i were to meet a girl and she was honest about being an escort...i think it would really depend on how much i am attracted to her to see if i could overcome my initial reaction which would be to break it off. i am not passing judgement on her, but lets be real...how can you kiss a girl passionately and lovingly when her lips could have been wrapped around a dude's junk for cash minutes earlier. not sure i would want to think about that all the time.

[Willie Escalade]

for me it isn't a matter of morals...it is a matter of the frequency of high-risk behavior and a bit of jealousy if you will that i would want no one else to be with her while i am with her

so, bringing it present tense...if i were to meet a girl and she was honest about being an escort...i think it would really depend on how much i am attracted to her to see if i could overcome my initial reaction which would be to break it off. i am not passing judgement on her, but lets be real...how can you kiss a girl passionately and lovingly when her lips could have been wrapped around a dude's junk for cash minutes earlier. not sure i would want to think about that all the time.
This.
:iagree:

[amberskyi]

some guys can see past a girls circumstances and love her for her.
i try to explain it like this..those guys are buying something they cant ever really have.if it wasnt for the money i wouldnt be there.i have 0% interest in the guys i see.i provide a good service but i can truly care less about who they are.its all a contrived fantasy with no real sexual or emotional attraction on my part (the client would never be able to perceive that tho cause im good at what i do).i CHOOSE to willingly and freely spend my time with you (my lover).i actually care and love you, because of that your the one that really posses my body,heart and mind.

[danthepoetman]

Sex is just… sex. It’s no big deal when done safely. It doesn’t touch in any way the integrity of the girl, not any more than it does for us guys when we have a lot of it. There’s a Judeo-Christian reflex in this, in my opinion; the feeling that it somehow affect if not soil a girl to see a lot of men. I’m probably the last person you could suspect of feminism, but I wander if there’s not also some gender inequity in such a perception; no woman is a cum receptacle, like it is sometimes very offensively said.
I’m sure that sentimentally, it must at times be very difficult. But if it is someone that seems to be precious and unique to you, if you’re in love, and if that girl chooses to be with you rather than with someone else, I find once again that you have to look at the circumstances and keep communication wide open. As Grim said, escorting doesn’t have to be permanent. Can you build a long term project with that person? What are the plans? Is there a common future and how do you both envision it?
None of this can be thought simply out of principle. You have to consider the particulars. No relationship can be made out of demands; only, always, of communication, understanding, exchange, communion and acceptance. Else it’s definitely not going to endure.

[onmyknees]

[QUOTE=danthepoetman;1226784]You mean to say, OMK, that the friends around them were more shocked by the fact that she was an escort than they were by the beating her boyfriend gave her? Wow!



Yes...one event shocked them ( the discovery that their friend was an escort) the other disgusted them ( the beating) but not enough to reconcile the friendship.

And while there's some dudes who can handle the fact that their lady escorts, just like there are dudes who can handle the swing scene... I believe the vast majority of them giving these deeply pensive answers about how they could deal with it, are full of shit. They've convinced themselves of something counter intuitive. I dated a stripper and that was lots of mental gymnastics and nobody was fucking her....although I'm sure the patrons were doing so in their minds !

[Rusty Eldora]

I have a girlfriend that I met in the hobby, she is what I call semi-pro. She lives in Hawaii and I am in Seattle. I don't ask but I believe she ride at times in her massage business. I still hobby myself and when I am visiting she shares me with her friends. Pretty fun having benefits with the 2 or 3 women you are with.

It takes some work but we do have a pretty good bond of our hearts, yet enjoy open sex. Yes, we are 'safety' with all of our partners.

[nina_lisa]

Ok let me ask another question, what if you have a girlfriend, she is not escorting, but one day she say: transition is really expensive, i don't see how i can finance, i want to escort to be able to afford it?

how will you react?

[bighicknyc]

Ok let me ask another question, what if you have a girlfriend, she is not escorting, but one day she say: transition is really expensive, i don't see how i can finance, i want to escort to be able to afford it?

how will you react?




i would ask my wife if we could pay for her transition

[bluesoul]

Ok let me ask another question, what if you have a girlfriend, she is not escorting, but one day she say: transition is really expensive, i don't see how i can finance, i want to escort to be able to afford it?

how will you react?

i wouldn't be in a relationship with anyone with that kind of mindset

[betts]

transition is really expensive, i don't see how i can finance, i want to escort to be able to afford it?

how will you react?


i'd say gain some new skills, get a better job.
if she still wanted to escort, the relationship would end.

[Chaos]

Ok let me ask another question, what if you have a girlfriend, she is not escorting, but one day she say: transition is really expensive, i don't see how i can finance, i want to escort to be able to afford it?

how will you react?

Well she can escort,but I'm leaving.
There's NO discussion of other ways,there's no talk of both of us doing this for her...And a sudden switch to wanting to do something that she's never done that is as dangerous as it is....
Because nothing says I love you like not exploring ALL options and picking the most dangerous way to do what you set out to do...

[RallyCola]

i wouldn't be in a relationship with anyone with that kind of mindset
:iagree:


let's face it...escorting, while having some perils, a much easier job than most other people have. if i could make money for having sex, i would.

modeling and escorting is merely capitalizing on your looks...others have to capitalize on intellect...others on athletic abilities, and yet others on guile and charm. whatever it is...use what you have got to your benefit, but let's be clear...it would be rather difficult for most people to accept the mind set that you have no choice but to escort to get what you want

[betts]

it would be rather difficult for most people to accept the mind set that you have no choice but to escort to get what you want


this

[Quiet Reflections]

Ok let me ask another question, what if you have a girlfriend, she is not escorting, but one day she say: transition is really expensive, i don't see how i can finance, i want to escort to be able to afford it?

how will you react?
Offer to pay for it. If she is dead set on selling ass then she can get out.

[danthepoetman]

And while there's some dudes who can handle the fact that their lady escorts, just like there are dudes who can handle the swing scene... I believe the vast majority of them giving these deeply pensive answers about how they could deal with it, are full of shit. They've convinced themselves of something counter intuitive. I dated a stripper and that was lots of mental gymnastics and nobody was fucking her....although I'm sure the patrons were doing so in their minds !
Well, since I’m just about the only guy who’s not widely negative on the question, and whom so far has given a few of those “deeply pensive answers about how I could deal with it”, I have to suppose that I’m the one who’s so unfortunately “full of shit”, OMK… lol
I’ve been in a very long relationship which wasn’t always easy. We broke up and patched up a few times; we splitted for years at a time. It was tough and rocky at the very least. But we hung on, simply because we loved each other. I can understand why you would think my answer is “counter-intuitive” (I would be mad too), but I find that maybe it’s yours that is more dependent on rationalization rather than being based on feelings. Once again, love is not about principles. All I’m trying to do is to broaden my perspective in answering the question. I know love. If I was to really be in love with a girl who would suddenly tell me that she’s escorting, what would I do? If you love her, how can you think you would every bit as suddenly stop loving her? It doesn’t make sense: love has no "on" and "off" switch. Just because of the principle that for you, it’s not right, you would not even give the benefit of the doubt, you would not even listen to what she has to say, you would not even try to come to some terms and deal something with her? I’m sorry, I can’t personally see that. In love, I know I could not possibly do that. I'd be incapable of that.
:shrug

[Ceris893]

Well it depends. If I could financially support her and myself by myself, then I'd ask her to quit. Its not that I have a problem with her having other partners, its the position it puts me in.

[Quiet Reflections]

Well, since I’m just about the only guy who’s not widely negative on the question, and whom so far has given a few of those “deeply pensive answers about how I could deal with it”, I have to suppose that I’m the one who’s so unfortunately “full of shit”, OMK… lol
I’ve been in a very long relationship which wasn’t always easy. We broke up and patched up a few times; we splitted for years at a time. It was tough and rocky at the very least. But we hung on, simply because we loved each other. I can understand why you would think my answer is “counter-intuitive” (I would be mad too), but I find that maybe it’s yours that is more dependent on rationalization rather than being based on feelings. Once again, love is not about principles. All I’m trying to do is to broaden my perspective in answering the question. I know love. If I was to really be in love with a girl who would suddenly tell me that she’s escorting, what would I do? If you love her, how can you think you would every bit as suddenly stop loving her? It doesn’t make sense: love has no "on" and "off" switch. Just because of the principle that for you, it’s not right, you would not even give the benefit of the doubt, you would not even listen to what she has to say, you would not even try to come to some terms and deal something with her? I’m sorry, I can’t personally see that. In love, I know I could not possibly do that. I'd be incapable of that.
:shrug
I completely get what you are saying and In that situation I would not stop loving her but that being said we also would no longer be in a relationship. I would love her still and still be there for her in a way that would ease both our pain, but as a couple It would never happen again. Trust is huge for me and being in a loving relationship and then finding out that such a huge lie was part of it would kill me inside. That is just how betrayed I would feel from her keeping something so important from me, completely aside from the fact that something was her having sex for money. I couldn't Imagine staying with someone that would do something that effects our relationship so much without talking to me about it first. The funny thing is that the money aspect would anger me as much if not more anything else because that would be something any woman I'm with wouldn't have to worry about anyway. I would rather a girl just cheat on me without cash exchanging hands, because then at least I would know that somewhere im falling short in the relationship and not keeping her interest

[danthepoetman]

From that perspective, QuietReflections, I can understand your position. And it might be mine too. I could react exactly the same way. I don’t know. But the fact of the matter is, if you stay around and still love, there’s always place for healing and reconciliation. That’s a place I know… I guess I sometimes sound like Disney’s blue fairy, or little Tinker Bell, but what you’re saying sounds to me indeed like an authentic, normal, wounded, yet loving reaction, with all its possibilities. Because as long as there is love, there’s hope. I’m silly like that: I do believe in loving relationships.
I therefore agree with the way you reformulate things, here.