Relationship Jokes:Upgraded frm Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

This was sent to me by a GG close friend of mine who got married and thought was very funny so Id like to share this with everyone on the board.

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0, and noticed a distinct slow-down in overall system performance - particularly in The Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, MLB 3.0, NBA 4.0, NASCAR 4.2 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate

************************************************** ***

Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http//www.I-Thought-You-Loved-Me.com" and try to download Tears 6.2, and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory, and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Hope this Helps,

Tech Support Department
__________________________________________________ ___

LMAO.. :lol:

~Kisses.

HTG[/b]

[Dengoza]

LMAO too

[specialk]

Now THAT'S funny stuff HTG!! :peanutbutter LMAO

[tsntx]

thats fucking awesome and going in my blog :D

[Dengoza]

Yeah I already sent it to a bunch of married friends and divorced friends... lol

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Glad you guys like..I thought it was funny as hell. Lmao.. :lol: :lol:

~Kisses.

HTG

[Ecstatic]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

OK, I just had to write a retort from the other point of view:

Dear Tech Support,

I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 10.7.5 to Wife 3.0 with disasterous results. I should have anticipated the upgrade problems since this is actually the third time I've tried to install Wife (hence my continual resetting of system parameters to Girlfriend versions, but they are simply inadequate as Operating Systems). Among other system errors, I have been hounded by continual Pop Ups, all claiming to be bonafide bank and credit card companies, though I suspect they are phishing. Sex 6.9 no longer operates unless I first activate Sweet Talk 5.1 and crashes unless I also run Shopping Spree 6.4. Housework 3.5 works intermittently, and there are system conflicts with Soaps 4.0 and Oprah 7.2. Nagging 3.0 and Gabbing 6.1 run continuously in the background. What am I to do? With previous installs I've run Divorce 2.5, but that always invokes Alimony 50.50 and I just can't afford to run such an expensive program again. Help!

Signed,

Longing to be single again

************************************************** ***

Dear Longing:

Firstly, we apologize: our sales department should have cautioned you against a third installation of Wife on your existing hardware. Your hardware is now software, and there's little we can do to alleviate the problem, except to advise you to run Divorce 5.0. This is an improved product over the much older version you have run previously, and comes bundled with Lawyer 2.0 and Swiss Bank Account 1.5. However, it is still a risky operation and may permanently affect your hard drive, leaving you with only a floppy.

Alternatively, you can try running Fabio 7.6, which drains system resources from Wife 3.0. Then, partition your system by installing Mistress 9.3 and City Apartment 1.0. If you set the system resources correctly, Fabio 7.6 will prevent Wife 3.0 from detecting Mistress 9.3 and you can keep your secret files on the City Apartment partition. However, be cautioned that system conflicts can result from running these programs simultaneously, leaving you with Alimony 50.50 once again.

Or buy a Mac. That's a Big Mac: you'll have no money left for anything else.

Tech Support Department

[specialk]

Pretty funny one here too!! Nice job Ecstatic! :lol:

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Very funny Ecstatic! :lol: Here's the Tranny version:

Dear Tech Support,

I've just recently upgraded from Tricks 4.0 to Boyfriend 5.0, and immediately noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance. Particularly in The Gifts and Money applications, which operated flawlessly under Tricks 5.0. In addition, Boyfriend 5.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as Trannychaser 5.0, Sports 3.0, Lies 4.0, Bars 4.2 and GG 4.1. Chat 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 and bootycalls 2.0 to fix these problems temporarily, but is not fool proof and doesnt work half the time. What can I do?

Signed,

Ms. Clueless

************************************************** ***

Dear Ms. Clueless,

Sorry for the inconvinience and glitches youve been having with Boyfriend 5.0. As a safety reminder, Tricks 4.0 is an Entertainment software, while Boyfriend 5.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http//www.I-Thought-You-Loved-Me.com" and try to download Tears 6.2, and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, boyfriend 5.0 should then automatically run the applications Gifts 2.0 and Money 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Boyfriend 5.0 to default to start up and Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, Beer 6.1. (Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta).

Whatever you do, NEVER install and run Friends 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background called Tranny chaser 5.0, GG 4.1 and Lies 4.0) and Nagging 5.3 altogether. It will eventually seize control and corrupt all your system resources. Also, do not attempt to reinstall Tricks 4.0 program while on Boyfriend 5.0. These two conflicts eachother and will crash Boyfriend 5.0.

In summary, Boyfriend 5.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory, and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might want to try and consider downloading additional plug-ins for your version of Boyfriend 5.0 to tune up and improve memory and overall performance. We recommend Patience 3.0, Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 7.7 and Sex X.0.

Hope this Helps,

Tech Support Department
__________________________________________________ ___________

~Kisses.

HTG

[Ecstatic]

Thanks, HTG! Some funny additions to the Tranny version as well--I'd like to see more!

I did hear from Tech Support this morning (after being on hold for 17 days, 12 hours, and 42 minutes to a call center in Mumbai) and they suggested one alternative: Prayer 1.0. "It'll probably accomplish nothing, but it might make you feel better," I was told. They claim that, while this is one of the oldest programs in existence, it has never required an upgrade and has been ported to all known operating systems (consult your owner's manual, provided by most OS Help Centers). Or, for those running an Open Source system, try Angst Beta (no official version has ever been released, and you must code your own).

[ian]

They're all really good.

I really liked the Prayer 1.0

[Deepdarkfucker]

Now that is funny

[chefmike]

really funny stuff... :lol:

[scipio]

very funny.

[Alchemist]

Hilarious. :)

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Thanks. Ill be sure to post more funny stuffs as I get them from friends. LOL. :lol: :wink:
Nothing beats a good laugh.

~Kisses.

HTG

[Ecstatic]

They're all really good.

I really liked the Prayer 1.0
Thanks! Harajuku, we should collaborate on another one soon!

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Hehe..Sounds like a good plan Ecstatic! 8)

~Kisses.

HTG

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Here's another one: A Joke! LOL

King Arthur and the Witch:

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered...is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?






Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?



The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are going to get ugly

~Kisses.

HTG

[rbso13]

has anyone tried a program called Hide The Body 7.5? It is a very expensive piece of soft ware but quite effective if used properly. I hear that it runs around $3,000 - $5,000 per application depending on system preferences :evil:

[Jennifer_English]

LMFAO

[Ecstatic]

An alternative moral sometimes given: The moral is that it doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly. Underneath it all, she's still a witch.

Great post, HTG! For those who don't know, this isn't frivolous at all, but derives from one of the tales of the Arthurian cycle, retold in a surviving 16th century manuscript, "The Wedding of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnelle." (Other renditions of the theme date back at least to the 14th century, including renditions by Chaucer and John Gower.) The poem anticipates Freud's query "Was will das Weib?" - "What does Woman want?" with Ragnelle asking "whate [do] wemen love best" (line 91), "whate [do] wemen desyren most" (line 406), what do "wemen desyren moste specialle" (line 465). (For more, see http://www.lib.rochester.edu/camelot/Teams/ragintro.htm)

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

An alternative moral sometimes given: The moral is that it doesn't matter if your woman is pretty or ugly. Underneath it all, she's still a witch.

Great post, HTG! For those who don't know, this isn't frivolous at all, but derives from one of the tales of the Arthurian cycle, retold in a surviving 16th century manuscript, "The Wedding of Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnelle." (Other renditions of the theme date back at least to the 14th century, including renditions by Chaucer and John Gower.) The poem anticipates Freud's query "Was will das Weib?" - "What does Woman want?" with Ragnelle asking "whate [do] wemen love best" (line 91), "whate [do] wemen desyren most" (line 406), what do "wemen desyren moste specialle" (line 465). (For more, see http://www.lib.rochester.edu/camelot/Teams/ragintro.htm)

:P Thanks Ecstatic for a little history. You are as always, well informed! :wink:

~Kisses.

HTG

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Grrrr.. posted twice. LOL Sorry. :oops:

~Kisses.

HTG

[Ecstatic]

Any time, Harajuku! As always, you post some of the most interesting topics.

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Joke Joke Joke..


"Reality"

Well, it's not a mid-life crisis, but here's how things worked out for me.

Married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....
__________________________________________________ ___________

LOL Hahaha.. :lol:

~Kisses.

HTG

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

12 Signs to watch for that your man crossdresses

Some early warning signs: LOL

1. Has a good understanding of how bras do up.
2. Isn’t useless at home when it comes to household chores.
3. Doesn’t stand outside small shops selling intimate clothes whilst you shop inside.
4. Handles delicates when you are searching something with plain cups.
5. Turns to the fashion pages of Sunday supplements.
6. Shows more interest in Vogue than Stuff.
7. Seems to know more than he should about female shoes.
8. Comments upon what women are wearing rather than what their clothes reveal.
9. Knows that a size 14 women’s doesn’t fit him (too big/too small).
10. Does not sit with his legs at 45 degree angles.
11. Pretends to show no interest in cosmetics but immediately thumbs through pages when he thinks you are not looking.
12. Talks about female clothes to your girl friends.
__________________________________________________ _____________________

If you can add more that be great! LOL :lol: :wink:

~Kisses.

HTG

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

Heres another one:

Dr. Phil was conducting a therapy session with four young mothers
and their small children.


Dr. Phil: "You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother he said, "You are so obsessed with eating you've even named your daughter Candy."


He turned to the second mom:


"Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."


He turns to the third mom: "Your obsession is alcohol. This, too, manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."


At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand, and whispers, "Come on Dick, we're leaving."

__________________________________________________ ___________

:lol: LOL.

~Kisses.

HTG

[Penny uk]

LMFAO!!!!

[Hara_Juku Tgirl]

THE ITALIAN MOTHER

A young Italian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun Ma, I'm going to bring over three women, and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

Reluctantly, his mother agrees.
So the next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house, introduces them, and then settles them on the couch, after which they all chat for a while.

He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."
Without hesitation, she replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma!! You're right!!!! How could you possibly know?"

The Italian mother replies, "I don't like her."
__________________________________________________ ___________

LOL That was funny! :lol:

~KIsses.

HTG