Refusing to get into a relationship until after SRS?

[maddygirl]

Hey all, I'm Maddy and I'm fairly new here, just wanted to see what other girls on the forum thought about this particular topic and if anyone else feels the same as me about it. Anyway, I'm 19, I've been on hormones for years and I know a few trans girls around my age, but they don't feel the same way. Basically, it doesn't matter how accepting or nice a guy is regarding my transsexuality, I would never be comfortable being naked infront of him or anyone until after I get srs surgery. It's like I don't event want a guy to accept how I am pre-surgery because I don't accept it and nothing anyone has ever said could ever change that. The only way I'd ever want to get intimate with anyone is by having a vagina, and not feeling "different" or like I have something on me which doesn't belong. Obviously, what's between your legs doesn't make you a woman, but I literally have no interest in pursuing a boyfriend until I can feel totally like myself. Feel free to leave your opinions or personal feelings. I'd mostly just like to hear from other trans girls, not really men...sorry... but I'd still be glad to hear what you have to say. Have a great day everyone! :)

[BellaBellucci]

I share your point of view, but only to an extent. At the end of the day, you may not know how long it'll be before you get SRS, so if you can try to wrap your head around your anatomy and find a guy that is primarily attracted to GG's who can do the same, then a relationship is possible.

I know it's a tall order, but it's not impossible. I waited over 6 years to find a man who could accept me as a woman, a sex worker, a single mother, a Pagan, a nerd/geek, etc. As I explained to him, even if I wasn't trans, there would still be quite a bit about me that isn't exactly mainstream, so when he says he'll still love me after SRS, I absolutely believe him.

In fact, he'd prefer I have it and has the means to help get it done. More on that another time though. ;)

~BB~

[MrsKellyPierce]

I think this is a good decision on your part...

If you can't fully give yourself in a relationship..what's the point of starting one?

[BellaBellucci]

I think this is a good decision on your part...

If you can't fully give yourself in a relationship..what's the point of starting one?

Oh come on now. There are plenty of other things that keep people from that level of intimacy. By your logic, nobody should ever be in a relationship. Just sayin'.

~BB~

[MrsKellyPierce]

Oh come on now. There are plenty of other things that keep people from that level of intimacy. By your logic, nobody should ever be in a relationship. Just sayin'.

~BB~
Bella if she isn't comfortable with herself...she wont be comfortable in romantic relationships..

She should find herself and make herself happy..then find a relationship..

Otherwise it will always end in disaster..and it may pull her self esteem down..

most people in relationships shouldn't be in them..cause they don't love themselves and aren't comfortable with who they are..

It's truth..not far fetched..and most clinical psychologist would say the same

You demonize everything Bella..or at least when it's coming from me..you try to demonize it..

[BellaBellucci]

Bella if she isn't comfortable with herself...she wont be comfortable in romantic relationships..

We don't know her well enough to make that judgment. She could be underestimating herself. So are we really discussing her, talking hypothetically, or is she a proxy for someone else you had in mind? :?

Besides, if someone really loves you and shares your goals for yourself, what's the problem with that? She doesn't have to write off everyone. She just sounds scared to get hurt, and I can relate to that, but fear is trepidation about the future... which hasn't yet been written.


most people in relationships shouldn't be in them..cause they don't love themselves and aren't comfortable with who they are..

Precisely my point. But part of maturity is dealing with your own insecurities, not handicapping your life over them. Just being trans shouldn't be enough reason to keep someone out of the dating pool IMO. But I guess it's a point of contention.


You demonize everything Bella..or at least when it's coming from me..you try to demonize it..

'Demonize?' Drama queen much? I'm merely presenting an opposing viewpoint - one that is much less self-repressive than yours. Yeah. I'm so evil. Pardon me for trying to be positive. :rolleyes:

~BB~

[Jericho]

Well, this should run! :ignore:

[maddygirl]

Bella if she isn't comfortable with herself...she wont be comfortable in romantic relationships..

She should find herself and make herself happy..then find a relationship..

Otherwise it will always end in disaster..and it may pull her self esteem down..

most people in relationships shouldn't be in them..cause they don't love themselves and aren't comfortable with who they are..

It's truth..not far fetched..and most clinical psychologist would say the same

You demonize everything Bella..or at least when it's coming from me..you try to demonize it..
Thanks for your reply Kelly, I really appreciate it and you hit the nail on the head. I'm really uncomfortable with my body and all I've ever wanted is to have a boyfriend (like every other girl... or the straight ones), but I have come to realize I can't do that until I become 100 % comfortable with my body. It makes me envious that some girls can be so comfortable pre-op but I just know I never could be. It just wouldn't feel right for me. Again thanks for your advice and have a great day. :)

[maddygirl]

We don't know her well enough to make that judgment. She could be underestimating herself. So are we really discussing her, talking hypothetically, or is she a proxy for someone else you had in mind? :?

Besides, if someone really loves you and shares your goals for yourself, what's the problem with that? She doesn't have to write off everyone. She just sounds scared to get hurt, and I can relate to that, but fear is trepidation about the future... which hasn't yet been written.



Precisely my point. But part of maturity is dealing with your own insecurities, not handicapping your life over them. Just being trans shouldn't be enough reason to keep someone out of the dating pool IMO. But I guess it's a point of contention.



'Demonize?' Drama queen much? I'm merely presenting an opposing viewpoint - one that is much less self-repressive than yours. Yeah. I'm so evil. Pardon me for trying to be positive. :rolleyes:

~BB~
Bella, you're also right, I AM scared of rejection, being hurt, all of that stuff. I don't really have high self-esteem, however, Kelly was right when she said I wasn't comfortable in my skin, and therefore can't really give all of me in a relationship. For me, being comfortable means getting srs, and maybe a couple other things (but those would be icing on the cake). Anyway, thanks for answering and sharing your thoughts hun. Have a great day.

[MrsKellyPierce]

We don't know her well enough to make that judgment. She could be underestimating herself. So are we really discussing her, talking hypothetically, or is she a proxy for someone else you had in mind? :?

Besides, if someone really loves you and shares your goals for yourself, what's the problem with that? She doesn't have to write off everyone. She just sounds scared to get hurt, and I can relate to that, but fear is trepidation about the future... which hasn't yet been written.



Precisely my point. But part of maturity is dealing with your own insecurities, not handicapping your life over them. Just being trans shouldn't be enough reason to keep someone out of the dating pool IMO. But I guess it's a point of contention.



'Demonize?' Drama queen much? I'm merely presenting an opposing viewpoint - one that is much less self-repressive than yours. Yeah. I'm so evil. Pardon me for trying to be positive. :rolleyes:

~BB~
It's pretty obvious she isn't comfortable with her body and who she is on the outside at this time..

Something that controls her mind and scares her...

Something that will prevent her from giving herself in a relationship..

Holding up barriers doesn't help a relationship and at the same time may cause more psychological issues with herself.

I think she should stick to herself - do what she can to accomplish her goal of going post-op - then concern herself with relationships....

Going on a date is a lot different than a relationship...

It's like an alcoholic getting in a date too early after AA...

Relationships take a lot of yourself...even in good times..

[BellaBellucci]

Thanks for your reply Kelly, I really appreciate it and you hit the nail on the head. I'm really uncomfortable with my body and all I've ever wanted is to have a boyfriend (like every other girl... or the straight ones), but I have come to realize I can't do that until I become 100 % comfortable with my body. It makes me envious that some girls can be so comfortable pre-op but I just know I never could be. It just wouldn't feel right for me. Again thanks for your advice and have a great day. :)

I was where you are, and not very long ago. I think you're underestimating your ability to cope, but it's your choice to be safe if you think you'll otherwise be sorry.

Best of luck! I hope you get surgery and find love soon. xo

~BB~

[MrsKellyPierce]

Thanks for your reply Kelly, I really appreciate it and you hit the nail on the head. I'm really uncomfortable with my body and all I've ever wanted is to have a boyfriend (like every other girl... or the straight ones), but I have come to realize I can't do that until I become 100 % comfortable with my body. It makes me envious that some girls can be so comfortable pre-op but I just know I never could be. It just wouldn't feel right for me. Again thanks for your advice and have a great day. :)
No prob doll..honestly do what you need to do to get what you need..

I have met so many girls on different spectrums of transsexualism...

I have met many girls like you...like my friend Aly from Florida..who tried a few relationships as a pre-op and it really ruined her self-esteem and mind in many ways..

She recently had SRS in Jan 2011 and now has been in a healthy happy relationship for 6 months and they are talking about marriage..

She said she wishes she had of just waited to date until after SRS...

But she said what worries her...is if she is moving to fast with this guy..and maybe she should live a little...now that she is a woman...

I told her maybe she should explore, but again that's up to her..

[maddygirl]

Oh, yeah I can definitely relate to her a lot. I have to admit though, I think after I get my surgery I might be a bit of a whore for a while lol. It's like being freed and finally being able to do what other people (or most other people) take for granted. I'm getting the surgery in January, thanks to my aunt and grandpa who are willing to take out a loan and do this for me. It is nice to know that there are other trans girls out there who feel the same though, and I'm not the "odd one out" who just can't seem to get over it and accept her body. Thanks for taking the time to answer my question, hun. : )

[Chase_Mcthirsty]

I literally have no interest in pursuing a boyfriend until I can feel totally like myself.
Hi I'm Chase....Chase Mcthirsty.

I like that idea because it spares guys like me from the insanity.

I find that genetic girls who act his way are no picnic either, whether it be because of weight issues, Skin color, breast size, her shape, her nose, hair....even outfits.

Women may not realize it but guys endure a lot. And not mater how much he may go out of his way to make her feel beautiful. Sometimes it doesn't matter.

So by telling us you don't want to take anyone seriously because you don't feel right isn't a bad thing.

However...be mindful that if there was a guy willing to be at your side that you purposely rejected because of this issue doesn't automatically mean that you'll ever find another of his caliber once you think that problem has been resolved.

Just saying, don't through away something that only comes once every lifetime.

[MrsKellyPierce]

Oh, yeah I can definitely relate to her a lot. I have to admit though, I think after I get my surgery I might be a bit of a whore for a while lol. It's like being freed and finally being able to do what other people (or most other people) take for granted. I'm getting the surgery in January, thanks to my aunt and grandpa who are willing to take out a loan and do this for me. It is nice to know that there are other trans girls out there who feel the same though, and I'm not the "odd one out" who just can't seem to get over it and accept her body. Thanks for taking the time to answer my question, hun. : )
haha and you will have every right to be..because you will be owning your womanhood finally!

What a blessed family to have...feel blessed girl! Good luck

[maddygirl]

Yeah that's something I haven't really considered, Chase. I guess I feel like the guy would get sick of me not being willing to do anything sexually that involves me being naked, and would find someone who is willing to do those things. I'd feel useless sexually, or just about, and I'm sure it would be even harder to find a guy who would actually be willing to wait. But, I do see where you're coming from and appreciate your input : ) have a great day!

[maddygirl]

Thank you so much, I certainly do feel blessed, and I just want to say you look gorgeous, and I wish you luck in whatever you do as well!

[maddygirl]

Thanks Bella, that's really nice of you :)

[BellaBellucci]

However...be mindful that if there was a guy willing to be at your side that you purposely rejected because of this issue doesn't automatically mean that you'll ever find another of his caliber once you think that problem has been resolved.

Just saying, don't through away something that only comes once every lifetime.

This is kind of what I was saying (badly?).

~BB~

[bruceleefan]

I have been with a post-op. Her pussy was very tight, and loved having sex with her, only thing is if she is not horny enough the vagina tends to dry up, but a few eating out and she's good to go.

[BellaBellucci]

I have been with a post-op. Her pussy was very tight, and loved having sex with her, only thing is if she is not horny enough the vagina tends to dry up, but a few eating out and she's good to go.

That's very considerate of you to help your lady maintain her arousal. It seems like a lost art among men, especially those who date women like us. Some of you are the most sexually clueless creatures I've ever met! :lol:

~BB~

[Nicole Dupre]

Date and have all the sex you want while pre-op. Just don't waste your time falling in love if you're sure you'll have SRS eventually. Never believe any man who says he'll be there for you when you're post op. He can't predict such a thing, even if he wants to.

[nonnonnon]

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HiqNq4An6Wc/TTnF5coZ6sI/AAAAAAAAHqg/_Nmgt6v47zs/s1600/Demotivational-pictures-self_Esteem.jpg

[KittyPride]

Date and have all the sex you want while pre-op. Just don't waste your time falling in love if you're sure you'll have SRS eventually. Never believe any man who says he'll be there for you when you're post op. He can't predict such a thing, even if he wants to.

Wow first wise thing i heard you say in a long time :)

[maddygirl]

Yeah I agree with you there... that most men won't understand or be willing to wait. I definitely don't want to have sex before srs though... and that's the main reason I'm not even trying to pursue a relationship right now, until after my srs next year. Thanks for your advice and input though, have a good day/evening! :)

[Nicole Dupre]

Wow first wise thing i heard you say in a long time :)
Thank you, phobun.

[maddygirl]

Lol! so true

[bruceleefan]

That's very considerate of you to help your lady maintain her arousal. It seems like a lost art among men, especially those who date women like us. Some of you are the most sexually clueless creatures I've ever met! :lol:

~BB~

I think as a partner you have to make sure you don't let her get insecure. I heard women have a hard time for that reason.

[BellaBellucci]

I think as a partner you have to make sure you don't let her get insecure. I heard women have a hard time for that reason.

I tell my boyfriend that all the time.

John?! Is that you?! :? :lol:

~BB~

[bruceleefan]

I tell my boyfriend that all the time.

Are you my boyfriend?! :? :lol:

~BB~

Genetic women are very insecure about their vaginas as well, with a ts I treat her just as any insecure girls and just validate they are beautiful and special. When a ts gets a sex change it's like being a virgin again, you have to help her explore what gets her juice flowing.

[BellaBellucci]

Genetic women are very insecure about their vaginas as well, with a ts I treat her just as any insecure girls and just validate they are beautiful and special. When a ts gets a sex change it's like being a virgin again, you have to help her explore what gets her juice flowing.

... which is precisely why there are men out there who WON'T leave a girl once she goes post-op. A large number of you guys really do love pussy too... and I love you guys!

Although I wouldn't expect a man I'm with to suddenly lose their pre-op attraction in the event that I have SRS, but I'm polyamorous, so that can be easily remedied. :dancing:

~BB~

[bruceleefan]

Personally the relationship with the post-op was much easier. They seem to get even more feminine naturally after the operation. And happier, she was always moody before the surgery.

[BellaBellucci]

Personally the relationship with the post-op was much easier. They seem to get even more feminine naturally after the operation. And happier, she was always moody before the surgery.

Good for her! As for me, I'm pretty sure I'll still be moody after surgery. I always have been. :lol:

~BB~

[bruceleefan]

Good for her. As for me, I'm pretty sure I'll still be moody after surgery. :lol:

~BB~

Oh she gets her moments, it's a thing me as a guy would never get, or understand.

[BellaBellucci]

Oh she gets her moments, it's a thing me as a guy would never get, or understand.

See? Again, that's a convo I have with my boyfriend regularly. I'm the most emotionally intense woman he's been with (although truth be told, he's been with some pretty frigid women) and I have to explain that he shouldn't try to understand. He should try to sympathize, but I don't ever expect anything more than that.

I take redemption in the fact that I'm also logical enough to let him know when I'm being emotional and I don't try to deny it or rationalize it. Sometimes you have feelings, you may not necessarily know where they come from, and you have to work through them as best you can and not hurt those you love in the process. I know that's the best I can offer, but also that it makes me more considerate than most other women, TS or GG. Personally, I divorced a real crazy, so I know how unapologetic some women can be about it.

~BB~

[KittyPride]

I think as a partner you have to make sure you don't let her get insecure. I heard women have a hard time for that reason.

Pfew.... you sound experienced !

Thats sounds a lot different from most other men here.

[BellaBellucci]

Pfew.... you sound experienced !

Thats sounds a lot different from most other men here.

If I didn't know he had a site launch today, I'd swear he was my boyfriend on the D/L, but I know he had better things to do today than post here. :lol:

~BB~

[Nicole Dupre]

Pfew.... you sound experienced !

Thats sounds a lot different from most other men here.
"... I'm afraid."

[KittyPride]

"... I'm afraid."

be very afraid ! :D

[KittyPride]

You are obsessed with me Nicole... Im sure when post op your heterosexuality will return full blown... and you will be forcing yourself on woman in public places... like gymshowers... and sauna's to show off your vagina made from pounding men's ass :D lol But you wont brag about that then... you will be a 100% a lady right ? lol

[Nicole Dupre]

be very afraid ! :D
Right on, brah.

[Nicole Dupre]

You are obsessed with me Nicole... Im sure when post op your heterosexuality will return full blown... and you will be forcing yourself on woman in public places... like gymshowers... and sauna's to show off your vagina made from pounding men's ass :D lol But you wont brag about that then... you will be a 100% a lady right ? lol
Right on, brah.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

[robertlouis]

I share your point of view, but only to an extent. At the end of the day, you may not know how long it'll be before you get SRS, so if you can try to wrap your head around your anatomy and find a guy that is primarily attracted to GG's who can do the same, then a relationship is possible.

I know it's a tall order, but it's not impossible. I waited over 6 years to find a man who could accept me as a woman, a sex worker, a single mother, a Pagan, a nerd/geek, etc. As I explained to him, even if I wasn't trans, there would still be quite a bit about me that isn't exactly mainstream, so when he says he'll still love me after SRS, I absolutely believe him.

In fact, he'd prefer I have it and has the means to help get it done. More on that another time though. ;)

~BB~

Bella, as an aside, I'm really happy for you - I hope everything works out well. You deserve it.

[robertlouis]

That's very considerate of you to help your lady maintain her arousal. It seems like a lost art among men, especially those who date women like us. Some of you are the most sexually clueless creatures I've ever met! :lol:

~BB~

That's ALL men, right? :whistle:

[BigBlackMan]

I bust my nut. That's all that matters.

[BellaBellucci]

Bella, as an aside, I'm really happy for you - I hope everything works out well. You deserve it.

Thank you! xo


That's ALL men, right? :whistle:

Nope. There were no hidden meanings there. :lol:

~BB~

[robertlouis]

Maddy, it's a shame that your questions got mixed up with some of the board's ongoing differences of opinion, but there's enough good advice there for you to work on. And if you haven't already done so, most of the girls who have responded to you won't mind receiving private mails either (right, ladies?), so you can go into issues more deeply in private if that will help you.

Whatever happens, good luck. You sound like a nice girl with a sensible head on her shoulders.

[maddygirl]

Aw thank you so much for your kind words, and it's nice know there's people here who would be willing to give me advice or share their opinions if I needed them. I'm not sure what the bickering was about, but I think it' probably better that way:). Anyway, thanks for answering my question, and I hope you have a good day!!

[luvshemales]

Aw thank you so much for your kind words, and it's nice know there's people here who would be willing to give me advice or share their opinions if I needed them. I'm not sure what the bickering was about, but I think it' probably better that way:). Anyway, thanks for answering my question, and I hope you have a good day!!

Hey Maddy just out of curiosity do you live in a large metropolitan area where transexuals are more common place than say a remote location where transexuals are non-existent.

[maddygirl]

Well I live about 30 minutes away from a big city, but in all honesty, I don't really know a lot of trans people, just a few, and I definitely don't know of any where I live.

[bart666mischta]

i went on a date or drink to meet a pre op woman in SF where I live this past friday. I camre out of a 7 month relationship literally 2 weeks ago and cant get that girl out of head still. Now I meet someone luckily online and that is normal not prostitute etc. I cant stop thinking about her to now. I ended up ,eeting her in our neighborhood which is close to eachother. We popped into 2 bars, a drink in each and suddenly im walkingher home a few later. I dont try anything but simp,y give her a kiss on the lips and say goodby.
I know she totally likes me and was prob thinking why i would come out a relationship with a regular girl to suddenly want to have no pressured fun with her. So far so good. All I can say is I have never dated a ts woman. I have only really had anal with my girlfriemds, However this girl is no gorgoues and funny, and sexy. i may have just lucky now. I hope so