Domestic abuse....for men

[SXFX]

Ok this is an odd one....and i have to admit an odd place to talk about but never the less here it goes and pleased forgive my verbosity.

I'm a guy, well educated, well paid and doing well in life and doing well with the ladies. In fact last summer I was dating one of the very beautiful girls who not only posts here but has also appeared in a few of your favorite online magazines. No I won't kiss and tell that's the kind of guy I am. But she is gorgeous beyond words...and she knows that.

Here is my back story, I was married for almost 10 years to a beautiful girl who I thought was the love of my life. Ever see the Sepford Wives? Well I was a Stepford Husband. I worked out, I ate well, I dressed to impress, I cooked dinner, cleaned the house and paid for her education and made sure she has a good life. My only concern in life was her happiness....yes I know as a guy that's the absolute worst thing you can do....but I was in love and in my mid 20's so what did I know?

Before I got married and before I met her I had a good sex life. I would call myself a three times a week kind of guy. Hey you work out and eat well you develop a sex drive.

Any how long sad story short my last three years of being married my x wife put me on a sex and romance diet. And like a moron I thought that was normal....you get married your wife cuts you off....you live with it for a few years then start investing in professional assistance at $300/hour/out call. Right?

Well wrong...turns out according to the various therapists I've been to a woman doing this to a man is the equivalent of sexual abuse....i never thought of it that way. And I'm sure many other guys didn't or don't either.

But turns out....the pain i was feeling....being in bed with the woman for who I would do anything for and knowing full well that she has no sexual interest in me at all no matter how many hours i was at the gym or how much weight i lost or how i did anything special for her.....is abuse. Both sexual and psychological.

Long story short the bitch divorced me...turns out that the last half a year of our nuptials she was cheating me on with this short Korean guy...she has no sex drive...asian guys have small dicks and no sex drive...sure a perfect match.

So now the bitch is gone....and I'm left not with baggage but scars.
And you know what...yeah the therapists have said I was abused and well thinking about it....lots of women do this to their men and as such that means there is vast population of abused men out there.....but there doesn't appear to be any literature or guidance how to recover from this.

No offense ladies but shit....rape and domestic violence.....volumes have been written. Now i'm not saying either are acceptable but....what is a guy to do? Not even my therapist knows....and odds are she will put up her hands and say..."I have this friend who is a therapist..." which would make it my 4th therapist in just as many years!

I just want to get better. I want to not feel anxious about sex......and worry when I get into a relationship that my partner will cut me off...

And before you laugh and call me a pussy....

I was dating a TS model, as I said a gorgeous woman who not only posts her but has posed on many web pages. And she was driving a half an hour to my place to make a booty call in the middle of the week...but as soon as things got at all serious and monogamous I freaked out.....for fear she would abuse me by cutting me off from sex and I broke up with her....no shit no joke! Over the phone told her to go pound salt and forced myself to tell her that she was not attractive.....which honestly is a pile of horse shit

yes i know dumb as shit! but panic will make a man do dumb shit!

So I know it's a one in a million hail marry post / thread....but has any one ever been in a similar situation and how did you recover or at least cope.

I can't develop a relationship if im hyper defensive and i can't see myself ever being in a sex starved relationship. Sex for me is like air, i need it.....and I need it not with any random girl i need it with a girl i trust and care about....yes again I know major pussy dumb shit but it is who i am.

So I'm asking for help please any one....thank you

And darling i'm sorry, you will never believe this but it was me not you. Maybe in the next life I will be in a better state when we meet for coffee for the very first time and I run around looking for a bathroom for you.

[russtafa]

mate a ts has more sex drive in her little finger than a snail trail has in her whole body

[Infern0]

Sorry mate but if your missus treats you like shit you pack their bags and throw them in the street, or if its their house then you fuck off.

Relationships is a two way street, and you dont need to put up with that kind of thing, just like no woman needs to from a guy.

Hopes you dont make this kind of mistake again, go for a woman who loves you and then despite differences and shit like that you will always work it out.

[Jericho]

The most disturbing thing there was the amount of times you mentioned the word therapist :shrug


rape and domestic violence

If she was smacking you across the back of the head with a frying pan then fucking you in the arse with a rolling pin, sure, you've something to compare, otherwise...not even the same ball park

This is going to sound really harsh but, stop snivelling and man the fuck up.

If you need to talk, go out with your mates, have some beers, make a fool of yourself (again), and learn from the experience.

[hippifried]

Wow!!! Neurotic much?

Joan Armatrading - (I Love It When You) Call Me Names - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc_WJFp6fRs)

[lisaparadise]

what a pussy, you dated a ts and post in a tgirl forum?WTF since you havent got the balls to say who the ts is how credible is your story?

[onmyknees]

I don't know about the abuse part....I'll leave that to the shrinks. If it is abuse, there's a fucking epidemic out there ! Marriage is a compromise.......that doesn't mean you give all, and she gives none. I get the fact you were young, and thought this was how it was supposed to be, but someone should have set you straight when she put you on that diet. If sex and romance was that important to you, I'm wondering why you didn't discuss that with her ? When the intimacy goes...it ain't ever coming back and you can start the countdown. Look...50% people don't get it right the first time, so you're hardly alone. It's how you live your life from here on out that matters...the rest is history, as painful and empty as it might be. You have to get rid of that "will my new lady cut me off?" hangover or it will drag the next relationship down as well. Otherwise the first time she says she has a migraine, even if it's legit....your paranoia is going to manifest somehow, and it's more than likely not going to be positive.
If your story is accurate, you got fucked over....but you lost your "edge" when you started cleaning the house regularly. There's nothing wrong with that, unless while you're cleaning she's being dirty somewhere else. Far be it from me to say who needs a therapist and who doesn't.....but they have a vested interest in telling you, you have a problem.....

[runningdownthatdream]

I don't know about the abuse part....I'll leave that to the shrinks. If it is abuse, there's a fucking epidemic out there ! Marriage is a compromise.......that doesn't mean you give all, and she gives none. I get the fact you were young, and thought this was how it was supposed to be, but someone should have set you straight when she put you on that diet. If sex and romance was that important to you, I'm wondering why you didn't discuss that with her ? When the intimacy goes...it ain't ever coming back and you can start the countdown. Look...50% people don't get it right the first time, so you're hardly alone. It's how you live your life from here on out that matters...the rest is history, as painful and empty as it might be. You have to get rid of that "will my new lady cut me off?" hangover or it will drag the next relationship down as well. Otherwise the first time she says she has a migraine, even if it's legit....your paranoia is going to manifest somehow, and it's more than likely not going to be positive.
If your story is accurate, you got fucked over....but you lost your "edge" when you started cleaning the house regularly. There's nothing wrong with that, unless while you're cleaning she's being dirty somewhere else. Far be it from me to say who needs a therapist and who doesn't.....but they have a vested interest in telling you, you have a problem.....

Seriously wise words................

[scroller]

First, I want to support you in asking the question here -- that took some courage, and it is in fact a place where the respondents at least don't have a vested (paid) interest in what you do or don't do in the future.

IMO, you need to become okay with just yourself, before it'll be really good to be with someone else. A relationship should be totally an added-value thing.

"Sex for me is like air, i need it"

Gonna call bullshit on that. There are plenty of people and creatures in the world that never get the chance to hook up. Masturbation is, frankly, not even that bad. The world does not owe you sex.

[SXFX]

.... If sex and romance was that important to you, I'm wondering why you didn't discuss that with her ? When the intimacy goes...it ain't ever coming back and you can start the countdown. Look...50% people don't get it right the first time, so you're hardly alone. It's how you live your life from here on out that matters...the rest is history, as painful and empty as it might be. You have to get rid of that "will my new lady cut me off?" hangover or it will drag the next relationship down as well. Otherwise the first time she says she has a migraine, even if it's legit....your paranoia is going to manifest somehow, and it's more than likely not going to be positive.
If your story is accurate, you got fucked over....but you lost your "edge" when you started cleaning the house regularly. There's nothing wrong with that, unless while you're cleaning she's being dirty somewhere else. Far be it from me to say who needs a therapist and who doesn't.....but they have a vested interest in telling you, you have a problem.....
Thanks mate for the well thought out response.
Quick answers, yes I did confront her regularly and she would say she was talking to her doctor / OBGYN about the issue....and long and short of it i'm not sure if she did or did not but odds are she did not.

The cleaning the house like a nutter came about because well....what is a man to do with pent up frustration of being on a sex diet? So I did what came naturally, worked out, worked hard and cleaned up.....yeah dumb but it's a reflex when you have pent up energy be it nervous or sexual.

But I agree, i really need to pull this off before my next relationship goes to shit because the girl has one head ache or gives me a little drama or just says something off. It's amazing how much damage one fucking bitch can do.....

If you are ever divorced in your mid 30's and have no kids very few therapist know how to deal with you as such I've had a few therapists and all of them have stated the same thing. Withholding passion and intimacy in an otherwise normal relationship is abuse.

I honestly never thought of it that way, i just assumed it's what dumb dicks had to deal with when they got divorced but well I guess that's why we have a 50% divorce rate right?

Thank you I greatly appreciate it......here is to hoping to feel better and maybe trust a little? And the next time I date a gorgeous girl who happens to have a newly minted porn career....I'll appreciate it more and not fuck up by dumping her.....which I'll be honest.....was not the smartest thing to do. But as I said panic will make a man do crazy shit!

ps
as for the going solo thing....god i was whacking off twice a day...hell if you ask me...is laying in bed next to someone who you will do anything for at any time and at any price...and knowing full well that person...has either no sexual interest in you or their sexual interest is 10% of what you have for them....it's like a through bread race horse forced to walk across a desert with a camel....