Thoughts about your pre-trans life?

[Erika1487]

I think what I would changed? To have been more open and out going in my younger days instead of being a pissed off angry kid.

What would I not change if I had to do it over again?

Playing Football!! It shaped my life in ways I cannot describe, it taught me many life lessons. I feel without football my life would not be complete today.

As a former defensive lineman (nose tackle)/fullback it is almost surrreal to think I am transgender and almost D cup breasts now. I started transition on my 31st birthday 1yr ago yesterday and am caught in limbo of not being completly passable but not quite being a man anymore. I struggle with body issues almost every day, weight, age, hair loss, but I try to always look at the bright side. "Its is better to be late to the party than to never attend"

And now Drum roll please...............
the first photo of my self I have shown pre transition enjoy!:yayo:

[DL_NL]

Interesting topic, very courageous to show a pre-transition picture.

[Edwoodwoodwood]

I agree it was very courageous to show that picture. I can't begin to comprehend just how much of a life changing & body changing experience you girls have to endure, you are very brave.

Would you consider showing us a current picture of yourself so that we can appreciate just how far you have moved on in your life journey?

[tslvr]

Erika, good for you and good luck on your journey. Where is it that you are from, I would love to meet you, we could talk football.

[joeym75ld]

Were you a pissed off angry kid due to your gender issues? Or was there other aspects/reasons? At what age do you remember being pissed off and angry?

[Birgitta]

I consider every year i had to live as a boy as one lost,
I have mostly only painfull memory's of my past, except for the presence of the people i love, like family.

[BigDF]

Erika, I also agree it is courageous of you to post your pre-transition picture and I'd also like to see your face now, although I can understand your reluctance to do so, considering the location that you listed. Unfortunately there just isn't much tolerance in our state. :(

[Nicole Dupre]

I truly regret nothing. I'd have to start feeling like a victim for that, who could or should have "done something differently", and I don't. I feel blessed, if anything, to have verbalized to my mother, from the time I could speak, that I was a girl.

I "dressed up" my whole life. I started running away from home at 13, and NEVER considered anything beyond my Catholic grade school as a peer group. And we were forced to wear uniforms. No one liked those uniforms, boy or girl. Then I went to three different private prep schools, where there are kids from all over the place anyway. Most people in those high school thought I was an effeminate punk rock freak. And I suppose I was. lol Anyone who told me they didn't like how I dressed was told to fuck off, immediately, with a smile on my face. Needless to say, that's why I didn't last in those schools. I was an "uppity faggot". lol

My parents gave up on trying to stop me from "dressing up" by 14 or 15. Then they told me it was "ok if I was gay". I told them I didn't think I was, but thanks. And I don't blame my parents for anything. I drove them crazy. lol And I don't blame "God", because I'm not religious.

But I NEVER played football or did ANYTHING to "be male". I was into art, music, and fashion. I got tattooed because my GG friends inspired me too explore it. If anything, I was a "genderfukt faggot" before I was fulltime. And when people call you a faggot constantly growing up, you learn to see society as the ones who should have the regret. What the hell did I do incorrectly to regret anything? lol

By the time I was fulltime, no one was genuinely shocked, minus a few people I worked with, who were fairly oblivious to the obvious anyway. lol

[Prospero]

Erika... brilliant. A brave life as all transgender girls have to live and double marks to you for posting a childhood pic.

(Now all you gotta change i your politics and you are all set!)

[Birgitta]

I do not consider my life as a tswoman "brave" at all...
i was brave for living like a boy....
I never did masculine stuff or hobbies, i was a very silent withdrawn scared child, and got into real trouble as a teenager and beyond, those were the days my strength was tested to the max, my situation now does not feel brave at all...

I sincerely believe that transgendered people essentially differ very much from eachother, wether its nature or spiritual (past life) the difference is there and its huge...

For this reason i seldomly like to be compared to other tgirls,

Xx
Birgit

[Erika1487]

I agree it was very courageous to show that picture. I can't begin to comprehend just how much of a life changing & body changing experience you girls have to endure, you are very brave.

Would you consider showing us a current picture of yourself so that we can appreciate just how far you have moved on in your life journey?

For security reasons & my day job I try not show my face that often.

[Erika1487]

Erika, good for you and good luck on your journey. Where is it that you are from, I would love to meet you, we could talk football.

Southeast Ohio near WV Oh BTW I am a big Bengals fan! Who-dey!!!

[Prospero]

I sincerely believe that transgendered people essentially differ very much from eachother, wether its nature or spiritual (past life) the difference is there and its huge...

BUT surely this is true -if we look more deeply - at all people. It is only the immature and foolish who look at any group - soldiers, estate agents, black people, the transgendered, Scots whoever - and see them as some group who have common qualities. Everyone is a hugely complex individual.

[Erika1487]

Erika, I also agree it is courageous of you to post your pre-transition picture and I'd also like to see your face now, although I can understand your reluctance to do so, considering the location that you listed. Unfortunately there just isn't much tolerance in our state. :(

Well sadly in my own little town there are sevral Churches that openly preach agianst the GLTB community to almost dangerous levels :(

[Erika1487]

Erika... brilliant. A brave life as all transgender girls have to live and double marks to you for posting a childhood pic.

(Now all you gotta change i your politics and you are all set!)

Thank you Prospero :) Sorry I still work for the GOP :(

[Prospero]

Well sadly in my own little town there are sevral Churches that openly preach agianst the GLTB community to almost dangerous levels :(

Ain't religion a great thing, eh.

Talking of which has anyone watched that video from Baltimore of the women in MacDonalds beating and nearly killing a transgendered girl, while the staff look on and do nothing to help her. it is quite sickening.

[Erika1487]

I truly regret nothing. I'd have to start feeling like a victim for that, who could or should have "done something differently", and I don't. I feel blessed, if anything, to have verbalized to my mother, from the time I could speak, that I was a girl.

I "dressed up" my whole life. I started running away from home at 13, and NEVER considered anything beyond my Catholic grade school as a peer group. And we were forced to wear uniforms. No one liked those uniforms, boy or girl. Then I went to three different private prep schools, where there are kids from all over the place anyway. Most people in those high school thought I was an effeminate punk rock freak. And I suppose I was. lol Anyone who told me they didn't like how I dressed was told to fuck off, immediately, with a smile on my face. Needless to say, that's why I didn't last in those schools. I was an "uppity faggot". lol

My parents gave up on trying to stop me from "dressing up" by 14 or 15. Then they told me it was "ok if I was gay". I told them I didn't think I was, but thanks. And I don't blame my parents for anything. I drove them crazy. lol And I don't blame "God", because I'm not religious.

But I NEVER played football or did ANYTHING to "be male". I was into art, music, and fashion. I got tattooed because my GG friends inspired me too explore it. If anything, I was a "genderfukt faggot" before I was fulltime. And when people call you a faggot constantly growing up, you learn to see society as the ones who should have the regret. What the hell did I do incorrectly to regret anything? lol

By the time I was fulltime, no one was genuinely shocked, minus a few people I worked with, who were fairly oblivious to the obvious anyway. lol

Wow thanks for sharing your amazing story Nicole:)
I think there are very few "Alpha" males like myself that do go through transition, because of shame and gulit. I have been a "mans man" up to my 24th birthday and for the next seven years. I kept my sexuality/gender issues tucked away until last year.

[Erika1487]

I do not consider my life as a tswoman "brave" at all...
i was brave for living like a boy....
I never did masculine stuff or hobbies, i was a very silent withdrawn scared child, and got into real trouble as a teenager and beyond, those were the days my strength was tested to the max, my situation now does not feel brave at all...

I sincerely believe that transgendered people essentially differ very much from eachother, wether its nature or spiritual (past life) the difference is there and its huge...

For this reason i seldomly like to be compared to other tgirls,

Xx
Birgit

Very true Brigit. Thank you for sharing :)

[Erika1487]

Ain't religion a great thing, eh.

Talking of which has anyone watched that video from Baltimore of the women in MacDonalds beating and nearly killing a transgendered girl, while the staff look on and do nothing to help her. it is quite sickening.

Yes I seen it it is VERY disturbing. I believe the entire MacDonalds evening staff at that restraunt was fired.......With good reason!

[Birgitta]

I sincerely believe that transgendered people essentially differ very much from eachother, wether its nature or spiritual (past life) the difference is there and its huge...

BUT surely this is true -if we look more deeply - at all people. It is only the immature and foolish who look at any group - soldiers, estate agents, black people, the transgendered, Scots whoever - and see them as some group who have common qualities. Everyone is a hugely complex individual.

Precisely !
sometimes it frustrates me though that i have no problem to understand my sisters and girlfriends and vice versa but the moment i get in contact with a tgirl i feel very little connection or understanding...

I dislike having to wear a label that respresents people that i seldomly have something in commen with, im not ashamed to be a ts, but it feels misplaced sometimes...

[Birgitta]

Probably one of the worst things to say Erika but i find u very attractive as a boy hihi

[Edwoodwoodwood]

For security reasons & my day job I try not show my face that often.

Fully understand & appreciate that Erika. :Bowdown:

[joeym75ld]

I truly regret nothing. I'd have to start feeling like a victim for that, who could or should have "done something differently", and I don't. I feel blessed, if anything, to have verbalized to my mother, from the time I could speak, that I was a girl.

I "dressed up" my whole life. I started running away from home at 13, and NEVER considered anything beyond my Catholic grade school as a peer group. And we were forced to wear uniforms. No one liked those uniforms, boy or girl. Then I went to three different private prep schools, where there are kids from all over the place anyway. Most people in those high school thought I was an effeminate punk rock freak. And I suppose I was. lol Anyone who told me they didn't like how I dressed was told to fuck off, immediately, with a smile on my face. Needless to say, that's why I didn't last in those schools. I was an "uppity faggot". lol

My parents gave up on trying to stop me from "dressing up" by 14 or 15. Then they told me it was "ok if I was gay". I told them I didn't think I was, but thanks. And I don't blame my parents for anything. I drove them crazy. lol And I don't blame "God", because I'm not religious.

But I NEVER played football or did ANYTHING to "be male". I was into art, music, and fashion. I got tattooed because my GG friends inspired me too explore it. If anything, I was a "genderfukt faggot" before I was fulltime. And when people call you a faggot constantly growing up, you learn to see society as the ones who should have the regret. What the hell did I do incorrectly to regret anything? lol

By the time I was fulltime, no one was genuinely shocked, minus a few people I worked with, who were fairly oblivious to the obvious anyway. lol

Did you get beat up a lot as a kid/teenager?
Serious question. Probably explains a lot of your anger issues now.

[Nicole Dupre]

Did you get beat up a lot as a kid/teenager?
Serious question. Probably explains a lot of your anger issues now.


Awww. Are you still upset that I pegged you as a size queen? Why don't you have your BF fist you a lil', and forget all of silly-willy little troubles, you closeted limp-wrist? lol

[Nicole Dupre]

Oh, I think I just put a homo, who sits on fire hydrants, on ignore! :-)

[needsum]

Oh, I think I just put a homo, who sits on fire hydrants, on ignore! :-)


You are awesome :) xoxo!!!!!

[Nicole Dupre]

You are awesome :) xoxo!!!!!
Seriously, just do a search for his posts, and you'll find two kinds; him obsessed with cock size or him trying to antagonize someone. He has nothing to say of interest. He's been here for years staring at dick shots, and babbling unimportant nonsense.

[onmyknees]

Every once in a while a thread comes along that reminds me of why I stopped by to HA for a visit and decided to stay a while. Hey...I love the hot pics, and the playful banter but there's a pile of shit here I could do without...but I digress....
Notwithstanding joey75's asinine barb, I appreciate the honesty of the ladies on this thread although it's almost painful to read in some cases, because I despise some of the treatment you all received in earlier years, but it's also encouraging to hear N.D. explain how she wouldn't change a thing. It seems like all the shit she, and some others went through was a journey to get to the point she's at now. I wonder if that's the exception or the norm. What is funny is that I can't imagine her as ever being anything other than what she is now...a strikingly hot, take no shit, confident lady...LOL... although that obviously was not always the case.
I think it's probably instructive for some of us to be reminded from time to time that it is a journey, and not always a joyful one, but as for me....I'm glad you all are making it.
Peace

[BigDF]

Did you get beat up a lot as a kid/teenager?
Serious question. Probably explains a lot of your anger issues now.I think you should maybe take a look in the mirror and ask yourself a question like that, from what I've seen of your posts in the short time I've been here.

I, too, would like to thank everyone who has shared their story in this thread. I am also awed by the bravery that all of the girls show. It really is very impressive.:Bowdown::Bowdown::Bowdown:

[robertlouis]

This is without doubt one of the most important threads that's been started here for quite a while, and thank you Erika for your courage and honesty in setting it up, as well as the other girls who've contributed.

I suppose it's too much to hope that it will completely escape all the simply stupid, insensitive and downright nasty comments that plague this place, but it certainly deserves to.

[Erika1487]

Every once in a while a thread comes along that reminds me of why I stopped by to HA for a visit and decided to stay a while. Hey...I love the hot pics, and the playful banter but there's a pile of shit here I could do without...but I digress....
Notwithstanding joey75's asinine barb, I appreciate the honesty of the ladies on this thread although it's almost painful to read in some cases, because I despise some of the treatment you all received in earlier years, but it's also encouraging to hear N.D. explain how she wouldn't change a thing. It seems like all the shit she, and some others went through was a journey to get to the point she's at now. I wonder if that's the exception or the norm. What is funny is that I can't imagine her as ever being anything other than what she is now...a strikingly hot, take no shit, confident lady...LOL... although that obviously was not always the case.
I think it's probably instructive for some of us to be reminded from time to time that it is a journey, and not always a joyful one, but as for me....I'm glad you all are making it.
Peace
Onmyknees, BigDF, & Robertlouis thank you. I think the issue of pre-trans life for most TS is a very difficult topic to deal with.
I have a very supporting family and good friends that live close by which has become my saving grace.
The road out from male to female is a personal hell that 40% of all trans girls never make,because of medication death or suicide.
Even after years of sucessful transition many girls commit suicide beasuse it is just too damn difficult for them to deal with a society that hounds for who they are.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all the T-girls out there like myself still caught between heaven & hell. It will get better it just takes time.

[onmyknees]

Onmyknees, BigDF, & Robertlouis thank you. I think the issue of pre-trans life for most TS is a very difficult topic to deal with.
I have a very supporting family and good friends that live close by which has become my saving grace.
The road out from male to female is a personal hell that 40% of all trans girls never make,because of medication death or suicide.
Even after years of sucessful transition many girls commit suicide beasuse it is just too damn difficult for them to deal with a society that hounds for who they are.
My thoughts and prayers go out to all the T-girls out there like myself still caught between heaven & hell. It will get better it just takes time.

Well to be honest....we're all on a journey. I wasn't always as outwardly as "understanding" as I am now, so we're all capable of growth. Ironically, as I write this....I just recieved word that yet another friend was killed in Afganastan just hours ago. That makes more than I care to count... I have no interest in expressing my feelings on that in this thread that should be reserved for how it began, but my point is that life can change so quickly and so suddenly, and hopefully this thread will spread a little love and understaning so sorely needed.

Peace.

[DL_NL]

Excellent thread. Very good to read something beyond porn and stupid cr@p here occasionally.

[Miss Aeryn]

Regrets? Sure

Could I change anything? If wishes were horses. I don't see a time machine anywhere.

Would I change anything, even if I could? No goddamn way.

Amor Fati (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amor_fati) (wiki)


Amor fati is a Latin phrase loosely translating to "love of fate" or "love of one's fate". It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good. Moreover, it is characterized by an acceptance of the events or situations that occur in one's life.


I cannot change the past, what is done is done. All the hate, the loathing, the disgust, the pain, the loneliness. The joy, the transcendent beauty, the tears, and love. The only thing I can change is my attitude and reaction to the ever present, ever constant NOW, the words I typed 2 seconds are already history, those thoughts, are the past. The one thing I can change is where in the constant now I am heading, and take control of the ship that is my Life.

INVICTUS

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley (1849 - 1902 / Gloucester / England)


and that's my story (in part)

[Nicole Dupre]

I think there are very few "Alpha" males like myself that do go through transition, because of shame and gulit. I have been a "mans man" up to my 24th birthday and for the next seven years. I kept my sexuality/gender issues tucked away until last year.
More like Alpha FAIL! LMAO
http://www.hungangels.com/vboard/attachment.php?attachmentid=407816&stc=1&d=1310472486


Let's not forget the big lummox said a few clearly insane things here too.


As a former defensive lineman (nose tackle)/fullback it is almost surrreal to think I am transgender and almost D cup breasts now. I started transition on my 31st birthday 1yr ago yesterday and am caught in limbo of not being completly passable but not quite being a man anymore. I struggle with body issues almost every day, weight, age, hair loss, but I try to always look at the bright side. "Its is better to be late to the party than to never attend"


‪Classic Movie Line #4‬‏ - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bK-Dqj4fHmM)

[Erika1487]

[QUOTE=Nicole Dupre;969450]More like Alpha FAIL! LMAO




Not all of us can transition at an early age.

[Nicole Dupre]

[QUOTE=Nicole Dupre;969450]More like Alpha FAIL! LMAO




Not all of us can transition at an early age.
Not all of us get a batshit brainstorm that because we want to jerk off in panties, we'll call ourselves women.

And I didn't transition to fulltime at an early age. I was just open about it. That's even harder imo. I insisted to my mom that I was a girl, lived as a woman most-time, passed, and let the chips fall. I accepted my fate, and it wasn't easy EVER. I was, what I assume is, a textbook case of being genderfukt, or a clubkid who didn't limit my identity/presentation to the clubs I went to; a transvestite, they used to call it.

I had to look long and hard to find a job that would accept me for being that way. I had to tone it down to keep that job, but I never hid it. My competence and productivity gave me that luxury. Our customers just thought I was an extremely effeminate gay guy. I didn't have tits or wear bras. But I carried women's Gucci and LV bags to work, wore light makeup, women's jewelry, etc.

But after work, the Michael Kors women's slacks came off, I finished my makeup, and often wore skirts. When I went fulltime, I actually toned it down for the first year or so. I wasn't Clark Kent walking out of a phone booth as Supergirl. I simply put who I was on the line my entire life.

You're almost the opposite.

[Nicole Dupre]

Once again, I've had it with this shithole. I should've just walked away when Dino said Nicole Simpson was 'asking for it', and no one even flinched.

I'll let you all go back to doing whatever it is that you here. Maybe Ericka belongs here. But I'm positive that I don't.

[Silcc69]

Once again, I've had it with this shithole. I should've just walked away when Dino said Nicole Simpson was 'asking for it', and no one even flinched.

I'll let you all go back to doing whatever it is that you here. Maybe Ericka belongs here. But I'm positive that I don't.

Please don't leave us again. All the woman are dropping off like dead flies on here.

[fred41]

Once again, I've had it with this shithole. I should've just walked away when Dino said Nicole Simpson was 'asking for it', and no one even flinched.

I'll let you all go back to doing whatever it is that you here. Maybe Ericka belongs here. But I'm positive that I don't.

...I don't seriously think you can judge the goings on around here by what occasional post by Dino does or doesn't get challenged...do you Nicole? (he always says stuff like that..but in sum and substance he seems okay to me...It's not like someone with a history of serious , thought provoking comments said it...and it probably got shrugged off by most people..c'mon)..we all say stuff that goes over the line sometimes (not that it's an excuse..but we're not always clear minded when we post at 3 o'clock in the morning either..:) )...I've been wrong many times..and when I realize it, or get called on it...I try to apologize...or whatever.