Why do guys ask if you're "dominant"...

[Nicole Dupre]

... instead of asking if you're up for fucking them in the ass? lol

"Dominant" is a S&M/B&D term. I do B&D, and roleplay, but B&D technically is not about intercourse.

It seems strange that guys say, "Well, Nicole. I'm kind of submissive", but what they really mean is they want me to fuck their ass.

[tslvr]

Maybe most just don't know the correct terms.

[youshouldtrythislol]

Maybe it means they want to be tied up while you fuck them in their ass?

[Nicole Dupre]

I thought maybe it was more of a repressed thing, like not wanting to verbalize "top" and "bottom", which are also terms used by gay men.

[JoePitt]

I thought maybe it was more of a repressed thing, like not wanting to verbalize "top" and "bottom", which are also terms used by gay men.

That would be my guess.

[Nicole Dupre]

Maybe it means they want to be tied up while you fuck them in their ass?
Well, see, that's the thing. I do tie people up and top them. But I consider that to be incorporating B&D with anal sex.

I dunno. I used to not know what they meant, like maybe 4 years ago, but I started catching on. I've known some pretty serious lifestyle dommes, and I know that would throw them a curve. In fact, at first I asked a mistress I know about it once, and she assumed that "they're just afraid to verbalize what they really want".

[Silcc69]

Submissive=powerbottom

[NYBURBS]

... instead of asking if you're up for fucking them in the ass? lol

"Dominant" is a S&M/B&D term. I do B&D, and roleplay, but B&D technically is not about intercourse.

It seems strange that guys say, "Well, Nicole. I'm kind of submissive", but what they really mean is they want me to fuck their ass.

Well, this just came up in a different thread, that one that asks if its gayer to suck dick or bottom lol. I said to the OP that he was mixing up gay/straight with dominant/submissive, which is an over-generalization to some degree, but for the most part I think it's true. Most people I know would see bottoming as submitting to their partner to some degree. If you look online you usually see people refer to themselves as "dominant tops" looking for "submissive bottoms." Of course like anything else, there are exceptions.

Oh and some of your prospective clients are probably just trying to avoid being overly explicit on the phone with you.

[ARMANIXXX]

Maybe its the tatoos.

[Nicole Dupre]

Maybe its the tatoos.
Possibly. But in S&M, tattoos and piercings often indicate masochism. Some people really do enjoy the feeling of tattoo needles. My threshold of physical pain is pretty high though, and my submissive side comes only comes out when I can see that the person even can dominate me. That's a turn on. But I submit in the B&D sense, and not the S&M sense. Also, I offer my clients B&D because the parameters of what does and does not go are much easier to spell out, and consultations and waivers are rarely necessary.

[tslvrnyc]

I love all the illiterates who spell it as "dominate".

[giovanni_hotel]

Submissive = please insert your fist to the elbow, Nikki!!lol

[jpeterson0619]

I am one that is guilty of asking girls if they are dominant. What I should ask is if they are open to getting rough me such as thoat fucking and bending me over. Oh, a little B&D is great as well. I once dated a girl that would like to hand cuff me then throat fuck the shit out of me. I have to admit it...I liked it.

[Nicole Dupre]

I am one that is guilty of asking girls if they are dominant. What I should ask is if they are open to getting rough me such as thoat fucking and bending me over. Oh, a little B&D is great as well. I once dated a girl that would like to hand cuff me then throat fuck the shit out of me. I have to admit it...I liked it.
If you're responding to an escort ad, you should save those questions for private conversations.

My ad says "versatile", and I mean it. Last night was a perfect example. I topped and bottomed with the same guy.

I also get miffed when people say, "But you must prefer one over the other."

I really don't. I like both. I used to be a strict bottom, in my teens and in college, but that's no longer the case.

[sheyum]

stupid thread

[Nicole Dupre]

stupid thread
Why would you call it stupid? Are you so used to simply spreading your ass cheeks, instead of verbalizing for your sex partners that you're a powerbottom? Or do you just assume that all guys with trannys take it up the ass, like you?

[BlkJewels]

Just tell them u'll fuck them 4 whatever, and the ass whooping is free.:)

[bat1]

who wants to top a hairy hole with peanut butter coming out?:yayo:

[hippifried]

... instead of asking if you're up for fucking them in the ass? lol

"Dominant" is a S&M/B&D term. I do B&D, and roleplay, but B&D technically is not about intercourse.

It seems strange that guys say, "Well, Nicole. I'm kind of submissive", but what they really mean is they want me to fuck their ass.
Well yeah... I'm sure that's usually what it's about, but you have to remember that your potential customers are "laity" & wouldn't necessarily think in your professional jargon. Outside the industry, dominence just means taking charge & controlling the situation. They just want to know what to expect. Well, kinda'. You're the pro. They just want to pay for a good time & let you handle the details.

Hope this helps.

[subspace]

If you're responding to an escort ad, you should save those questions for private conversations. True -- and thus the euphemism (or shorthand) "dominant." I'm confident that the other reasons given are all valid for some or even most people but when I ask if someone is dominant I'm signaling that I don't want her to lovingly penetrate me but rather I want her to handcuff me, slap me around and make me her dirty little bitch. If you've got a better shorthand for that without mentioning things on the phone or in text which are better off not mentioned in those formats I'm definitely receptive to learning it. I'm aware that in a professional BDSM context dominance rarely or never involves intercourse but I just don't have a better shorthand.

[www.tglovers.com]

Uhhh...because they want to know!

[SAAdmirer]

I've known some pretty serious lifestyle dommes, and I know that would throw them a curve. In fact, at first I asked a mistress I know about it once, and she assumed that "they're just afraid to verbalize what they really want".

In the same vein, the serious dommes I've known would not allow subs to penetrate them. That would be a form of submission. If and when they do allow it in their personal lives, with their personal slaves, it's technically switching.

I'll admit that I'm guilty of looking at things through the BDSM prism. However, topping doesn't have to include bondage or slapping or kissing one's feet to be considered a dominant act. Mounting someone is pretty assertive... just take a gander at the animal world, or a prison for that matter.

But you do have a point: guys really should use more appropriate terms when talking to you. I would imagine most do not want to be tied up. I'm not like most guys though, because...



Well, see, that's the thing. I do tie people up and top them.

this sounds awesome! Whenever I'm in your neighborhood, I'm definately going to give you a call.

[kitarana]

Nicole, do you like fucking men in the ass? :)

[yosi]

... instead of asking if you're up for fucking them in the ass? lol

"Dominant" is a S&M/B&D term. I do B&D, and roleplay, but B&D technically is not about intercourse.

It seems strange that guys say, "Well, Nicole. I'm kind of submissive", but what they really mean is they want me to fuck their ass.

true , B&D technically is not about intercourse , but it IS a foreplay to sex mainly because B&D is a sexual game poeple like to play.

if you top , you are the dominant partner , don't you? :shrug

[Nicole Dupre]

Nicole, do you like fucking men in the ass? :)
Originally, I hated it. But I've developed a liking for it, yes. It's just more pleasure for my primary erogenous zone now.

[Nicole Dupre]

true , B&D technically is not about intercourse , but it IS a foreplay to sex mainly because B&D is a sexual game poeple like to play.

if you top , you are the dominant partner...
True. But intercourse can satisfy the need for romantic affection or the need for a consenting power struggle. Either, or both, can be enjoyable and therapeutic.

[Prospero]

B+D and sometimes S+M can be an end in themselves - or they can form part of a real sexual feast... experimenting with a wide range of ecstatic and erogenous feelings. The actual intercourse can be both ways in the final stages - and the whole can be wonderful if done by two people with real expertise and a real desire for mutual pleasure and satisfaction . Why draw lines? Great sex can be raw and urgent or it can be a great evening of theatre and drama with no holds barred. That's the way I approach it if possible.