Coming out in a marriage

[sunairco]

If you've ever spent the time on the web on litterature and read coming out stories of people that were married, you see a recurring trend.

Women generally consider themselves a betrayed victim if their husband comes out as gay. However if a woman does, she discovers herself and either claims that she suffered in silence for the children't sake or is compelled to move on. Her spouse has no right to consider himself betrayed.

Why the double standard? Speaking as a guy, you either know if you're gay by your teens or not. I'll allow that for women, sexuality isn't so concrete. But to knowingly enter into a marriage with your sexuality in question is a fraud by either sex.

[sucka4chix]

I don't know if i agree with that, but there's just a double standard when it comes to man on man and girl on girl period. People more easily accept a lesbian than a gay man. Hell, straight men and women can find a lesbian encounter hot, but the only people who like to see 2 men together is gay men. That's prolly where the marriage double standard comes in. If a man cheats with a man, he's seen as doing something horribly nasty. Not so for women who cheat with women. But yes, anyone who enters into that institution knowing they are gay is despicable and makes a mockery of marriage, love and sex.

[Coroner]

I don't know if i agree with that, but there's just a double standard when it comes to man on man and girl on girl period. People more easily accept a lesbian than a gay man. Hell, straight men and women can find a lesbian encounter hot, but the only people who like to see 2 men together is gay men. That's prolly where the marriage double standard comes in. If a man cheats with a man, he's seen as doing something horribly nasty. Not so for women who cheat with women. But yes, anyone who enters into that institution knowing they are gay is despicable and makes a mockery of marriage, love and sex.

It´s a rule made by men.

[fred41]

I'm not sure that there really is a double standard...but I also don't really know any honest to goodness straight women who think that sex between two women is hot..unless they are bisexual.

...I do know quite a few lesbians..and I can say that a lot of 'em ...no one would want to watch have sex..lol.

I agree that it is deceitful to enter into a marriage knowing you're gay..but I understand why some people may do it...in consideration where some people live or what culture they are from.

[sucka4chix]

...I do know quite a few lesbians..and I can say that a lot of 'em ...no one would want to watch have sex..lol.

I dunno. I've been to lezbo clubs and watched alotta porn, and although guys tend to fantasize about lipstick lezzies and it's usually not like that, two girls that are really passionate are sexy even if they're not attractive. Personally I hate to watch pretty-girl lesbian porn---it's so fake. But real lesbians that are really into each other? That's hypnotic.

[sunairco]

I hate to bring celebrities into a discussion because usually they're in larger-then-life circumstances that's unlike every day lives of average relationships. Given the recent comming outs of Kelly McGillis, Merideth Baxter, and more recently Chely Wright, these are examples of women that professed the always knew, but entered into several non beard/merkin relationships where they kept their "secret". Yet after the fallout of broken marriages or relationships they come out "liberated" and tired of living a lie. What about the men they left in their wake? Why did they perpetuate this again and again? It's one thing to enter into a relationship for cover when you both know, but certainly disingenuous if your partner doesn't. While I can't think of a
celebrity husband that "betrayed" his wife at the momenent, it's the fodder of talk shows how the woman was left blindsided when her husband announced that he was gay. She never knew, she never seen it coming. That in itself is beyond me as since when don't women pick up on subtle things with radar precision in a relationship. OTOH same talk shows, the women that come out are praised. Have you ever seen a talk show with a buch of guys who had wifes that left them for a woman? I've read bitter stories on the net where the guy also gets taken to the cleaners for added measure and insult, but guy's aren't allowed the same victim status of a "betrayed" women.

[NJBiCouple]

There's a huge double standard when dude's come out as gay or bi. But what are you going to do? Mainstream media has made 2 chicks acceptable. That mainly has to do with men for years being in charge of media and finding 2 guys "gross" and "taboo". As a younger, more liberal generation has come about things have changed, but it's still going to take time.

Lucky for me I found a girl that finds all that stuff to be extremely hot.

[sucka4chix]

As far as talk shows go, these days they're dominated by women. One particularly anti-male woman. So you're not gonna find too many shows with love for the mans perspective.

[phobun]

If you've ever spent the time on the web on litterature and read coming out stories of people that were married, you see a recurring trend.

Women generally consider themselves a betrayed victim if their husband comes out as gay. However if a woman does, she discovers herself and either claims that she suffered in silence for the children't sake or is compelled to move on. Her spouse has no right to consider himself betrayed.

Why the double standard? Speaking as a guy, you either know if you're gay by your teens or not. I'll allow that for women, sexuality isn't so concrete. But to knowingly enter into a marriage with your sexuality in question is a fraud by either sex.


I don't think people here will be able to provide much insight because no one is gay here.

[BrendaQG]

Lemme throw this one at yall.

To allot of people Bisexual = gay. Many of the people you describe could in point of fact be bissexual but haven't come to grips with the idea that they indeed need affection from both genders. Such people are blind and insensitive to the idea they could be bissexual

There are also people who will have one or two same (or opposite) sex experiences who will then call themselves bissexual. When in reality they are just predominantly, overwhelmingly straight (or gay) with some experiences.

I mean really how many of these "gay" women coming out in marriage are just women who discovered that their pussy dosen't care who's eating them out?

[Steffani]

I don't think people here will be able to provide much insight because no one is gay here.

well said,

and if I may, everything is concrete and black and white too

[bte]

If you've ever spent the time on the web on litterature and read coming out stories of people that were married, you see a recurring trend.

Women generally consider themselves a betrayed victim if their husband comes out as gay. However if a woman does, she discovers herself and either claims that she suffered in silence for the children't sake or is compelled to move on. Her spouse has no right to consider himself betrayed.

Why the double standard? Speaking as a guy, you either know if you're gay by your teens or not. I'll allow that for women, sexuality isn't so concrete. But to knowingly enter into a marriage with your sexuality in question is a fraud by either sex.

Didn't you just say a double standard in stating that guys know they are bi or gay by our teens and that for girls its not that simple. Sounds like a double standard in my opinion.