Dino Velvet
02-28-2008, 09:45 AM
I realize we live in the age of convenience and gather most of our smut from online sources. But, most of us are old enough to have had to get into our cars and drive down to the video store to rent our pornos on VHS. I used to go to Odyssey Video in Marina Del Rey usually on Tuesdays or Thursdays for $.99 day. Every sex offender in town was there sporting their cum-stained raincoats and black-toothed grins. I hated going there but it was cheap and they had a lotta lotta porno.
I am kind of a shy guy about renting my porno. When I pulled up in the parking lot, I would always scope it out looking for familiar cars. The parking lot would be code four and I was ready to enter the dwelling. I would slowly step inside and look to my left making sure the young girl wasn't behind the register. She always looked at me funny when I would bring weird porn up to the register to rent. If she was off the 45 year old Persian stoner guy would man the register and nobody was sleazier than that guy. Then I check the front section for familiar faces who did not bring their cars and also knew me. Once the coast was clear, I make a quick right and marched into the porno area.
Many people who go in the porno area are like me; they are also pervs but pretty much keep to themselves. But there are always a few bad apples that have to spoil the bunch. These are the guys that are so OK with being there that they do annoying things like whistling or jiggling the coins in their pockets while playing pocket pool. There are other guys who are heavy breathers who always seem to be following you around in hopes of getting a little on 'ya. Then there are the porno aficionados who ask you questions about movies and want to know what you're renting.
Alright, fuck these guys. I can't find the particular movie that I want so I'll grab the next best thing. I now have my movies and it's time to pay. Shit, on Tuesdays and Thursdays it's always busy, the line is 6 deep, and some jerkoff renting Sleepless In Seattle is arguing about his late fees. A cold chill goes up my spine and I am now ambushed from the blind side. An overfriendly guy from my gym has spotted me and wants to have a little chit-chat. I spin and flip the movie boxes praying I don't drop them and also hoping he won't see the titles. Oh fuck, now the line is moving and I'm next after the guy in front of me. It's my turn now and this babbling motherfucker won't get away from me and is too dumb to take a hint. I slowly and cautiously take my videos to the counter but the Persian stoner guy has stepped away for some reason and the young girl I previously mentioned just showed up for her shift and I am her first customer of the day. I give her a look that Ike would have given Tina and she said $4.28 for four videos. I give her 5, she gives me change, and puts my movies in the bag. I tell the gym guy later gator and storm out of the store wondering if the ball draining porno I rented was worth the trauma I endured at the Odyssey Video store in Marina Del Rey. All I can say is, it's 2008 and thank God for the internet. There's so much porno that I'm not sure I even like porno anymore. Well, I still like porno but now it's easier to get.
http://www.losanjealous.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/odyssey2.jpg
I am kind of a shy guy about renting my porno. When I pulled up in the parking lot, I would always scope it out looking for familiar cars. The parking lot would be code four and I was ready to enter the dwelling. I would slowly step inside and look to my left making sure the young girl wasn't behind the register. She always looked at me funny when I would bring weird porn up to the register to rent. If she was off the 45 year old Persian stoner guy would man the register and nobody was sleazier than that guy. Then I check the front section for familiar faces who did not bring their cars and also knew me. Once the coast was clear, I make a quick right and marched into the porno area.
Many people who go in the porno area are like me; they are also pervs but pretty much keep to themselves. But there are always a few bad apples that have to spoil the bunch. These are the guys that are so OK with being there that they do annoying things like whistling or jiggling the coins in their pockets while playing pocket pool. There are other guys who are heavy breathers who always seem to be following you around in hopes of getting a little on 'ya. Then there are the porno aficionados who ask you questions about movies and want to know what you're renting.
Alright, fuck these guys. I can't find the particular movie that I want so I'll grab the next best thing. I now have my movies and it's time to pay. Shit, on Tuesdays and Thursdays it's always busy, the line is 6 deep, and some jerkoff renting Sleepless In Seattle is arguing about his late fees. A cold chill goes up my spine and I am now ambushed from the blind side. An overfriendly guy from my gym has spotted me and wants to have a little chit-chat. I spin and flip the movie boxes praying I don't drop them and also hoping he won't see the titles. Oh fuck, now the line is moving and I'm next after the guy in front of me. It's my turn now and this babbling motherfucker won't get away from me and is too dumb to take a hint. I slowly and cautiously take my videos to the counter but the Persian stoner guy has stepped away for some reason and the young girl I previously mentioned just showed up for her shift and I am her first customer of the day. I give her a look that Ike would have given Tina and she said $4.28 for four videos. I give her 5, she gives me change, and puts my movies in the bag. I tell the gym guy later gator and storm out of the store wondering if the ball draining porno I rented was worth the trauma I endured at the Odyssey Video store in Marina Del Rey. All I can say is, it's 2008 and thank God for the internet. There's so much porno that I'm not sure I even like porno anymore. Well, I still like porno but now it's easier to get.
http://www.losanjealous.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/odyssey2.jpg