What is with me?

[idenfan]

Ok I need someone to help me figure out what I am. I am 30 years old and ever since I was about 15 I was into Transsexuals. I tried to dress up a few times. When I was like 26 I read about herbal hormones and would take them for a while. I think when I see when I see a Transsexual movie I kind of wanted to be the Transsexual in the movie. When I am like say at the mall I look at woman and think wow she is hot but I never look at guys and think they are hot. However when I masturbate I have to think about hot guys in order to get off. If I think about regular woman I just can't get off. I think a pussy is a ugly nasty looking thing but I think cocks are hot looking and would love to suck one. When I am just looking at pics of transsexuals I always want to find a guy in the pics with them and usually don't like it when they are solo. I think I act like I am the transsexual in my mind when I masturbate. So what is going on with me?

[AllanahStarrNYC]

well it sounds like you might have alot ot figure out and mabe it is wise to seek a therapist or sex therapist to help you with that-

but this is an interesting subject because i have met many men throughout the years who have told me that if they could have, either when they were younger or because of ciscumtances, they would have become transsexuals. as well, i have many men who have had fetish for dressing in womens clothes. i also have met some men, who live as men, dress up for sex, and even took hormones and grew breasts. the most extreme person i met was a staten island truck driver who had alot of facial surgery, implants, but still had facial hair and lived as a man in the day time. this person also preffered women and transsexuals sexually.

i often wonder if that was a fetishist taking the fetish to another level.

though i do not think that for most ts, if any, dressing up or living as a woman, is a fetish or form of sexual arousal. i.e. the fact that i wear panties and have breasts does not turn me on, i have them and wear them because this is how i feel comfortable as a person and in my day to day life.

but, it is rather interesting when i have heard of some men´s fantasies who include transformation or the idea of. actually, i have heard it a lot.

so i have a question for guys who like to buttom and or dress up.

do you like to buttom because you like being submissive sometimes-
or just because it feels good and it is something you like to experiment with sexually, or a fetish?

or your own reason............

i am very interested in your opinions and thoughts-and please no ignorant judgemental responses.

[Serge]

Dear Allanah,
I (as you can tell from my shint tgirls and hungangels sucking cock posts) am enamored with all things transsexual. You are an absolute amazing person---beauty inside and out and I would do anything to have your confidence and---moreover- look one-tenth as good as you. I both feel like a girl, but also I think fetishize transsexuals...I am really really titillated and excited about getting breasts. Did your journey start at all with a sense of excitement to look beautiful (because you are simply RAVISHING) or was this just something you did because this is who you always were on the inside? Thanks for being such an inspiration....you are truly one of the world's sexiest ladies.
LOVE, Serge (Tawney)

[adameast]

I am 39 and have always been attracted to natal females. However, when I was 12, I crossdressed and used to pray that I had been a girl. I continued to crossdress even after marriage and a child.

At the age of 26, I met a transsexual girl that was a topless dancer at THEE DOLLSHOUSE. I had an encounter with her and I never crossdressed again. I never had any attractions to men, but I have always been attracted to preop ts. One important thing Allanah pointed out is that you must decide if you feel like you are a female, or if you are sexually charged by the female clothes. That may help.

I have been in a monogomous relationship with at preop for 5 years. The relationship is versatile, however she is mostly bottom. I do like when she feels frisky and takes control though...but I like it when a female does too. I dont rule out future relations with natal females, but I know that for me to be happy, I must be in a relationship with a TS.

To answer your Allanah, I guess there is a submissive streak in me and it does feel good. If one likes to be dominated, either by a TS or Female, it is still domination and it feels good.

FOR IDENFAN, I agree. Therapy with a person trained in gender issues may be very helpful, or even a support group. This board can be an excellent resource as well.

The human mind is so complicated and sometimes we need a little help figuring things out. ULTIMATELY, only you will know what the answer is.

Until then, stop worrying about the labels and live your life while you seek your answers.

[AllanahStarrNYC]

serge- first of all thank you for your compliments.

to answer your questions, the evolement of my femininity through hormones, dress, and surgery, has never been sexually exciting for me.

though i am definately interested in a hyper feminie apperance, this is purely my interest from a aesthetics point of view. i am not sexually aroused by my clothes, shoes, etc.

it is more a self esteem issue. i feel comfortable and good when i feel i look my best, and that happens to be in a feminine apperance. i was always interested in the things that we would say are of a typical feminie nature, but never with a sexual attraction.

i get asked a lot if i always felt this way or i always wanted to live this way-what i can say is that i always felt feminine. and i think my femininity evolved into my transsexualism, which is of course how i feel comfortable,
living as is.

[rvince]

so i have a question for guys who like to buttom and or dress up.

do you like to buttom because you like being submissive sometimes-
or just because it feels good and it is something you like to experiment with sexually, or a fetish?


From the figures I got by promoting adult sites I can tell that the closest fetish related to the 'shemale niche' is not gay like most would think, but femdom.

I think most 'shemale lovers' are not attracted by the thought of a 1/2 man - 1/2 woman creature, but by the 'woman equiped with a natural strap-on' side of things.

[gepi76]

first of all i think you are the most goregous girl i have ever seen, and i love trannsexxuals, but i have always been attracted to natal women as well and have been in a realationship with one for 3 years, the sex is great, but i fantasize about having her use a strap-on because the power role reversal is sexxy . I do also think that a penis is very sexxy just because of the way it looks. Just thinking of your soft smooth beautiful body and big cock entering my asshole gets me hot and bothered. I often use dildos and masturbate just because the anal stimulation is different and leads to a much harder orgasm. and one other reason i love to entered anally is a self esteem issue really, when you have sex with a female it is hard to tell weather they really have acheived an orgasm or not and there is always a doubt in my mind about whether i did good or not, but when you are with a transsexual, if you are doing things right you can tell because of the erection and ejaculation. Anygirl can make faces and moan, but you can't make your cock get hard and you cant cum without being turned on. Being able to please turns me on, so by being able to visually see the pleasure you are giving a person adds a whole new factor to sex.

xoxox.
jim

[Vicki Richter]

What you are feeling is somewhat natural. When watching porn, often they are either putting themselves in one position or the other subconsciously. If they are the strong male type, they are thinking they are the guy "fucking that bitch"... if they are like you, they are placing themselves in the position of the girl. I had many CD types compliment me on my gang bang movie imagining they were being fucked by all those guys. There is nothing wrong with that. It's healthy human sexuality to fantasize. Of course then there are just the people watching adult stuff for the content or appreciation as well.

Anyway, just make sure to define fantasy from reality. Just because you fantasize about the sexual elements of being TS doesn't mean you are. It could mean you were a woman in a past life. Who knows. I am not saying you are or aren't, but sex and real life are two different things. In your defense, I pretty much only watch straight porn, and I am always the girl getting fucked in my mind. That must be why I love anal straight porn. haha.

I would comment that your pussy comment makes me think you aren't TS. I would say a large amount of women are bisexual, at least experimentally, and another huge contingent 99.9% have vagina's (the .1% represent TS) so they aren't going to see them as nasty. That would be pretty ironic for someone to get SRS and then have self loathing for their fake vagina. lol.

Vicki

[Ecstatic]

so i have a question for guys who like to buttom and or dress up.

do you like to buttom because you like being submissive sometimes-
or just because it feels good and it is something you like to experiment with sexually, or a fetish?

or your own reason............

i am very interested in your opinions and thoughts-and please no ignorant judgemental responses.
Allanah, I like to bottom because it feels good. Plain and simple. The pressure of a cock against the perineum is wonderful. Plus, I like to respond to my partner and actively ride her. It's incredibly sexy.

I also enjoy topping because a tight ass feels wonderful to my cock. Both sensations are amazing, and I wouldn't want to give up either one (though I tend to go with my partner's preference, whatever it may be, so with some girls I'm always bottom and with some not at all).

There's nothing submissive about it, to me, at least not in the usual sense of the word. It is great to let go and let your partner take command sometimes, which I don't think is the same thing at all. Especially if I'm tired: then she can do all the work, lol.

[exstudent]

I Love women but have always found the vagina ugly. Perhaps that is why I like shemales and transexuals.

[Justawannabe]

There is a lot of evidence over time that women did not like their vagina's appearance. Just saying that because your born with something doesn't mean you like it... even if your otherwise attracted to the rest of the body.

That aside, I've always seen this as almost a three axis issue.

Clothes/items/etc. as a fetish item... either as a sexual stimulus or a trigger for relaxation.

Social interaction issues... women and men are treated differently, and folks are more comfortable in different roles... just not necessarily the ones their bodies entitle them to in the eyes of others.

Sexual interactions... again, this one often does get mixed with dom/sub and or pleaser/reciever stuff... but again a different issue than the other two.

I'm not sure what combo of those makes a 'real transsexual' but I know that if the second part is not a driving force for you, transition will be hard.

I made other choices in my life when I realized I would not make a very successful girl, and how much havoc I would wreak in the lives of those around me, but if I could go back I would change things in a heartbeat. At 39 it's been too long... I've learned to be a guy, I don't think I could come across as anything else, no matter what I might wish I still had inside. At 30 you can still make some changes if that works for you...

I know for me, I always felt that I could play both roles... but I was more natural in the female role. The clothes never ment anything too me, it was the interaction and the sexual role that I wished I could have. I felt that others needed me to be someone else and I became that, and I've treasured every moment of connection I've made with others in that role, but I feel that my best self was left behind; an immature girl strangled for expression, turned away in a corner of my mind where I can't reach her.

Don't let an issue like this simmer... get to a therapist and get to work. Don't let a part of yourself go unexplored or you may lose it.

Sean

[Takingbackme]

I would love to be bottomed and I fantasize about it all the time. For me the big part is being submisive but the other part is it feels sooo damn good!