the popes confesional

[scousepope]

step in to the confessional box and tell all to the pope :lol:

[scousepope]

so u,ve all been good girls and boys then

[Tomfurbs]

Pope, do you really shit in the woods?

[BlackMath]

wtf?

[jefferson1776]

94,536 sins, 22 mortal sins, sorry

[trish]

Dear Pope,

every night i wake up with a huge woody and i simply can't get back to sleep no matter how feverishly i pray. the more i think about jesus, his long brown hair, his manicured beard, his swarthy all knowing face, his lithe body, the harder and more desperate i get. so every night i go through all this, right...and then i roll over and see my lover lying naked on his stomach, his cute little ass poking up in the air just so...and well i just can't resist.

so Pope. i want to know: is it a sin to rape your boyfriend's unsuspecting ass every night of the god damned week even if he says he enjoys it? also, is my boyfriend gay? and how 'bout that jesus fellow, is he hot or what?

[SarahG]

the more i think about jesus, his long brown hair, his manicured beard, his swarthy all knowing face, his lithe body, the harder and more desperate i get.

There's a song about that. I had forgotten it until I read your post.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_QaEkxm1GE

[chefmike]

Hey pope, do you molest and/or rape children like the majority of your priests do?

[RevolveR.]

Hey pope, I gave a hooker counterfeit cash for an hour session behind my girlfriends back. How many hail mary's does that warrant?

[chefmike]

"I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side." - Bill Hicks

[chefmike]

The Dirty Pope

One day, a shy gentleman was preparing to board a plane when he heard that the Pope was on the same flight.

"This is exciting," thought the gentleman. "I've always been a big fan of the Pope. Perhaps I'll be able to see him in person."

Suddenly, the man realized his seat was right next to the Pope himself. Still, the gentleman was too shy to speak to the Pope.

Shortly after take-off, the Pope took a crossword puzzle out of his bag and began working on it.

"This is fantastic", thought the gentleman. "I'm really good at crosswords. Perhaps if the Pope gets stuck, he'll ask me for assistance."

Almost immediately, the Pope turned to the man and asked, "Excuse me, but do you know a four letter word referring to a woman that ends in 'unt'?

The man was in shock. He could only think of one word that fit the description and he was not about to say it to the Pope.

The gentleman thought for a while longer, then it hit him. Turning to the pope, the gentleman said, "I think you're looking for the word 'aunt'."

"Of course," replied the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"

[chefmike]

Don't Bug the Pope!

The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed up in their best Sunday clothes.

Everyone lines up on main street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope. One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell very good.

As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man. He can't believe it, then it hits him. The Pope won't talk to him, he's concerned for the unfortunate people: the poor and and feeble ones.

Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade clothes with him. He puts on the bum's clothing and runs down the street to line up for another chance for the Pope to stop and talk to him.

Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over close and says, "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"

[BeardedOne]

The Dirty Pope

That's a variation on a theme, but I always loved that joke. :)

Anyway, which Pope are we confessing to here? Is it "The Enforcer", or perhaps some other Pope, like the one mentioned in Red Dwarf: "Pope Pourri? Never 'eard of 'im!". :D

I was actually declared a Pope of a new religion back in the 80's. My duties were simple: Keep the Bozos out of the 'service' (Read: 'Party'). :D Having actually dated the daughter of one of =THE= Bozos (She always said that her dad was a real clown, but I thought she just meant he had a good sense of humor), this put me at odds with the religion. Until my fourth beer. :D

[ottorocket]

Hey pope, do you molest and/or rape children like the majority of your priests do?

About the same as saying all Muslims are terrorists IMO. :roll:

[chefmike]

Hey pope, do you molest and/or rape children like the majority of your priests do?

About the same as saying all Muslims are terrorists IMO. :roll:

You're certainly entitled to your opinion, no matter how wrong it may be.

It's funny that you also mentioned Muslims, because of all the harm that organized religions have caused mankind, the Catholics and the Muslims are probably the greatest offenders.

[trish]

don't forget the Bokononists. they're a nasty lot!

[ottorocket]

Hey pope, do you molest and/or rape children like the majority of your priests do?

About the same as saying all Muslims are terrorists IMO. :roll:

You're certainly entitled to your opinion, no matter how wrong it may be.

It's funny that you also mentioned Muslims, because of all the harm that organized religions have caused mankind, the Catholics and the Muslims are probably the greatest offenders.


I wont be pulled into that debate, however, you certainly don't refrain from pulling any punches when it comes to espousing you're divisive opinions. Of the many people that belong on this forum, we have many that are Catholics...Italians, Filipino's, etc..., as we do Muslim. You're attack comments are entirely insensitive and certainly not accurate. Much like the ridiculous Muslim/terrorist analogy, i have not met a Muslim terrorist among the Muslim friends i have, and as I have not once ever met a Priest or heard of any who have molested other than what i've seen on CNN. So please don't insult my intelligence with a re-hash of history, and convoluted logical fallacies you might be trying to make.

[chefmike]

You're attack comments are entirely insensitive ...

Golly gee, ya think? Perhaps that's because I(and many others)believe that organized religion is evil and corrupt. I really couldn't care less who my opinions on religion offend. I wasn't put on this earth to defer to you or any other person's silly superstitions. So deal with it, pilgrim.

[BeardedOne]

I once molested a Methodist minister when I was 13, does that count?

[Tomfurbs]

It's true... religion is for silly people.

People who claim they have any handle on the universe are talking absolute shite. There's is more to the world than your 'relatively new' books can come up with (Bible, Torah, Qu'ran, Beano etc.).

Do people never look at nature, themselves, the mystery of existence and think: 'Wow boss, this God bullshit does not even begin to explain all this stuff'?

[ottorocket]

You're attack comments are entirely insensitive ...

Golly gee, ya think? Perhaps that's because I(and many others)believe that organized religion is evil and corrupt. I really couldn't care less who my opinions on religion offend. I wasn't put on this earth to defer to you or any other person's silly superstitions. So deal with it, pilgrim.

Ya gee....and athiestic, secular fanatic rule isn't?? Athieists and secularists love to trot out the canard that religion has harmed more people than it has helped, and has been at the root of many or most world concflicts. However, in Atheism, not religion, is the real force behind the mass murders of history,

Lets see how many killed?

Atheism (>100 MILLION) - at the hands of the militant anti-religious atheists Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Mao Zedong The historical fact is that, whenever atheism has had it's day, it has produced murder...challenge that with you're religious persecutions (Crusades)...Crusades (10,000 to 100,000) - note that the Crusades in most historians views was likely a justified defensive war after 400 years of Muslim aggression, and were not used to spread Christianity or take revenge, but to free captured lands from Muslim oppression.

Two other points is that many wars attributed to religion are not religious in nature - "Moreover, many of the conflicts that are counted as "religious wars" were not fought over religion. They were mainly fought over rival claims to territory and power.... Ethnic rivalry, not religion, is the source of the tension in Northern Ireland and the Balkans [for example]"

Nazism often mistakenly characterized as Christian - "Dawkins and Harris cannot explain why, if Nazism was directly descended from medieval Christianity, medieval Christianity did not produce a Hitler. How can a self-proclaimed atheist ideology, advanced by Hitler as a repudiation of Christianity, be a "culmination" of 2,000 years of Christianity? Dawkins and Harris are employing a transparent sleight of hand that holds Christianity responsible for the crimes committed in its name, while exonerating secularism and atheism for the greater crimes committed in their name."


Other than these salient points, i'll make one more. Whatever you believe Chefmike, you have a made it a sad habit jump immediately in to inject HA General with you're personal ideological prejudices that put others here who do practice religion, whether it be Catholicism, or other into a position where they feel they should have no response because of the nature of HA. Not only are you're remarks insensitive, often ignorant, and unjustified, but they don't garner you or any on the left any respect in a place where we all are the minority. I wouldnt tolerate it from anyone espousing such tripe towards Muslims, homosexuals, or any other group...and sure as shit not cheap shots at Catholics. You seem to want to divide HA along religious lines...and thats no different than someone dividing it along racist, or gender lines IMO. We have lots of Catholic HA members and you're comments shouldn't force them to feel any guilt or embarassment for their faiths...

[Tomfurbs]

You're attack comments are entirely insensitive ...

Golly gee, ya think? Perhaps that's because I(and many others)believe that organized religion is evil and corrupt. I really couldn't care less who my opinions on religion offend. I wasn't put on this earth to defer to you or any other person's silly superstitions. So deal with it, pilgrim.

Ya gee....and athiestic, secular fanatic rule isn't?? Athieists and secularists love to trot out the canard that religion has harmed more people than it has helped, and has been at the root of many or most world concflicts. However, in Atheism, not religion, is the real force behind the mass murders of history,

Lets see how many killed?

Atheism (>100 MILLION) - at the hands of the militant anti-religious atheists Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Mao Zedong The historical fact is that, whenever atheism has had it's day, it has produced murder...challenge that with you're religious persecutions (Crusades)...Crusades (10,000 to 100,000) - note that the Crusades in most historians views was likely a justified defensive war after 400 years of Muslim aggression, and were not used to spread Christianity or take revenge, but to free captured lands from Muslim oppression.

Two other points is that many wars attributed to religion are not religious in nature - "Moreover, many of the conflicts that are counted as "religious wars" were not fought over religion. They were mainly fought over rival claims to territory and power.... Ethnic rivalry, not religion, is the source of the tension in Northern Ireland and the Balkans [for example]"

Nazism often mistakenly characterized as Christian - "Dawkins and Harris cannot explain why, if Nazism was directly descended from medieval Christianity, medieval Christianity did not produce a Hitler. How can a self-proclaimed atheist ideology, advanced by Hitler as a repudiation of Christianity, be a "culmination" of 2,000 years of Christianity? Dawkins and Harris are employing a transparent sleight of hand that holds Christianity responsible for the crimes committed in its name, while exonerating secularism and atheism for the greater crimes committed in their name."

Athiesm and secularism are two very different things. And Himmler made it imperative that all his SS goons believed in god.

[trish]

as long as you're correcting mistaken attributions, world war two and the communist revolutions in russia and china were not fought over atheism. attributing the death toll of these wars to atheism is exactly like attributing the death toll in the Balkan conflicts to religion.

[ottorocket]

No one is suggesting such, but merely stating that the philosophy of atheism has not proved itself benign, while the accusations of secularists that *religion* has caused undue evil are exaggerated.This is not about judging people, this is about judging ideologies. And the whole point here, other than this idea Chefmike injected about religion....

Its to show that (1) Christianity can not be solely responsible for the vast crimes that anti-religionist secularists and atheists claim, and to the contrary - atheism, esp. as witnessed in our century, has killed more than religion ever has.And in fact, since the past is so vulnerable to historical revisionism, why don't we just stick to what we have witnessed in the last 200 years?I'd say that anti-Christian, anti-Jewish and atheist forces, along with Islam, have shown their true potential in modern history.

Another thing is if we want to re-label things....crypto-religions (ie, Nazism, Communism, Fascism) may also be seen as been responsible for the violent deaths of countless millions. They are also responsible for the destruction of the individual in favor of the collective. There is no escaping these facts. They are all irrational and evidence-free ideologies and should be avoided and/or banned by all who love freedom, the rights of the individual, and the life of reason. Only reason, tolerance, and critical thinking, can save us, not religion or crypto-religions. Just tired of the one side attacks...::sigh::

So crypto-religions have been responsible for the deaths of millions and organized monotheism only for hundreds of thousands? If Christianity is responsible for the death on only ONE individual, it has failed (considering its claims). But they are both failed ideologies when taken to each polar extreme end.

[trish]

Two other points is that many wars attributed to religion are not religious in nature - "Moreover, many of the conflicts that are counted as "religious wars" were not fought over religion. They were mainly fought over rival claims to territory and power

Likewise world war two and the communist revolutions were not fought over atheism. If Balkan deaths don’t count against Christianity, then the death toll of the communist revolution in china doesn’t count against atheism.

The fact is no wars ever have been fought for atheism. None. Nada. I do agree with your point that many so called religious wars are really about power and money. And I agree, we would all do well to stay away from crypto-religions and ideologies. but don't confuse non-belief with belief in a religion, a crypto-religion, an ideology or anything else. it's just non-belief.

[SarahG]

No one is suggesting such....

Really? Is that why you said after this the following:



atheism, esp. as witnessed in our century, has killed more than religion ever has.

I don't see how you can make this assertion. The fact that some of these nations were anti-religious does not mean that this characteristic is what "has killed more than religion ever has."



Christianity can not be solely responsible for the vast crimes that anti-religionist secularists and atheists claim

That is not the same as saying they had no part. There are documented instances in which the Church went so far as to not only cooperate with these war criminals; but went above and beyond these war criminals' expectations of the Church.

I am not just talking about all the clergy who went around during ww2 thinking it was better to tell the truth than to lie even when it would save the life of various local jews in hiding. Some of the German police units whom conducted searches from jews in hiding had in some documented cases, been greeted by clergy who sought them out and then invited them into Catholic hospitals, orphanages and other facilities so that the Church could put out to these nazis which of their patients were Jewish et al. These German units would line up at the end of ever bed and shot the ones the clergy then pointed out to them.



And in fact, since the past is so vulnerable to historical revisionism, why don't we just stick to what we have witnessed in the last 200 years?


Ah yes, only living & just outside of living memory matters.... I would have to disagree, ALL history matters and is subjected to revisionism- including the recent stuff. How many people in this country don't know about the Bath School incident, the forced cultural cleansing of Native American youth through "Indian Schools" up into the 1970s/1980s? What about anything in past200 year world history outside of WW2 & Western topics? We're even guilty of this with the oh-so-overused holocaust examples.

Consider how much we forget and rarely mention, let alone cover extensively the other demographics that the Nazis targeted and threw into the death camps? How about the 5-6 million Jews who died on the Eastern Front of WW1 due to the conflict? The term Holocaust was originally a WW1, not a WW2 term (not that most people know this)... it was not used extensively to describe WW2 until the late 1950s & onward. I would go so far as to say that most people even into history specific college degrees in this country don't realize that Hitler's work against gays during his Final Solution was medical expierementation attempting to turn them into straight girls through forced primitive, unsuccessful sex change procedures (sound kinda similar? Reminds me alot of Iran's current practices).

If anything the main reason why modern atrocities have higher death statistics is because of the increase in technology; and not so much a representation of the philosophies involved. I can't help but wonder what the Puritans would have done to their undisirbles if they had the technology, resources and population of a modern society. The Spartans by all accounts weren't very nice to those born with various medical problems, thats eugenics in practice (the weak were left to die) and far before this modern anti-religious movement seen in Europe & Asia. How does that differ anymore from our own country's actions of the last 100 years in sterilizing indigents (retards et al) against their will? Of course forced sterlization is hardly limited to these examples, within the last 200 years there was a huge such program in India that again is never mentioned in American schooling systems (and not just the gov mandated, gov run k-12 ones).

[chefmike]

You're attack comments are entirely insensitive ...

Golly gee, ya think? Perhaps that's because I(and many others)believe that organized religion is evil and corrupt. I really couldn't care less who my opinions on religion offend. I wasn't put on this earth to defer to you or any other person's silly superstitions. So deal with it, pilgrim.

Ya gee....and athiestic, secular fanatic rule isn't?? Athieists and secularists love to trot out the canard that religion has harmed more people than it has helped, and has been at the root of many or most world concflicts. However, in Atheism, not religion, is the real force behind the mass murders of history,

Lets see how many killed?

Atheism (>100 MILLION) - at the hands of the militant anti-religious atheists Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and Mao Zedong The historical fact is that, whenever atheism has had it's day, it has produced murder...challenge that with you're religious persecutions (Crusades)...Crusades (10,000 to 100,000) - note that the Crusades in most historians views was likely a justified defensive war after 400 years of Muslim aggression, and were not used to spread Christianity or take revenge, but to free captured lands from Muslim oppression.

Two other points is that many wars attributed to religion are not religious in nature - "Moreover, many of the conflicts that are counted as "religious wars" were not fought over religion. They were mainly fought over rival claims to territory and power.... Ethnic rivalry, not religion, is the source of the tension in Northern Ireland and the Balkans [for example]"

Nazism often mistakenly characterized as Christian - "Dawkins and Harris cannot explain why, if Nazism was directly descended from medieval Christianity, medieval Christianity did not produce a Hitler. How can a self-proclaimed atheist ideology, advanced by Hitler as a repudiation of Christianity, be a "culmination" of 2,000 years of Christianity? Dawkins and Harris are employing a transparent sleight of hand that holds Christianity responsible for the crimes committed in its name, while exonerating secularism and atheism for the greater crimes committed in their name."


Other than these salient points, i'll make one more. Whatever you believe Chefmike, you have a made it a sad habit jump immediately in to inject HA General with you're personal ideological prejudices that put others here who do practice religion, whether it be Catholicism, or other into a position where they feel they should have no response because of the nature of HA. Not only are you're remarks insensitive, often ignorant, and unjustified, but they don't garner you or any on the left any respect in a place where we all are the minority. I wouldnt tolerate it from anyone espousing such tripe towards Muslims, homosexuals, or any other group...and sure as shit not cheap shots at Catholics. You seem to want to divide HA along religious lines...and thats no different than someone dividing it along racist, or gender lines IMO. We have lots of Catholic HA members and you're comments shouldn't force them to feel any guilt or embarassment for their faiths...

Your sanctimony is so inspiring...as a matter of fact, it has inspired me to continue my sacred cow tipping with renewed vigor....I find your defense of religious hypocrisy, evil, and corruption to be extremely offensive and will never respect such BS...you and the pope can kiss my rosy red ass...so have a nice day, padre...