I want your advice

[suckseed]

I just got off the phone with my gf (well, she's just a friend now, but we're still close.) I previously mentioned that she told me last week that she was molested by a relative by marriage when she was a little girl. I have been thinking about this a lot this week, and while 35 years may have gone by so that it's too late to bring this guy to the attention of the authorities, when I asked her whether there was any chance the guy might still be in contact with children, she said yes, it's possible. She and her family are not close. They weren't supportive of her at all when she told them at age eighteen. When her father died and she said she didn't want to go to the memorial if Uncle ____ was going to be there they reacted as though she was simply grandstanding. Incredibly.
I'll cut to the chase. What I want to know is whether you all think it's a good idea to email the guy's church and warn them about him. I just feel like it's wrong to just say, "What a shame," and forget about it. What if he's still doing this at 70 or however old he is, and everyone thinks he's this great guy who's always available to watch the neighborhood's kids?
I asked her about it, and her reaction was that she didn't want to have to bring everything up and try to prove her claims, though she did agree with me that it's unconscionable to allow any more kids to be damaged by this creep. She told me that first time that she distinctly remembers another little girl coming up to her and telling her, 'that man just put his fingers inside me," and telling her, "Oh, he just does that." She was five years old.
Fuck, just talking about this is making me feel really angry. That fucking shithead.

So, what do you think? I could email them anonymously easily enough. I don't know his name or anything yet, but could probably get it from her. She's going to think about it and let me know.

And again - if you have kids, or someone you know does, please be aware and don't take any chances with them. I think it's got to be a twofold process - talking to kids about knowing their bodies are theirs alone, and not being sitting ducks for these people, and making sure the parents aren't being stupid about who has access to and privacy with their kids. From what my friend said to me, people are capable of being really naive about this. "Oh, Uncle Fred's a great guy...he'd never do anything like that!" Really? And how do you know? These people don't exactly advertise their thoughts.
:(

[JohnnyWalkerBlackLabel]

I've been away so I don't even know what Foxxx issued, someone want to link it? mod note: never mind I just read it

As far as what you posted, I'd simply say that SHE NEEDS to approach him or be prepared for several years of counseling to deal with it, you personally should NOT GET INVOLVED whatsoever.

[suckseed]

Yeah, Johnny, she told me I'm too sensitive and that I can't take on everyone's problems. I agree, her road is hers to walk as far as how she deals with it.
I also realize there's the question of what if he's innocent. I've been thinking about this. I don't think she's mistaken. She's not a drama queen, or vengeful, nor does she want anything to happen to him. But when thinking about this I feel that the welfare of the kids must come first. Perhaps a warning to the church about a member of a certain age would suffice. this of course brings up the question - do we view every man that offers to babysit with suspicion? No - but I can tell you if I were a dad there's no way in hell I'd let anyone be alone with my kid. There would need to be at least two adults that I knew - like a couple I'm friends with - and as I said my kid would know what's okay and what isn't.
I guess this is an issue for me because my own father damn near molested my sister when she was thirteen. He died three years later and I didn't find out until I was in my twenties. To this day I'm glad he's gone, and I've watched my sister continue to have negative emotions about it and continue to go for guys that treat her badly - and she's such a good person. I've always loved women and animals, and hate to hear about anyone mistreating them. And any normal person wants to protect a child from harm.

[JohnnyWalkerBlackLabel]

my belief is that at age 70+ he is suffering in ways that are slower and more painful than anything you could do via a phonecall or a visit............... let nature take it's course.....

[yodajazz]

I have a lot of respect for JWBL, but I want to point out the other side. That the perpertrator may have suppressed his own memories, or worse could have continued his behaviors on others. I warning to others would at least make him be accountable for his current and past actions.

[suckseed]

I have a lot of respect for JWBL, but I want to point out the other side. That the perpertrator may have suppressed his own memories, or worse could have continued his behaviors on others. A warning to others would at least make him be accountable for his current and past actions.

Yup. Kudos to the both of you for taking the time to at least express an opinion. Not sure what I expected, but over two hundred reads and only two people giving enough of a shit to comment is interesting.

What I keep going back to is trying to understand the source of the bad things that people do. Am I alone in feeling the urge to righteously fuck someone up sometimes? I haven't hit anyone since I was in junior high - to be clear - but these feelings that I get when hearing about someone being hurt by someone else are pretty powerful at times like this, when it's affecting someone I care about. Or, to take a step away from this admittedly shitty subject - a story from today's headlines -
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7066019.stm

Okay, so life is cheap there. Is that all I'm supposed to feel? In my mind, I'd like to go up to this factory owner and go Buford Pusser on his ass.
Look, I know that it's just a primal response to someone doing a bad thing.
But I guess what I want to know is -
What is your philosophy on the shitty things people do? What do you think of the human race? Are we capable of ever leaving all this type of thing behind? What does a person do to make a difference?

I will say this: it's amazing to me how common it is for people who have been victimized to just want to let the matter drop. I've never been victimized, and I want to fuck the perpetrators up! I think I have a white knight complex. But I guess I'm surprised more people don't. If more bullies got some negative feedback, wouldn't that translate to a better society, instead of letting some asshole hurt a kid?
So, c'mon. Fucking talk to me about this.

[CORVETTEDUDE]

The authorities are going after Catholic Preists after 30+ years. Why should this fuck get a pass. I don't give a shit if he's 100, he needs to be A.) Exposed, B.) Castrated or, C.) Have his fuckin' head blown off!!! You pick it!

[SexyMagdi]

Well by all means contact anyone that you know can do something about it.

[2754tim]

Let's Get Off The Bullshit Therapy Sessions,Slap Him In The Fucking' Mouth,Call The The Authorties And If If Anyone Says Anything Say,"No One
Would Listen To Me Then,Maybe One Of You Clowns Will Listen To Me Know".
If He Was Doing It To You...There's A Damn Good Chance He's Done It
(And Still Doing)To Countless Other Children.Scumbag.Get LE Involved.

[Caleigh]

As much as I think that castration and being thrown in the
general population of a prison is too good for child molesters
there are serious legal ramifications to think about.

If YOU sent a letter then this guy could turn around and sue
you for slander or libel because sadly there is no proof of
these heinous perverse acts of his.

Your GF should a) get some professional counselling to help
her deal with any issues it might have caused and
b) becuase therapists who deal with these issues have a
better handle on strategies for survivors of abuse.

Sadly most families remain in denial of such events forever.

I think the main thing you can do for your gf is to give her
support and show that you are there to back her up.

m.h.o.