When the guilt gets to be too much.

[snatch]

I have a great wife and I love her to death. As much as a man can love a woman. But she can't give me what I get, rather need from t-girls. And I feel horrible for this. I wish I could tell her about the girls buts she's so conservative, I know she'd be on the first bus out of town to her mothers house. I really envy you guys who have wifes or girlfriends who understand, you have no idea how lucky you are. Guys like me are stuck in a limbo.
I've tried to stop seeing girls but it's impossible. I'll just start wacking off to online porn, dvds and then that's not enough. I need the real thing.
How do the rest of you on here do it?????????

[roy404]

I suggest you get out of the relationship before it ruins your health both mental and maybe even physically. If you do not have kids it is best. You are what you are, and you have to be yourself or it will eat you up. Do not say you can't because I know many that have, if you want or as you say need you will find a way. You have to decide what side of the fench you are on and stay there.

[Ecstatic]

I certainly do know how lucky I am that my wife has no problem with my seeing a TS occasionally. I love her deeply and we have been together for 30 years, married for 24. I can't imagine my life without her. But between the fact that she is a nonsexual person (zero interest in sex) and the fact that I am bi and need what a woman can't provide anyway, I would go crazy if I didn't have the freedom to see girls when I do. She agrees and tells me she can't imagine being unfair and asking me to give up sex. Because of my situation (marriage, age, location) the only TS avenue open to me is the escort scene, but I only see a couple of girls and my wife's only concern is that I play safe.

roy404 makes a really good point, but you need to assess that for yourself: how much do you love your wife? is she worth the sacrifice? If she is, and you truly love her, then all else takes a back seat and you move forward with that. (I did for years with my wife, but the urges remained, so we talked about it and it turned out OK for me, lucky guy.) But I don't think you can have it both ways: keeping your wife and your secret life, that's a formula for disaster. If you're lying and cheating on her and she finds out, never mind her conservative attitude, there will be hell to pay. My advice: decide what is truly important to you, and act on it. Either leave your wife so that you can pursue your needs and desires, or be open with her. If you can do neither, and continue to hide your activity, it's bound to come out at some point and be much worse then. As roy says, you have to choose one side of the fence or the other.

[Ecstatic]

J, I agree, but my concern is for the wife and their relationship if he's hiding something from her which will severely hurt if and when it's exposed. Every situation is unique and you have to determine what's best for you...if it's occasionally seeing a TS and keeping it secret and accepting the risk that exposure of that pattern might destroy the relationship, well, that's the best tack for that guy. But what's fundamental is determining what's really important in your life and acting accordingly, not risking that for temporary pleasure. Of course, as I said I'm one of the lucky ones whose wife understands and accepts, so my situation is quite different to his.

[ONEWORLD]

I really envy you guys who have wifes or girlfriends who understand, you have no idea how lucky you are...

LOL...DON'T BE TOO ENVIOUS...

SOME OF THESE WIVES ARE MORE THAN HAPPY TO PUSH THESE GUYS OFF ON SOMEONE ELSE... 8)

[Ecstatic]

I really envy you guys who have wifes or girlfriends who understand, you have no idea how lucky you are...

LOL...DON'T BE TOO ENVIOUS...

SOME OF THESE WIVES ARE MORE THAN HAPPY TO PUSH THESE GUYS OFF ON SOMEONE ELSE... 8)
LOL...that's quite true. As I mentioned, my wife has no interest in sex. Never really did, except for the first couple of years we went out (30 years ago). It was never about the sex with her, and I've known that all along. We love each other deeply and support one another in all things. So she is indeed quite happy to "push [me] off on someone else"--she doesn't have to get into sex, and I get to enjoy a beautiful T's company and have the best of both worlds, which as a bisexual male is what I need. It's a balance which works well for us, but it certainly wouldn't work for all.

[ONEWORLD]

MY COMMENTS WERE NOT DIRECTED AT ANY PARTICULAR INDIVIDUAL...



I've tried to stop seeing girls but it's impossible.


IF YOU ARE ALREADY SEEING THEM WHILE YOU'RE MARRIED, THEN I DON'T SEE THE DILEMNA...

[lurker]

snatch,

If you can't live with it, change it. If you can't stand to keep lying, then stop. But make sure you are ready for the possible consequences.

[popperluv]

Snatch its just lust and you will eventually get over it.
Just play safe. :wink:

[popperluv]

Snatch its just lust and you will eventually get over it.
Just play safe. :wink:

[LG]

popperluv wrote:

Snatch its just lust and you will eventually get over it.
Just play safe.

Huh? How does someone get over it though? And how long will that take? Have you gotten over it popperluv? Do you really think you will, anytime soon? There are people on these forums who, as I understand have been t-girl admirers for twenty, thirty years and counting. I'm not sure we can get over it.

I also know people who have been married yet have been secretly gay for thirty years. Okay, it's not the same, but I'm not sure if any type of sexual longing, lust, call it what you will, can die down over time.

ONEWORLD said:

IF YOU ARE ALREADY SEEING THEM WHILE YOU'RE MARRIED, THEN I DON'T SEE THE DILEMNA...
Here's the thing, ONEWORLD, his wife doesn't actually know. You seem to forget two little things called faithfulness and trust. He loves his wife, wants to tell her, but he can't. That's where the guilt comes from. It's called having a conscience.

Forgive me if I'm becoming disagreeable here, but I can understand where Snatch is coming from and it's something I've thought about too. I'm unattached now, but what happens when I finally meet a woman and fall in love with her? Do I tell her? And how?

And what if I give in to my urges, and try to find a t-girl to marry. Sexually, I will be happy, but we can never have children together. And we'll always be stigmatised by society.

We all sit here and look at sexy pictures (hey, I'm as guilty as the next person), but outside the world still doesn't accept transexuals and it shuns us for loving them. Should we be brave and open about our longings or shut them inside and feel oppressed? Should we try and kill our urges or act out on them?

We're all saying, 'come on in, enjoy the ride'. Anyone have any idea where the ride is taking us?

[will_able]

Would you be having the same dilema if you had cheated on her with a GG or used GG pornography?

If the truthfull answer is no then you proably have more soulsearching to do...breaking up with your wife won't help you feel better.

Pretty easy to mix up the guilt from the "plain vanila" cheating with the guilt from partaking of some TS action?

[NYCe]

I used to work with a guy who's father and mother were married for 30 years. Perfect marriage, 7 kids who all finished college, church every sunday, the whole nine yards. The guys father was superdad/superhusband.

Upon his death, it gets revealed that superdad would frequent hookers off and on every weekend. Seems there were certain "needs" his wife wouldn't fufill and he had to turn elsewhere to have them taken care off.
His wife never knew of this and even when the children found out, they never told her.

Point of the story, sometimes good and bad isn't as black and white as we are brought up to believe it to be. Anytime human needs and emotions enter the equation, things get complicated.

[LBCDO]

Im with NYCe. ITs complicated. Some of us dont want to live with the guilt of being in "serious" relationships and seeing escorts/prostitutes on the side. here in public forum amongst other people with simliar interest, that alone is pretty much accepted. I am not one to pay for meeting a TS, but I am no better than the next guy who does because I know I have had sex with a TS who escorts. Its complicated, because we as admirers do things that we wouldnt do to keep this thing under wraps. Tons of men love porn, but your average male friend who watches porno movies would be outraged at the notion of you saying "Hey, lets go down to the redlight district and pick up some girls", at least mine would. Lots of people love sex, but it usually settles into a different realm when people talk about paying for it. Imagine telling the scenario:

Guy: "Yea, I phoned up a girl, had sex with her"
Wife: "Oh My God..."
Guy: "By the way, it was a transexual"
Wife: "oh my god, how did they trick you?"
Guy: "Oh, naw, not at all, thats what Im into"

Further complications to something that would really dent the trust in a relationship. Honestly and seriously think about what type of attraction you ahve to the TS scene. Be honest with yourself. If its purely sexual, the best thing to do would be keep it to the porno. If your sexual desires and fantasys are a large part of your life [nothing wrong with that at all, it is for me] and you think you would be most satisfied sexually with a TS, and that is extremely important for you, then thats when you start thinking about your relationship. Be honest with yourself. For osme people the attraction is strong as hell. Can you be happy with someone that you are sexually miserable with? i know I cant. Hell, apparently Will and Jada Smith even ahve an "open" relationshp.

Then think seriously about how far you want to go with this. If you are after the TSs just for the sex, how long do you think you would be happy? If you end a relationship with a GG to be with a TS, do you want to just live yor life bouncing from sexual experience to experience? Do you think you can handle a relationship with a TS? Do you think you can handle the search of even finding a TS thats even willing to have a relationship? Its a cold world out there, mostly because a lot of these girls get a majority of interaction from cheating husbands and downlow lovers. its hard to build trust because a lot of these girls dont know for sure if you are going to be serious.

There are tons of issues that have to be thought over seriously. Iknow there have been times when I was overcome with lust, and I was in a serious near marriage relationship, and never cheated, TS or GG. Eeven though I had a desires for TSs. You know what kept me going? Looking at some porn and after busting that nut, all that shit fades quick. Regret always comes afterward. Just be truthful to yourself and weigh up the situation

[ONEWORLD]

Iknow there have been times when I was overcome with lust, and I was in a serious near marriage relationship, and never cheated, TS or GG. Eeven though I had a desires for TSs. You know what kept me going? Looking at some porn and after busting that nut, all that shit fades quick. Regret always comes afterward. Just be truthful to yourself and weigh up the situation…

WELL SAID…

AND SO TRUE.





IF YOU ARE ALREADY SEEING THEM WHILE YOU'RE MARRIED, THEN I DON'T SEE THE DILEMNA...

Here's the thing, ONEWORLD, his wife doesn't actually know. You seem to forget two little things called faithfulness and trust. He loves his wife, wants to tell her, but he can't. That's where the guilt comes from. It's called having a conscience.

LET ME BE PERFECTLY CLEAR…

I AM AN INDIVIDUAL THAT BELIEVES STRONGLY IN MONOGAMY AS I’VE STATED IN OTHER POSTS…

I HAVE NO PROBLEM STAYING FAITHFUL BECAUSE I KNOW THAT, AS LBCDO PUT IT, URGES ARE EPHEMERAL…

AND I’M ALSO PASSED “THE EXPERIMENTAL STAGE” IN MY LIFE…

I KNOW WHAT I WANT.



Forgive me if I'm becoming disagreeable here, but I can understand where Snatch is coming from and it's something I've thought about too. I'm unattached now, but what happens when I finally meet a woman and fall in love with her? Do I tell her? And how?

And what if I give in to my urges, and try to find a t-girl to marry. Sexually, I will be happy, but we can never have children together. And we'll always be stigmatised by society.

LISTEN LG, ALL OF THOSE QUESTIONS THAT YOU’RE POSING, I’VE ALREADY LIVED; THERE ARE NOT HYPOTHETICALS TO ME…



I have a great wife and I love her to death. As much as a man can love a woman. But she can't give me what I get, rather need from t-girls. And I feel horrible for this. I wish I could tell her about the girls buts she's so conservative, I know she'd be on the first bus out of town to her mothers house. I really envy you guys who have wifes or girlfriends who understand, you have no idea how lucky you are. Guys like me are stuck in a limbo.
I've tried to stop seeing girls but it's impossible. I'll just start wacking off to online porn, dvds and then that's not enough.I need the real thing.
How do the rest of you on here do it?????????

WHEN I POSED THE QUESTION “WHAT IS THE DILEMNA”, I’M CONFUSED BECAUSE:

A) HE HAS ALREADY CHEATED ON HIS WIFE
B) HE NEVER ASKED FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO TELL HER
C) HE’S JEALOUS OF GUYS WHO HAVE “UNDERSTANDING WIVES”
D) HE NEEDS THE REAL THING (PORN ISN’T ENOUGH)

AND

E) HIS QUESTION WAS “HOW DO THE REST OF YOU ON HERE DO IT?”

WELL IT SEEMS THAT LOGIC WOULD DICTATE:
IF YOU ARE ALREADY A CHEATER AND YOU HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF TELLING YOUR WIFE; THEN WHY WOULDN’T YOU JUST CONTINUE THE SAME BEHAVIOR?…

THOSE OF US THAT CHEAT, WILL CONTINUE TO CHEAT…
THOSE THAT ARE MONOGAMOUS HOPEFULLY ARE SATISFIED AND IF NOT, WILL CONTINUE TO FIND CREATIVE WAYS TO SUPPRESS OR RELEASE THOSE URGES, LOL…

[texas4000]

.