THOSE BASTARDS! THEY'VE KILLED CHOCOLATE JESUS!

[chefmike]

Chocolate Jesus Show Canceled


Friday, March 30, 2007
NEW YORK - A planned Holy Week exhibition of a nude, anatomically correct chocolate sculpture of Jesus Christ was canceled Friday amid a choir of complaining Catholics that included Cardinal Edward Egan.

The "My Sweet Lord" display was shut down by the hotel that houses the Lab Gallery in midtown Manhattan, said Matt Semler, the gallery's creative director. Semler said he submitted his resignation after officials at the Roger Smith Hotel shut down the show.

The six-foot sculpture was the victim of "a strong-arming from people who haven't seen the show, seen what we're doing," Semler said. "They jumped to conclusions completely contrary to our intentions."

But word of the confectionary Christ infuriated Catholics, including Egan, who described it as "a sickening display." Bill Donohue, head of the watchdog Catholic League, said it was "one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever."

The hotel and the gallery were overrun Thursday with angry phone calls and e-mails about the exhibit. Semler said the calls included death threats over the work of artist Cosimo Cavallaro, who was described as disappointed by the decision to cancel the display.

"In this situation, the hotel couldn't continue to be supportive because of a fear for their own safety," Semler said.

The sculpture was to debut Monday evening, the day after Palm Sunday and just four days before Roman Catholics mark the crucifixion of Jesus Christ on Good Friday. The final day of the exhibit was planned for Easter Sunday.

The artwork was created from more than 200 pounds of milk chocolate, and features Christ with his arms outstretched as if on an invisible cross. Unlike the typical religious portrayal of Christ, the Cavallaro creation does not include a loincloth.

Cavallaro is best known for his quirky work with food as art: Past efforts include repainting a Manhattan hotel room in melted mozzarella, spraying five tons of pepper jack cheese on a Wyoming home, and festooning a four-poster bed with 312 pounds of processed ham.

[chefmike]

So to read between the lines...

It appears that the bottom line is that the artist gave jesus a chocolate dick...and then the catholics decided that they have to draw the line somewhere...what with all that white chocolate buggery in, and out, of the confessional booths....

So listen up!!!

Jesus does not have a chocolate dick...

And the only church-sanctioned easter chocolate is the usual bunnies, eggs, etc....

JESUS DOES NOT HAVE A CHOCOLATE DICK!

AND EVEN IF HE DID.... YOU ARE FORBIDDEN FROM EATING IT!!!

And BTW...happy easter, xians....

[ezed]

So to read between the lines...

It appears that the bottom line is that the artist gave jesus a chocolate dick...and then the catholics decided that they have to draw the line somewhere...what with all that white chocolate buggery in, and out, of the confessional booths....

So listen up!!!

Jesus does not have a chocolate dick...

And the only church-sanctioned easter chocolate is the usual bunnies, eggs, etc....

JESUS DOES NOT HAVE A CHOCOLATE DICK!

AND EVEN IF HE DID.... YOU ARE FORBIDDEN FROM EATING IT!!!

And BTW...happy easter, xians....

Tell that to Opie & Anthony, they have offered a bounty to the person who delivers the chocolate dick to their show. But they did ask the listeners to use their hands and not anything else.

[chefmike]

I need to start listening to that show, it's available on my SAT. I do usually start the day with IMUS though...curmudgeon that he is...

[ezed]

I need to start listening to that show, it's available on my SAT. I do usually start the day with IMUS though...curmudgeon that he is...

IMUS has stated many times that Opie is his illegitmate son. If you watch IMUS on MSNBC simulcast, many days IMUS and Rob Bartlett are wearing "Opie & Anthony" t-shirts. Both shows love each other. O&A are also on free FM on all Howard's old stations as well as SAT (XM) simultainiously. On SAT they rebroadcast the show at 3:00pm. They're 6 to 9 free FM and 6 to noon on SAT.

[chefmike]

That's how I first heard of O&A....on IMUS....and I have XM....I'm just not in the habit of using it much, except when I wanna listen to music...because other than college radio stations, SAT radio is the only place that I can find the kind of music that I wanna hear, usually...

[chefmike]

Sugar Coated Jesus

Lizz Winstead

The foundation of Christianity is being shaken again!
AND A WEEK BEFORE EASTER NO LESS.

This time it is was by a huge chocolate statue of Jesus, sculpted as he hung on the cross. It was supposed to go on display Palm Sunday, in midtown Manhattan, but because the rightwing has yet again shown they have no clue how to make good use of their free time; boycotts and death threats ensued and hence, no chocolate Jesus display.


Needless to say, the Catholic League Of Their Own is leading the charge!

Yes some Catholic League shill, who shockingly has never seen the sculpture, prattled on and on in this interview about how the sculpture persecutes Catholics and that everyone would be outraged if Muhammad was made of chocolate and displayed with his genitals hanging out during Ramadan.
Surprise! The Catholic League misses the point yet again!

First of all missy, Muslims don't believe Muhammad was crucified naked to save their souls and then honored during Ramadan each year by ritualistically shoving pounds of chocolate down their throats.

But Jesus, well that's another story.

Christians celebrate Easter, the holiday commemorating Jesus dying for our sins, by buying, hiding and eating chocolate.
Chocolate eggs, chocolate bunnies, chocolate chicks.
Easter has arguably become even more disgustingly commercial than Christmas.
Easter is chocolate.
Just google "chocolate eggs".
The word Easter comes up for pages on end; the phrase, "Jesus died for your sins" nary a once.
I can't think of a better wake up call to Christians that Easter has been destroyed by commercialism, than to erect a statue of Jesus with all of the pain of the world in his face, made entirely of chocolate.
The irony is the chocolate statue is hidden somewhere and there are no plans for an Easter Hunt for Jesus.

[ezed]

Oh, by the way I loved "xians". Is that yours, very clever.

[Quinn]

That's how I first heard of O&A....on IMUS....and I have XM....I'm just not in the habit of using it much, except when I wanna listen to music...because other than college radio stations, SAT radio is the only place that I can find the kind of music that I wanna hear, usually...

I've long been an O&A fan and have had the opportunity to attend some of their functions/road shows, etc. What a blast. Lots of alcohol and lots of flesh, both of which are readily available.

-Quinn

[chefmike]

Oh, by the way I loved "xians". Is that yours, very clever.

Nah....

[chefmike]

That's how I first heard of O&A....on IMUS....and I have XM....I'm just not in the habit of using it much, except when I wanna listen to music...because other than college radio stations, SAT radio is the only place that I can find the kind of music that I wanna hear, usually...

I've long been an O&A fan and have had the opportunity to attend some of their functions/road shows, etc. What a blast. Lots of alcohol and lots of flesh, both of which are readily available.

-Quinn

It sounds like a blast.

[trish]

Don’t these folks eat Jesus every week in communion? I don’t get it! You can make Christ into food but you can’t make him out of food, is that the rule. As far as chocolate dicks go, I never leave home without one.

[chefmike]

But good catholics are only allowed the vanilla communion wafers, right?...

Unless you're a priest, of course...


Then pretty much anybody who shows up in the confessional booth is fair game, right?

[chefmike]

Worshipping Food

Elayne Boosler

My brilliant colleagues Lizz Winstead and others have covered this topic head to toe, but sometimes you just have to weigh in anyway.

I've worshipped food my whole life, so it makes perfect sense to me to combine two of the most worshipped things in America: Jesus and chocolate. If we could only fit large breasts and/or some cash into the equation, you'd have the American trifecta of worship.

As many of the commenters noted, Catholics are upset about a chocolate Jesus when at mass they feed people the "body" and "blood" of Jesus. I always thought that sounded very 1939 Tarzan movie anyway. If it's respectful to eat the person you're supposed to be worshipping in order to become "part" of him, then let's take a page from Stranger in a Strange Land and make soup out of our loved ones and drink them so they are with us always. That I grok, so the chocolate Jesus makes sense to me. Serve the Lord ("It's a cookbook!") Isn't it in the spirit of Jesus? Loaves and fishes, so why is dessert blasphemy? People are upset because the chocolate Jesus had a penis. So is it the penis or the chocolate? Because in my opinion, a penis just means - yay! More chocolate!

The concept of communion first appeared in the texts of the Second Vatican Council, in the Church on earth. The church itself is a communion, "whose nature is such that it always admits new and deeper exploring". Not sure if we see much of that anymore. Since it is the "Mystery of the personal union of each human being with the divine Trinity and with the rest of mankind", couldn't chocolate be even more of a bonding tool? Within the teaching of the bible and the patristic tradition, communion always involves a double dimension: communion with god and communion among men (Three Musketeers bars anyone? Advent calendars? How about Valentine, Xmas, and Easter chocolate? Is there any food that exemplifies more communion?). Chocolate serves to enhance both. It boosts endorphins, it mimics what the body feels like when it's in love; it's the perfect tonic to put you in an open and receiving state. Why the resistance? Does Halliburton supply the wafers? Liquor chocolates for communion cover two birds with one stone not thrown first. Unless it's all about the suffering, in which case, "Death by Chocolate". Half the world is starving; the church could do a lot worse than feed it in the shape of the guy they're selling. It's the Flintstone Vitamins principle. How about Prozac in the shape of your parents? Lavender scented tax forms? Mortuaries already offer your favorite teams logo painted inside the lid of your coffin. I have Spongebob band-aids. It all makes everything just a little better.


Bar Mitzvahs are the holiest of rites, and they have all sorts of images made out of edibles; chopped liver swans, ice temples. No one would bat an eye if they showed up for the party and were faced with a Camembert Moses leading a tribe of baked matzoh Jews (sesame, poppy, and onion) through a parted red sea of horseradish and radicchio. It would probably get applause. One platter of a brisket Cain and Abel fighting to the death in a field of baby greens and broccoli and that caterer would be booked through the next century. Throw in some macaroon horses and we're talking sainthood.


Commenters bring up a marshmallow Peeps Jesus. No, too rap group sounding, "Straight outta Compton, Peeps Jesus." This year a hardware store had a window display of gingerbread Nazis surrounding gingerbread Jews. Not one person was upset about the Jews being made out of gingerbread, just the inappropriateness of the gingerbread Nazis threatening some lovely baked goods who happened to be minding their own business. Anyway, the Nazis should have been made out of German chocolate cake, or at least black forest cake. Then they could have claimed they were "Swiss". Gingerbread seems a little, well, ginger, for mass murderers.


As for the commenters who take the artist to task for not making a Muhammed out of pork, where is the logical connection there? Chocolate isn't something Jesus was forbidden, as far as we know. Gandhi out of beef, Muhammed out of pork, Moses out of ham, that's a different message. As for making those other religious leaders out of chocolate, well, there are more pictures and statues of Jesus throughout the world than there are currently zeroes in the deficit, so another interpretation does not seem that heinous to me. The others are never portrayed in art in any way, as the religions do not worship images, so you're twisting the artist's concept here. If he put a chocolate Muhammed in a New York window, most passersby would probably think it was a Disney promo for Aladdin. And just a wild guess, but a huge chocolate Buddha would probably have Buddhists smiling. If true believers find newly "holy" foods offensive to their religion, who paid thirteen thousand dollars on eBay for a grilled cheese sandwich with the "Virgin Mary's face" on it? How come nobody ever sees Moses in a Reuben?


So many people have turned away from god, but America is a big fat nation, already worshipping food. Churches wish they could open at the rate of new restaurants. We have restaurant reviewers, millions of cookbooks sold, the Zagat guide where the people themselves can alert other people to food, food sections in the newspapers, food magazines, food vacations, food fairs, specialty supermarkets, and a whole 24-hour tv Food Channel. People actually call themselves Foodies! When was the last time religion had that kind of a run? Don't let this opportunity get away-take the food worship and jump on. And if there's any way to let the congregation vote on the choir, you've got em for life.

[ps911fan]

I need to start listening to that show, it's available on my SAT. I do usually start the day with IMUS though...curmudgeon that he is...

No the hell you dont chef mike :)

O/A and Imus and Stern are part of that Angry white person radio where they all act as if their humor is acceptable..although Imus is better than the other two morons.....

Try Bill Press on WCPT or Jay Marvin on KKZN both sites stream....and you get intelligent radio....or Ray Talieferro on KGO

You seem smart, forget the AWM radio.....

[chefmike]

Thanks, but no thanks...I watch Imus on MSNBC in the AM before going to "the office"...switching back and forth to CNN...

And if you're into politics, he has guests from every political persuasion...

He also endorsed Harold Ford in his senate race in Tenn., and has said on the air that he thought that Ford's defeat was due to the racist ad's that the repugs ran...

But I'm not gonna go on about this...I enjoy your posts and political insights...but we'll have to agree to disagree...

I kinda have a low tolerance for political correctness...my sister spends a great deal of her free time as a dem volunteer, and as a matter of fact she has a great pic of her and Senator Webb hanging on her living room wall...but I've heard all the anti-Imus stuff from her, and frankly it's a dead issue for me...

When I watch his show it's because I find it entertaining at that moment...if not, I change the channel...

[ps911fan]

Mike, i was just trying for a Democratic rescue....LOL

O and A are not liberals.......and you are right about Imus but i said he was better than Stern and OandA...at least he has all the NBC people on regularly....and some others ....

its ok if we disagree and you miss my liberal helicopter coming to take you to good radio :)

Glad so see your posts as well but see under our big tent, disagreement is not a penalty....but I dont like that term political correctness as its a word the other side made up to excuse bad behavior....but i agree if you mean freedom of speech.....

lata



Thanks, but no thanks...I watch Imus on MSNBC in the AM before going to "the office"...switching back and forth to CNN...

And if you're into politics, he has guests from every political persuasion...

He also endorsed Harold Ford in his senate race in Tenn., and has said on the air that he thought that Ford's defeat was due to the racist ad's that the repugs ran...

But I'm not gonna go on about this...I enjoy your posts and political insights...but we'll have to agree to disagree...

I kinda have a low tolerance for political correctness...my sister spends a great deal of her free time as a dem volunteer, and as a matter of fact she has a great pic of her and Senator Webb hanging on her living room wall...but I've heard all the anti-Imus stuff from her, and frankly it's a dead issue for me...

When I watch his show it's because I find it entertaining at that moment...if not, I change the channel...

[svenson]

ive heard opie adn anthony on the internet. they are very funny you cant lissen to them and take them or youself to serios

[guyone]

Liberals think the glass is half full, realize it's empty, then being too lazy to get a glass for themselves, protest against people who worked hard to have water.

[trish]

it's still difficult to fathom why the catholics didn't like the milk chocolate jesus. after all, religion and milk chocolate christs have something in common: they're both hollow on the inside.

[chefmike]

it's still difficult to fathom why the catholics didn't like the milk chocolate jesus. after all, religion and milk chocolate christs have something in common: they're both hollow on the inside.

LMAO...trish ftw!