Do People Know You're Into Trans Women?

[Lorca81]

My question for the guys here is do the people in your lives -- friends, family members, coworkers, etc. -- know that you're attracted to, date, sleep with trans women?

If no, why not? And, if the answer is yes, thought it would be worthwhile to share how that came about, what reactions you received, etc.

For me, the answer is yes.

When I was younger, I never really hid who I was sleeping with or dating ATM, but also left things open to interpretation. Then, I was seeing a girl who was an avid blogger (it was the LiveJournal/MySpace era) who often wrote about trans issues. After she met a bunch of my friends at a party, a couple of them read her blog and later asked me oblique questions implying they knew she was trans (things like "hey, do you know about her past?" and "what's up with her?"). I responded, "yup, why do you ask?" After a few initial discussions, and probably the subject of gossip for a while, I never had any issues and the topic never came up again.

Similarly, when I was in my first serious LTR with a trans woman from 21 to 24, I brought her home to meet my parents for the holidays, to family barbecues, birthdays, etc. In talking to my GF, my folks noticed some atypical things about her past, guessed that she was trans, and then individually asked us a few awkward but well-intentioned questions later. After that, they were supportive and have never again batted an eye when I introduce them to a current GF.

[holzz]

No. It's not their business what I do.

[morim]

Yes, all my friends know.
I've been happily married for more than 20 years, then fate separate us.
About 2 years ago I met a Transsexual girl, we fell in love and we are a couple since then.
I'm a "super conservative" man under some aspects of life, but I've always thought of trans women as normal, real women, and this wasn't a secret for nobody, even for my wife.
Now I feel happy with my fiancé, and honestly I really do NOT mind if someone disagree with my choice.

[Lorca81]

No. It's not their business what I do.

Assuming you date transwomen in the romantic sense, does that mean you ask, expect or prefer that a girlfriend or wife hides her trans status and/or avoid introducing her to friends, family, coworkers, etc.?

[holzz]

Assuming you date transwomen in the romantic sense, does that mean you ask, expect or prefer that a girlfriend or wife hides her trans status and/or avoid introducing her to friends, family, coworkers, etc.?

i dont tell my family what i like. but in the event i'd date, then yes i would tell them. i know it's wrong not to.

[eden]

I don't go shouting it from roof tops, but if someone were to ask, I'd be 100% honest about it.

[sissyhubbyVT]

A few people do. Not everyone because its none of their business.

I told my ex wife about my interests and she just never really got past it. However, my new GG girlfriend is very supportive.

If I get really close to people, then I will open up and share a little, but I still feel its not really most peoples business what I do in the bedroom

[hwbs]

Yes. It's 2020 come on... my gf went with me and my family to Maui for two weeks over the summer.. Only thing off limits is work.. Do I bring up my business to strangers or acquaintances? Absolutely not... It's none of their business.. It's not my job to spook my gf to others.. She's not a fetish to me..

[smoothboi]

My last gg gf knew about it. I frequently attend fetlife munches in my area, so they obviously know because it's in my profile.

[phillyguy21]

My cis girlfriend knows I'm attracted to trans women and have been with them in the past, and she is cool with it. She's the first of my cis gfs with whom I've felt comfortable enough to tell. For about the past year or so, I've been openly talking about trans issues on my Twitter, so I think some of my friends & acquaintances might know. However like other posters itt have said, it's no one's business, but I'm not gonna lie about it if directly asked.

[Cereal Escapist]

all those that have known me for some time or matter know (family, friends and my wife).

as for new or at least newer people that i have met after i met my wife (cis), it has never really come up since i'm relegated to porn now and it is therefore immaterial but when people do make fun of transpeople, m2f or f2m, I defend the community and will use myself as an example of how much of an ass they are being.

[Username13]

I feel like once you get past the teenage years it's kind of taboo to discuss sex or sexual preferences openly in general, so it only should really come up for relationships. Like whether you're watching porn or just hooking up with one-night stands, that isn't really a normal open topic of conversation whether you're with trangender girls or anyone else. At least for me when talking to guy friends like it's really surface level talk without going into any degree of depth.

I didn't discover my attraction for trans women until after those teenage years, so that's kind of been the thing for me. I 100% know it was due to that whole "taboo" nature people associate with trans women that was holding me back, like I was never transphobic or homophobic but I never wanted to have that stigma attached to me where I was seen as different so I just didn't expose myself to it. After a while though you kind of settle in to realize sexual preference isn't something you should be ashamed of and you start to explore more. I never really had that time where I felt like I was leading a double life or something like that, more so it was just accepting it personally.

But yeah, since I guess I've "accepted" my attraction to trans women, I've had one transgender girlfriend, so that's the only time it's come up. I made it really clear to her that I'd be comfortable with however she wanted to express herself to others, like to me it's crazy to do anything else. She was of the mind where she didn't want to make a big deal of it at all but also not try to hide that fact at all, which from my POV is the best way to do it. I told my parents before they met her and we also mentioned it to one of my best friends when we were out to dinner. I'm sure that spread from there to other friends, but it is what it is, it doesn't really matter. I never had any negative backlash to her or myself, only just like ignorant questions from my mom but she's really well-meaning, just kind of clueless about the transgender community.

[Lorca81]

I feel like once you get past the teenage years it's kind of taboo to discuss sex or sexual preferences openly in general, so it only should really come up for relationships. Like whether you're watching porn or just hooking up with one-night stands, that isn't really a normal open topic of conversation whether you're with trangender girls or anyone else. At least for me when talking to guy friends like it's really surface level talk without going into any degree of depth.

I didn't discover my attraction for trans women until after those teenage years, so that's kind of been the thing for me. I 100% know it was due to that whole "taboo" nature people associate with trans women that was holding me back, like I was never transphobic or homophobic but I never wanted to have that stigma attached to me where I was seen as different so I just didn't expose myself to it. After a while though you kind of settle in to realize sexual preference isn't something you should be ashamed of and you start to explore more. I never really had that time where I felt like I was leading a double life or something like that, more so it was just accepting it personally.

But yeah, since I guess I've "accepted" my attraction to trans women, I've had one transgender girlfriend, so that's the only time it's come up. I made it really clear to her that I'd be comfortable with however she wanted to express herself to others, like to me it's crazy to do anything else. She was of the mind where she didn't want to make a big deal of it at all but also not try to hide that fact at all, which from my POV is the best way to do it. I told my parents before they met her and we also mentioned it to one of my best friends when we were out to dinner. I'm sure that spread from there to other friends, but it is what it is, it doesn't really matter. I never had any negative backlash to her or myself, only just like ignorant questions from my mom but she's really well-meaning, just kind of clueless about the transgender community.

I hear what you're saying about discussing sexual practices, etc. Over the years, I have been asked some inappropriate questions related to dating trans women, included girlfriends' operative status, who tops/bottoms, etc. In those situations, I've always shutdown the conversation

My experience in dating trans women is similar, in the sense that none of my girlfriends necessarily advertised their trans status to the world but also did not hide it either.

[Kioji]

I'm an open book so anyone who asked would know and many do

[transeeker]

To say it's no one else's business may be true for most people in your social sphere. But towards close friends, an attraction to transgender women is only easy to conceal if you are not in a serious relationship with one. I would not wish to exclude any partner from my social life be they trans or gg - and I guess that's the case for most of us.

That said, I am ashamed to admit that I have not shared my admiration of trans women with anyone except other trans. But should the day arrive when I am fortunate enough to have a serious relationship with a trans partner, I would naturally open up to everyone (or should I say come out of the closet? I'm thinking that's a gay thing and I'm pretty sure I'm not gay in the purest sense of the word).

I can only think back in sadness of the poor young guy, Maurice Willoughby, who openly expressed his love for his trans gf - only to be chastised, bullied and persecuted for it - then being driven to suicide when she left him in fear for her own safety - God rest his soul! A modern day Romeo and Juliet story, only real! This is why I feel ashamed for not admitting my orientation to anyone. The more of us who do, maybe the greater the acceptance there will be from the world at large.

[furbygr]

No because that would create social problems

[Will Riker]

For me, third parties opinion in every field of humman relations is pure bullshit, as experiences and feelings are not to be shared with anyone, except those directly involved with such feeleings and experiences, as in general people use to see, and face things with black&white lenses, as far as those issues are concerned.

It would be useless trying to explain some things to those who can´t see beyond the limits of their own mediocrity.

[mikey_stl]

I've kept it a secret. I once told a gg that I was dating about it, and she freaked out. I'm single, but in a social circle in which this would be frowned on. Most of my experiences have been with escorts. I'd like to meet a trans woman for a dating, or even a serious, relationship. However, the dating pool seems to be quite small, so I'm not sure how to go about it. If I did meet a trans lady, and things started getting serious, I don't think I'd say anything to anyone. She would probably have to be passable. I would just introduce her to people as my girlfriend, fiance', or whatever. I imagine at some point, someone would learn or figure out that she was trans. I would then deal with it at the time. In other words, I don't broadcast my attraction to trans women, but if I was in a relationship with one, I wouldn't try to hide the fact either.

I guess it would be the same as if I was dating someone with hidden secrets in her past that she didn't want to tell the world about. We'd keep it as our secret, and if it came out, or someone found out, we'd deal with it then. I certainly wouldn't go into the details of our sex life or anatomy or anything of that nature.

[Lorca81]

I hear what y'all are saying about wanting to maintain a degree of privacy coupled with a willingness to "come out of the closet" for the right woman. The thing is, though, IME 99.9% of trans women looking for a real LTR are going to hear that and think, "yeah, right, I've heard that before. This guy is will always be DL chaser" then move on to the next perspective partner.

Honestly, in my dating life, the best decision I ever made was give zero fucks about what people think, never sneak around, and openly dating trans women. I've actually met several GF's who were way out of my league but willing to give me a chance because they already knew who I was through the trans women grapevine or could tell that I'm open about who I date from social media.

[Lorca81]

Bump.