My Trans Lover-Friend has Detransistioned, now what?

[Rcrxjlb]

I've been involved with a pre-op trans for 15 years. We have never had a monogomous relationship, she has been more like a misstress to me. We lost contact for about 6 months then, I saw her on Facebook live and now she dresses like a man. She even cut her hair! I have not talked to her in person yet and I'm wondering what I should say or do when I meet with her again. I have contacted her through text via her sister's phone (says she lost her phone but her voicemail is still active). She wants to meet but I'm confused by her appearance. Does anybody know what might be happening here?

[Nikka]

you can both go drink a beer and play pool like men

[Rcrxjlb]

Well, that's about all we can do. I'm not having sex with the new look going on...

[tao1kiku]

Just be respectful of his/her decision

[dc_guy_75]

Your relationship will just be something different, maybe even friends.

[lexer]

Interesting... Aren't you even a little attracted to him? After all, you had a relationship for 15 years

[luvzbig1s]

It is their decision and if them being a pre-op trans was what drew you to them, then just be friends and find someone else. Apparently they moved on with their life and so should you..

[llemming]

Congratulate him and wish him well. Express gratitude for the time you shared.

[filghy2]

If it's important to you to understand what your ex has done I don't seen any alternative to meeting them and discussing it. If you cared about this person, and it wasn't just about sex, then why would you not be willing to at least hear what they have to say?

[Rcrxjlb]

Interesting... Aren't you even a little attracted to him? After all, you had a relationship for 15 years

Yes, I do still have some feelings for her/him but, I'm not turned on by the new look cause she/him is just too masculine now. I've seen the "bad hair day" and the "just woke up from 12 hrs sleep" side of her/him and that didn't bother me. But this is too much...

[Rcrxjlb]

It is their decision and if them being a pre-op trans was what drew you to them, then just be friends and find someone else. Apparently they moved on with their life and so should you..

Agreed. I knew one day I would have to let go but, I figured she would fall in love with some guy, not try to look like one...

[Rcrxjlb]

If it's important to you to understand what your ex has done I don't seen any alternative to meeting them and discussing it. If you cared about this person, and it wasn't just about sex, then why would you not be willing to at least hear what they have to say?

Well, I'm afraid that maybe the fact that we were not together as a traditional couple had something to do with her decision. If so, then my actions (or inaction) may have caused this...

[Rcrxjlb]

Congratulate him and wish him well. Express gratitude for the time you shared.

I have no problem doing that. But I do feel somewhat responsible...

[Rcrxjlb]

Just be respectful of his/her decision

Yes. I'm not angry or planning on starting an argument; I just want to know why...

[Rcrxjlb]

Your relationship will just be something different, maybe even friends.

I don't see that happening. We didn't do things together as I do with my other friends. It was mostly a few beers at her apartment, some weed for her (I don't smoke) then passionate sex. We rarely went to clubs, maybe a few house parties...

[GroobySteven]

2020 First World Problems.

[MrFanti]

Just be respectful of his/her decision
Exactly!

[Cereal Escapist]

Well, I'm afraid that maybe the fact that we were not together as a traditional couple had something to do with her decision. If so, then my actions (or inaction) may have caused this...

People make decisions for quite varied reasons and it really should not matter why. Your role is to support this person or get out of their way if you can't accept the new iteration, physical and sexual appeal aside. I would also stop thinking that you had much to do with this change because if this person meant so much to you and vice versa, you may have engaged in a more traditional relationship.

[mealticket]

Sounds like you care about them so might not be a bad idea to have a chat with them. See how they are

[Stavros]

'Do you mind if I take my wig off?' she said, and I said no. But then it was just a one-night stand, and drag was the best we could get in the 1970s even in London. Shane and Lorri Lee, who used to perform at the now defunct Black Cap in Camden Town were just as pretty without the wigs and gowns, but made an effort to be so. I guess it helps get one over the line, and back again.

[Cereal Escapist]

'Do you mind if I take my wig off?' she said, and I said no. But then it was just a one-night stand, and drag was the best we could get in the 1970s even in London. Shane and Lorri Lee, who used to perform at the now defunct Black Cap in Camden Town were just as pretty without the wigs and gowns, but made an effort to be so. I guess it helps get one over the line, and back again.

That's funny as there was a performer that I thought was just an early transition girl but then in their newest scene, their wig moves and they hurry to reposition it. A bit of internet sleuthing shows this person is in fact a dude that is trans-for-pay. Beauty is so superficial, I am left to wonder just how many of the performers I lust after are more fluid than I think, if not trans-for-pay.

At the end of the day, I'd rather be with an easily clockable girl who wants to be considered nothing less than 100% feminine than a drag or femboy type that looks great until the wig and make up come off.