What it feels like for a girl

What it feels like for a girl
written by HungAngels Member MystiquEvolution

To whom it may concern,

In light of all the drama that’s been going on recently, I’ve decided to compose those post for all. Other members of this site are allowed to freely speak their peace, knowing their loyal followers will chime in to agree. While others, are very much put on display for whatever comes to mind at the time. Many of the girls take quite a bit of heat, for numerous reasons. Some bring it upon themselves (myself included), but others are just used as examples. Whatever the case may be, at some point we are all “Targets.”

We’ve all heard the usual, I want a REAL, beautiful completely PASSABLE, TS girlfriend. Someone with this type of look, these types of wants and desires, someone respectable, intelligent, etc. There is nothing wrong with that at all. We all have preferences. However, you must realize, in the big picture there will always be a flaw. Many of the girls you all adore as either sex symbols or just flat out gorgeous, have probably paid the price. Of course I’m referring to ESCORTING. That seems to be a word many of you hate to hear. Still, it’s a reality and we all know it. Escorting and pornography of some kind, allows many of these ladies, the means to create perfection. Just transitioning alone is a price to pay. We risk losing family, friends, love, jobs, education and our lives, all for the sake of just being able to be who we are. That’s not said to make anyone feel sorry or more sympathetic for us. Be who you are and do what you do. We always will, which is why many choose the adult entertainment field. It’s marketable and provides a way to make money to progress. You see all the pictures of the gorgeous women, but many didn’t start off that way. Allanah, Gia and Vicki for example, have gone on talkshows and have shown where they came from. They’ve run down the list of procedures and surgeries they’ve had. It’s not easy and it’s not cheap by any stretch of the imagination. In my experience, the most beautiful transsexual women, have always done some type of work in the adult industry. To sum this part up, if not for the adult industry, many of the women you see would still be working on the finished product.

On the other side of the fence, we have the girls that choose NOT to escort. These are the women who usually transition extremely slowly, because let’s face it…money doesn’t fall from trees in the corporate world. I can speak better about this, because I’m not an escort and never have been. Which is why, 5 years into my transition, I haven’t achieved a surgery yet. Not by choice of course. After working 40 hours a week and having your check butchered by taxes, insurance, etc…that doesn’t leave much. Whatever is left must be rationed out to the necessities (cost of living, transportation, food, clothes). I’m sure all of you are used to that. Now add on laser electrolysis ($100-$500 per visit depending on the area for hair removal); hormones (I don’t know about anyone else, but mine are $90 per month); and then surgery and other procedures ($500 and WAY UP!!!). Can you balance that budget? Chances are, probably not. As I’ve said to many girls who are down about escorting, there isn’t much difference between what they do and what I do. We both have to dress up to cater to the scene. We both get paid by the hour. We both are probably in positions we’d rather not be in. The advantage…at least as an escort, you know you are getting fucked; you know who you are getting fucked by and when it’s going to happen. The corporate world is more cutthroat than any gay scene. At a moments notice, you can be out of a job and judging by the current state of this country…it’s not going to get any better. I was laid off last year, due to a company buyout and location closure. Over a year later and I’m still looking for work. That’s extremely depressing, especially since I know what I’ve missed out on. It was either, get my implants and be flat broke…or use that money to maintain until the next job comes along. Which did I choose? You can all complain about girls who escort and say that you want this and that in a TS girlfriend, but trust me…you’d more than likely gravitate towards the better looking, more “put together” girl.

With that out of the way, we all still have issues to do with. When we are just starting transition, we have to deal with a lot of scrutiny. People saying “You’ll never make it as a girl.” “You’ll never be pretty, passable or even cute.”, “I just don’t see it for you.” That’s usually from the other girls and the gay men of “the scene.” From straight society, they look at you like you are the biggest abomination ever created. All of course, speaking from my personal experiences, but I know others who have gone through the same. As we progress, the evil looks, turn to curiosity as you start looking more like the woman you’ve always known you could be. Once everything is finally completely years later, you become this fabulous girl that some people fantasize over. It’s still never good enough because there are always critics. I recall someone making reference to Allanah going on Maury, not setting a good example. She doesn’t have to set an example for anyone, except herself and the same goes for all girls. Just because one woman progresses from before to Goddess, it doesn’t mean she the automatic spokeswoman for us all. She’s worked hard for what she has. We all have. She, like some others have learned how to turn herself into a business. Parties, videos, websites, talkshows, etc…she’s all over and she always sports a smile (at least from what I see). Any girl would who has achieved so much. Don’t hate, congratulate!

The last thing I’ll touch on is, perception. It’s the general perception that all transsexual women date men. That is definitely not the case. As someone here loves to say “most transsexuals are into men.” That’s probably true, but then again, not every girl puts herself out in the open like that. It’s a common assumption and nothing more. There are transsexuals who are straight, bisexual and lesbian (AHEM!!! ME!!!) There are A LOT of women who are into transsexuals also. The common reason why it’s never brought up: Most women think that all transsexuals are strictly into men. I’m glad I’ve been able to change that point of view for many men, women and transsexuals. A lot of people will frown up their face in confusion over anything other than what’s “normal” to them. Just remember, if you don’t like boy-on-boy, girl-on-girl, ts-on-ts, etc…just remember there are many people in the world who still don’t agree with transsexual as even being people. We are perceived as sex objects also. That’s not the case with everyone. We are no different than the rest of the world and we have a lot more depth than many give us credit for. We are professionals, entertainers, mothers, daughters, sisters…we are everywhere. Even if you can’t tell. Whether we work 9a-5p or 5p-9a…we all still want love the same as any other human being. Regardless of what we do to get to where we want to be…we know where we started from and where we are going. The big question for a lot of us is…will we have someone to share this life with or not.

So there you have it. You didn’t ask for it, but I gave it to you directly as always. There’s a lot more that could be said, about a wide array of things. What’s the fun in boring you with all of that though? Take from this what you want. Some of you have mentioned, that you wish the girls had thicker skin or more backbone to stick up for ourselves…or at least stick around. If nothing else, you ALL know I have no problem standing my ground. I do it because I want to, not because I have to. None of us do…which is why a lot of the girls leave. True, many of the girls come back eventually, but I’m one girl you won’t have to worry about on here. Much of what I’ve said will probably be met with negativity and that’s fine. We all are entitled to say, do and feel whatever we damn well deem necessary. Hopefully, some positives are taken from this.

Good luck to all in your future endeavors. Who knows, maybe I’ll see some of you at Allanah’s parties one day. Best wishes to all I was cool with. For those who I had issues with or had issues with me, let’s face it…I’m a bitch, but such a fuckin’ lady! *LOL*

Peace, blessings, much love and respect!

*Smooches*
Mystique