I'm gonna save this one in a text file so I can reuse it.

[LilyRox]

haha of course!

[robertlouis]

it's ok you 2 get along good :P

It's true, Lily. We share tastes for the good things in life - single malt scotch whisky, good poetry, good music, and, of course, beautiful women.

And a very warm welcome to you. We're not all bad!

Just one thing Dan, drop the "e" in whisky, please.

It's a proven fact that any liquid calling itself "whiskey" is not fit for human consumption under any circumstances and may only be used under supervision for cleaning out toilets, stripping paint and poisoning vermin.

[fred41]

It's a proven fact that any liquid calling itself "whiskey" is not fit for human consumption under any circumstances and may only be used under supervision for cleaning out toilets, stripping paint and poisoning vermin.

As a person who enjoys Kentucky whiskey (and Irish whiskey )...I appreciate a multi-purpose bottle of spirits.

[danthepoetman]

It's true, Lily. We share tastes for the good things in life - single malt scotch whisky, good poetry, good music, and, of course, beautiful women.

And a very warm welcome to you. We're not all bad!

Just one thing Dan, drop the "e" in whisky, please.

It's a proven fact that any liquid calling itself "whiskey" is not fit for human consumption under any circumstances and may only be used under supervision for cleaning out toilets, stripping paint and poisoning vermin.

Agreed on all counts. But the damn meme was made this way. It still makes for a nice signature "pic".
And yes, Lily, welcome to the site!

[Ms.Stepford]

What follows is a work of fiction.

I gotta get the fuck out of town. The OP is an email I had to write at seven or whenever it was in the morning from the ass end (which is really the only way I see morning). Guys bug on my tits and ass on the street constantly, as it is, but now at least every other day I get recognized from my backpage ad or from some naked pictures. I'm starting to dread going outside unless I have a few people with me because they're less likely to approach me when I'm hanging out with my scary gutterpunk friends or a gaggle of cackling maenads.

This guy -he wrote me, said he'd seen me around. I gave him my rates, but he was like (well not like, this is an exact quote: "I'm not the type to just pay for something like that [ed: y'know, time and companionship] and that's it. If you wanna be friends and see where things go I'll treat you well,"

"Ummm...well, I'm the type to just get paid for that. I don't put up an ad on backpage because I'm looking for friends. I have lots and lots of friends. Cheers!" I replied.

While I was writing the email in the OP, he sent me "Well when I see you at [this one bar] next time I'll have to say hi. =]"

"But yeah...you should. Maybe we'll get along. I was writing that last long missive when you're last message came in. Honestly, I'm hammered but I was up til ten in the morning last night getting hammered and I must like listening to birds chirp or something."

"I understand. I was honestly just looking at the back page ads out of curiosity and I recognized you. Didn't mean to like creep you out or anything. You have to understand that i dont typically hang out in the places where one would meet a lovely TS like yourself for many reasons.. And yes my sleeping schedule is a little strange sometimes as well Lol. My apologies if I offended you at all. Later."

"We're fine, hon, but if you want to chat me up at a bar pretend this never happened "

"I know. I wouldn't bring it up even if you didn't tell me to. Lol. Out of curiosity. If I just wanted to suck your dick nothing more. How much would I have to pay? Lol "

I um, haven't replied. I don't discuss explicit details, of course. Not like this kid is in any way a cop, but also, I don't work for clients who talk to me like that. He's most likely not going to have any game if he sees me in a bar. Maybe he'll surprise me. I'm definitely going to know it's him after about a minute.

But I know damn well that if randoms on the strip know about the birthmark in my asscrack, that Uncle Leo isn't going to be too far behind. Not that they'd be able to bust me on the street anyway. I don't pick up that kind of trade. I'm an indoor cat. The worst case scenario is I'll end up fucking a hot cop for free and legal, but most of the time I'm not going to be attracted to them and they're not gonna get more than ten about ten seconds of my attention before I start getting weird on them and make them feel bad about themselves for asking me about some lascivious shit and not being hot. I'm simply not working when I'm out on the street or at bars. I'm either on the way somewhere or I'm out for my own pleasure, and, again, unless they're hot and I want to get with them, they have some other fun thing going on, or they're holding a lit blunt or buying me a drink, whatever I'm doing or thinking about or whomever I'm rolling with is infinitely more interesting and important to me than anything they can possibly have going on.

I don't friggin want to leave town though. My band just had a reunion show that was the coolest and most packed venue on the street the other night, and we'll probably be opening for national acts again in a few months, and my friend is really excited about it, and it helps him not think about being a recovering heroin addict. I get recognized as "the hula hoop girl" about as much as I do for my less family-friendly activities. I'm always really nice to people who want to talk about hoops or music or what a gorgeous day it is. I'm an absolute sweetheart unless you're trying to get me to come into work on my day off. I live with five really good friends in a 170 yr old mansion that's been passed down through two decades of personal friend invitations to artists and musicians and outlaws. Venues have fallen through on bands at the last minute, and we've invited them to play in our great room. (Okay, it's not that huge, but I don't know what else to call it. The living room is down the hall.) You could fit a mid-size car in my closet, and my rent is less than $400 a month.

So, I have it awesome here, but it's just matter of time before I catch a case or a pick up a stalker. I don't want to go to jail again, or fuck up my knuckles on someone's teeth anymore than they already have been. I know a lot of people would get all common sense on me and tell me to stop turning tricks, and focus on music and the community and, shit, my writing, but I love my job, and it's actually had nothing but a positive impact on my life. I've developed a really lovely set of interpersonal skills that never turn off, so I can find something to pleasantly converse about with just about anyone. I've become a lot more assertive in every situation, including when dealing with myself. I try to keep reins on my ego, but everytime I meet a new client and he's overjoyed that I showed up looking like my pictures and he gives me another big bill or two more than we agreed upon, I'm sorry, I'm like "Hell yeah, fuckin right." I'm really growing into a sexual athlete, replete with feats of derring-do, y'know? I have a steady supply of cock and wet spots to play with, and I'm so into it that it's getting warm between my legs while I type this. The filth that can come out of my mouth while I'm fucking a guy my father's age in the head or getting my guts pounded out give me gleeful giggles. The things I don't say out loud are even better. I love looking deep into the eyes of a guy I just met a half hour ago and kissing him like I love him. My clients can afford me. Nobody's kids are going hungry because they're spending their money on my ass, and they're paying for professional bang for their buck. They can tell me anything. I'm like a therapist. You can trust me to go in the other room to look in the mirror without feeling like I'm going to go through your medicine cabinet. You know I have my own stuff if I want it.

I could just be a slut and probably get just as much or more, but I like getting paid for it. It's a kink, and I like satisfying clients expectations and the performance aspect. (I LOVE when there's a mirror I can see myself in.) I don't know if I'd be able to fuck like I do if I changed careers, anyway. I might be tired from work or whatever. These days if I'm tired, debauchery is the reason, and I'm happy to finally to be able to get something to eat -because I like to be good and empty when I'm working (you puke up one chicken taco on a cock while it's cumming and you learn that shit quick. (the gentleman didn't know, because he was cumming, and the chunks of grilled chicken probably felt like some crazy tongue action on his cock. I slurped them up like I was going for some cum that spilled and spit them in the toilet. what was I writing about?))

I haven't even mentioned how nice it is that my bills are always paid ahead of time. That's actually another nice thing that I have going on here. If you're looking for blonde, blue-eyed, soft, sweet smelling, intelligent, and ratchet as fuck, with a cock, in my part of the state, we're going to be in touch, unless someone's touring through, but I don't really have to think about that. I make regulars out of guys who have money to blow, because I'm really just that fun. I don't watch the clock, and I treat them very well. If I hear, "I have to get some money together," or "how much for a half hour?" I don't even bother replying. I'll be sauntering around nice houses and hotels drinking top shelf and smoking joints of proper green in a g-string while they get the money together, and it's not like they're gonna scrape up anything extra, so where's the incentive? Most of my clients are submissive and rich. I can talk this snob shit all the time because they love it, and they like spending money on nice stuff. Nobody's kids are going hungry because they're spending their money on my ass.

I think of the children, you know? Heart of gold, understand. Some folks are going to have problems with how I say exactly what I mean, but try it. It feels great. It's not like I don't have tact, but I'll never tell someone one thing and mean another. It kinda seems counterproductive. Fuck that. It is exactly counterproductive.

It's a double-edged sword though, because there's a threat from both sides of the law when it comes to doing good outlaw business, and my chances of drawing attention are significantly higher than they would be in a more competitive market. It's really simple math. There are less targets around here, so I feel more likely to be hit. I'm not into that idea. I'd rather be a well-fed but not too big fish in a larger body of water.

I guess I have to figure out where to go. Lots of me says "go to California, dummy! Hustle it up, get some work done to up your game, and do it right, lady pimp," but I'm going to have to sleep on it.

First off I'll say tequila and forum posting just doesn't mix well.

In my opinion it creates a negative image to your customer base when you go on a public thread and basically tell everyone that wants to contact you that you aren't their friend or even like them.

The escort business is a business of lies, cheating and false relationships... for a good reason, because people will pay for it.

The girls who make the most money lie to their customers, hint them on that they actually have a connection to them, etc.

There's also nothing wrong with this. It's a exchange. It's supply and demand. If people want to pay for it, let them pay. The second they stop paying, don't pay or you drained them clean, disconnect the customer.

Even if you get some guys that contact your ad that try to befriend you, you shouldn't go on a public forum and rant about it, let alone how your family is protective about you.

My suggestion would be to get a profession that makes you happy. I don't know if you are happy since this is the internet, but you sound pretty miserable.

I know if I went on cam everyday with a frown I wouldn't make shit. No one wants to pay for a sad story.

Honey, this is my hustle, and it works. If they want the realness, they know where to find it. They read my blog -not the one in my sig here, mind you -and I don't even have to talk specifics with them when we're making arrangements because they know exactly the type of business they'll get up to and they'll know how I like to get paid.

When I was on cam, guys came to me because they knew that I would say some fucked up shit that would make their dick explode, whether they wanted me to abuse them or pretend I was their girlfriend. The brain is the most important sexual organ. I'm pretty sure I made a guy cum with my mind while I had his face between my asscheeks grinding into his tongue. I mean, he was jerking off 'cause I was pulling his head up into it, but I was thinking about how hot it must have been for him and how hot I felt, and how much I love my job, and he was like, "you just made me cum."

I cackled and sucked the cum off his cock, then had him lay on the edge of bed so I could get in like a bridge type position and fuck straight down into his throat while I rubbed my tits on his balding head. Remember, this is all fiction, just porn on a porno site.

He gave me a hundred bucks more than I was asking and told me he wants to see me again. It was early, so I poured some more Knob Creek and sat naked in his leather massage chair while he rolled us a joint. He got cuter over the time we spent, and I fucked his face again before I left to meet my friend. It was raining, so he gave me an umbrella.

Then I came home to the message from the kid who thinks my escort ad is a personal ad.

I dunno, I'm crazy, but I'm smart, and there are a lot of guys out there who like smart girls with sweet tasting assholes, so I think I'll be okay as long as I don't end up dead or in jail.

I'm definitely a few weeks away from leaving town, so I really don't mind laying all of this out. I'm going to contact regulars I haven't heard from in a bit and screen respectful and discreet prospective clients really carefully until then, and maybe try to borrow money from one client whom I definitely know to have it. He talks about helping me out with some cosmetic work that I want to have done -you know the story -but I don't push it too hard because I'm just not greedy, and I know that good things come when you're a good person doing good work. I'm happy to let regulars pay me whatever they want and they never lowball me because the more they see me, the more I give them exactly what they want.

It's all fiction anyway!

How's that thread going where the guy's looking for the psychopath TS girlfriend?

I have a really cute black Ka-Bar.

Oh, and sorry I downvoted your post on page 3 Dan, I was on my tablet and the buttons for next page and downvote are really close together if I don't zoom in. Cheers!

[Jericho]

It's a proven fact that any liquid calling itself "whiskey" is not fit for human consumption under any circumstances and may only be used under supervision for cleaning out toilets, stripping paint and poisoning vermin.

Bloody Elitist jocks!

[Ms.Stepford]

Call it bourbon, scotch, rye, or usquebaugh, just get a room, boys, this thread's about hoin'

[tsdvdman]

call it bourbon, scotch, rye, or usquebaugh, just get a room, boys, this thread's about hoin'

thank you!!!

[danthepoetman]

What follows is a work of fiction.

I gotta get the fuck out of town. The OP is an email I had to write at seven or whenever it was in the morning from the ass end (which is really the only way I see morning). Guys bug on my tits and ass on the street constantly, as it is, but now at least every other day I get recognized from my backpage ad or from some naked pictures. I'm starting to dread going outside unless I have a few people with me because they're less likely to approach me when I'm hanging out with my scary gutterpunk friends or a gaggle of cackling maenads.

(...)

It's all fiction anyway!

How's that thread going where the guy's looking for the psychopath TS girlfriend?

I have a really cute black Ka-Bar.

Oh, and sorry I downvoted your post on page 3 Dan, I was on my tablet and the buttons for next page and downvote are really close together if I don't zoom in. Cheers!

This is a great read, Ms Stepford! You have a very particular and original way of expressing yourself. You're a gifted writer -someone with a voice!
Don't worry about the thumbs: they stick up the pages like machine pins for balls...

[robertlouis]

Call it bourbon, scotch, rye, or usquebaugh, just get a room, boys, this thread's about hoin'

We've got a room thanks Trixi, and this is what we're drinking right now.

Care to join us?