Does online dating make you depressed?

[SXFX]

OK i'm your typical late 30yo guy.
I work 12 hours a day, i screwed up and moved out to the burbs to be closer to my job but i do my best to stay good looking...work out three days of the week and dress nice and eat well...but well my dating pool just in my complex and my work is how shall i say it non existent.
Lots of single moms looking for a guy to dump the rug rats with.
and the ones who aren't single mothers....well...um...yeah....ugly.

So i turned to online dating...figured i'm stuck in a 2 hour meeting every day why not use it for something productive......yeah....wow.....noooooo...some scandeleously ugly women there...

But that said i noticed over time i got more and more depressed while online dating. Ive had some interesting dates but sadly nothing with a spark. And the ones that there was a spark....i guess things came up you know.

So the question to you guys is this....if you live out in the burbs do you online date? And have you noticed it makes you depressed as hell?
Or is it just me? =/
thanks in advance.
Sx

[Ts RedVeX]

I wanted to write an elaborated analysis of what on-line dating is, but it would have become a short booklet and I am still feeling too much under the weather to formulate anything interesting, and before all, it is internet - the telephone of the 21st century and a tool for advertising your services, so here's a few questions you may find helpful in chosing your ways for future:

1. How can I actually date someone you don't know?
2. What am I really looking for here?
3. What am I offering to others here?
4. How is my profile relevant to what I need and have to offer?
5. Does this site actually help save time or is it just deceiving me with its name?
6. Why don't I just do something I enjoy myself and see if I meet someone on the way?

Oh yeah.. Does it make me depressed? No, not any more.

[SXFX]

Thank you
the #1 is a major issue i think. I'm 38 now. at this age your social circle gets real small real fast. and the number of single people in the group with out major issues gets even smaller faster. So basically yes...you start off from moment zero knowing nothing and everything about someone you just met. It's odd.

#2 I do know "who" i'm looking for....educated, healthy, no kids....the ladder being a major issue in my age bracket and location....so many breeders out there actually the last TS girl i dated....she even had kids! so go figure!

#3 what am i offering? crud wow...i mean what does anyone ever offer to another person? shit i have my life together....so i'm stable...i don't do drugs and i won't ask you for money....and odds are i wont even ask you to cook dinner! so what do i offer...honestly....no clue? i guess the same thing she would be offering me?

#4 my profile is very vanilla....i think that's the way most profile should be written....no need to lie or exaggerate....

#5....time...shit... i work 12 hours a day...i manage an office.....i have people i have to keep employed....i live in the burbs so driving to any decent bar where the folks look ok is a 1 hour drive into NYC...so time....i don't have any of it...so in a way maybe online dating helps?

#6..i skydive rock climb and ski and ride a motorcycle for fun. We have a saying in skydiving..if she doesn't smell of shit and she doesn't have a peg leg she's hot. Only 10% women in all the sport...very few if any single ladies.

all of the above...puts a late 30yo guy with his shit together to wonder...WTF....and me...not wanting kids...dating younger...MAJOR no go since many women from 25-35 have baby fever and women over 45 here in NJ look.....well lets be honest i have to be turned on too right?

So am i the only guy who gets actually depressed online dating?
NO joke...as in i don't eat and i actually feel very low after spending a solid hour on the page....

[lilmunat]

It is a good thing to meet new people and put yourself out there.

I think you're getting depressed because you're realizing that your prospective dating pool isn't that large and your chances of finding someone are less than you would like. That has nothing to do with online dating, and everything to do with accepting reality.

Unless you're willing to change your search criteria there is really nothing you can do about the size of your dating pool. The best thing to do is to accept it and move on. Just do the best you can. You could meet Ms. Right next week. Just don't quit.

[Jamie French]

You're middle aged, work like a horse, you have no idea what you have to offer another person, but you know exactly what you want. Face it dude... it's hookers from here on out. Come to peace with the idea and die with some semblance of happiness. Other people aren't your strong suit. It takes a certain kind of person to successfully mate with another person. A sense of self awareness and genuine empathy a plays a large part of that and is something that can't be taught. If you're 38 and asking these questions, you were never going to make it to the train on time... you have no ticket. By the way, my hooker line is not me being glib. Seriously, hookers are rad. Start wrapping your head around the idea.

[crystalsopen]

Thank you
the #1 is a major issue i think. I'm 38 now. at this age your social circle gets real small real fast. and the number of single people in the group with out major issues gets even smaller faster. So basically yes...you start off from moment zero knowing nothing and everything about someone you just met. It's odd.

#2 I do know "who" i'm looking for....educated, healthy, no kids....the ladder being a major issue in my age bracket and location....so many breeders out there actually the last TS girl i dated....she even had kids! so go figure!

#3 what am i offering? crud wow...i mean what does anyone ever offer to another person? shit i have my life together....so i'm stable...i don't do drugs and i won't ask you for money....and odds are i wont even ask you to cook dinner! so what do i offer...honestly....no clue? i guess the same thing she would be offering me?

#4 my profile is very vanilla....i think that's the way most profile should be written....no need to lie or exaggerate....

#5....time...shit... i work 12 hours a day...i manage an office.....i have people i have to keep employed....i live in the burbs so driving to any decent bar where the folks look ok is a 1 hour drive into NYC...so time....i don't have any of it...so in a way maybe online dating helps?

#6..i skydive rock climb and ski and ride a motorcycle for fun. We have a saying in skydiving..if she doesn't smell of shit and she doesn't have a peg leg she's hot. Only 10% women in all the sport...very few if any single ladies.

all of the above...puts a late 30yo guy with his shit together to wonder...WTF....and me...not wanting kids...dating younger...MAJOR no go since many women from 25-35 have baby fever and women over 45 here in NJ look.....well lets be honest i have to be turned on too right?

So am i the only guy who gets actually depressed online dating?
NO joke...as in i don't eat and i actually feel very low after spending a solid hour on the page....

Hey I know a female ski diver, and she's hot. I also know her bf, so she's not an available. Just saying...

[islandmix]

Stop dating trannies maybe that should help

[crystalsopen]

Stop dating trannies maybe that should help

I'm pan-sexual, but I like dating guys at this point in my life. My previous 2 exes are trans women.

[crystalsopen]

You're middle aged, work like a horse, you have no idea what you have to offer another person, but you know exactly what you want. Face it dude... it's hookers from here on out. Come to peace with the idea and die with some semblance of happiness. Other people aren't your strong suit. It takes a certain kind of person to successfully mate with another person. A sense of self awareness and genuine empathy a plays a large part of that and is something that can't be taught. If you're 38 and asking these questions, you were never going to make it to the train on time... you have no ticket. By the way, my hooker line is not me being glib. Seriously, hookers are rad. Start wrapping your head around the idea.

I agree with Jamie's conclusion, between the time intensive job and time consuming hobbies it is hard to see OP as having time date in the hopes for a serious relationship. I think if a person of average ability worked on it and put in the time, they could figure out connecting to other people, and figure out what you have to offer (38 is not too old to do this). But if you have not bothered to do this already, you should ask yourself what is different now? Is it worth the time? If someone isn't not interest in that kind of investment in personal growth, transactional sex might be the right call.

BTW, I'm not an escort, so I have no stake in this.

[Dahlia Babe Ailhad]

Hi SXFX,

I would suggest taking up other activities in your spare time.
I mean, if women aren't into skydiving, why spend so much time in the sky wondering where the women are?

Online dating is a sketchy thing, in my opinion.

I would suggest joining a dancing class, lots of women there to get to know and possibly invite to go skydiving. And they have friends, too.
You could join a yoga class, too. Lots of fit women are into yoga. And they will have their heads together.
Sometimes the best way to meet a mate is by accident, or by planned accident like by joining the things i've suggested.

People into the online dating or telephone dating systems are very savvy and pretty narcissistic to begin with - usually very shallow and oftentimes are more concerned about finding a Mr Moneybags than a real Mr Right.

Buy a sewing machine and join a sewing class, you'll learn to mend your own clothes AND maybe meet a woman who will end up happily sewing your clothes when you're working those 12 hour shifts.

Take a cooking course, somewhere.
I find the best way to find people is to get out there and meet them in person. Let them see you interact with others, instead of trying to "connect" on a superficial dating system.
Women in the gym are usually posing, so forget about that, unless you want to compete with the jocks. Besides, women in the gym, sort of, expect to be hit on when all they want to do is act like they go there just to work out and "all these guys hit on them".

Try going to an indoor, public, community-center, swimming pool, if any exist in your area.
I go swimming every day and there are lots of women there swimming laps.
Strike up a conversation and the next thing you know, your having a coffee with them

Just a few suggestions.
Apply yourself correctly if you want real results.

I hope this is good advice.

Good luck - and Happy Holidays.


Babe,
xoxo