The Best Joke You Know

[robbie]

Favorite gross dirty joke:

Q: How does a mother in Arkansas know her daughter has got her period?
A: Her son's dick tastes funny.

Favorite "dirty" joke:

A new miner arrives at a remote mining town in the old west. He finds that there are no women residents. So he asks one of the old timers what they do for release. The old timer points to a pasture filled with sheep and tells the newcomer that when they have the urge and can't hold out any longer they go out to the field with the sheep. The necomer recoils and vows he will never do that.
As the months slip by, the newcomer watches as miner after miner makes his way to the field. Finally, he is so horny he can't take it anymore and decides, if he's going to do a sheep, he's at least going to treat her like a lady. so he goes to the field and finds the prettiest sheep he can and brings her back to his room, bathes her, dolls her up and fucks her. afterwards, he takes her downstairs for a drink.
As he walks in to the saloon with the sheep a hush falls over the bar and they all stare in disbelief. he stops and says to the crowd, "what's the matter you fucking hypocrites, you all go out to the field and fuck the sheep!"
At that an old timer replies, "well yea, but that's the Sherrif's gal."

[MetaSylo]

heard this one tonight...

whats the useless skin surrounding boobs called?

a woman.

it killed me. i loved it. esp since my girl told it to me

[Trogdor]

A bear and a rabbit are taking a crap in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and ask, "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says no and then the bear picks the rabbit up and wipes his ass with him. ~Rimshot~

[daralee]

..

[suckseed]

Two guys apply for jobs in a coal mine. One's big and burly, late twenties. The other is a wiry old Chinese man. The boss looks them both over, and says to the first. "You look strong. Go down in the elevator to shaft #3 and find the guys with the drills." the first guy leaves. Boss looks over the little Chinese guy, who is smiling and anxious to be hired. He says to the man, "Allright. You're in charge of the supplies. Take the elevator all the way down."
End of the day, all the miners come up out of the ground. The boss sees the big man, but not the Chinese man, and figures he must have quit or slipped out while he wasn't looking.
At the end of the second day, the boss starts worrying about the man. He gets in the elevator and takes it all the way down. He gets out and walks all the way down a dimly lit corridor. Then as he starts to go around a corner, out jumps the little guy. He yells happily,


V

V

V


V


V


"SUPPLIES!"

[MacShreach]

Not the best I know but the best I heard this week:

It's just before Scotland v Brazil in a pre-World Cup friendly and
Ronaldo goes into the Brazilian changing room to find all his
teammates looking a bit glum.

"What's up?" he asks.

"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We
know it's not important and it's only Scotland. They're sh*te and
we can't be bothered".

Ronaldo looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat them by
myself, you lads go down the pub."

So Ronaldo goes out to play Scotland by himself and the rest of the
Brazilian team go off for a few jars.

After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they
get the landlord to put the television on. A big cheer goes up as the
screen reads "Brazil 1 - Scotland 0 (Ronaldo 10 minutes)". He is beating
Scotland all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until
someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got
on". They put the television on. "Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldo 10 minutes) - Scotland 1 (McJock 89 minutes)".

They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against
Scotland!! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They
find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head
in his hands.

He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."

"Don't be daft, you got a draw against Scotland, all
by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"


"No, No, I have, I've let you down, you don't understand....
-


-


-


-

I got sent off after 12 minutes"

[tvdoc]

A frail, nerdy white accountant gets sent to prison for embezzlement.
Totally new to this environment, he's obviously scared to death. First
day in, they put him in his cell. Holding onto the bars and shaking, he looks around and sees an extremely large, black man laying in the
lower bunk reading a book. He quickly turns to avoid eye contact and
continues to stare our of the cell. Soon, he hears a deep voice from behind him "Ok, here's how it works" little man cringes, "you can be the mommy or you can be the daddy". The little guys eyes light up and he turns to the black guy "My choice?" "Yep" little man says "Ok, then............I'll.........be the........daddy!" The black guy says "Ok"

"Now, come over here and suck mommy's dick"

[Quinn]

Two guys apply for jobs in a coal mine. One's big and burly, late twenties. The other is a wiry old Chinese man. The boss looks them both over, and says to the first. "You look strong. Go down in the elevator to shaft #3 and find the guys with the drills." the first guy leaves. Boss looks over the little Chinese guy, who is smiling and anxious to be hired. He says to the man, "Allright. You're in charge of the supplies. Take the elevator all the way down."
End of the day, all the miners come up out of the ground. The boss sees the big man, but not the Chinese man, and figures he must have quit or slipped out while he wasn't looking.
At the end of the second day, the boss starts worrying about the man. He gets in the elevator and takes it all the way down. He gets out and walks all the way down a dimly lit corridor. Then as he starts to go around a corner, out jumps the little guy. He yells happily,

"SUPPLIES!"

LMFAO...........

-Quinn

[specialk]

A very Ugly woman

A very ugly woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids.
The Wal-Mart Greeter asks, "Are they twins?"
The ugly woman says, "No, he's 9 and she's 7. Why? Do you think they really look alike?"

"No," replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice.

[ezed]

Mama Mole, Papa Mole, and Baby Mole all live in a little hole.

One morning Papa Mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air,
and says, "Yum! I smell maple syrup!"

Then Mama Mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air, and
says, "Yum! I smell strawberry jam!"

Then Baby Mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the
air, but he can't because Mama and Papa Mole are both in the way.

He whines, "Jeez, all I can smell is molasses!"

*****
A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go
to her friends instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells
her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. The guy
says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so
busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck between the
steering wheel and the seat.

He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldn't because
she didn't have any clothes on.

He replies, "Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for
help!"

She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the
clerk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?"

The clerk replies, "I'm sorry, I think he's too far in."