The Transgendered Scene

[Irisheyes]

possibly the best thread iv seen here, gives me hope and a reason to stick around.

[wendy48088]

...

I miss friends. I miss a social life....

And that's all gone now. I miss being the life of the party. This is just a moment of looking back and remembering what it was to be wanted by your friends.

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.

My experience is that friends come and go throughout your life.

High School friends move and otherwise disappear. The friends I had in the military I didn't see anymore (they either lived in different parts of the country or moved away). The friends from when I went to school and the first jobs I had after the military I never kept up with and are now long forgotten. My friends from when I used to be involved in grassroots politics have all gone in different directions - they would be quite surprised to meet Wendy (as would all my previous friends). The people who know me the longest really don't accept me as Wendy.

As for my co-workers, some have moved on to diffent jobs or retired, and the others all either have families or are busy with their own lives (single, divorced, etc.). I am out at work and corporate policy protects me, but people now seem very cautious in what they say to me...

Not to mention that some people die suddenly (car accident, heart attack).

I think if you are constantly growing you at times have to re-invent yourself somewhat throughout your life. And your friends from each phase of your life will be less relavant to your current situation.

A few will stick with you, but for that kind of friendship to survive in the face of changes, the relationship has to be one where they are not heavily invested on you staying exactly the same over time.

[MacShreach]

I'd like a big greasy fry up. Eggs, bacon, fried bread, toast, tomatoes, mushrooms, sausages. Yummy yummy for my tummy. Oh, and a pot of tea.

How in the name of Christ do you keep that lovely figure with an appetite like that?

One of those is like, 3lb on the scales the next morning, with me at least.

[ausbeachstyle]

"OMG, missy! You'd better see a doctor about that big ol' cock you've got where your vagina should be!"

lol

funny but so so true

[Bluejay]

Alison,

You know that you have had an open invitation from Farrah and myself, to go out to Dinner and Clubbing if you ever come down to London. This has stood for at least a year now( eventually your take it up!).

As a couple we are extremely cautious as to who we hang around with,as from past experiences we have found that some have had ulterior motives.

Real friends are very difficult to find and usually evole over time.

Yours would be a better life if you were not so geograpically isolated,that is the issue that you need to address.

take care

[tsmandy]

I miss friends. I miss a social life.

Before I came out my phone would be ringing literally every hour. Where was I? We're in here? Come meet us? What are you drinking?....

And that's all gone now. I miss being the life of the party. This is just a moment of looking back and remembering what it was to be wanted by your friends.

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.

Hi Allison,

This post really struck a chord with me. I haven't had breakfast yet so my brain is a little scrambled, please forgive me if this makes little sense.

I have always been an outgoing person, never shy. I have always had close friendships and many of them. None of my pre-transistion friendships have survived. I could easily blame this on peoples insecurities but I think there is a hell of a lot more to it (at least on my end) than that. For a while I was really upset and heartbroken about it all, but over time I've come to appreciate my end of that deal. See, when it comes down to it, I don't want to be friends with people who knew me from before.

Then there were the friends I met once I started to transistion. Lovely people whom I love dearly. Only problem is they are spread out around a continent and I can hope to see most of them a couple of times a year. Here in Portland (where I live) I've never really developed a community of friends. I think that is mostly because when I started escorting I stopped being able to relate to alot of my friends day to day worries and concerns and felt more and more isolated. My closest friends here are all other sex workers, they seem to be the people I trust in most respects. The isolation of it all has been really tough, I miss my pals around the country, and I miss my old pals from before I transitioned. But for me, I think it has been really good to step back and figure out why so many friendships have fallen by the wayside, and why others have been nurtured.

I guess this is a bit of a ramble, I just wanted to say that I sympathize. The answer for me largely has meant coming to terms with no longer having 50 friends available whenever I felt like it, and learning to value alone time. Hell I'm even moving to the woods. I like to think that there is a group of people out there that is just waiting for you to complete it, or something like that.

xoxo
m

[a994]

I'm quite warmed that you've replied Peggy. And I am glad that you are here on HA. As I am all of you.

Each of you I feel happy that you have taken the time to reply. That is my acceptance. And it means something to me, so thank you.

Someone has mailed me to ask if I'm ok? They say that while thought provoking and interesting, there's something different about what I have written. It has almost a bland feeling to it.

I miss friends. I miss a social life.

Before I came out my phone would be ringing literally every hour. Where was I? We're in here? Come meet us? What are you drinking? A text message to say that Simon had just pulled. Julie saying something stupid. Max putting his foot in it. Mark upsetting Fiona. Martin getting drunk and insulting everone. Steve following through at his desk at work, otherwise known thereafter as PloppyPants. Chad washing his hair. Emma going out with Dan.

And that's all gone now. I miss being the life of the party. This is just a moment of looking back and remembering what it was to be wanted by your friends.

I want friends again. I want to feel safe in a group of people. I'm grieving for what I have left behind. The truth is that I miss my friends.

I honestly don't know how I can respond to what you have said, Alison. It somehow feels like an empty cliche to point out that, thanks to your life changes, you do have a new set of friends. I understand how it feels to be seperated by time, space, and life moving onward from old friends.

Please forgive me for my inadequacy in helping or comforting you, but this is all I can offer: :

This, and my prayers for you.