Is it really so bad to live your entire life alone?

[loveboof]

You just refuse to believe that there are alternatives to your way of thinking and that sometimes people may just share their thoughts without having someone (you) try to be Captain Courageous and 'save' them from themselves. Get over yourself already - Bella is smart enough to know what she wants and how to get what she wants in case you haven't noticed. I don't think her post was a cry for help - but let's see what she thinks. You've obviously constructed a neat little world for yourself where you reign supreme, you have all the answers, and if others don't conform to your beliefs then they need to be 'advised' into to seeing things your way. Narcissist with a superiority complex..............

Why are you such a hypocrite? You haven't given the slightest inch in regard to your position, and you think I'm the arrogant one?!

I hope that anyone impartial reading this thread can see how negative people cannot stand even a tiny hint of positivity in their dreary little world...

I'm not a narcissist, I simply refuse to conform to your bullshit hopeless view of life.

And I gave advice to someone who asked for it - I'm not inflicting my views on anyone. If you want Bella to just accept being alone, then you're not really helping her at all. This is my opinion... it seems to be you who cannot accept that, not me.

[BellaBellucci]

I'm sorry Bella for ranting about me, your thread struck a nerve with me. I am sorry you have had a rough life, I am sorry, no human should go through life with hardships and hate. I wish I had a time machine so I could change the past.

PS-I know my post contradicts itself, I'm kinda confused.

Yvonne, it's perfectly OK to internalize this as it's an issue most of us share. Loneliness is a common problem people face, especially those of us who live outside the mainstream (even if some of us still have one foot in - sometimes it even makes it worse).

And it's good to be confused about it, because that means your emotions still work. Last nite, I asked another girl from here on the board, in private, if she still cries when she get sad. Her answer was the same and mine and not the slightest bit unexpected. It was 'no' of course. Many of us can still cry in frustration and things of that sort, but there comes a point where you get used to the melancholy and it becomes more difficult to release it.

As has been said repeatedly by both me and a few others, this was more of an exploratory topic and me venting than one intended to make anyone feel depressed. It's just that time of year.

In my utopia everybody lives alone. They raise a green flag over their domicile if they're accepting company and a red flag to warn people to stay the fuck away.

I'm a pretty moody bitch. I think I for one do that pretty well in a figurative, subconscious way. If people communicated better, more of them would do this, too. It's only fair to the people around them.

Get over yourself already - Bella is smart enough to know what she wants and how to get what she wants in case you haven't noticed. I don't think her post was a cry for help

You got it. Sometimes you just need to bitch. That doesn't mean you necessarily expect results.

But the reason for my post was two-fold. One was that one and the other was that I really wanted to put some ideas out there to discuss on this topic as sensitive threads aren't generally handled well by the members of this community. And yes, I'm aware that I've been guilty of it too, but in my case, at least everyone now knows why.

Call it a holiday gift to myself.

I hope that anyone impartial reading this thread can see how negative people cannot stand even a tiny hint of positivity in their dreary little world...

That's not it at all. It's that you're trying to put blame on me for feeling negative when negativity has been the sum of my experiences. If that wasn't the case for you, congratulations, but that doesn't make your view right, it only makes it right for you based on your experiences.

So the issue isn't 'a tiny hint of positivity.' It's the way you're insisting on a wholly optimistic outlook when everyone here may not be capable of sharing it. You belittle the experiences and feelings of those of us who have had it rougher than you, whether you realize it or not.

I'm happy for you if you were lucky enough to have a life in which trust was taken for granted in a good way, but we don't all live in your world and protection from that which would hurt us requires discretion, not random, thoughtless, and possibly dangerous openness to people after so many have betrayed our trust.

This isn't about opening up emotionally, it's about whether or not it's safe to trust people with information that they could use to make your life worse. To hell with a broken heart; I've suffered plenty of those, but it's hard to trust people when they go out of their way to use private information that you've given them to make your whole life hell (i.e. outing secrets, using insider information to manipulate or destroy)... and they do so all the time. Government and trade secrets, copyrights and patents, they all exist for a reason. If that weren't the case, then why do we have an FTC and the CIA? Because people have proven that they can be trusted?

And yes, I'm aware that that last statement sounds weird coming from a freedom-loving, Libertarian capitalist, but at the same time, there have to be some kind of rules to keep people honest (like Glass-Steagall... ugh). Freedom doesn't mean you can go around killing people or robbing banks (although the latter might be considered revenge these days).

~BB~

[0utrageousss]

You are the sum of your experiences. Couldn't sum everything up any better.

[loveboof]

You got it. Sometimes you just need to bitch. That doesn't mean you necessarily expect results.

But the reason for my post was two-fold. One was that one and the other was that I really wanted to put some ideas out there to discuss on this topic as sensitive threads aren't generally handled well by the members of this community.

That's not it at all. It's that you're trying to put blame on me for feeling negative when negativity has been the sum of my experiences. If that wasn't the case for you, congratulations, but that doesn't make your view right, it only makes it right for you based on your experiences.

So the issue isn't 'a tiny hint of positivity.' It's the way you're insisting on a wholly optimistic outlook when everyone here may not be capable of sharing it. You belittle the experiences and feelings of those of us who have had it rougher than you, whether you realize it or not.

I'm happy for you if you were lucky enough to have a life in which trust was taken for granted in a good way, but we don't all live in your world and protection from that which would hurt us requires discretion, not random, thoughtless, and possibly dangerous openness to people after so many have betrayed our trust.

This isn't about opening up emotionally, it's about whether or not it's safe to trust people with information that they could use to make your life worse. To hell with a broken heart; I've suffered plenty of those, but it's hard to trust people when they go out of their way to use private information that you've given them to make your whole life hell (i.e. outing secrets, using insider information to manipulate or destroy)... and they do so all the time. Government and trade secrets, copyrights and patents, they all exist for a reason. If that weren't the case, then why do we have an FTC and the CIA? Because people have proven that they can be trusted?

And yes, I'm aware that that last statement sounds weird coming from a freedom-loving, Libertarian capitalist, but at the same time, there have to be some kind of rules to keep people honest (like Glass-Steagall... ugh). Freedom doesn't mean you can go around killing people or robbing banks (although the latter might be considered revenge these days).

~BB~

I never said this thread was a cry for help, that was runningoveryourdreams fail interpretation of what I said.

I said you wouldn't have made it unless some part of you still wanted to be hopeful. I still believe this.

Also, I have not belittled anyone's experiences at all - and I resent the implication. We all have our own shit to deal with, and you have no way of knowing how 'easy' I've had it...

You want to ignore my advice?.. fine. But don't fool yourself into thinking you don't have any options - that's just a load of cack. And don't fool yourself into thinking you're taking the hard route (because you're so strong) - also bollocks.

[Dino Velvet]

I actually like people but hate when they try to get too close. I hardly let anyone in my inner circle. My ex, who I've known 12 years and still love, knows more about me than anyone but still knows nothing and she's a Psychologist.

[BellaBellucci]

Also, I have not belittled anyone's experiences at all - and I resent the implication. We all have our own shit to deal with, and you have no way of knowing how 'easy' I've had it...

Excuse me, but if you're arguing that people can be trusted on the basis of your positive experiences, then by doing so, you are saying that you've have had positive experiences, so yes, I'd say that means you've had it easier than the rest of us who don't have the luxury of being able to grant such easy trust. How do you not understand that?

And I'm not ignoring your advice. I've considered it, and I don't agree with your assessment.

~BB~

[loveboof]

Excuse me, but if you're arguing that people can be trusted on the basis of your positive experiences, then by doing so, you are saying that you've have had positive experiences, so yes, I'd say that means you've had it easier than the rest of us who don't have the luxury of being able to grant such easy trust. How do you not understand that?

Where have I argued that people should be trusted based on my positive experiences? Where have I said that it is easy?

If you'd just like to quote the posts, I'm sure we can clear this up...

[BellaBellucci]

Where have I argued that people should be trusted based on my positive experiences?

You didn't. So that means either you did have it easier and you're just being coy, or you're a glutton for punishment, because if you had really gone through misery, you would know better than to trust so easily. That's kinda my whole point.

I think you're arguing just to argue now. Nobody ever says, 'I was abused by the people closest to me my entire life, but hey, do you want to hear my deepest, darkest secrets?'

~BB~

[loveboof]

You didn't. So that means either you did have it easier and you're just being coy, or you're a glutton for punishment, because if you had really gone through misery, you would know better than to trust so easily. That's kinda my whole point.

Well my whole point has been wilfully avoided by you and others, as you fling obstacles in my path lol. But I'm not so easily distracted or deflected..

My point has consistently been that it is not easy to trust people when you've been hurt in the past. And that is why it takes strength.

My life hasn't been 'misery', but it hasn't always been easy either. If that helps you qualify my opinion (or disregard it), then fine. But please don't misconstrue my words simply because you disagree with them.

[Ineeda SM]

I've been on the edge at least 3 times in my life that I can remember. My parents were a nightmare, my mother a scared little girl who married to get away from her own abusive father and my father as insecure and violent as the day is long. I've since selectively blocked out the memories of a lot of my childhood and early transition, the latter of which contained a portion of time in which my best friend, another transwoman, was spying on me for ex-wife in an effort to strip me of custody of my son, as was my own brother. After she left me, my ex re-married a man I'm convinced she also doesn't love (as I honestly don't think she's capable), and my friend de-transitioned just as I predicted she would. In my ex's case, I believe she too was a victim of child abuse but to this day she refuses to talk about it, so in her mind, my openness about my own struggle was viewed as weakness, as was the struggle itself.

So there's a reason I'm always crying about so-called 'conspiracies' against me. In all of my years, whenever people have wanted to take me on, very few have ever done it directly or alone, and that obviously includes you-know-who.

That being said, I don't think my life would have driven most other people crazy. I think it would have killed them. I hope people remember that when they think that my toughness comes off too harsh. I'm not trying to hurt people, it's just that sometimes I don't know how not to without compromising my objectives, one of which is to help transwomen develop a thicker skin or a sense of humor about their predicament. But I still don't think that makes me cynical. Since all of this has actually been my reality, by definition, it makes me realistic.

And I'm certainly not looking for sympathy from anyone here as I know lots of other girls had it rough too... but some understanding would be terrific.

~BB~

That was a powerful posting. I believe I just gained a whole new understanding into who you are, or at least who you portray yourself to us. And I believe they are one in the same. That was a lot for you to tell in public. In my original post, I wanted to say that many others who have gone through your kind of hell would have put a bullit through their heads by now. But it seemed a bit too strong for the moment.

I want to give you a hug and tell you every thing will be all right. But that is not what you are looking for. I may not be in your shoes, but we have all had hardships to bare. So as I may not have gone through your hell, I can at least understand how life has hurt you, and only wish the best for you.

I know we did not get off on the right foot in the past, but I am glad we left it in the past where it belongs. You're OK Bella.