Relationship question/problems

[holzz]

If by "fucked up", you mean "female born with a male body, sexually abused as a child, did sex work and depends on her boyfriend for financial help because of hiring discrimination, confused and afraid of her own sexual desires", I agree.


There must be some way of saying this that doesn't send the message to people who have had similar experiences and made similar mistakes that they're not deserving of love.

because the OP doesn't have to care about his own wellbeing. and that I never said she's not deserving of love, but then he has to look out for himself and his own needs.

but then cool, you like opposing opinions to your own...that's fine... Many trans people have healthy relationships, that in itself is not worthy of being unhealthy/disruptive to others, is it?

though being healthy is trying to say whose opinion matters...maybe in your circles, this is done, but then not in anywhere decent. i gave my view, i don't care if others like it or not, i did so based on what the OP said initially, that if she is goading him to bottom and then says it's gay, that's hardly a healthy dynamic.

[dickten]

I've moved on, but still in love with her and to be honest it's the first time I've been dumped this hard before, so that's fucking with me too. Pretty funny too that she picked the holidays to do this crap, like almost on purpose because she knows I love all the things we used to do this time of year. The best Christmas I ever had was with her, and she told me that too. So Can't wait until work and biz travel start up again , so that it takes my mind off of things. Tempted to go out and get all fucked up and call some of her girl friends to see if that causes any jealousy, I know it's a chick move that's been played on me with results. I know just the one who she constantly asks if I think she's pretty on her Face book page. Hates her, but nice to her face type friend with the boobs that are way too big (her opinion, lol) it may get her to at least call me so I can get resolution and move on, i know she hated it whenever one of her friends would send me a friend request...
oh well, gotta stop thinking about this, maybe the NFL playoffs can help, my teams still alive!!!

[gaysian71]

Hey, you know what the beauty of being dumped is? You get a brand new girlfriend!!!!
It's happened to me a bunch of times. But every time it happens, I just find a new one. And besides, half the fun of having a girlfriend is finding her. ��

[DeseosEscandulosos]

Got any friends you used to watch football with? Maybe give them a call? Any local sports bars where you can argue about your team with drunks? Sports discussion boards?

The problem with revenge is that you can't get revenge on someone without making them the center of your life. "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya..." And you want her to stop being the center of your life. You want to think about her as little as possible. Unless your idea of revenge is to become the greatest swordsman in the world, fall into alcoholism when you can't find her to wreck your revenge on her, and finally recover in order to duel her to the death. That might be a workable plan.

[dickten]

That is a fucking great analogy and use of a quote from princess bride, Classic, you made my night, now I'm headed to the pub!

[SXFX]

the problem with having a cute TS GF and having a great time and it' going to shit........knowing that you hit the lotto once and living in fear of never hitting it again.
You TS ladies don't seem to get it....finding you isn't easy....convincing you we aren't creepy chasers is even harder!
and i know 99/100 of you think one day you will find Prince charming and he won't know the past and just be ok with it........well good luck with that one...
I mean yes in the perfect world that perfect guy who ever GG is fighting for will notice you and date you and be like...oh you are trans that's ok i never knew that so let's pretend i still don't......
But in the real word to be safe please understand we know you are trans and well it's not like we are chasers....some of us like me just don't want to have kids and are more open to dating well put together women...who just happen to be trans.
But yeah feel your hurt bro....
last Ts girl i dated for a few months was awesome....oddly when we were together i got the best sleep i've ever gotten......so miss that girl =(
hope it all works out!

[holzz]

Got any friends you used to watch football with? Maybe give them a call? Any local sports bars where you can argue about your team with drunks? Sports discussion boards?

The problem with revenge is that you can't get revenge on someone without making them the center of your life. "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya..." And you want her to stop being the center of your life. You want to think about her as little as possible. Unless your idea of revenge is to become the greatest swordsman in the world, fall into alcoholism when you can't find her to wreck your revenge on her, and finally recover in order to duel her to the death. That might be a workable plan.

and being rude and comically so when others make reasoned points.....

[holzz]

I've moved on, but still in love with her and to be honest it's the first time I've been dumped this hard before, so that's fucking with me too. Pretty funny too that she picked the holidays to do this crap, like almost on purpose because she knows I love all the things we used to do this time of year. The best Christmas I ever had was with her, and she told me that too. So Can't wait until work and biz travel start up again , so that it takes my mind off of things. Tempted to go out and get all fucked up and call some of her girl friends to see if that causes any jealousy, I know it's a chick move that's been played on me with results. I know just the one who she constantly asks if I think she's pretty on her Face book page. Hates her, but nice to her face type friend with the boobs that are way too big (her opinion, lol) it may get her to at least call me so I can get resolution and move on, i know she hated it whenever one of her friends would send me a friend request...
oh well, gotta stop thinking about this, maybe the NFL playoffs can help, my teams still alive!!!

she clearly had issues, but then it's pretty obvious you weren't attuned. i think in any relationship like this, even if it's physical illnesses and not mental, there needs to be some understanding/accomodation. she seemed like when she was overstepping the mark.

[MarkRich84]

If I was being brutally honest, and I'm sure this is not 100% accurate in your situation, but...

I have been in relationships where we've meant the whole world to each other, and then it got weird and ended a few times. Really really tough, and a fucking horrible experience.

In my experience, when you rely on each other for happiness, even if it's only a small part... there's too much pressure to be someone that the other person expects you to be.

Ever since I focused on myself, and got myself to a positive position where I didn't rely on a successful relationship for happiness, things changed.

If a relationship gets weird, difficult, or strained, I can pretty much take it, or leave it, without having the fear of losing something that I relied on for happiness.

It's not made me empty, just less desperate for a relationship to work in order for me to feel good about myself.

The amazing thing about this is, once you are in a position to 'take or leave' a relationship. You start making more connections with people who are more honest about what they want.

It sounds like your girl wanted a straight man, but deep down, actually would be better suited to a guy who likes to be versatile. If you're not a match, you would know straight away if you weren't bith too eager to please the other person in order for them to want to be with you.

Although I agree that communication is key. Honesty is always the foundation of any relationship. And all these things will be made much easier if both parties were confident enough to be accepted for who they were, instead of trying to please the other person all the time.

[dickten]

No looking back, no revenge, it's her loss. I gave her enough time and even tried to talk through things with no luck. So I have an old Friend I met on AFF who is dying to meet up again, sweet, petite little Asian Gurl who just got her B cups and wants to show them off. shes smart and has a nice career in the medical field too, looking forward to my date next weekend. Life goes on.