Man charged with ejaculating into female co-worker's coffee.

[Vladimir Putin]

Minneapolis Star-Tribune, Thursday, September 4, 2014, 7:49pm EDT

BLAINE MAN FACES SEX CHARGES FOR CONTAMINATING CO-WORKER'S COFFEE, DESK

By CHAO XIONG, Minneapolis Star-Tribune

A Blaine man allegedly masturbated over his co-worker’s coffee and at her desk multiple times when she wasn’t present, in an attempt to get the woman to notice him, according to charges filed Thursday.

John R. Lind, 34, told police that he ejaculated into his co-worker’s coffee and onto her desk or other items a number of times, the charges said.

The woman told police it likely occurred even more often than he said, reporting that her coffee tasted odd and that she saw drippings on her desk multiple times.

Lind was charged via summons in Ramsey County District Court with fifth-degree criminal sexual conduct and fifth-degree attempted criminal sexual conduct. He is not in custody.

“He denied that it was a sexual compulsion that he could not control,” the charges said. “Lind said he knew it was wrong, and he did it anyway. Lind denied having done this to other women. Lind indicated he was sorry for what he had done, and he said he knew it was gross and wrong.”

According to the complaint:

Police last week responded to a report of a disorderly employee at Beisswenger’s hardware store, 1823 Old Hwy. 8, New Brighton. The woman told police that she suspected Lind of leaving bodily fluids on her desk.

That afternoon, the woman told police, she saw Lind standing at her desk with his back turned to her and his hands in front of him. The woman told authorities that she thought he was doing something but couldn’t determine what.

When Lind noticed her, he looked at her like a “deer in headlights,” according to charges.

Lind left the room, slamming the door behind him, but returned about 10 seconds later, the complaint said, saying that he had a question for her but couldn’t remember it.

The woman noticed a strong odor around her desk, picked up her coffee and noticed that it smelled, too, the charges said. She had originally thought that the foul-smelling coffee, an ongoing issue, was due to spoiled milk.

The woman told police that she didn’t consider the possibility that someone was contaminating her coffee until she ran into Lind at her desk.

Lind’s alleged behavior with the woman had been an issue for months, the charges said. She told police that he regularly approached her with his pants unzipped, and that she had threatened to report him.

Lind spoke with police on Aug. 28 and admitted to ejaculating on the woman’s desk and into her coffee because he was attracted to her, according to the complaint. He said that he had tainted her coffee twice and her desk four times.

“Lind said that he legitimately forgot sometimes to pull up his zipper,” the charges said. “Sometimes, however, he did it on purpose to perhaps get attention.”

Copyright © 2014 Minneapolis Star-Tribune. All rights reserved.

[RallyCola]

well...i can't say i never thought of doing that...except i just wanted to make someone eat my cum out of spite...not because i was attracted to them

[maaarc]

for crying out loud! what's the big deal? I mean why wouldn't you want to ejaculate into a co-worker’s coffee? most likely it was just some playful hijinks related to a corporate team building event or something

[Prospero]

Cafe Kreme? (actually this is a repulsive story)

[francisfkudrow]

There's a novel approach to hitting on women!

[Anubis1779]

"She had originally thought that the foul-smelling coffee, an ongoing issue, was due to spoiled milk."

Pretty accurate, just not the kind of milk she thought!

[ed_jaxon]

Man I miss Dino.

[Prospero]

Man I miss Dino.

yes he'd have a field day with this

[hiwatt1000]

...ya, Dino-man...

[I_made_linda_lovelace_gag]

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