for all : when did you realize you were "different"?

[amaryllis]

i've lurked here for probably 2-3 years as a result of my... "disphoria"

allow me to explain:

by the time i was 11 i'd already figured out how to use the dewy decimal system due to spending 2 hours in the city library after school for months. So I started to look up information and eventually stumbled upon Renée Richards and Caroline Cossey from the 70s to 80s. I remember finally knowing that i "wasn't alone."

at that point i probably should have come forward to my parents, but i didn't. as a result i spent at least 15-20 years trying to cope/purge/hide/release/expunge what society told me was "wrong." it wasn't wrong (and still isn't) and i've come to terms with the decisions i made and am happy with how *i* turned out. if i could go back and make different choices would i? maybe, not really, i don't know? hindsight is always 20/20 but i'm pretty sure i needed to be born later to have access to the information needed and the amazing surgeons that understand (for example Danielle Foxxx is 6 years younger than i and started much earlier than i could have).

what i'd really like to do is write a book for those today that were like me back then; but i want to talk with others. unfortunately i haven't reached out to anyone here for interviews as my assumption has always been that i'd just be another "chaser/fan/fetishist/whatever/etc" when i'm not. but i am also on a site that is geared towards "getting off" on t*s so good luck to being taken seriously.

msg me if you are interested in talking on or off the record. i'd prefer in person (i'll fly to you at my expense) but via phone/skype works as well.

ps: this stands as the scariest and most honest post i've ever made online. fuck me if its connected to anything else i do online. ACK!!!

[dderek123]

I'm normal. Everyone else here is a weirdo.

[Ms.Stepford]

When I was five. It took a long time to deal with it, though.

[RallyCola]

You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world.

[amaryllis]

i am jack's medulla oblongata

[dderek123]

hakuna matata