Do nice guys finish last?

[lifeisfiction]

No one thinks that being nice is a poor trait, but if it's your only trait and you take the time to complain about it then you're a shitty under-developed person with no real self awareness or genuine empathy.

I don't think you have a clue what it means to be nice and being nice is never a sole trait. Now I could dissect your response cause it has, ummmm how do you put it has unnecessary aggression about people being nice. The big picture and what you have a problem with is the assumption that being nice is weak. Or this person was simply saying his only gift in life is being nice. No one has one sole trait, if you find a person who fits the description you can have a million dollars. Or even worse thinking being kind means letting people walk over you, because you have lack some sort of self confidence.

That is where you misjudge the individual or misunderstand being kind. To be polite takes more will power to than to just shut someone down. It takes maturity to handle situation with proper decorum and mannerism. A lot times people who tend to be bad boys in my experience are the most immature, childish people. Bad boys comes in all shapes and forms. I rather be kind and polite out of common courtesy then to be nasty rude for no reason at all. If you let people walkover well then you need to find the confidence in yourself. Nor is anyone defined by one trait.

Now I don't know the person and neither do you, but based on what he was asking is simple legitimate question. Sharing experiences help people decide what path to continue on. If he finds it to be of more value of what you or I say well he will choose it, but to chide someone for saying it makes no sense.

[EvaCassini]

I believe what she means, the point that is being passed over and missed...is the difference between a "learned behavior" and "genuine nicety and intent"

Yes, you can be taught right from wrong, but that still doesn't mean one will be genuine about their behavior. If you are doing something seemingly nice just because it is now a habitual action/reaction, is not genuine.

To do something with genuine intent carries much more weight and is noticed far better.

Ask yourself, why hold the door open for a lady? Why help her with her luggage? Why light her cigarette?

Are you prepared to continue holding the door for the old man waddling behind her? I am most certain I would be impressed if you continued to hold the door open for him, just out of the pure kindness in your heart, instead of being selfish by just letting me through, hoping to get into my skirt by the end of dinner.

Are you prepared to carry all the luggage or just one bag? How many bags constitutes the proper level of niceness?

Are you purposefully carrying a lighter just to engage in meaningless babble? I understand chivalry but I am quite competent in lighting my own cigarette. Especially when I am holding a lighter at the ready.

Niceties are nice, but when genuine intent is shown, your deeds will be noticed. You will be held in much higher regard.

Why common courtesy? Why not implement UNCOMMON courtesy?

It's like trying to join the military to do anything and everything just to achieve being awarded the Medal of Honor or Victorian Cross, but then never getting it. Why?

Because its not about your outside appearance and superficial actions.

It's about showing genuine intent, honor, and integrity.

Going above and beyond the call of duty.

Doing more then what is expected.

[Jamie French]

Dude, simplify your point... stop using unnecessary brackets, refine your language. I have no idea what you're trying to say. Communication skills - lacking.

Being "raised properly" is not a matter or "being programmed" any more than getting an education["quality" or otherwise]...It's merely a foundation on which to build/form a collection of beliefs, environment/experiences, value system, point of view/way of thinking that hopefully result in a balanced individual...Just like no two individuals are alike, no two experiences are alike...Thus, you can have a person from a "stable" family background turn out to be a "criminal"/"sociopath" vs. someone from a more[allegedly] "deprived" background turning out to be an individual of "good character"...As with everything else, the odds can go either way(depending on the "strength" of the individual...it's just a roll of the dice...

That being said, there's nothing wrong with having a parent/parents somebody teach an individual a system of positive behavioral standards/values system during their formative period[i.e "childhood] in order to convey acceptable survival strategies in order to function in a "civilized" society...We're not raping, pillaging, & eating each other--directly--en masse, anymore(& the ones that DO & see this as normal, they get isolated & given a wide berth. Real Quick, like..)Ultimately, the choice is up to the individual: "I choose to be well-manned, respectful, reasonable, & polite as opposed to murdering/eating people & fucking them in the ass without their consent"...but having that "proper raising/upbringing" as a default/backup towards functioning normally goes a long way...

And it's not weakness to nice or civil...

[Jamie French]

I've been on this planet for 34 years, I've been around, I lead a very colorful and rich life, I'm in the business of knowing people. There are only like 20 or so different personality types... I can call a spade a spade. Even if the OP ain't the spade I called him, my words still hold true for other douche bags. Step off.

I don't think you have a clue what it means to be nice and being nice is never a sole trait. Now I could dissect your response cause it has, ummmm how do you put it has unnecessary aggression about people being nice. The big picture and what you have a problem with is the assumption that being nice is weak. Or this person was simply saying his only gift in life is being nice. No one has one sole trait, if you find a person who fits the description you can have a million dollars. Or even worse thinking being kind means letting people walk over you, because you have lack some sort of self confidence.

That is where you misjudge the individual or misunderstand being kind. To be polite takes more will power to than to just shut someone down. It takes maturity to handle situation with proper decorum and mannerism. A lot times people who tend to be bad boys in my experience are the most immature, childish people. Bad boys comes in all shapes and forms. I rather be kind and polite out of common courtesy then to be nasty rude for no reason at all. If you let people walkover well then you need to find the confidence in yourself. Nor is anyone defined by one trait.

Now I don't know the person and neither do you, but based on what he was asking is simple legitimate question. Sharing experiences help people decide what path to continue on. If he finds it to be of more value of what you or I say well he will choose it, but to chide someone for saying it makes no sense.

[runningdownthatdream]

Why do nice guys finish last? Or is it just me? I was taught to treat people the way i wanted to be treated. I treat women with respect and it seems im always getting looked over for a bad boy. And then later they break up with em because he wasnt what they thought he would be. So am i doing something wrong? I just dont know.

There's a really fine line between being a 'nice' guy and being a doormat - and while doormats may be useful they become less attractive over time. As with anything else in life, a balanced personality will go a long way towards being in a successful relationship.

You mention being respectful - what do you mean by that?

[runningdownthatdream]

Yes. Always finish last in my experience. Just the way it is. I to always treat people well or even better than they should be treated and get screwed over. As for women I always ended up the nice guy friend while they date badboy types, who treat them shitty and they tell you they wish so and so could be more like you. When the girl gets dumped or kicks the loser to the curb, she will hang out until next loser comes along and drop you like a bad habit. Thats the way it is with certain girls. Plain and simple. They use your company when convient for them and drop you when they want. Because they believe you will always let them come back. Either get use to it or look for a better class of girl with some kind of morals. Forget about the girls you hang out with thinking you have a chance with them if you treat them better than their loser boyfriend. It ain't going to happen. She's got you in the friend/user zone and with girls that are mentally unstable or got seriously screwed up by assholes or just plain like badboys, you are a doormat to them. Thats it. Exccept it and be at their beck and call or find a decent girl. Sorry to rant on bud. I have had some fuck up experiences with some girls that for awhile turned my life into a living hell. Unfortunately I fell in love with a girl who filled my head with the idea that I was so impotant to her and she wouldn't know what she would do if I was in her life, but would never give me chance even though she loved me too. But she wasn't in love with me and a relationship would ruin our friendship. So for years I painfully watch her date and hookup with tons of guys waiting but nothing ever change until she kept distancing herself from me to the point she didn't need me around anymore. So do yourself a favor and forget about the fun time girls and look for quality. You will save yourself alot of pain and torment trying to figure out why certain girls won't look you way. If they won't give you the time of day, then they aren't worth yours period.

Not trying to be hurtful but I think you need to boost your self-esteem. It isn't about 'them' at all and everything to do with you. Respect yourself and demand respect from others and you'll notice how you'll be treated differently by women AND men.

[lifeisfiction]

Well I disagree with you and Eva. I disagree with Eva for the mere fact that being rude, impolite does not make a person genuine. A genuine person is true to ones self, it does not mean having a certain way of communication makes the person genuine. Nor does being polite make a person less genuine or on the other side more so of a real person. I think Jamie a lot times you assume too much about things and it leads you to misjudge situations and people. There is a lot to life and the greatest students of life are the ones who are always willing to learn.

[runningdownthatdream]

In polite society the bottom is allowed to climax first before the top finishes. It's basic logistics when you think about it.

Yes, you are so right about this (even if you're being tongue in cheek, are you?)

[runningdownthatdream]

It's not being a nice guy. It''s lack of confidence. No one likes an asshole either but everyone likes someone who is on top of their shit and knows what they want. Also, a major turn off is people who complain about the 'nice guy' thing as if simply being a nice guy is all a girl should require. Pointing fingers and complaining about how you don't get anyone because of the way you act means you're essentially self serving and probably couldn't handle the give and take it takes to be in a relationship with a real person anyhow. It's passive aggressive bullshit.

If you've identified that your 'nice guy' personality is the root of the issue but you feel you shouldn't have to change, just admit that you're better off with a real doll and leave the rest of humanity alone.

............................and you fuck l like a champ too! what more could a guy ask for

[goatman]

Nice guy no loser. Nice guy winner. Nice guy no loser just cause tv box, diamond merchant, bad boy, & fickle pretty girl say he loser. Nice guy nice because inside he nice & stay true to self no matter what fickle pretty girl, bad boy, & tv say. Maybe learn from nice parents who say "be nice". No programming, it just work. All nice people together make "civilized society" which is mostly nice place to live. And it better than getting axe in forehead or shotgun in mouth.

Nice guy win because unlike bad boy, nice guy no get knock on door at six in morning from not so nice police. Nice guy no fear knock on door; no fear phone call demand money. Nice guy no worry look over shoulder from not nice people he fuck over like bad boy. No end up in trunk, no end up in ditch, no end up in bottom of lake. No end up with three strikes twenty to life being girlfriend to Bubba who really NOT NICE!!

Nice guy no need fickle pretty girl who want bad boy, jewelry, money, free food & everything else girlfriends & stupid tv people say because her crazy anyway. Pretty fickle girl never satisfied, that's why fickle that's why crazy.
Pretty fickle girl should do like great Biz Markie say & "Hit the streets & do [her] own mugging!" But not happen. Been that way since beginning. Eventually, her end up lonely & bitter. And old, looks no last. Maybe with more than one bad boys kids cuz her not stop. Maybe end up locked up like bad boy. Maybe sent to rubber room.

All work out in end. Nice guy stay nice, find SANE nice girl. If want relationship. At very least, sex no hard to get if have $$. Not hard, even when nice guy is.
End. Simple Enough?