Goodbye

[tsmirandameadows]

Oh, and I don't think an inability to ejaculate is a death sentence in the adult industry, only in the trans niche, and sometimes not even then. Just look at Kimber. And there are others.

Maybe it's time to focus more on non-gender-specific erotica instead of traditional 'tranny porn.' You won't make the same kind of money, but you'll still have a creative outlet. In fact, I have the same problem, and I'm making that transition myself.

Next time you're in L.A., you ought to let me introduce you to some people.

~BB~

Yeah, but Kimber is Kimber. If I were going through this two years from now, and was an established name, rather than someone who has had a strong debut and shows promise but is still climbing the ladder, then I could see maybe making the transition you speak of. But when I hear the words "not the same kind of money" and look at what my adult industry earnings thus far have been, it makes me doubt that making such a transition would be worth it lol. I hope no one takes this as me ragging on the industry -- I do feel it's been good to me -- but I was definitely still in the "paying my dues" phase of my career when it came to earnings.

[tsmirandameadows]

I'm glad to see you on here Miranda.

Bella is right in what she's saying, and to be honest she can help you a lot more than I can, as I can't relate to 90% of your struggle.

I hope you find a way through this and i'm sure you will. Have faith in the people around you, I am sure there are a lot of people who care about you a great deal, even if you might not see it now.

From my experiance, "professional help" is not always for everyone, especially it sounds like you were in some sort of hell-hole the last couple of days. Find inner strength and take strength from those who love you. You'll find a way through this.

On a side-note, your inability to ejeculate is not a deal breaker from what i've seen of the industry. However as many have said you are an intelligent young girl, i'm not sure the industry is what you need or want right now. Take time to consider other options.

Be safe.

In tranny porn, inability to produce a cumshot is generally an immediate pay cut and sufficient cause to not get you invited for further shoots, so I'm not sure how this wouldn't be a deal breaker.

As for alternative options, I may be smart and educated, but I'm nearly 30, have no professional work experience, or even the threads with which to weave the kind of narrative you need to tell an HR manager in order to get hired at the entry level. Furthermore, jobs at the bottom of the wage scale seem even less inclined to hire me, having been rejected by such prestigious firms as McDonald's, Target, and Safeway. The bottom line is that I don't have anywhere to go, and as my mood cycles yet again into another long-term depressive episode, I frankly don't have sufficient hope of my life ever getting better to continue to be patient about things.

[Infern0]

In tranny porn, inability to produce a cumshot is generally an immediate pay cut and sufficient cause to not get you invited for further shoots, so I'm not sure how this wouldn't be a deal breaker.

As for alternative options, I may be smart and educated, but I'm nearly 30, have no professional work experience, or even the threads with which to weave the kind of narrative you need to tell an HR manager in order to get hired at the entry level. Furthermore, jobs at the bottom of the wage scale seem even less inclined to hire me, having been rejected by such prestigious firms as McDonald's, Target, and Safeway. The bottom line is that I don't have anywhere to go, and as my mood cycles yet again into another long-term depressive episode, I frankly don't have sufficient hope of my life ever getting better to continue to be patient about things.

The part about being almost 30 and not knowing what to do with yourself is a familiar tale for sure.

Look, the first thing you need to do is concentrate on getting better. It's only once you can think clearly that you will be able to work things out

I've lost my job at a time when I was thousands upon thousands in debt, I went to go get food and card declined as the bank had hit me with charges, I had literally nothing and resorted to selling everything, TV, computer, phone, CLOTHES just to get food! Behind in my rent by weeks and dodging the landlord hoping not to see an eviction notice. Family and friends turned their back on me it was just me on my own, miserable, truth be told scared to death, but at some stage I had to decide to either just give up or stand up.

Sadly Miranda, this is life, and you are the only one who can help you.

I figured things out, got a student loan and government handouts, more debt to be sure but I was happy at college even as an older student, and came out of it in the end with a good job, career plan and dug myself out of debt and into a comfortable life.

I can tell by your posts, you are a lot smarter than I am, and would have a lot more options open to you, and if I can do it, you can too, you just need to find the conviction to get yourself out of this.

I'm not typing this to have a go at you, but I believe in you, and I don't even know you but I genuinely do belive in you.

[youngblood61]

Glad you are here Miranda. Have you thought about going back to School? 30 is not that old, and you may find something that interest you.

[Infern0]

Oh and also miranda, if you need help with anything, ask.

I would be happy to do you a professional level resume and covering letters etc, I am in recruitment, and certainly can help you with that. hit me up with a PM if you need help or advice. I'm not a weirdo, i'm just genuinely a nice person who wants to help

[Infern0]

Glad you are here Miranda. Have you thought about going back to School? 30 is not that old, and you may find something that interest you.

I'm convinced this is the way to go.

[tsmirandameadows]

Nah, I had defaulted on a Department of Education loan so I am henceforth ineligible for financial aid which depends upon a FAFSA, i.e. all financial aid, so the notion of going to grad school as a means to get a professional career started is out. And as a transsexual, I am de facto disqualified from nearly all work to begin with, so the notion that I can pinch and save at the bottom of the wage scale, and gradually work my way out of the hole I'm in is similarly unrealistic. Porn and escorting was the way out, but that's no longer possible. And this is all assuming that I can ever break free from the mood cycling which has characterized my entire life and which ensure that every 1-2 years I fall completely apart and lose whatever meager progress I had made in the preceding 1-2 years of functional behavior in a limited subset of the axes (vocational, educational, social, spiritual, etc.) which make up one's life.

[tsmirandameadows]

Oh and also miranda, if you need help with anything, ask.

I would be happy to do you a professional level resume and covering letters etc, I am in recruitment, and certainly can help you with that. hit me up with a PM if you need help or advice. I'm not a weirdo, i'm just genuinely a nice person who wants to help

I know how to write a targeted cover letter and resume designed to get me called into an interview. Likewise, I comport myself exceptionally well in interviews. Not knowing the fundamentals of job hunting and selling your marketable skills is NOT the issue.

I never had trouble getting work before I went full time.

[Infern0]

Nah, I had defaulted on a Department of Education loan so I am henceforth ineligible for financial aid which depends upon a FAFSA, i.e. all financial aid, so the notion of going to grad school as a means to get a professional career started is out. And as a transsexual, I am de facto disqualified from nearly all work to begin with, so the notion that I can pinch and save at the bottom of the wage scale, and gradually work my way out of the hole I'm in is similarly unrealistic. Porn and escorting was the way out, but that's no longer possible. And this is all assuming that I can ever break free from the mood cycling which has characterized my entire life and which ensure that every 1-2 years I fall completely apart and lose whatever meager progress I had made in the preceding 1-2 years of functional behavior in a limited subset of the axes (vocational, educational, social, spiritual, etc.) which make up one's life.

What qualification do you hold?

[robertlouis]

Just woken up to news which truly gladdens my heart; with all of the issues still to deal with, nevertheless, you're still with us, Miranda.