Porn, Jail and Grandma

[Brittany St Jordan]

Read the complete story on my blog

Right before I was set to leave the east coast I was informed by Steven, the owner of Grooby, that there was going to be a new project where models would be able to run their own site and Grooby would provide hosting for them. I was asked if I would to give it a shot and without a second though I jumped on this opportunity. The first handful of scenes for the site were shot by Remy, Grooby's east coast photographer who did all of my shoots for them up to that point. It was also my content so it was out of my pocket and well worth every penny too.

I took my first three scenes along with whatever else I deemed necessary to make it out there in the world all on my own. Shoes, boots, sex toys and a whole lot of clothes along with my computer stuff would be enough to pack my mighty Matrix to the seams. The car was packed and all that was left to do was to say goodbye to life I had in order to go live the life that was now in front of me. I have no idea what song was blaring in the car as I pulled out the driveway or what the weather was like on that particular day. There was a bit of tearing up knowing that I wouldn't be seeing Bumper again for who knew how long. I loved that dog.

My trip had been planned out weeks in advance. I was going to be hitting Chicago, Denver, Vegas and then on to sunny So Cal upon arriving in LA. I had all of my hotels paid for in advance so all I had to do was drive and escort for a few days in each city along the way. Priceline and Eros make a great combination when traveling across the country. With the exception of the guy in Denver who attempted to pay for my services with pot, I had a wonderful stay in each city along the way. There were enough clients showing up to cover the costs of my stays at the hotels and plus a little extra for gas to the next destination.

The drive from city to city was mediocre at best as it was a lot of open farmland. There is jack shit of difference between a farm in one state from any other. Lots of corn, tractors and tons of kids to do all of the chores. It was in Iowa that I saw my first chance to make a pit stop and peruse the shop's wares at Lion's Den adult toy store. Here I was in the middle bumfuck nowhere so you could imagine my surprise when I saw a copy of my DVD that had just been released sitting there on the shelf. I took the video over to the sales girl and asked if it was their last copy. She let me know that it was as it was a popular release. I then let her know that it was the first DVD I was ever on and she had her OMG OMG OMG fan moment. This would result in some photos together and me signing the cover of the DVD which was hung on the wall right next to the autographed photo of Ron Jeremy. Evidently we travel the same routes from coast to coast.

The highlight of the drive was leaving Denver and going to Las Vegas. One of my folks on Twitter had mentioned to me that there was a mountain pass open for hazmat trucks all year round. The pass goes up to 13,000 feet and then back down to highway on the other side of the mountain. This was the Wednesday before Memorial Day weekend so how difficult could this scenic mountain pass be? There was about ten to fifteen feet of snow on either side of the road with only the pavement being bare from a winter season of plowing constantly to ensure trucks could pass. People were heading off on their summer vacations and I was in a winter wonderland driving through an avalanche zone on top of a mountain. It...was...beautiful.

Then after a fourteen hour drive through the Rockies came Vegas and one wild night that was spent with friends celebrating a birthday which ended up with me having sex with someone born with a pussy for the first time since Maggie and I had broken up. It was me, the girl and her dom all having fun in ways most people only ever read about in books with ruggedly shirtless guys on the cover of them. The fascinating part for me though was the fact that I was able to get her off continually throughout the night. The magic of my mouth and my fingers working in unison would keep her begging her dom for release so that she could cum. The shock factor for me was that this was the first time I had put my cock inside of someone and enjoyed it, in very long time.

We had such a good time that we met up another night as well and kept the festivities going. We kept them going until well into early the next morning and as we finished up there was a knock on the door. It turns out that two girls having a good time together can get a little loud for others trying to enjoy their vacation in Sin City so hotel security came by to say hello to us. As I cracked the door and he began to inform me of the noise complaint he saw me wrapped in a towel barely covering my nipples and my friend wrapped up on the bed. This was when he had his little “ah-ha” moment and the look on his face was beyond priceless as we smiled and wished each other a good night.

The last leg of the journey always seems to feel like the longest. I know my destination is right there in front of me and the anticipation of getting there turns seconds into millennia. This was by far a much shorter drive than any other portion of the trip so far yet it felt like forever until I pulled into Burbank where I would be living at a hotel for the next month. It turned out that Joanna Jet was in town and so we met up for lunch and then headed to the AVN offices for a meeting about an article discussing some issues she had with customs and finally being allowed back into the US once again. We also set up a date to shoot some content together as we both needed some stuff for our sites.

This was my first go at shooting photos for someone in the adult industry. My very first model to work with was an industry legend who showed me some really great ways to capture femininity with a camera. We also spent about an hour or so shooting a POV scene where we passed the camera back and forth as we sucked, fucked and fondled each other with some very up close and personal shots for the camera. That was my “Welcome to LA, are you ready to be a pornstar?” greeting I received upon my arrival.

A few days later there was a party at Buddy Woods' place. Buddy is Grooby's go-to LA pornogrpaher and his home has hosted some of the most insanely outrageous networking events in the history of adult entertainment. It would be at this party where I would meet Amy Daly for the first time. In the midst of of all of the crazy, Amy was the one girl kicking back with her significant other without being in the midst of the mayhem. I kind of liked that so when she asked if I would shoot a scene with her for her site I was more than happy to accept that offer.

Amy also hooked me up with the folks at Devil's Films for a DVD shoot they had going on. Less than a month in town and I already had the ball rolling faster than I had anticipated it would. Between the shoots, the parties and the escorting, life in LA was going really good for me. At the end of the month I shot the scene with Amy for her site and the topic of roommates came up. I was leaving in a few days for the UK but left it open that if she still needed a roommate in a month when I came back we should talk. A few days later I was on a flight that connected in Amsterdam and then hit the UK for a month long visit to the place where the white folk who took over America came from.

While I was there I was able to do some shoots with Liberty Harkness, who was my tour guide and hostess for the entirety of my stay, Joanna again and Miss Jennifer English. I also turned out shooting my scene for Shemale XXX while I was there so now that I have shot scenes in a foreign country I am one of the few American girls who can claim she is an international pornstar. I also got to witness a transgender pride event in Manchester, Warwick castle, bangers and mash, real fish and chips and tons of blaring siren roaring through London the day Amy Winehouse died.

About a week before my return to the US I got back in touch with Amy to find out if she in fact still needed a roommate. It turned out that she did so the plan was I would pick up my car from the airport and go move in. That was until I got back and my battery was dead from a month of being parked without starting at all. A quick call to Amy and she was there with jumper cables and off we were to my new place of residency in Studio City. It was only a matter of days until the LA routine would pick right back up again.

Shooting for other companies was pretty steady, escorting was going well, cam shows were happening and I was putting everything together for my web site. Throughout all of this I hired Wendy Williams, another industry legend, as my PR rep. Having someone to let the world now the goings on of Brittany St Jordan relieved me of spending hours upon hours doing it myself. Amy and I were doing interviews, watching tons of Dexter, which we shot a parody of in our living room, and overall being supportive of each other with whatever we were doing at that particular moment. She really turned out to be an awesome roommate and great person to have as a friend being the new girl in LA.

The only thing that was lacking was the quality of the content for my site. It was mediocre at best and I wanted it to be as good as I knew it could be. After working with Michael Khan on a few scenes I knew I wanted to get a Canon 60D to really up my game. I took a good solid month of sitting down and researching all of the things I would need to do what I wanted to do to improve my abilities as a producer/editor of my content. I would eventually drain my entire 401(k) and invest every penny into brand new gear, lights, and computer equipment needed to accomplish this. Once it all arrived Amy and I now had our own studio right there in the apartment for us to use anytime we wanted.

The next life changing moment was a simple text message from Wendy telling me congrats on my nomination. Me being totally oblivious as to what she was talking about I called her and asked what nomination. It was my AVN TS Performer of the Year nomination. This was my ultimate goal with being adult entertainment. Being that I pulled it off as one of the new girls on the scene was truly remarkable. I was no longer just that chick on that DVD. In that moment I became AVN Nominee Brittany St Jordan. I was like a little girl freaking out with excitement.

That January it was back to Vegas for my first AVN show. The first few days of the fan show were fun, cramped in a small area with thousands of people fun. The AVN weekend is basically fitting the entire adult industry into a hotel in Vegas and having fans come pay homage to their favorite stars and meet a few new ones along the way. Organized chaos is what it is. Luckily it is a fun kind of chaos so it is enjoyable. Once the fan events were over it was time to head back to the suite with Jesse Flores and Michelle Austin to get ourselves ready for the red carpet.

Anyone who is in the industry can get a ticket to the AVN and thus go on the red carpet. The line is one huge porn networking event of everyone mingling and collaborating on whatever next depraved and taboo thing they are going to put on film. It was during this collaboration of perversions that someone asked one of the ushers why certain groups were going to the front of the line. His reply was that they were presenters and nominees. I quickly interjected and let him know Jessi and I were both there as nominees for TS Performer of the Year. To which we were told that we could wait right where were we were in line. Fuck this guy.

We made it through the red carpet and after the smiles and pleasantries were over I handed off my ticket to a guy who was in need of one for his date, said my goodbyes to a bunch of people and we went back to Jessi's suite to await the announcement of the winner for that year. When we got the word that Bailey Jay had won for the second year in a row it was a huge shock to everyone. Bailey’s first win the previous year was totally understandable and nobody could deny she deserved it. The second year in row though was a bit much as she was barely a blip on the TS scene while shooting only POV content for her site. Oh fuck no.

First the red carpet fiasco and now this, I was beyond livid at the handling of the category many of us girls put faith in as way to show the world who is the best of the best amongst the many who want to be there. I went back to the place where I was staying while in town and packed my stuff to head back to LA. Once I was back in my room I sat down and started writing about my disgust with how the AVN has treated the TS category. What resulted was a statement of how TS performers deserve the same level of respect of our male and female peers as well as their process of deciding who gets the title of AVN TS Performer of the year. A simple Google search of AVN Rapes Transsexuals of Dignity will give links to the actual letter as I sent it out to every media contact I had for people in the adult industry.

This resulted in Amy and I along with Wendy on speakerphone, meeting with AVN and discussing why I wrote what I wrote and how they could better market the TS genre as a whole. This would end up with them allowing the next year's winner to be on the stage accepting their award instead of their name listed with fetish categories at the end of the night and their award mailed to them. It also prompted AVN to give more media and marketing to TS events and releases of content as well. Some people hold zero faith in the importance of the AVN awards but for those of us that do it was a major accomplishment that day and one of the few times I cried from sheer happiness knowing that what I did would have an impact for the entire TS genre in concerns with AVN and their award process.

The following month was the next installment of the Tranny Awards held in Hollywood. A local entertainment media site, EmmReport.com was looking for a hostess for their red carpet interviews and I landed the gig. AVN had their photographer there covering the event as well. Compared to the previous year this was a huge step up in glitz and glamor for the Tranny Awards. It was an actual award ceremony instead of a bunch of models and producers getting drunk at a bar with a few fans milling about. This was also the turning point for me as a model as it was all about to go downhill.

Shoots stopped being offered and emails were going unanswered. My site was a huge time sink with little financial return and things were really getting a tad bit stressful. Doing weekly updates for my site as the producer, model and editor took a toll as I was no longer escorting or doing cam shows as much. The few shoots that were coming in where sporadic at best. I was barely getting by but was still making ends meet. Escorting was my saving grace through this time and those 3 am phone calls may have been irritating but they at least helped pay the bills.

It was in April of 2012 when I realized that it had been longer than the usual two weeks since my Grandmother had called. She never missed every other Sunday and now it was the middle of the week. I picked up the phone and called several times with no answer. There was a good chance she was in the bathroom and couldn't get to the phone so I gave it few days and tried again. After doing this a few times I finally broke down and called my aunt, who I wouldn't piss on if she was on fire, to see what was going on. She let me know that they had put my Grandmother in a nursing home but attempted to tell me nothing was serious. This was when the world came to a screeching halt.

My Grandmother had always been very vocal about her feelings about nursing homes. She hated the idea of being in a nursing home and she let everyone know it too. Regardless of how serious my aunt wanted to downplay it as, I knew something was askew in this whole thing. I begged and borrowed the finances from several sources to make the trip back to the east coast. I packed up the car once again, a lot less than before but with enough clothes and shoes to get me through the trip to see my Grandmother and back to LA again.

I was about thirty miles outside of Oklahoma City when I had to pee really bad. I had the cruise control set from LA up until this point at five over the speed limit. I thought I was going to ramp it up a bit and get to Oklahoma City, pee and sleep for the night. The Oklahoma Highway Patrol had other plans. I was pulled over for speeding and when the officer ran my license it came back as suspended. In the state of Oklahoma this automatically doubles the fines, car is impounded, license sent back to issuing state and I got to go directly jail. There was no passing go at all that night.

The tow truck came and took my car away before I had the opportunity to let the officer know that I had my gun in the back of my car. This meant instead of the quick trip to local county we had to go by the impound lot to get the gun out of my car. I was given the option of signing it over to the cop or putting with my stuff at the jail. I figured walking around after getting out of jail with a gun would be a horrible idea so I signed it over to him to hold for me until I got out. I was in the middle of nowhere with nothing so there was no way I was going to aggravate the situation to make any worse than it already was. Plus I still had to pee.

Upon arriving at the local county jail the officer signed me over as their newest piece of property in the intake area. The cop failed to mention to them anything regarding my gender so when they started looking for places in the woman's cells I informed them that legally I was a dude. There were a handful of trustees, prisoners who are on less restrictive confinement helping out with chores, and officers standing there and it was like a three legged dog was raping an antelope in front of them. They were polite with their questions and I answered them all as they continued to come forth. It was at this point that after a little persuasion buy after letting the clerk know I was going to pee on the floor I was finally allowed to use a bathroom.

While they were sorting out their own sexuality I was busy on the phone using the limited amount of time I had to contact people to get me the fuck out of there. Some were asleep, some didn't recognize the caller ID and others got cut off when the phone card ran out. After a second phone card was authorized I had given enough people enough information for them to all contact each other and sort out were the fuck I was at. This was first time every going to jail and doing so in a totally foreign place with nobody and nothing there with me it was beyond overwhelming. I stayed polite and played calm but on the inside I was all kinds WTF WTF WTF.

To make it better there was no definitive date or time I would be arraigned to see the judge. It could be one day, one week or a month. My grandmother, my car and no source of income, fuck. Being that I was obviously not going to the woman's area and I had boobs so I was unable to put in male population. The choice was made that for my own safety I would be spending my time in a solitary confinement cell. Yea, my own room and bed and sink and toilet and big giant fucking door that allows barely any sound to come through so I have no interaction with anyone else whatsoever. There was also no way to let my grandmother know I was on my way but held up at the moment.

This room sucked. They took the guy that was in there and moved him next door with another inmate as they wouldn't kill one another. The only thing in this cell was a stack of bibles, some books and the bin of required materials I was issued upon my checking in. One of the trainees was kind enough to give me a clean tshirt and a pair of cocks as those are not provided. It was relatively quick after being locked down that the lights went out. Sitting there in the dark with a million thoughts running through my head the one that kept coming up the most was what the fuck had I done with my life to lead me to that point? The answers to that question may have surfaced but with the udder shock and fear of the unknown as to how long I would be in this tiny room was too daunting to actually logically analyze any feasible answer to my own questions.

Sleep was the only option. It was also the option my brain would deny me. Between getting to Gram, questioning my life choices, and fearing a lifetime of solitude for minor mistake in a podunk jail I was too worked up to even try and contemplate anything else. By the time I finally did fall asleep the lights came on for breakfast. I have to admit, breakfast was actually good. Oatmeal, tea and toast was a rather refreshing choice. Then I got to thinking of how many times I would be enjoying this same treat before I thought it was slop on a plate. The only thing that could register in my mind was the fear of being there on a traffic violation and have something absurd happen that would make this my new residence. Gram's view on nursing homes is my view on jail.

The deputy came by to pick up and my tray and I asked him when I would be able to make phone calls again. He let me know that in a few hours I would be allowed in the day room area to relax and use the phone. The day room was an area that was shared by two cells that had a table, tv, phone and a shower. Pacing, staring at the phone, pacing some more, laying on the concrete bed reading white supremacy graffiti the bottom of the bunk above me and intermittent five minute naps would be how my next few hours were spent. My mind was in a tailspin as to how all of this happened over a speeding ticket. All I could do was think of who to call and wonder how in the fuck I would get out of this.

Lunch time rolled around and this time the cuisine was nowhere near as appetizing as breakfast was. This time is was some awful concoction that was only relegated as food because it contained beans of some sort. The flavor was atrocious but I had no idea when or what I would be eating again so I forced myself to ingest what could have possibly been the rejected contents of the bowels of Satan. The cornbread made a somewhat ok desert but there was no masking the aftertaste of whatever the fuck it was that I had just put into my body. When the deputy came by this time I inquired about my phone calls and was informed that the guys next me would be taking theirs first and then the day room was all mine.

The silver lining to this was that I would finally be able to talk to somebody. The guy next to me was there because he was in a halfway house and took off to see his daughter on her second birthday. The guy who was in the cell I was now in was there because he was convicted of murder. Runaway guy was actually quite nice to talk to. He could tell this was my first time being in this situation so he was assuring me that since I was there on a traffic charge I would be out relatively soon. It turned out out he was spot on because when the deputy came to lock him down again I was informed I posted bail. There are no sweeter words that I could have heard at that moment.

It turned out that my ex, Kassy, had yet to pay the mortgage for the month and was able to use the money to bail me out of jail. She also posted a story on Fetlife about my situation in hopes somebody could help me. Some guy who had been in jail a week prior had nobody there to pick him up and so when he read the story he wanted to make this a little better for me and was there to help. The kindness of strangers is wonderful thing. We went to the impound yard where I paid the fees and he drove me and my car to the parking lot of a shopping center that had a Western Union. He then walked back to his car and I was stranded there with no legal means to drive off.

I had no license and was in no way about to risk getting on the road and ending up back in jail again. Twelve hours of that was enough to last me an entire lifetime. I had my laptop, my phone and an AC outlet in my Matrix so I was able to get online and keep my means of communication charged. The first thing I did was call the Virginia DMV and find why they are such assholes. They suspended my license for lack of insurance. I had insurance so I got in touch with my provider and rounded up the documents to prove it. It was remarkable how the DMV and insurance companies say things take 24- 72 hours to process and when I call them and tell them I am stranded in my car in Oklahoma after being in jail they push things right through. I ran out of daylight on the first day as the offices closed though.

After spending the night sleeping in my car during a thunderstorm it was back to making phone calls once again. It turned out that the California insurance I had was less than Virginia's minimum requirements and that was what caused the suspension. I had to up my policy in California, get the paperwork to the DMV in Virginia and through the graces of fans, friends and fellow porn chick Wendy Summers I rounded up enough cash to get everything legal and back on the road again.

The officer came by and signed over my gun to me and as soon as the DMV sent me the confirmation email that everything was legit I was fucking gone. I still had my passport on me for ID so with the DMV letter and my new up to date insurance policy I was able to get the fuck out of Oklahoma. I made it a point to get across the state line before pulling over for gas. I was getting down to almost fumes but at least I fucking made it. Been on the road for days, no shower, hair all kinds of cracked out looking, broke as fuck, dirty cloths slouching off of my body from lack of eating the past 72 hours and still felt like the queen of the fucking world strutting into that gas station in Arkansas.

From there the trip to Grandma would take me back to the house I left with Kassy. Yes, she had just bailed me out of jail and that one the one saving grace for her when I showed up. The house that I had left her with was now a disaster zone of clutter and debris everywhere. I wanted to go play with my dogs but they were too filthy to even want to touch them. Bumper about pissed himself when he heard my voice. That little ball of furry awesomeness made all of the other bullshit absolutely nonexistent at that moment. Regardless of anything that was going on in my life at anytime Bumper made me forget all about it.

This was also the first time I got to meet the chick who my ex left me for and was now living in the house we bought together. To put it mildly, fuck this cunt with a fucking airplane to her skull. Kassy wouldn't let me say it or anything to her. I had to play nice but fuck her. I'm not the only one who has these sentiments towards her so it is good to know she creeps other people out too. If my ex was going to leave me for someone at least it could have been an upgrade instead of the sociopath with a vagina she picked. The new chick flipped when I wanted to take the dogs with me to my Grandmother's. Bitch, they were my pseudo-kids before they were yours so take a chill pill and shut your yappy little mouth.

I spent a few days at the house getting things in order with Virginia and Oklahoma. I also contacted Steven from Grooby and pulled a huge favor. He granted me a loan against my site to pay the costs of the mortgage and fees for the money that was used to get me out of jail. This allowed Kassy to get her money back and my site would pay back Steven until my dept was paid off. This meant no paycheck for me but I was at lest out of the debt of ex. My license and insurance all got put back to Virginia and my court stuff in Oklahoma was dropped to speeding after I proved the administrative confusion of why I was on a suspended license. Now that everything was squared away it was time to go see Grandma.

It is five hour drive from my old house to my Grandmother's place in rural Pennsylvania. By rural I mean the town is basically a giant farm with houses built in one part of it. I pulled into my Grandmother's driveway and quickly found out my house key was the wrong one. I would now once again have to call my aunt and have her come let me in. I could take care of that later, now it was on to the nursing home to see my Grandmother. I called the nursing home to find out what room she was in and was told that I would have to contact the person on her list of authorized people and ask them. Which would be my aunt.

I called her and let her know I was in town and on my way to see my Grandmother and needed to know what room she was in. I also let her know that I needed a key to the house so we made plans to meet up later to make that happen. During my trip from Arkansas to Virginia I realized it was Easter weekend. Easter was one of the holidays I would always go visit my Grandmother every year and now it was looking like this could be the last one we spend together. Through all that had happened on the trip to get there it put me there at this very particular time and I was going to make the most of it.

The nice thing about this particular nursing home is they are pet friendly. I made sure the dogs marked their territory outside and went into finally see the person this entire trip was meant for, my Grandmother. I think she heard the dogs feet on the tile floor before she saw me but our little gang definitely surprised her. It was different being there with her and not in her living room at the house. There was still the same small talk of where I was living, what I was doing and why in the hell did I drive all the way across the country to see her.

We spent a few hours catching up on the little things. She also let me know that the nursing home thing was a temporary thing and once she cleared by the doctor she would be going home. This was definitely good news to hear after the journey I went through to get there. It was getting late and I still had tomorrow to come see her again so we said goodnight and I made my way back to her house. I had called my aunt so she was waiting for me when I arrived. We said our hellos out of the pure fact it was the nice thing to do not because either of us wanted to. Once she unlocked the door I unpacked the car and we went inside to get settled in or least I thought so.

The heater had been turned off, phone shut off and luckily the electricity was still on though. There was still a bit of food there so I would be able to at least eat after my trip there. I was told that the heat should stay off and to try and not dirty a lot of dishes. Ok, I get it, I am the visiting relative that showed up out the blue but this Gram's house so please fuck off now. I was on the floor playing with my dogs while we were discussing what led Gram into the nursing home. It turned out that she was falling more and more and the Life Alert people calling my aunt and uncle at all hours of the night was getting too much for them. I mentioned that Gram said she would be coming home to which came the reply of “Oh no, we are selling the house and property to pay for the hospital bills.” YOU-FUCK-ING-CUNT

After being grilled about what “kind of” modeling I had been doing auntie cuntface made her exit for the night. My Gram's house, sold, no longer here as my safe haven of refuge from the world? What the ever fuck was going on? This was the house I grew up in, partied in when she was at bingo and even broadened my horizons with girls upstairs. Fuck, it is a good possibility I was conceived in that house when mommy and daddy got a little too frisky one night. The one place that was always my refuge was being sold while the one person who had always been my saving grace from the madness of life was now in a nursing home. Every bit of my very being was being shredded right in front of my eyes and I was completely helpless to stop it from happening.

I did the one thing I knew would make my mind focus on something else, photography. I broke out my camera and began photographing everything in that house to capture one last shot at holding on to the memories and times that I shared there throughout my life. Her chair, her bingo stuff, the kitchen, the living room and everything that made this place the sanctuary of safety I adored. It was a heart wrenching evening of shooting photo after photo while trying to remain focused and yet all the while still being ripped apart inside. This would be the last time I would be in the house I grew up in.
The next day I went back to the nursing home visit Gram some more. This trip there was no mall shopping or catching up with old friends. It was all about being there for Gram. I asked her exactly what the doctor had said about her going home and she told the same thing she said the day before. Evidently nobody had told this woman the truth about her situation. I did. I told her she was there to stay and that her house was being sold to pay for the bills. None of which had ever been brought to her attention at all. She was just as pissed about it as I was and all she could ask is why would they do that to her.

Luckily my sweet auntie cuntface showed up. Why? Who the fuck knows because she can't be in the same room with me and knew I would be there. My Gram looked at her and told her she better damn well not sell her house. Auntie cuntface tried playing shocked and said oh no, we wouldn't do that. To which I chimed in about our little talk and what she told me the previous night. Oh how shit just got real. Auntie cuntface started blaming me for everything that is wrong in the world and yelling at the top of her lungs. I knew a simple fuck you wouldn't suffice so I went to the nurse's station and had them escort her out of the building. Fucking lying bitch.

The people visiting my Grandmother's roommate got a sweet show with their meal, that's for sure. Things calmed down and I stayed there until it was about time for visiting to be cut off for the day. On my way back to the house I knew auntie cuntface would be showing up so I stopped by the police station to see what my options. I told them the story of what was going on and asked what I should do. They said if she showed up that they would come and handle her for me. So I went home and posted a note on the front door letting her know that if she comes in the door I am calling the cops. When she showed up, walked to the door and turned around to leave I smiled in sweet victory.

The next day was Easter Sunday. As everyone was off at the local churches giving their praises to jebus I was collecting the things from around the area where Gram would sit and watch tv. It was her photos of people that she would sit and look at while listening to CNN or the food network. I figured if she has to be in an old people jail it might as well feel a little like home for her. I loaded up her things along with all of my stuff and the dogs to go spend my Easter dinner with Gram like I have done every year before.

Granted, the meal at the nursing home served on a tray is far from the dinner with family at the table in your home but it was still Easter dinner with family. I was sitting there with my laptop and using my phone for wifi so I put on The Andy Griffith Show on Netflix. There I was with Gram watching Andy and Barney in black and white just like we used to do. It is amazing how modern technology can make us turn the back the hands of time and make it feel like nothing has ever changed since the younger happier days of youth. Whether I did it for me, her or the both of us I have no idea but no matter what else happens I will always have that memory of the two us sharing one last good time together.

In the midst of this, my dad's other brother showed up drunk as hell and ready to fight. It turns out auntie cuntface and uncle drunkypants had a little talk about me telling my grandmother the truth about her situation. When he saw the photos sitting there instead of in the living room he flipped his lid. I was berated for everything that is wrong with the world again, evidently him and auntie cuntface really think their miserable existence is all of my fault somehow. Once it escalated to the point of me screaming in tears that he was pissed because I told the one woman who cared for us all the truth was the only reason he was angry he stormed out in a fit rage.

I was standing next her when this all happened and she did the Grandmotherly thing of making sure I was alright and told me to not even worry about them at all. That was when I did the granddauterly thing and hugged her told her how much I loved her. This was a first. After a phone conversation I love you is a pretty generic thing for family. Holding onto someone and telling them how much you truly care for them and how much of an impact they have had your life is something altogether different. There is nothing more pure than the love that I had for that woman and it took knowing she may be dying for me to verbally express that to her. It was such a bittersweet moment of realization and relief that after all this time I finally had the capacity to fully understand what love really is.

It just so happens that my mother was one hallway away from Gram. In a ball of tears and agony I walked down the hallway to the nurse's station then made the right hand turn to see my Mom sitting there in her chair in the hallway. I leaned over and held her while telling her that it was time for me to leave and this would most likely be our last goodbye. In the span of five minutes and within fifty feet of one another I confessed my love for the two most influential women in my life and after thanking them for all that had done for me I told them goodbye.

I went back to see Gram one last time. One final hug. One last kiss on the cheek. One last I love you. Knowing that as soon as I grabbed my stuff and my dogs I would be back on the road heading back to just north of Beverly, Hills that is, swimming pools with porno stars. The feelings, the emotions, the big ball of what the heavenly fuck that riddled my body was so overpowering. Driving was near impossible and it was a good thing I had the dogs with me because furry little things that know how to make the world make sense are great travel companions in times like these. This was the most painful moment of my entire life.

(While writing this I did a Google search and found out that Gram did in fact pass away. Lupini, Marion J 107429864 b. Oct. 23, 1920 d. Mar. 26, 2013 – Thank you for being the one safe place that would always provide me shelter from any storm. You were the one person who always loved and cared for me unconditionally no matter what. Even though you are gone you will always be the anchor in my heart that lets me see that through it all love is all we ever really need. I Love You Gram!)

[BellaBellucci]

Tell us more!

Seriously though, I don't have all day to read that, but I'm interested in what you have to say. You might want to think about bullet points next time.

~BB~

[Brittany St Jordan]

Those are the bullet points

[BellaBellucci]

Those are the bullet points

Needle points, then?!

~BB~

[TatianaSummer]

life is not as easy as people think, may your grandma rest in peace.
thank you for sharing your story with us.

[Brittany St Jordan]

life is not as easy as people think, may your grandma rest in peace.
thank you for sharing your story with us.

Thank you for that Tatiana

[robertlouis]

That's a lot of emotional stuff to take on all at once, Brittany. Good reading, and god rest your grandmother's soul.

[Brittany St Jordan]

That's a lot of emotional stuff to take on all at once, Brittany. Good reading, and god rest your grandmother's soul.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever written. I had to take breaks several times because I was crying and tears were making the keyboard slick.

[michelle28bc1]

Oh I hope everything works out for you girl, oh by the way I would to do porns with you together someday.

[Brittany St Jordan]

Oh I hope everything works out for you girl, oh by the way I would to do porns with you together someday.

I am sure we could make something happen should we get the chance to do so