Shaming men attracted to Trans Women...

[bte]

For guys who like TS, we are either chases in the eyes of TS or gay by everyone else standards. I've been called for having a TS girlfriend at one point and also got a called a chaser and a fag by that very same g/f when she was angry at me. I can't win!

[Rusty Eldora]

That was something which really bothered me when I first arrived on Hung Angels. Most of the regular TS posters were slamming every guy here with that. Now, in my experience there ARE some guys who get off on being called a cock sucking faggot, but its NOT the majority of guys who dig TS.

In terms of guys being afraid to be seen in public, I think it's a more complicated issue than folks typically talk about. There are issues of privilege tied to it. Prior to starting to work in Adult Entertainment, I was under the radar as a transperson. I wasn't intentionally stealth, but the folks who did know me pre-transition tended to keep their mouths shut on the topic. Add in the fact that I'm well employed in Corporate America and well integrated in the world in general, it placed me in an odd situation for a transsexual.

When I dated guys, they were not open about dating transsexuals, but they did often introduce me to friends and family. Over time, they would eventually come out to some of the people close to them that I was a transsexual. The difference had to do with the fact that I seemed "normal". I looked like an average woman; I was fully employed at a respectable job; my friends were pretty much all cis-people. I had a lower hurdle to cross to be in people's comfort zones.

The reality is most transpeople don't have a "normal" life. And that adds stress to a guy who likes us. How can he go about introducing someone when he can't use the typical points you use to explain why this person would be a good relationship. "What does she do?" is a harder question to answer when the woman is underemployed. In a world where we are obsessed with what other people think, the further the woman deviates from the societal norms, the more the guy needs to be someone who cares less about what other people think.

I'm going to discuss a subset of society - the escort portion of Adult Entertainment, often called the hobby. It is already in the shadows of civil society. When out in public it can be difficult to explain the GG provider with you to your Kiwanis buddies, your boss, your customers, your ex's friends etc. "She works in Customer Relations for travel" is about the best I can come up with. But the hobby has review boards like HA, parties, functions, friend circles, and the like. If there was full acceptance of TG's, Tgirl providers would be basically the same as GG providers and hobbyists that enjoy them would be free to be know about that without any shaming. However, there is a worry there would be shaming.

After my first experiences with Tgirls and I found that I was very attracted to them, I created my Rusty handle to register here and the hobby boards tnaboard.com and adulthobbyboard.com. I have kept my old handle for my GG hobbying. That has allowed me to test the acceptance of TS hobbying. In summary, better than I expected but far from accepted.

There was a group on TNA that discussed TS for several years before me, but I have been active in furthering the discussion. We are getting reviews of providers posted, information on who is good to see and who are the rip offs etc. The current ongoing post about TS started in late march, has 260 posts, and 45K views. Tgirl providers are posting ads (not enough yet) in the same section as the GG. One Tgirl Alita (from Vegas) posted on 9-2 and has had 5,500 views & 11 replies. 2 were slams but several said cut it out, she's right. This is a review board though and there are maybe 30 TS reviews of the 42,600 on the board. The hobbyists have been shamed to not ID as seeing TS on the board. This is with eros having around 12 TS and 100 GG typically.

In 10 years of hobbying prior to 'Rusty' I think I got 3 dozen PM's of questions, as Rusty I've had to clear out my inbox several times as it only holds 250. I feel like I am the "Dear Rusty" column but it is also good getting others to enjoy Tgirls. There are tons of hobbyists that won't be known to the others as seeing TS, but they are very present about GG escorts.

For GG providers, some are ignorant, some are competitive and jealous, and a good sized % would love to have a session themselves with a TS. In chat as Rusty, some pretty open guys I had met at escort parties acted as if I had cooties when I mentioned I had met them. I didn't reveal my other handle. It's going to take work and time to change this.

[ohioboy]

On one hand you have the trans woman who, before they transitioned, were categorized as gay men. And they not only embraced that but they had the guts to also come out as ts and live life as a woman.

We who like ts women and arent gay or arent attracted to men, have not by any means have come out and fear the stigma of being outed. Because if you do like ts women, you will be considered by society as gay.

Hence its, in a way, probably easier to come out as a gay man especially if you consider yourself one. You can have pride in it.

Ive wanted to tell a close female friend who i used to date about my attraction to tgirls but i fear she would react badly being thT she is born again. But she has shame about her sexual past.... So i always want to connect with her because i trust her.


Its a societal thing and the fear of being stigmatized.

But if anything tgirls and the men who like them should be able to comfort eachother.

[blackchubby38]

I think she should of also brought up the trans-women who shame the men attracted to us. It's not just society.

We used to get called names here on a regular basis by some of the girls. I remember one who, got to me, bad. She was a post op, who admitted to being bisexual. But she called a man, who wanted a three-some with his gg girl, and a pre-op, a "cock loving fag', or something close. In fact she said that all men, who were attracted to pre-ops were secretly gay. After some deep self examination, I came to the conclusion that she was just a regular hypocrite.

I totally agree with the both of you. Its truly amazing how that there are those who preach tolerance and acceptance for their race, gender, trans gender, sexual orientation, religion, or sometimes in the case of the BDSM community, their kink. But at the same they can be just as close minded and ignorant when it comes to others.

[fred41]

I totally agree with the both of you. Its truly amazing how that there are those who preach tolerance and acceptance for their race, gender, trans gender, sexual orientation, religion, or sometimes in the case of the BDSM community, their kink. But at the same they can be just as close minded and ignorant when it comes to others.

That's because nitwits come in all shapes and sizes. Some of the posts on this site make that quite clear. Transsexuals are not exempt..no humans are.(unfortunately to some of the guys on here they are)

[Jackal]

Thank you OP for sharing this article and Wendy Summers for sharing your thoughts. I didn't really consider some of the points and ideas you made about the wide variety of experiences transwomen and their dates/boyfriends/husbands face

[bluesoul]

Mr Cee clearly has some issues to face up to, but one of those is that he has helped to promote a cultural movement that is extremely conservative about sex and gender, while he himself is not; sounds a bit hypocritical to me.

i agreed with everything you said except the above.

i really don't see what mister cee has to "face up to" besides cheating on his wife. he was not at work so he's not obligated to us (public or anyone else) since he's not a public servant.

the real fault i see here is with bimbo winehouse because bimbo purposely entered the car with the phone recording to entrap mister cee and release the audio via a video youtube.
it doesn't seem like mister cee knew bimbo prior to this incident so bimbo seems like a pretty mean spirited person to knowingly damage mister cee's career by releasing this information.

also- the op speaks of the media and/or public shaming women who are attracted to transwomen. but didn't both bimbo winehouse and the crossdresser who admitted to fellating mister prior do the same thing- since they took it upon themselves to inform the public about this private affair?

[dabaldone]

I've had several long-term relationships with trans women. Currently I've been with a transwoman for about two months. In the beginning it was a struggle to deal with being a trans attracted man. We have been socially conditioned to believe that gender means penis and vagina only. I have met women who just happen to have a penis who are the most amazing women that I have ever met. My brother told me something years ago the headset with me ever sense. At no time in my life did anyone ever confront me or challenged my manhood. Being 62 225 pounds he also said is anybody going to beat your ass? I have never been happier at any point in my life. I don't know where have to look over my shoulder to worry about what people were saying or worry about being outed.

[pimpdog]

I think she should of also brought up the trans-women who shame the men attracted to us. It's not just society.

Yep, thats just low self esteem working there!!!

[MHarrigan82]

Great Article. The best thread on here in a while. I have dated three tgirls in the past and was not scared to go out in public with them. They were passable, I got a few stares from people that clocked on of my girlfriends when we went to Wal-Mart. A late Saturday afternoon where she did not have makeup on and just had on jogging pants and a t-shirt. I did not openly tell my friends or family that the girl that I am dating is a transsexual. They would not understand and would say and think that I am gay. It is tough for guys like us. I am attracted to biological women, and pre-op, and post-op transsexuals. I have no attraction to femboys, cross dressers, or men. I can't tell a genetic girl that I am dating that I like tgirls or dated one in the past.