a letter from an ex provider

[d]

I don't really use SER that much but i thought this was an interesting post:

I'm an ex-provider. I'm using a friend's account. I check in from time to time to see what's going on in this world. I think this forum has the potential to be great. It could protect both client and provider from harm by way of stds, muggings, etc. But I've been reading a lot of the posts-particularly the one by Iconoclast who asks if "t-girls are unobtainable." I've also read some of the reviews. While some seem fair and well-written, others are mean and hurtful. (Mine were always good, so I'm not bitter about that!) So I'd like to offer a providers point of view here. I'm going to be pretty blunt, and I hope no-one takes offense. I certainly intend to hurt no-one's feelings.

First, I don't think you guys understand transsexual women at all. First, most of us see ourselves not as "shemales" "trannies" or anything of that sort. I think of myself as essentially a woman–period. Shemales and other terms are appropriate here (SER) because they are in the realm of fantasy. What I mean here is that a gg stripper friend of mine once told me that she worked in the lines of fantasy fulfillment. I think that certainly describes the so-called Shemale escort scene. Essentially we provide homosexual contact for men who want the veneer of heterosexuality. Let's face it, the vast majority of you guys are really into us because we have a dick. That's just about the only thing that separates us from other women. For whatever reason, many tranny chasers (sorry that's the main term for your community at this point) seem to deny that they desire homosexual contact. On the other hand, most of the posts here (and reviews) emphasize how big a "girl's" genitalia is, how well it functions or if she is good at fucking men in the ass. Of my clientele, 95% were bottoms.

The problem is that most of us women see ourselves as women. In other words, none us are hard-wired to do the kind of job that you guys want done. You guys want us primarily for the part of our body that we are least comfortable about. In real life, I don't want a blow job. I get no pleasure from it, and it really bores me. My dick feels like concrete from the hormones, but I don't really care about that it being numb because I pretty much hate the fact that I have a dick! Moreover, I have never desired to penetrate a man's ass & since I'm retired sincerely hope that I never will have to again in my life. That said, I did & do appreciate the business when I was working. Again, I tried to do my best, although it didn't always work out. Sometimes it was just difficult trying to get an errection to do something I didn't really want to do. Every time I did it I felt a measure of repulsion. But I realized I was in the business of fantasy fulfillment, so I did my best all the time, for each client. There were times (particularly when it was a hairy ass: especially not my thing!) I was so repulsed I had a hard time keeping an erection. But I did my best. Remember, because this is a business relationship you don't get to pick and choose men. You have to take what comes across your door step. I've had 350 pound guys on their knees egging me on to '**** me like bitch!" It was hard to keep an errection (and to keep from laughing!) but I always did my best regardless. I tried to do it with grace and some sense of class and friendliness.

My sexuality is bisexual. Most tgs are bisexual and if you think about it, that makes a lot of sense. However, I prefer men. But I prefer men who are men–straight men who have no interest in my penis. I plan to loose it when I get the 15k (it's not $100,000s of dollars as one post mentioned) and move into life as genetically (well as much as possible) indistinguishable from any other woman. Not all of my sisters will go this route, but many if not most do. Even the ones who keep their penis have been pretty adamant about not particularly likeing the ‘topping' aspect of the work. But we tell you what you want to hear. It's our job.

I also like women and probably could enter in a long-term relationship with a tolerant lesbian. (I know of at least three top TS escorts who in their personal lives identify as lesbians.) But again, I would promise not to use my penis and we could have a fun lesbian relationship in other ways. Once you get estrogen flowing in your veins sex becomes less a pure physical act and more of a mental thing. I get off on sex (not through my estrogen deadened penis) because my man desires me, the intimacy, and the feeling of love it creates. Fantasy fulfillment doesn't offer those advantages because it's a business meeting between two consenting adults. But I tried to make my clients happy & leave satisfied.

Because I'm active in transgender politics, I know a tremendous amount of trans women both escorts and non-escorts. I've never heard of one who desires men as "bottoms" in their personal life. In fact, the terminology "top" and "bottom" has its origins in gay male sexual contact. If a ts woman were essentially satisfied by being a sexual "top" why would she take medications to deaden her penis & eventually have it inverted into a vagina? Because you are the paying client of the relationship, it is conducted according to your wishes, with our veto power of course. Therefore, when we go out and are approached by men who are "into" transsexuals, we are less than likely to give you the time of day. The kind of sex you desire is not what we like. In fact, we may even be repulsed because we know what you want. Still, that gives us no reason to be impolite or rude as I've seen many sisters do to an admirer. On the other hand, a lot of tranny chasers approach you with this opening line: "I'm straight–BUTT." It's the line we all dread to hear and can see right through. You want to have homosexual contact with us and not feel your heterosexuality challenger. Moreover, because their heterosexuaity probably felt challenged I've been in gay bars and had chasers insult my gay male friends, while trying to reaffirm their 'straight' nature. That's appalling behavior often spurs rudeness on the part of the ts woman. On the other hand, some admirers do admit to being bisexual and I have to say I respect guys like that a lot more. But I would no longer date a bisexual man.

Many of the posts complain about the looks of some of the escorts. Many of you guys are middle-age, balding, hairy and in less than superb physical shape. Most guys claim "average looking." That's ok. In fact, a couple of my ex-clients I now consider personal friends have these very same physical attributes. Now that I'm out of the business I would never have sex with them again, but I enjoy their conversation, etc. So I'm not being shallow here. But remember if you are going to a club and trying to hit on a trans woman who is a "ten" she's most likely looking for someone in her category regarding looks. I've been hit on by professional sports figures and have picked up extremely hot, built guys who were not tranny chasers, but once they understood my gender status just thought I was a hottie. Sex with guys like this has never involved my penis, hence it was more satisfactory to me.

Also, remember few of you want a trans girl unless she's absolutely passable. The vast majority of us are clockable as non-genetic females. Like ggs most of us are not raving beauties and we come in all shapes, sizes and colors. You guys that want to date ts women don't want to date an average looking girl–you want the model type. You then complain because they want the same things out of life that a gg model-type would want or expect. There are a lot of average looking tranny women out there who are lonely, but you guys would never seriously date, so I feel a little less bitchy criticizing you about often being less than tens yourselves.

Would I date a tranny Chaser? No. Like the poster Dmoreass, many of you are high HIV risks. I know, I'm the ex-whore, but I always insisted on condoms for every activity. Believe me, it drove some customers away, but I didn't care about that. I've had clients offer me more money to perform unprotected, but always refused. Mark my words: If a girl is practicing unprotected sex in anyway, there's probably a reason. Protect yourself and the provider: insist upon condoms even if she doesn't! There was one local girl who was full-blown AIDs, but continued to advertise on her webpage as "drug & disease free." Dmoreass should be worried. Another girl I know "married" a former tranny chaser. Turns out he couldn't stop bottoming and ended up going to the gay baths each day for lunch. He parked his ass in the sling until he was loaded with the HIV, which he of course passed on to his innocent wife. He's now dead and she's in the final stages of AIDS. Many of you have never lost friends from AIDS. In fact, one of my gay male friends is close to the end even now. I have seen and lost friends–it's real to me. Many tranny chasers are risk takers. I am/was not. That's one reason why I wouldn't date a tranny chaser.

Reason number two is that you guys want dick. We've already been over this territory, but to further expand... I don't want to use my dick. See, it just doesn't work between a trans woman and a tranny chaser. Every relationship, straight or gay needs a yin/yang. I see myself as the yang and don't need to be paired up with another yang! That's why so few straight ts women are able to stay with their female wives if they transition late in life. Moreover, many of the women (particularly in clubs) are hostile toward you guys because when they first come out, they mistakenly think you want them because of their femininity. But once they realize that it's about the dick, they become disillusioned and hostile. Also, a lot of the guys who pursue us are simply about sex and most of us seek love like any other human being.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that we are not all materialistic. Well, not any more materialistic than any other woman.(smile) Sure, I'd like the nice things in life. I'd like bmw, a immaculate house and first-class ward-robe. However, the guy I love is an honest blue collar worker. Still, I wouldn't trade him in for a richer model. I have a Gucci purse, but it's fake. I drive an average car, work a decent job and am now quite content. We aren't even necessarily expensive to keep. My bottle of injectivle hormones costs about $35 and lasts close to a year. Premarin costs about $28 a month. These days most insurance companies even cover the meds if not the final surgery. For female to male ts however, it is very expensive. The phalloplasty surgery is upwards of 40k and doesn't always 'take.' But for most of my sisters, it's not necessarily expensive anymore. Some of my sisters are more into luxury, but that's how some ggs are too. Really, I think most ts women are hopeless romantics–like any other woman. We would like a strong man (read: not a bottom!) to be our partner–one who understands us and accepts us as simply women: not a chick with a dick. So maybe I wouldn't date one of you guys because we are sexually incompatible. But I would be your friend.

To sum-up, that's why we seem unobtainable. I don't think you "admirers have a very good grasp of our community. It's not your fault. Your exposure to us is through porn and sordid stories in news--or of course Springer. However, a relationship with one of us would move to the beat of a different drummer than an escort experience where we provide fantasy fulfillment. If we take your cash, I believe we owe you guys the best that we can give. On the other hand, you guys have to realize that we are only human. For most of you guys, trans contact is something best left in the realm of fantasy fulfillment. Of course, these are only my opinions. However, I do know escorts in non-escorts throughout the nation in way that clients perhaps never would. So I think I do speak for a large segment of my community.

Finally, some tips to having a good session. Be clean & freshly showered. I always tried to be out freshly out of the shower. Douche if you are a big time bottom: try a throw-away enema. You can get the disposable ones for $1 a wahlmart. It's not perfect, but it often prevents unwanted mess. Make sure you have fresh breath!!! Negotiate what kind of experience you want upfront. A lot of guys are disapointeed when the girl doesn't satisfy him, but then he's never told her what he wants. Try to emphasize her femininity (even if you are going to bottom) and she'll respond better. One of my personal turn-offs was when guys would pay to much attention to my dick or talk about it excessively. Be safe.

I hope this helps and doesn't piss you all off too much.

Retired Pro.

[AllanahStarrNYC]

While this girl made some good points, I do think it was much more of a
personal view point and not in general speaking with the entire community.

I myself am not a fan of generilazations but I have met transsexuals who are very feminine and who love their penises and enjoy being a top. So I dont think the "I hate my penis" line is applicable to everyone.

Also, I don't know if it is fair to say that getting fucked in the ass is "homosexual" contact. If a "stra8" man who does't like t girls or men gets fucked with a dildo by his girlfriend because he enjoys the feeling does that make him gay because he got fucked or str8 because it was done by a genetic woman?

As progressive as some transsexuals are I believe many as the the writer of this article, are bound by tranditional stereotypes and convictions.
I think the sooner we all start abandoning labels and stop worrying about that if something feels good that makes you something you should not be we would all begin to accept purselves much more. The first time I ever slept with a woman was for porn and I had an open mind to doing it and enjoying it.

I feel like a transsexual woman and at times yes I have wished I had a vagina but I have also had immeassureable pleasure from my penis. I do not hate my penis but I could also believe I could live without having it in turn for a surgically made vagina.

Life is all about making YOU happy and living for YOU. I refuse to live by traditional social sexual convictions and roles...don't you find that incredibly boring?

[GroobySteven]

I'd also vastly dis-agree with most transgenders being bi-sexual. I've met very few who are into girls and many find the thought sex with girls abhorrent. I think once a transgender has taken the decision to work in the sex industry as a model, escort or whatever - she needs to realise that she is going to be a "shemale" while working within that industry.

Do most men go with transgenders to have "homosexual contact for men who want the veneer of heterosexuality." I don't think so, they are looking for something different and I have many friends who aren't penis-orientated and who date post-op transgenders as well as non-op.

Overall I think she has made some valid points but is as misguided and as acute in her views as the rest of us are on this subject. Bottom line is, transgenders and the guys into them cannot be covered by one viewpoint.
seanchai

[flabbybody]

I still don't understand why a tranny doesn't like me because I like HER?? Also, these tranny girls tell me their boyfriends have sex with them and don't pay attention to their cocks. gimmie a fucking break. Deep down, these guys want she-dick just like us.

[GroobySteven]

Flabby they don't like you because of how you perceive them. They want you to like them believing they are girls. That's how they like to pick up straight guys (personally I believe most of the guys know already) and say "My boyfriend is straight, he's never been with a Tgirl, he just likes girls." It's an ego thing a lot of the time with them and an in-security. The girls who are more confident are the ones you see posting on here and secure with who they are, and who likes them.

I meet a lot of girls online and then meet them - many non-working girls from face-pic.com, adultfriendfinder.com, outpersonals.com, yahoo.com etc.
Here's my advice when writing them.
Never ever ever ever ever - bring up their penis in a first contact - or even anything to do with sex. Just be cool, fun and straightforward. Don't bullshit and send a photo - better still have a profile on the site with your photo.
Even if writing and chatting on the phone prior to a meet, don't bring it up, just chat to them as you would any girl. If you get to meeting - then see what happens - in the heat of the bed everything/anything might go but it's the way she has perceived who you are and what you are into.
Does this make sense? Pah - I'm off from a drink.
seanchai

[Maximus]

For me meeting trans girl has been almost as easy as meeting regular girls online. And usually their penises were brought on early on. And we had sex early on too. Only once that wasn't the case. But hey I'm lucky, I'm pretty good looking. And I seem really "straight". Well that's what I was told and they really seemed to like that.

[AllanahStarrNYC]

There is a difference between a sexual encounter, a visit to an escort, and a real date, or a relationship.

Good looking and acting "str8" as you call it (what the hell does that mean anyway?????, I know several GAY men who look heterosexual and know many heterosexual men who are feminine/metrosexuals) has nothing to do with it.

It has to do with the fact that if you want a transsexual girlfriend you have see beyond the penis and see the whole person not just a fuck.

Alot of girls are online just for hook ups bet then again so are alot of other people. I refrain from that kind of activity-maybe when I was ignorant and younger but I value myself much more than that now.

[Maximus]

There is a difference between a sexual encounter, a visit to an escort, and a real date, or a relationship.

Good looking and acting "str8" as you call it (what the hell does that mean anyway?????, I know several GAY men who look heterosexual and know many heterosexual men who are feminine/metrosexuals) has nothing to do with it.

It has to do with the fact that if you want a transsexual girlfriend you have see beyond the penis and see the whole person not just a fuck.

Alot of girls are online just for hook ups bet then again so are alot of other people. I refrain from that kind of activity-maybe when I was ignorant and younger but I value myself much more than that now.

The seeming straight thing was their comments. Not mine. I was just repeating them. I kinda wonder what it meant myself.

[KD]

I have to agree with Alannah and Senchai on this one. I also have to add, it seems she has been deeply affected by her escort encounters. I mean let's face it, being an escort is kind of like being a cop, you see the worst of people alot of the time. I've sat a few of my TS's friend places and heard the calls that come in. Most are truely pathetic attempts to get attention.

In fact, sometimes when I go out to straight clubs and spot a transexual that's hot, I have to play a game that I dont really know what she's hiding. Then she plays the game back like I think she's a girl etc... to get to know her. Sometimes its fun, sometimes it's tiresome. Anyways, I could talk alot about this but she isn't here to respond. What I can do is leave you all with my famous quote that I tell all the transexuals I've had the pleasure to meet. Feel free to steal it, but give me credit. LOL.

"If having a dick doesn't make you a man, then losing ya dick wont make you a woman."

KD

[flabbybody]

KD, that's real clever. Question: When you meet a tgirl at a straight club and play the 'game', how do you know she's a he?